Advice needed anyone experienced this

[bramblebrae]

Hi all,

I earlier tonight had the most strange and worrying conversation with my son. To cut a very longstory short he basicaly dosen't think he'll have a future he thinks he won't get/want a job he won't get a girl and therefore won't have children he won't have money for a house or even a caravan he said. I've asked him why he is thinking like this and what has made him think about it at all but he says nothing, it's just what he thinks. He often 'thinks' things for which he has no apparent basis to think them like saying he thinks the kfc were on our way to won't have any chicken pops - just out of the blue like with no reason to why he thinks it - when we go there very often and they've never ran out yet.

Anyway the point is he was fairly upset whilst saying all this stuff about when he's older and was almost in tears 3 or 4 times.

I specifically asked if it was because he knows he has an ASD and did he think this would stop him from doing these things but he said no.

I just don't know why he's suddenly so worried about all of this. I have a few ideas on tackling what I think looks like low self esteem basically but am I wrong?! I was thinking of showing him lots of successful things people adults and children with ASD have done. Also just carrying on praising him for the things he is geat at.

I am overall concerned with where he is picking up this negativity from, it could be me I'm sad to say as sometimes I speak about things I really shouldn't in front of him and I'll try and take more care in future. I really don't think I've said anything about his future to him though, not that I can remember. I try not to think of the longterm future at all really not because I worry about what he will be able to do (as I do sometimes) but because we never know what, if anything, is ahead of us. (this is rather pessimistic but is reality as I've come to experience )

 

Anyone experienced similar thoughts or feelings in their kids - I'm pleased at least he felt able to tell me but is this the start of depression? surely at 7 he's too young? which in terms of worrys about the future that I have thought of, is my main concern and I have tried to ensure school etc isn't too stressful and would pull him out if that happened.

He's only just turned 7 and I've not really heard him talk like this before except for a couple of times when school treated him badly in my opinion and he refused to move away after school and said he was going to stand in the road till a car hit him. He did say something similar to me once when I was refusing to buy something he wanted but I had to stick to what I said, didn't I? After both incidents 5 or 10 minutes he was seemingly fine again...though I was more careful over the few days following.

 

anyway I'm rambling cause I'm confused about exactly want I do think please if you can still see the main question still has anyone any ideas?

 

thanks v much

Lorraine

[LittleRae]

Hi Lorraine

 

Not much advice I'm afraid. My DS was just like that at 7/8 years old. He visited a psychiatrist while staying in hospital for another reason and he was so down on himself that she tested him for depression. Like you, we praised and built him up every chance we got, but he never believes these things.

 

It's much better now I have to say - he's 10. We think it improved when we told him his diagnosis in January of this year. Everyone we met commented on how he had changed - so much so that I asked the Psychiatrist to re-do the test. Even she was surprised at the change. He still has low self-esteem but in general seems much happier. He still thinks he's stupid (which he isn't) but as long as he believes he doesn't need maths to be a Palaeontologist he's happy!

 

I did also show him the list of people believed to have AS and who have achieved great things- he shrugs it off - 'bet there are loads more with Aspergers who did nothing...!' - but I think persistence will break through the self-esteem barrier eventually.

 

Sorry, not much to offer. Just keep going as you are. From what I've seen it's 7-10 when they really start feeling different.

 

Almost forgot, I did ask his teacher to praise achievements & in his school teachers have books of certificates which they can just fill in ' well done to X for X'. May help

 

A

Edited September 5, 2006 by D's Mum

[Frangipani]

Hi <'>

 

Without going into details, I can remember my son on many occasions talking like this. He gets very deep and meaningful, very deep. I found it was just best to sit and listen and just keep reassuring how much you love them and all the things you love about them. I found doing this it was like he just needed to vent his feelings as school is hard for them. Their imaginations do run wild and they worry about so much.

 

Just be careful that he doesnt over hear you talking to people about your worries about their future. This may not be the case, but, I think its quite common for children to question everything about them and their lives.

 

Just lots of love and reassurance hopefully will do the trick, if it continues to worry you perhaps ask your GP

 

All the best

 

<'>

Edited September 5, 2006 by Frangipani

[bramblebrae]

Thank you for your thoughtful replies and sharing your experiences.

I feel better about it now though he still says he feels the same. I'll just keep up the praise and be extra careful over what I say. He insists nothing has happened to 'trigger' these thoughts so I'll just go with the fact he is becoming more aware and thoughtful of life events so to speak himself. The school doctor recently said she would refer him back to the clinical psych dept over some other issues, not sure how long the wait willbe though but I'll see if psych can assess his self esteem etc also.

 

thanks

Lorraine

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son has a tendency to talk about things that often make no sense. He often strings pieces of different conversations by different people from months ago that make no sense put together. Like your son, Robert can be very negative indeed. I've tried reassuring him, but found that that makes him cross. I try to distract him by encouraging him to play a game, etc. He has lots of very worrying traits like threatening to run out in front of cars (and has actually tried to do it!), smash windows, cut my throat, etc. Worrying thing is he's only 4.5 years old! I don't know what to suggest, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

 

Caroline.

[jen]

My son was making similar statement at the same age. All I done is sat down with him and explained that as long as we done our best than that is all that matters. I explained how everyone has different abilities such as drawing building, cooking etc and we need all these different people to make a good world.

 

Jen

[gladysmay]

just to add, my son was exactly the same and it seems to be part of his matter of fact logical processing, I used to get very upset by it, please dont if you can help it, I learnt by trial and error and it wasnt unitl I came to this site I realised it was part of a common picture (my thoughts on this). he also said such things to staff at school and you have to be careful that people dont start rushing around in a panic as if he is an unexploded bomb or something. I can see now that the things my son says are his logical view of the situation but I offer an alternative view or possibility if I can. I am not saying he could not have depression though, my understanding is that children can have this just as adults can. best wishes.

[Tally]

I am an adult with AS, and I have had exactly the same thoughts in the past.

 

I'm afraid that depression is possible, even at such a young age. The fact that he has communicated this to you may indicate that it's weighing heavily on his mind. It may also indicate that he just thought ot if. It's very difficult to tell, and it might be a good idea for him to talk things through with a counsellor who understands autism. If it is depression, this is a treatable condition.

 

I wonder if he's just starting to realise he's different from the other children, and thinks he can't be as successful as them because he is not the same as them.

 

Telling him about successful people with autism would show him that his condition doesn't have to be a barrier to success. Stephen Spielberg, the film director, has AS.

 

As for work, does he have any special skills or interests that could be useful for a given career? You could perhaps look through the job pages in the newspaper and show him which jobs he will be able to do when he is older.

 

You could also point out that many single people are quite happy on their own. Some people never have children, and that's just fine.

 

Lots of people cannot afford nice houses, but there is help available.

 

I'm not rich or successful, but I have a job in a shop, and I manage to pay all my bills - and am happy this way. I don't have lots of friends, but I prefer my own company anyway. I have come to see my differences as just differences - not better or worse, just different. It takes time to come round to this way of thinking, but I am very glad that I did.