keepingmesane Report post Posted April 28, 2008 hi all, im after a bit of advice on my 4 1/2 yr old. for a long time video games have held my sons interest, he isnt too bothered with other toys but will time and again go back to the video games, he would happily play all day if allowed to. when he first started playing he spent all his time jumping or driving off things into water etc as he found this hilarious. but lately he is now trying to do the game properly and is learning very fast. we have been going through phases of him getting very anxious or upset if he didnt win, got stuck or fell off something. we are kind of getting through that now but we are finding that he is now starting to give up other things to stay playing games. last week he turned down his share care worker who he normally adores and then on saturday this week we went to the zoo and although he was ok, he spent most of the day wanting to go home and almost refused staying at his grandparents for the night (a much loved treat not so long ago) because he wanted to play his game. the only reason he stayed there is because we told him that it would be bed time when we got home so no games. we want to introduce a time limit on the games but equally we understand that it is the one thing he really enjoys and makes him happy. how long should we allow him to play for at a time? 30 mins? 1 hour? and then a film for the others in between. he does have a leapster handheld console to allow his love of games but also do something that is at least educational. what should we do? what have others done in this situation? we do play board games, puzzles and lots of other things which he will join in with for a while so he isnt exclusively on the console all the time, but we are worried about how much of a hold it has been getting over him lately Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 28, 2008 Hi keepingmesane... Video games can and will take over if you let 'em, and it has nothing to do with AS, it's exactly what they are designed to do! Setting time limits is very difficult, because if they are working to reach a 'Save' point or the end of a level it does need to be a flexible system, but almost any flex inherently undermines the whole time-limit strategy My suggestion (and how I work it with Ben, although to be honest it does break down sometimes depending on other pressures ) is to have a fixed time allowance per day, and allow him to use that allowance any way he wants to. We work to 2.5 hrs per day on school days and 3 hrs per day at weekends or holidays (and to anyone who thinks that excessive - when you actually sit down and work out your own kids timings you'll be shocked!). You have to be strict about the overall time (but secretly allow a bit of 'grey' for finishing up levels etc), but I'm fairly loose about the 1hr and then 20 minute break kind of rules... I've found he actually self monitors this very effectively, purely and simply because he doesn't want to find himself with no time left in hand at any point... Since we got the wii I've been more inclined to play games myself (love wii tennis/bowling etc), and if ben elects to do something like this as our 'Golden Time' instead of the usual stuff, I'll cheat and add that to his allowance. I figure that any of those (and/or braingym) is good exercise and not that far removed from the boardgames and stuff we'd usually do anyway. Golden time definitely does NOT include things like platform games, karting or shoot 'em ups etc, though... Finally, as with any other discipline, it has to be very clear in everyone's mind that these ARE the rules... any temper tantrums etc have to be negotiated without caving in, or you'll be back to square one. We've reached a point where there is room for negotiation now, but to reach that point we had to have an established norm to negotiate from. If you aint got dat, you got nuttin'! One other thing... The console is probably the best 'negotiating tool' you've ever had, so it's not all negative. Offer a serious gamer a choice of punishments - say, losing the console for a day or having his tongue cut out with a rusty scalpal, and almost invariably they'll chose to keep the console. That's power! You just have to be really determined to stick to your guns, and never make idle threats on that basis (I mean re the console, of course - not the tongue/scalpal thing!) Hope that helps PS: Just re-read your post before posting the above, and it occurred to me that your son might be a bit too young to manage the 'daily allowance' thing. If that is the case, just go for 3 x 50-55 minute sessions per day (or smaller chunks if necessary), which leaves that 5-10 minute 'level finishing' grey area you need. Whatever one you go for, stick to your guns from day one... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted April 28, 2008 I agree this is not necesserily an AS thing, my 18 yr old and his mates have been like that for years! They are very addictive, have you ever tried?! I agree with BADDADS commentss, set time limits and stick to it, especialy at his young age, when they are nt and late teens, just leave em to it! Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LizK Report post Posted April 28, 2008 I could have written that My son goes through phases of screen addiction when we have to keep an eye on how much time he is having on the PC/Leapster/TV. He'll flit from one to the other. I don't like the idea anyway of being glued to a screen all day don't think it is healthy but for my son if he is on the PC or TV for too long he becomes withdrawn, aggressive and behaviour deteriorates. I also don't want to limit his opportunities for socialisation and development of play and language skills when he is frying his brain in front of a screen. Equally I recognise that the TV and PC are things that he enjoys and relaxes him and he needs them and can be educational at times too (Wors and Pictures is his favourite website)! Getting the balance is so hard We've tried various things with success in degrees. The best things so far have been giving him structure and letting him know at the beginning of the day the times he can go on the computer or watch TV for. I remember listening to someone saying that one of the reason those with autism get obsessions is because the wrold is so changeable for them and they can't predict when they might next get an opportunity to indulge their obsession so go for it witth all their might when they can! By timetabling in set times for the obsession this anxiety can decrease. Using an egg timer to count down when he has to come off the PC helps (sometimes!). Someone also suggested putting blanket over the PC when it is not in use might be a visual prompt. None of this is easy and we have had meltdowns over it but know we have to remain firm. It is hard when you are breaking the addiction. I limit DS! to 30-40mins slots on a screen as after that he starts to go loopy. At the moment he is not too bad, he is very rule bound which we are using to our advantage and he knows the set times he can have the TV on and is happy to stick to that. Before he goes on the PC he now asks me what time he has to come off and generally sticks to that now. The other thing I've noticed is that the times he gets more obsessed are the times when he is generally unsettled or unhappy and using his obsessions to provide structure or relax. So it can be a barometer for other things too and if the other thigns are dealt with the screen over-obsession tends to melt away on its own. All easier said that done though Lx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keepingmesane Report post Posted April 30, 2008 hi and thanks for the responses both my dh and i love games so we arent surprised how much he likes them, its more that it he is acting older than he is with regards to the games and yet he isnt old enough to understand timings etc. we are going to get a visual timer so he can see how long he has gone and hopefully this will reduce some of the anxiety, also he needs to know when he will be able to play so we need to set more of a structure i think to help him out. thanks again xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
