• Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team

All Activity

This stream auto-updates   

  1. Past hour
  2. my pleasure. that does sound like your son has experienced a typical 'meltdown'. often as autistics when we are struggling to find a solution to a problem we get overloaded and unfortunately we spill over the top. it's not nice for us and unfortunately not nice for those around us. it's just a case of understanding, and sometimes it takes a while for even us to understand our own processes as we just function differently in terms of emotions and how we organise the experiences we have. what appears irrational, is only because what we experience feels irrational to us. it's a just a reflection. we just try to find a logical route through the ilogical and we get frustrated and emotionally distressed as a result. often this manifests in very basic emotions like anger, tears etc etc. we remain, however, peaceful in our intention at all times. we're just afraid of what's going on around us and it's too much information. we are sorry that we can't communicate this to others for them to understand, and equally feel isolated that we are not understood. we then find strategies to minimise the effects of what we perceive to be 'wrong' eg. venturing out to get food from the kitchen when no-one is around. this is because we don't want to hurt others by our words or behaviour. we feel like 'inconvenience'. we are very sad, often, and we lack the ability to communicate this 'state' of mind and being. we do get there in the end, though. yup, this sounds and i see it as 'space-giving'. it's about boundaries. he's needing space and also trying to come up with the best solution for both sides to reduce conflict. resolution of his issues for himself are for him to deal with. obviously this is difficult to 'live with' from your side as you'll feel resentment of the house being treated like a hotel. but of course just bear with it. if it becomes untennable for you as parents, another solution must be sought for the benefit of everyone... as i'm sat here i'm thinking of possible solutions, perhaps if there are financical restrictions on him obtaining a home for himself, perhaps he could explore for himself ways of getting independent living. the nas may help with ideas on this. but obviously it's a case of you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. sooner or later, the solution will present itself. i think you need to give yourselves some reflective time and do what is right for you first, and then the middle ground between where you stop and your son starts will reveal itself. that boundary, for you and your son, is the most important thing, in terms of wellbeing for both sides. all the best. by all means do keep posting, i'm sure others will jump in and reply too. also, if your son wants to chat, here or other forums might be a good idea so he can connect with others like him.
  3. Today
  4. Hello Ferret Thank you so much for your thoughtful and very helpful reply. It really has helped us see things from a different perspective. We have made a little progress in the last day or two, with our son being a little more communicative with us. He's also leaving his room to get food from the kitchen, but only after we've gone to bed. We're taking each day as it comes, and doing our best to continue to show our love for him. Again, our heartfelt thanks for your support.
  5. I can understand why you could do with the help. Sharing must be pretty tricky. (A little tip - noise cancelling headphones are awesome!) With the public spending cuts it's really unfortunate that high functioning autistics are pretty/very low down on the priority list, for assistance, and housing etc. But you might get some help; never say never. How you attain your diagnosis varies from area to area. First port of call might be the GP.
  6. Yesterday
  7. Last week
  8. hello i would say that your son should do what he feels is most appropriate for him. i am a great one for having a go, and saying that, i am happy to explore my limitiations, or rather, i am happy to explore my world and take my limitations with me, so to speak. i do not see any reason why an examining board should not be able to make special consideration during an exam for the element of dsypraxia. examination boards make special consideration for people who are disabled, giving them extra time to complete. i would say this: that is it not how fast you are able to complete a task that is important, but rather, how well you complete a task and how well you understand it at the end of the day. a task undertaken with consideration and deliberation, and most importantly, with the wider context of application in mind, then that is BETTER. that is a craftsman's approach. and approach is everything. it takes several months to make a samurai sword. many times the making has to be abandoned, and restarted. this is not failure on the part of the maker, but rather part of the process. that is the nature of art. i think that if any course cannot accommodate the idea of special consideration then it is the wrong course. but i do not think that your son should abandon his ideas purely because one course cannot accommodate him. my best wishes to your son.
  9. hello woodlarker i am autistic. the following is my opinion, my perspective. please take what you find useful and discard or ignore the rest. without knowing the details of what triggered the disagreement, i cannot fully apply my autistic problem solving mind to the issue and identify perhaps where the conflict is - saying that, of course i would only have your side of it, but then i'd have to hazard a best guestimate as to your son's position. in all things, there are two sides to any dispute, disagreement or otherwise.... saying that, i can explore what you have outlined. there are two main areas that jump out. your son has returned from uni with a degree back into homelife. at uni, he no doubt explored independence and achieved self worth and self esteem for himself by completion of a degree. that validation on top, externally, by examiners to say "yes, you are x good enough" (x being the value of achievement in degree terms 2.2, 2.1, 1.1) will of course be an added perspective for him to reflect upon.... your son returns home..... why? why is he home? has he no-where else to go? can he not achieve employment? does he have to rely on you? has he failed in some way? now to your side..... your son goes away to uni and returns with a degree qualifcation after three years of intensive study and has to return to the family home, back into his bedroom, his childhood bedroom, because he ????? .......... <---and here is the gap in the information. NO, you do not have to tell me, these comments are only to aid reflection.... are you behaving in old patterns towards a now adult individual whom you previously treated only as a 'child'?<---YES, he is still your child, he always will be. flare ups do not mean that he doesn't love you. BUT, parents can be just as troublesome as teenagers can be for parents. often, for autistics, getting our message across can be a fraught business, even at the best of times, even with professionals we have to fight tooth and nail sometimes...... so he can't wait to leave...... why? what is stopping him from leaving now? <----this i think is the real issue here. the problem he can't solve or feels inadequate about. and potentially that subconscious inadequacy is being reinforced, not on purpose, not with intention by you, but that is what is happening in a broader sense. so he wants to leave. that's his intention. he wants independence again.... why? what has taken that sense of independence away???? he is still the same person with a degree who has achieved but..... ?????? where did the sense of self empowerment go? where did the adult go? why is there suddenly a child again in its place????? i think neither your son nor yourselves as parents are deliberately creating this conflict situation. it is, as always with everything, a matter of communication and miscommunication, and listening and understanding perspectives. it's about roles, adult, child, parent. it's about who we are in any given situation. if your son just wants to stew in his bedroom and eat cornflakes, and you are happy to give your son what he needs and support him with a roof over his head and a safe space until he can work things out for himself, then why not just do that? why not just do the bear minimum? why not ask his permission if you want to do something for him, ask him: what do you need? we would like to help. and of course that help must be unconditional. if it comes with: you do this and do as your told because you are in our house our rules etc. etc. then that's just treating someone like a child and you need to ask yourself: would you do that to a friend who was in distress? as you can see, there are perhaps too many variables in the mix for me to be able to give an accurate reflection or analytical perspective on this. however, i will say that from personal experience of situations of major conflict with my parents over the years, it is often the case that best intention is always there, on both sides. a desperate need in the autistic to reconcile who they are with need to please the parent, and a desperate need in the parents to give to their child (any solution, even food) in order for their child to be happy. i hope the above does in some way provide even a tiny bit of information useful, if not, my apologies.
  10. Our 23 year old son was diagnosed with AS aged 8. We've been through the usual roller coaster of emotions and behavioural issues over the years. He's recently come to live back at home, after completing his degree. Last Saturday, we had a flare up, bedroom door slammed, and cross words spoken. Since then, he's hunkered down in his room, refusing to talk to us, other than through gritted teeth telling us how much he "hates" us, hates the house, and can't wait to leave. He took a box of cornflakes with him, and that seems to be all he's eaten all week, plus glasses of water (he's rejected anything we've taken to him). We went out yesterday for a few hours, hoping he might at least get something to eat -- but he didn't appear to leave his room. We have a very angry young man with low self-esteem, and we're at our wits end to know what to do. We've never had anything last as long as this, or with such brutal determination before. Does this situation sound familiar to anyone here? Can anyone suggest what we might do? Thank you.
  11. Wow, I really didn't expect you to answer that quick after years of inactivity. How did you get the diagnosis (or diagnoses) institutionally, i.e., through what services and who made the diagnosis? I'm asking because I've always been suffering from social anxiety and depression as well, which have a huge detrimental impact on my life, most importantly on ability to work and share accommodation (which is a reality for a growing number of Londoners). However, in order to figure out what "treatment" would suit me best, I was referred for an ASD assessment to exclude (or confirm) a developmental factor, hence I'm in this thread. Ideally, I would want the government to help me with getting my own flat to rent (from council, HA or whatever for an affordable price), because going to work to interact with people only to come back home to be surrounded by yet more people is a purely torturous existence—living in a flatshare for me is incompatible with full-time work (which is a huge challenge on its own). I'd also love to get the Freedom Pass, which not only would save me a ridiculous amount of money paid for commute, but also would make me spend less time sitting home (I enjoy travelling to different places, but am too stubbornly austere to spend an extra penny).
  12. The History Of The Smo’ King.
    (Who rules Who exactly?)
     
    “Smoking you’re joking, no thanks not me.”
    This is the history of the Smo’ King,
    If he rules your life, then he will ruin everything,
    If you have never met him then hear what I say,
    In my description of his servant’s typical day,
    Awake in the morning, could be around dawn,
    Tired but alive with a lazy mans yawn,
    Either before or after breaking your fast,
    You will honour him by saying, “at last”
    He promises you comfort that you never receive,
    Filling you with lies only a fool would believe,
    Like a drug, or bug, he’s in your bloodstream,
    He is like life to you, do you know what I mean?
    It’s really funny, but not that you would laugh,
    Some people take him everywhere, even in the bath,
    He has injured and killed so many to this very day,
    To serve him as king you must be prepared to pay,
    You will spend the last penny in this World that you possess,
    That is what he charges to take away your stress,
    He can’t even do that, he puts more on enough,
    Makes me sick. . . . . . . . Do you want another puff?
     
    He marks every servant with a special scent,
    Those that have served him will know what that meant,
    His touch is like poison, in fact thats what it is,
    With much avoidance, then you will live,
    You see he has fooled many into thinking, they rule him,
    However, millions are the servants of the Smo’ King,
    He will make you think of him, both day and night,
    To break his rule over you can be a difficult fight,
    When you are feeling the pain, the hurt and the strain,
    Wondering if you will ever be free again,
    What does he want, what is his aim?
    Your heart, soul and mind is what he wants to claim,
    From one to ten, and from ten to a grand,
    How did I get addicted? I don’t understand,
    I used to reach for him without giving it a thought,
    I won’t preach this King because he brings me to nought,
    To break his hold over you is done through the truth,
    If told you how to get away, would you take the escape route?
    There is nothing to argue or even be debated,
    It’s high time the King was assassinated,
    For what he has done, he must be made to pay,
    Me and you, are free to turn around and walk away.
    1. Hendrow

      Hendrow

      Oops that is the wrong poem. :(

  13. Tomorrow is the closing date to book places as a day visitor at Autscape, but they haven't finalised the schedule yet. How rubbish is that?
  14. Earlier
  15. Hi all, My son has just passed Level 1 Horticulture course at college but we were told by his tutor that the college will not hold Level 2 course next academic year. He also told us that my son could enroll Level 1 Hard Landscaping course instead until 2018 when they plan to organise Level 2. The problem is that my son also has a severe dyspraxia and he really struggled with practical side of his course throughout the year although he managed to complete it at the end. The college and the tutor were brilliant and helped him a lot but at the end report they also wrote that he did not improve much with practicals. The Hard Landscaping course also involve fencing and using hammer and nails and my son is concerned about it. When I told him that perhaps he could try IT Level 1 instead he was happy about it. He does not know much about computers but can use it and learned some things from his father. He likes watching his clips over and over again. However, my son also likes gardening (despite his dyspraxia) and we are all very proud of him that he managed to pass his Level 1. The tutor has a son with asd and understands my son very well. He is also keen on him completing the whole course. He told me that my son is 'his little project'. This kind of support from any tutor my son has never had. We do not know if he would get the same support on IT course. Besides, maybe it would be pity not to continue with Horticulture. The tutor thinks that he would benefit from attending Hard Landscaping course since it will widen his experience and increase his chances to get a job. But with his dyspraxia would he be good at it? Maybe IT is more suitable for him? At the moment he applied for both courses and will make a decision nearer the time of enrolment. Any advice will be appreciated greatly.
  16. Hello, Im looking for a distance learning course on autism, was wondering wether there are any good ones out there. I know the Open University do a module (http://www.open.ac.uk/courses/modules/sk124)
  17. You might wanna try contacting victim support. Or see if a pastor or clergyman can reassure him these lies are completely unfounded and untrue?
  18. indeed! i am watchful. i do not go to the dark side. when it manifests, in ways which are detrimental to my health and wellbeing, i am so 'life' battle-weary that my old wounds 'flare up' and stop me from doing further damage to myself. harmony i seek, it finds me and keeps drawing me back - my 'labyrinth' (for want of a better visual term both in 'insight' terms/meaning and psychological terms/meaning, and mind/body terms/meaning), that i walk all the time: to centre and return, and in and out again - this is becoming more harmonious, it's pattern more embedded every time it is returned to and walked. anything other, that which does not have that natural shape, is eroded away with persistence of practice towards truth. note - this sofa comment you make, you remind me of my chiropractor, as they have a comfy sofa.... for a moment there i thought you were them sending me a coded message. silly brain i have!!! yes, i do 'see'. literally. in my head, simultaneously as i focus my external eye on the world around me. my insight is linked to my external sight. my foresight then comes through too. i have developed and trained myself to practice these ways of seeing. i have developed my observational skills - "you see but you do not observe, Watson" - Sherlock Holmes - i have trained an already instinctive and natural autistic ability to observe detail into a sharper blade.... i have sharpened my ability. the turn of phrase in english language when two people are in conversation "oh, i see what you mean"<---this actually occurs /in/ me, in my head, when i reach deep understanding of a 'thing', i call this moment assimilation. and it is another way of seeing. i bring into myself knowledge and make it part of me. this is done by. i literally /see/ the answer, and i catch a glimpse of the structure of it, and how that knowledge then fits into the bigger structure/picture. like a jigsaw piece. i then have the composite picture in my head. it then adds to insight and the ability to hone and develop insight. i also think this is closely linked to being able to open up the channel between conscious thought, subconscious process and unconscious held knowledge. that ability to switch off or direct conscious thought off so that one only experiences the direct connection between mind/body and experience externally and internally<---this point is purity of existence, i think. this is truth. i seek that harmony. i 'see' lots of patterns: patterns of behaviour (psychology), patterns in language (linguistics codes), patterns in art or the visual world (systems of subliminal codificationn) patterns in nature (organic codes and cycles of flow, and sacred geometry of course and mathematical representations of harmonic structures of energy systems) .... the list goes on. much of the behaviour and language codes give me insight into peoples personalities, especially online as the written 'code' is very easy to read, i'm not so good at spoken as my hearing/speech is not good, those input/output ports for want of a better analogy, are slow on the download; i thus appear 'slow' or 'dumb' or 'thick' or 'naive' or 'rude' or ..... when i discovered i was a polymath, it was the patterns which led me towards that self understanding and self truth; likewise towards my discovery i was autistic, as i applied logic principles, and techniques of disassociation, in order to examine my own thought patterns. i removed the false perspective imposed upon me by abusers, peer groups, historical experiences etc, and by employing a combined process of mathematical probability exclusion principle and disassociation, i was able to 'prove' myself. it worked exceptionally well. i effectively 'cured' myself of 'error' and brought myself back to myself; a psychological healing for want of a better description. as a result, i now know that 'pattern', the pattern of dis-ease and illness, and also its solution pattern. one of the (many) things i do in my every day life, is help people through that process of self-healing, if they are on that journey, and if they ask, give them assistance towards seeing their own pattern and discovering their own self-truth. as patterns can be transpositional ie. truth is truth whatever the medium it is expressed in, what i have discovered is that the basic principles and pillars of truths, be they expressed in mathematics, quantum physics, language and meaning and dialects etc, art, music, science etc etc. everything, at every level, from the micro to the macro, is an expression of the same thing. this spiro-graphic geometry you mentioned, i see that in my mind's eye at your mentioning of it, as the DNA of truths; truths being multiplicities of course: 1, 2, 3, 5 etc etc... this is why one is able to add, as you have, additional descriptors... the interaction of two people creates this DNA spiro-geometry; a positive helix from which other positive expression can branch off. the parasite <--i have no other expression or word for what i am trying to say) which becomes attached to that DNA, subverts the purpose and energy of the exhange and lo, we get the likes of the NAS upgrade... a collapse of the torus field, as it were... so in short, yes; yes, i 'see'; yes, i see 'it'<--whatever you wish to call 'it'). i see it. i can see. doesn't do me any good, it sets me apart, i am an aberration, even it seems amongst my own kind, speaking a language few understand. you seem to be the only other i have met or spoken with that perhaps shares or can access this parallel perspective, or level(?) of perception. i know i speak and see the world in such a different way. i am able to see truth, and it puts me at odds or in conflict with the nt world. nts like the lie, the fantasy, the distortion. i can't work out the 'why' of that yet.. i was born like this. i am merely maturing. i am joyous i have found myself, but saddened also that i am a unicorn effectively, i experience acute loneliness and isolation at the same time as quietly enjoying the beauty of a flower. i think this acuteness is part of the price of knowing and understanding. ps. dyslexia rules me too. i am known for my 'wordsoups'. i have a linguist friend and we discuss at length the deeper structures of language. we touched on dyslexia and its evidence towards not a 'wrongness' but an insight into an 'art' of language in terms of evolution and dialect in itself. interesting. they and i will be discussing this nas site issue from a linguistic point of view in the near future, as this conversation you and i are having has kicked off something interesting in terms of the a/r relationship in language exchange and evolution.... but more on that come the time... no, you haven't misinterpreted. the misinterpretation lies with me and my employment and use of a term inappropriate for my needs of expression. so yes, polarities: you are right, it is not correct/incorrect. no, i'm not happy with this term i have employed either, as i am fully aware that there is the natural disposition of positive negative and that the connotations of applying a dualistic term is not really appropriate. even when i used it, it was already in my mind that it was an inappropriate descriptor, as its inherent VALUE has triple functionality (as you outline in the R, P, P = triangle, tryskelion, triquetra, yellow, F). i want to find a term/descriptor/value that more accurately expresses what i 'see'. polarity is, as you say, carries with it the inter-phasic connotation. i want something NON-interphasic, OR, something which is /inverted/???? has a scattering effect in terms of energy <---and i'm not talking entropy here, which is a natural order of energy dissipation as part of a cycle of death, rebirth etc. what i'm talking about in terms of polarity /has no rebirth/ cycle, it is perpetually NON = it is a destruction/destructive process, rather than naturally entropic end result process. it is undoing, it is breaking down, it is non-organic process. it is the dark side of the force.... if we take the perspective of mathematics for a moment to help examine 'polarity', and seek to quantify 'polarity', the term definitely does not function well in absolute terms, it possesses too much stability. i need something more..... illogical!!! inorganic!!! parasitical.... i need... arrrgh!!! i can't see it, it's there but it defies logic... 4. this what you say here, this fantasy issue you identify. yes, very much so. out of touch, is a terminology i would employ here, and draw from somatic practice the physical expression: people lose touch with real, as the practice of self-validation is unreal. they seek to touch that which does not exist. a reaching out of a hand into the void. always unobtainable. perpetually out of reach. desperation and a sense of need ever present then in the person forever reaching and grasping, and a voiceless cry "validate me, make me real in my eyes for i do not exist otherwises, let me see myself through your eyes but only perfected, not flawed, apply a filter and erradicate everything 'real', everything 'organic' and analogue, everything sinusoidal ..." and yes,! there it is! the feedback loop! we see instantly how the effect of the embedded psychology is already at work, subverting constructive purpose towards destructive and damage ego-centric viewpoint. the focus shifts to validation of self. what a nightmare! the digitial medium co-opting and amplifying a state of psychosis, or pre-disposition for psychosis??? changing of brain-waves? hm.... and i will add a note here: that the internet, the 'aether' of the unreal, that medium, seems to amplify or act as an amplfier of the (message) negative** or rather plays upon and draws out that which may(?) already be in the human. if so, why and how, as its result is so non-beneficial. **(? arrrgh there's that polarised terminology again, perhaps my own autistic black/white thinking point of view at work here, i need to meditate upon this to see better) also: yes, absolutely, my suspicion is that you and I are speaking about and 'seeing' the same thing, but how we 'express' what we 'see' ie. what dialect? tone? frequency? of language/words we use/employer is purely a linguistic 'accent' for want of a better term/meaning.<---this then reflective of the 'landscape' and 'region' of personal experience, our place and space we occupy in time, our age etc. etc. as for avatar images as evidence /of/ this worrying egocentric pattern on the nas site; again, yes, it doesn't take long, does it, for the rot to set in and the emphasis of the site, its use, to begin to be subverted. i think i touched on this in my outline in my original reply, that it would eventually become an ego-echo chamber, a void, devoid of anything constructive. much like a snake eating its own tail, a negative (? arrrgh there's that dualistic term again) process, rather than an positive cycle. process v cycle <---this opposing polarity, one is unproductive, one is productive. even a cycle has entropy, ebb and flow, whereas process in and of itself is... going nowhere, just round and round, stagnating, achieving nothing else other than its own perpetuation. it does not evolve, because it cannot accommodate variables. it is a straight line 5. posed look at me<--- i will pause and examine this evidence (of what you instinctively/subcosciously see) and which reveals itself in your words for a moment, this truth. yes, the medium is the message, thus:- look at me, validate me, externalised viewpoint image created not for self viewed by self as expression of self, but rather as projected idea of self TOWARDS another or other person's mind. FALSE VALUE!!! i recall now the thread on the nas site where an op was discussing their difficulties with their emerging self, and their process of struggling to shake off the false truths in light of their discovery that they were autistic. their truth was emerging, as was their consciousness. i mentioned the distortion of the mirror image given by others to the self, a fractured identity of perspective of self. you jumped in at that point, and if i recall wrote a one line response, something of the ilk: yes this is it. <---those weren't your exact words, i'm not putting words in your mouth here, but the essence of your reply was that this mirror/distortion/perception issue was where it hits the nail on the head.. in light of the above recollection, i propose the nas upgrade /is/ the distorted mirror in practice. it is a reflection in and of itself of a psychology deeply flawed and damaging in practice. at a subliminal level, in a visual sense, it is awful. it is that which i seriously have issues with, as users will be exposed to this CONFIRMATION and REPEATED MESSAGE being sent/seen/used. etc. i find it.... so wrong. so damaging. the mirror i see as: person-centric personae personality validation by others rather than self peer pressure rather than self-guiding and self-reflecting addictive and paranoid self-surveillance and self-censoring rather than self-reflecting and insightful omnipresent externalised perception of self rather than insightful contracting energy and scattering of energy rather than expanding and renewing thus:- there is no self, self ceases to exist and is supplanted by hive mind/dominant personality values. self is invalidated and lives in a constant state of anxious need and doubt. without constant 'feeding' or 'acknowledgement' from external sources there is no self<--this is where the addiction to keep checking social media comes into play). the ability to say to oneself "I am" and to trust that simple acknowledgement of state of being in and of oneself, to essentially BE, with no other need or want, to BE in the moment<--this no longer exists! the self ceases to exist<---what horror! so then the result is one must be constantly acknowledged to exist!?!?! ye gods!!! what new level of hell is this?!?! identity dies. individuality dies. or rather, becomes invalidated. the mirror is fractured and distorted. the feedback (in terms of energy) is destructive - and again, i'm not talking destructive as in a natural order term here, like entropy. this is where i am seeing polarity (eek! that word again) it is an unnatural flow of energy in directional terms. it is feeding back <--how ironic that all social media is about 'feedback' - vote me up or down, validate me, rank me, feed my ego, let me live, give me purpose to live *shudders at the thought* 5. weirdly strange <---this is a "why" hiding in here. 'see' why. i 'see':- weirdly strange = not the person, the image is not the person but the bigger psychology of an egocentric pattern of paranoia, the externalised self validation pattern = no-self pattern thus:- i look at an image /of/ a person. i cannot validate them as i make no judgement and no comparative ego validation (as i am autistic) as i do not speak that language in a visual sense. it means nothing to me. it's embedded code is meaningless. i do not function on that level. i require no feedback, i cannot give it at that level. i do not function that way. note: my avi here is a ferret, a white one, in a circle. the connotive meaning in that visual language is defined as:- ferret = tenacious thinker and survivor; love, love of animals; fun, frolicking; shamanic meaning of ferrets as guides, spirit guide; white, purity of spirit; circle, purity of form, simplicity, oneness the ferret expresses that which i am at a level of being which only some people will connect to and understand. it is and acts as an expression of my personae, but only one facet of that persona, which is multitudinous. it therefore acts like a tool, but also protects me. it is not ego. it is id. my choice is based on my desire to express that which is /unseen/ rather than that which i want people to /validate/ me as. i am already ferret, in my ferretness, it is constant. 6. will be diminished - ina nutshell, yes. and you and i right now are not having this conversation there, are we? so QED.... also: the hubris loop/pattern - the nas will become compromised by hypocrisy. 7. accepted in full. 8. it was reported - ah, there we are, the medium is the message. reported? hm. by who and to whom? forgive my scepticism, i am too old in the tooth for this bs, as it has walked past my garden gate too often and i say: if there's a whiff, and it ain't horse, it's bull... i take this perspective that as the app is driving this decision for the upgrade it is this pattern: the cigarette defining the shape of the packet... 9. accepted in full. 10. it is this normalised abuse issue where my line has been reached. i call it my exclusion by inclusion principle, thus:- "you exclude yourself by not participating", a typical abuser tactic of pushing responsibility for the flaw/error away from themselves onto others around them. again, this is the feedback loop ego pattern at work. same as:- "some people find change difficult; try to fit in." comments, gah!!! the emphasis on the feedback is the "you"<--this is very directed. the 'you', the individual, are the problem and exclude oneself, where the truth is that one cannot participate as there exists unconscious bias towards exclusion. it's like saying a person who can't walk excludes themselves from attending the concert because they can't climb the steps to the opera house. they are then told to 'fit in' and arrive early so they can be carried in or make other arrangements. etc etc. it's just not right... this is why i cannot support by proxy a system which is inherently bias. i would be perpetuating that abuse of myself, i would become my own abuser. 11. again, i admire your 'tenacity', i cannot do the 'forgive bit'. i do forgive, and take the overview, but when it comes down to practical application in the field at the front line, there is a line with me where i have to say: no, not acceptable. yes, this collective abuse is at work. the distorted mirror. i cannot support abuse by proxy, as i see it. like you, i preach what i practice. i would feel totally compromised using the nas site. and yes, i am doing my bit in saying "i have reached my limit" where the nas site is concerned. you may find it interesting to know that following your original reply to me here, the next day i happened to be in my local organic shop and lo! the proprietor and another customer were engaged in a discussion on the very same subject you and i had been here: the upgrades in social media carrying with them not very nice effects. i mentioned you in passing, not by name or personae, but explored your contribution and viewpoint. they thought it enlightening. they also agreed, with both you and i, that all is not well in the world of 'social media' upgrades. also, and this i did find interesting, this very issue we have been exploring was aired on Radio 4 in relation to the damaging effects of social media and the embedded psychology i highlighted. so you see again, i hope, that in some quarters, there is already a shift in perception. 12. missing number, no reply required. 13. yes. agreed, but the message must not be lost. the upgrade erodes the message. 14. ah, you are walking your labyrinth, i see. yes. interesting. wise. and agreed, as i also walk heel to toe. since i become self aware of my autism, i have been able to shed much malarkey; add to that shedding of other things and i am still emerging from my chrysalis, though slip into bad habits like rushing about at a million miles an hour, which i call my seven percent solution days... but ah! brother-mine, this case is well solved, methinks, barely a 5, and will continue to solve itself. but i am ever vigilant against that nemisistic entity that goes by the name of moriarty; i see his hand in this nas upgrade; and if not directly then indirectly, the shadow of that spider at the centre of its web. the game is on!
  19. Sorry to hear that, Yvonne27. Your story reminded me on the problems my son had at schools. It is really bad that schools find more important to protect their image than their pupils. And they boast about their 'strong anti bulling policy'! 'My son was deliberately pushed on the ground at his primary school and broke his arm. Instead of punishing the boy who pushed him the school protected him. In secondary school my son was bullied but when he complained to senco about it he was told if he keeps complaining he would be thrown out of school! We decided to pull him out of school and home educate him. Our lives improved, his education levels improved and he was much happier since we could chose with whom he socialises. He now goes to college and is happy there, so far. There is a whole community of home school children out there, organising activities. You just have to inform the LA that you will home educate him and they will send someone each year to see what your son is doing regarding education. I always used to prepare a detailed report about it and they were happy. Good luck, Ivonne27. I hope you will find the best solution for your son.
  20. 1.) In terms of being competitive with yourself, perhaps watch over that one very carefully (in the compassionate sense of caring), as winning needs losers as already mentioned concerning 'Competitive Hierarchical Ethos'. Keep safe and secure in mind that collaboration (or working together as musicians do) is the key to regarding the enlightening harmony or intuition of the inner-self - or deep seated knower. After all, the deep seated knower seriously does know a thing or two about comfy sofas with two really really comfy seats - and Ferret treats particularly in your case! 2.) I also literally 'see' in my case 'spiro-grahic' geometrically swirly and twirly patterns, and on first reading the characteristic patterns of your writing - I assumed that something similar was on the go or the case with you too. Do you recall the geometric system I listed a while back? With additional sensibility descriptives now added: 8.) Geomatrix >> White >> Intuitional >> White Noise 7.) Heptagon >> Violet >> Rational >> C* high 6.) Hexagon >> Indigo >> Sentimental >> B* 5.) Pentagon >> Blue >> Communicational >> A* 4.) Square (+) >> Green >> Emotional >> G** 3.} Triangle >> Yellow >> Imaginal >> F* 2.) Circle >> Orange >> Reproductional >> D* 1.) Line >> Red >> Sensational >> C* low 0.) Point >> Black >> Environmental >> Black Noise * Do not be surprised if I have got the notes in the wrong order ~ B may be D, F may be A and all that ~ as dyslexia so rules with me. ** The Masonic 'G' if that rings any of those grand-architectural-diatonic-concert-pitch-Fibonacci-shells-and-weighing-bells states of affairs for you? 3.) Polarities involve negative, positive and neutral states - you only seem to be using the negative (worth-less) and positive (worth-while) states and excluding the neutral values gradient between the two. Recall the Receptive, Protective and Projective capacities and functions of each state of the seven inter-phasic networks of the mind/body relationship? Of course, I may have misinterpreted things, but I always reserve the right to at least be entirely wrong! 4.) Rather than the energy being diverted and lost in competition, it is divided and its focus is diminished in the peripheral sense, and enhanced in the centralizing point of focus sense. Or in other words the bigger-picture is reduced in terms of intuitional triangulation and empathic relativity, as by proportion tunnel vision is increased in terms of imaginal specificity and reproductive co-ordination for sensational affect and or effect. The old problems of having affairs with fantasy whilst missing or becoming separated or even divorced from reality start creeping in. The N.A.S. community leader board as of 01:33 12/07/2017 featured photographs of two people's faces rather than avatar images - mildly sketchy to say the least perhaps? 5.) Posed 'look-at-me' photographs really are in my opinion weirdly strange. 6.) I think that some proportion of O.P.s will be pretty much constant regarding their decision making processes; as people tend to like what they like or know what best suits them and so fourth ~ recalling the Autistic tendency to being particular, fussy, exacting, specific or even pedantic. The old proverb that you can can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink comes to mind. None the less though, some O.P.s does not account for all O.P.s, and the Content/Value and the Quality/Worth of the Replies/Answers will be diminished ~ if the aspirational stability of the Self-centric 'I am as I am' characterisation; is converted to the compulsive instability of the Ego-centric 'I will be as I become' re-characterisation ~ i.e., top of the chart, most mentioned, most achievements, most followers, most friends and all that sort of pride before the fall thing. 7.) The Munchausen-By-Proxy, Stockholm-Syndrome, Guardian-Role-Transfer or just plain Normalised Abuse problem involving supporters, followers, leaders, abstainers, protestors, militants and deviants along with social stratification and segregation into inferior, mediocre and superior sub-classes of community members . . . well it might not be so bad given the Autistic tendency for some to be moral and ethical industrial diamonds, and some alot more egalitarian, but again this does not account for all and that is not good. 8.) 'Reportedly' all the comments about what could be better about the last site from Autistic people went into choosing the new site format. It was also 'reportedly' tested out by Autistic people on mobile phones for which the new format is designed. The sudden change of format with no how to use the site pages was though a complete discrimination against the regulars - who might also have been some of the testers so as to offer instruction to others regarding what was what and where; instead of all the benighted confusions and upsets that started on that fateful Wednesday. 9.) I only make demands (insistences or peremptory requests to sort things out) when people behave disrespectfully or malevolently, and that is all. Authoritarianism or elitism is a sociological misnomer based upon ungrounded and unreasoned abstract constructs - normally involving at least psychological humiliation (ageism, sexism and tribalism), or at most physiological annihilation (lynching, ethnic cleansing and war), and many people make demands on this basis - and are therefore deluded. 10.) So like yourself with the N.A.S. types hypocrisy and condescension, I am not into it either ~ in the sense that I attend the dance but I do not dance that dance. I support people who are neurologically divergent or not, I do not support organisations, and the vast majority of people, in excess of ninety percent, are victims of normalised abuse themselves anyway ~ whether they be unsanely or insanely neurotypical or not. 11.) My reasonable adjustment for this pervasive madness ~ is comprehensive compassion and understanding; "Forgive them for they know not what they do." sort of thing, as most people ignorantly abuse themselves by unwitting abusing others into collectively abusive stupidity or insanity too. There is as such a major affirmation shortage going on on this planet, and I do my bit to address that shortage - by preaching what I practice. I do not have my pass plate yet as I am still learning not to drive myself any madder than I already am. Most importantly though, it is neither your job, my job, nor anyone's job to fix the sociopathic mess going on around us, as it is everyone's responsibility to reduce their part in it by setting the example of what life affirming behaviour and discussion actually is. 13.) Little by little we are getting there, and the N.A.S. has played a huge part in increasing awareness not only about A.S.D., but in part neurological diversity also with many other groups and communities of people doing pretty much the same thing. Yay. But oh my absolute being and infinite becoming ~ that website needs help. Any huge non-profit computing companies out there that might feel intrigued about doing a total programming charity job to create a platform that serves the broadest extent of people on the A.S.D. spectrum ~ let the N.A.S. and ourselves know, perhaps? 14.) I have got to say, it is not tenacity that I have ~ that got extensively burnt out years back anyway. It is actually more patience in that I have temporal aphasia, or no sense of time passing, and a narrow or singular range of interests which I follow slowly but progressively heel to toe; heal to toe; heel to toe. I take each step as being gently and evenly placed and then firmly and evenly trod ~ as I have poor foresight but richly exacting hindsight. In this way I really have over the decades learnt from my mistakes; rather than punishing myself for them and thereby repeating them ~ sod all that malarkey I thought and did! Thus when my well being is compromised, as it has been for the last week, I have rather than walking written away these ills as if Milo with his brother Sherlock solving the 'Website' of the Baskervilles case!
  21. I was discussing education with a Muslim parent who stated that he didn't want his kids to start formal education or school until they were 7 years old. The reason for this is that the Islamic system of child upbringing specifically mentions that formal education begins at the age of 7 and should not be imposed at a younger age. Does anybody know if kids develop better socially if school is deferred until the age of 7? The common belief is that attending nursery at 3 is beneficial from a social development perspective over starting reception class at 4 although I dispute it. It's rare to find kids in Britain that are home educated for KS1 but start school in KS2 so I have very little information to work on.
  22. Hello Ferret, Thank you very much for your very supportive reply. I will definitely think about your advice and the idea to write to YCMA did cross my mind.
  23. ps, many apologies for the smiley faces, seems an autocarrot icon is at work, smiley faces should be annotative : b )
  24. hello mina i am autistic. please take all which follows as open opinion. keep what you consider useful, ditch the rest. i too had similar experience parallel as a child, though not with ymca. saying that, and i hope without confirmation bias at play, i would comment as follows: your child is courageous and intelligent for speaking up and speaking out. i personally address this message to him: you are not alone. you did the right thing by speaking up. you know you are not wrong, and that is why you spoke up about this. you know that what you feel inside is the real you speaking up for what is right. and you know that the bad feeling is the bit that is wrong, and that is NOT you that is wrong. the bad bit that makes you feel awful and afraid, is NOT you. you are NOT wrong. you are NOT bad. you are NOT a sinner. the information you have been given is WRONG. you are right, the information is wrong. therefore, you are NOT wrong. as regards how to proceed, i would if in your position, write to the ymca and bring the matter into the light and to their attention. i would highlight the extent of the damage caused, both in emotional and psychological terms. i would also impress upon those recipients of the letter that although i was aware nothing could be done, at the same time as a matter of moral and ethical standpoint, this issue must at least be put in writing for the benefit of a) reflection the future. and i would leave it at that and in their court. whist you have approached the police, and taken their best advices, i would also include that fact in your letter. i would also send a copy to my local mp. to get something on record is sometimes all that one can do. i find it astonishing however, that there is no up-line from the police or follow up on this matter. i would be enquiring what their protocols were in such events of "unsubstantiated claims" of verbal or emotional harrassment/bullying etc. there is somewhere, a duty of care breach here, as far as i can see. who that rests with, i cannot say: the ymca? jointly local authority and ymca? despite all this, i would also explore the ideas closely associated with a) paranoia post traumatic stress (and disorder) and seek help from the gp towards some counselling or supportive guidance. c) grief counselling - this is particularly good as its principles are broad and deal with trauma. as a whole, i would say the worst is over, because your child has spoken out. now one can move forward and the cycle of abuse embedded in thought and instilled in your son has been broken. that's a good thing. he is very courageous. a note about self-esteem: no-one can take anything away from a person. self-esteem, self-worth, etc is always there. it never goes away. it can be silenced, it can be doubted, it can be suppressed by fear or ridicule, bullying, peer pressure, or even pain both psychological or physical. but esteem and worth never go away. they are always there. it is just a case of re-discovering that truth of the self, that validation of the self, by the self, for the self. this can be done by speaking out, speaking truth to power, and doing so in a supportive environment that reflects the truth back to us. ultimately we remain true to who we are, we always return to ourselves however long the detour may be or have taken. we always find our way back to ourselves. i trust the above helps in some way.
  25. Dear all, I was shoked when I found out recently that my son, who is now 18, was verbally abused in YCMA gym for a couple of years before he decided to stop going there. He managed to pluck up the courage to talk about it, encouraged by the friends he has luckily made in college this year. He told me that the gym instructors (volunteers) repeatedly told him that he was a sinner and that he would go to hell etc. They did it after he told them that he believed in God. Since he has ASD, my son is very naive and impressionable and easily believes everything people tell him. And he trusted these people who enjoyed themselves making fun of him and took advantage of the fact that he believed them. They also told him that if he told me or anyone else about it they would call the police and send him to jail. He, of course, believed that as well so did not tell me at a time. I was horrified when he told me that he believed that he was a sinner and prayed three times a day to God. He honestly believed that he would go to hell. He told me that at a time and I was perplexed why. Now I know. They also told him that the satan is watching him too and they are all watching his every move! He was really scared. He told me that he was thinking to commit suicide and tried it once but gave up at the last minute. Even now he hears their voices sometimes and believe them but less than before. And I thought that he enjoyed going there since everyone pretended that they like him and he always wanted to go there! I am sooo upset and thinking about my options. He told the college (they were very supportive) and they told the police woman there about it but she said it would not be enough to stand in court. YCMA is a charity that helps young people. It stands for Young Christian Man Association, I think, but did not protect my son from their own volunteers! What are my options? I would like the most if we try to leave the whole thing since it happened more than a year ago, and move on. I am not sure that dragging it would help restore my son's self esteem but it is important what he thinks and he wants something to be done about it, if possible. Any advice appreciated.
  26. Soundgarden at Lollapalooza Chile 2014
  27. I've suffered from depression most of my life, I first started being prescribed anti-depressants about 24 years ago. As I've got older I became more self aware, and recognised the names of the emotions I was feeling. Life can get more complicated and as time went on I was becoming more anxious. In times of severe stress I got chest pains, so went to the doctor. After discussing it and doing some tests we concluded that it was most likely stress related.
  28. How did you get the diagnosis for that?
  29. yes, i'm not competitive, i'm inclusive. i'm only competitive with myself, and that comes in the form of having a deep seated 'knowing'? or drive to learn as much as i can; that's my 'mission', for want of a better term, my 'inner directive'. and yes, here we havit = the embedded psychology at work; that being:- externalised validation/self-worth derivitive pattern ** which is non-selfsustainable<---which of course is a negative construct, one which then feeds into discordant matricies, in particular addictive/addition pattern*** as for the polarity, there is a positive/negative polarity active in all patterns which i shall mention later ** the opposite of course being a dynamic flow process, and self sustainable ***i'm restricted by this medium to words only but would draw out the patterns 'longhand' as the geometry of them is complimentary twards understanding at a deeper level, but for now, just bear in mind that when i employ the term pattern, i am 'seeing' patterns quite literally so back to mentions<---again, i'm equally as disturbed by this development and it is but one of several red flags for me; here is evidence of the subverting/subversion i was talking about in my replies 1. and 2. above i see it as polarity. and i will explore what i mean by poliarity, thus:- if we consider for one moment polarity of interactions as positive or negative both in inception and outcome, and 'see' or envisage in our minds this 'flow' of polarity as it impacts on the experience of the interactors, we can then examine the user and op exchange in any given instance thus:- op comes to site with query query is replied/answered to by collective contributors (collective contributors are a variable value in this instance) op can then decide freely, based on their own personal individual value set (that being created by emotion/logic/experience etc) which reply/answer best suits them or 'fits' Note: obviously at this point any 'ongoing topic discussion' between contributors can occur and often does and generally feeds off into other threads.... but the main op thread remains intact as a result.<--so we return to the main op thread here... the op goes away happy, their query answered/replied <--note the change of emphasis on poliarity value here r/a becomes a/r) and the a/r is constructive irrespective of being deemed right or wrong (r/w) the a/r can then be added to the archive IF key content is derived by the collective contributors and agreed upon to be or have VALUE<---this is important, as WORTH and VALUE are two different yet closely polarity driven markers. if W and V are both positive, then this maximises the positive effect on the collective whole being and organism, be that organism individual or collective or social... so, in the above polarity construct the FOCUS of energy remains /towards/ the op. the op is the focus. the intention is positive outcome. the intention remains to SOLVE THE PROBLEM. now we look at the new upgrade and it's polarity, thus:- op comes with query query is replied to<---note, there is no answer value here it is at this point where the poiarity is changed as it is now in feedback loop<--ego driven feedback is now onto the contributors, the energy of focus is DISSIPATED by ranking and voting up, and mentioning. the energy is spread and scattered rather than focusing on the op's issue the energy is competitive and diverted and focus is lost and instead users begin the addition pattern as the feedback loop continues:- they check how they are ranked, etc etc. rather than having a collective focus, there is now a 'we are competitive' focus. competitive v collective op decision is subverted. there is no longer the a/r value and therefore no archive as a result as WORTH and VALUE is no longer present, but instead INDIVIDUATED AND INDIVIDUALISED. <----the emphasis of the site is subverted and destroyed at this point and rendered defunct the op cannot achieve decision and is therefore subverted by peer pressure/opinion. the op's individual self-worth and self-esteem pattern is undermined eg: i disgaree with the information but everyone is voting it up and the person who posted is a top contributor and ranked top.... note: the ego drive to contribute becomes exponential and FUELS the pattern, thus:- site traffic increases therefore creating a "the site is popular therefore it must be 'working well'/'be right'/'be what people want/'is popular'<---this last being a munchausen by proxy construct as one designs a site with embedded psychology for a popularity contest, then wow! lo! behold! a popularity contest is what one ends up with... note: popularity contests become self-moderating, self-censoring in the end. something to bear in mind.... a balance? or a choice? either way anything would be better. but my position remains thus:- a) if auts were listened to or their position understood, then an upgrade consulatation would already have occurred /OR/ consideration in practice already given. this is not the case, and never would have been. we are in an nt world, after all. b ) i will not and cannot support by proxy, ie i will not use or contribute to something because that is all that there is. it is not all that there is. it only exists BECAUSE it is used. if it were not used, it wouldn't exist. the "change is difficult" patronage really is indicative of the general nt world i inhabit and i cannot support that attitude or perspective in practice. i live it every day. NO. change is not difficult, dischord is<----- and i have long challanged the idea or myth regarding change being difficult for auts as i think it is a dischord issue - and in the case of nas site upgrade perfectly demonstrated in practice. change is not the problem. neither are auts reactions to change a problem. you can demand anything of me!!! and yes, ask too. if i can help or assist, i will. i am merely deeply disappointed by the nas position and decision, but already had growing reservations regarding my continuing support there - something about the emphasis was/is wrong... the upgrade was the last straw for me. and yes, i am done with being patronised, therefore i will withdraw my support and contribution by proxy of a system i am fundamentally at odds with, even on a daily living basis, it's bad for my health and well being. i would not be able to continue helping people, being a mentor and guide, and other things, if i did not practice what i preached. i do predict that the nas site will suffer and merely become an echo chamber for egos now... i am done with being excluded by inclusivity-by-default. i am autistic. i am not nt. i don't see why i have to keep trying to fix and fit to fix that which is not my problem, or have to suffer its imposition upon me. i chose a different path... saying that, my goodness i do admire your tenacity to keep going. you're made of sterner stuff perhaps. but i would say, do keep an eye on your wellbeing. if it starts to erode, walk away...
  1. Load more activity