Catwoman

Thank you for your help. I have made a GP appointment for wednesday and have left a message for the psychologist to find out about the appointments. I am going to try to attend the Rudy Simone conference thing this thursday with my daughter if I can get tickets. I do spend lots of time with Jen trying to work out what her triggers are. She has actually agreed to go to college tomorrow now ('even though i hate it') due to her friend being on the bus in the morning. He is very good at escorting her to her first lesson. I have therefore worked out that one of the issues today, is having no one close to shield her into college. I agree that rewards are good. However, Jen is cutting herself off from so much so that it is hard to find a reward that will motivate her. Her current obsession/like is with an Amercian band who have no plans to tour(if so, then a promise of a ticket would be there!!) I am going to cut and paste your advice Tim, into word and show it to Jen. I will let you know her reaction! Many thanks. PS jen is currently reading a book. The first one for a long time. Once she starts again, there will be no stopping her! (If you start a book, then you keep going to finish it on the same day!!)

Hello, I was going to say that I am in the same position with my daughter, but I think you have replied to my thread, so you probably know. I feel that it is very difficult to get anyone to understand how your child feels when they refuse to go to school or college, not because they hate the actual lessons, but that they are fearful of the whole process. It is also hard for us as parents to find any help. I am at a loss about who to turn to. I am about to spend the morning trying to get help so that my daughter will attend college this week. It is so much harder when they are much bigger than you, so lumping them into the car to get them there is not an option either!! I hope that you have had some luck since your post. Please let me know.

Thank you everyone for all your comments. I am feeling very stuck today. My daughter was unwell last week and missed three days of college. I think she is probably better now but she would not get up for college today despite me offering to walk with her to the bus stop etc. We have been at this point before and it is so hard. She says that 'i don't understand' and 'how scared it makes me feel'. I know how uncomfortable it makes her feel but equally I cannot leave her to sty in her room for the rest of her life. I do feel that she was diagnosed and then left. We were meant to have follow up appointments but they need to be funded, and no appointments have come through yet. Today I am going to ring college to explain the predicament, and then see if I can chase up the follow up appointments. I spoke to my husband about this, this morning. He says that he can remember ringing up work when he was a teenager to say he was ill, when he was not, in fact he just could not face going in. This is from someone who is hardworking and not woirk shy. I suppose, this question is for all of you who have Asperger's syndrome, do you feel the same? How do you cope? Any idea how I can help Jen to go to college? My husband 'just got on with it'. My daughter finds that harder to do. HELP!!

Excuse my typing errors.

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I have bought 'Aspergirls', but have yet to read it fully. I was recently told that Rudy Simone the author of Asper Girls is to speak in Manchester on the 7th of March. You can book through www.autism.org.uk. I doubt I would be able to go, but it sounds interesting. Sammy Snake-it is interesting that your daughter is so like her Dad. Mine too!! My husband likes to give my daughter advice-it is usually blunt and honest!! There are times when Jen is happy, (or at least she appears to be) when listening to music or 'chilling in her room'. When I asked about this, she said that her room makes her feel safe as all her things are there including her 'walls', (currently a hobby to paste pictures of her favourite groups). I suppose the hardest thing for me, is getting other people to 'understand her'. If you met Jen you would not think that there was anything amiss. My biggest worry is how she will feel when her friends leave college soon and only she will be left. Also, how to keep her occupied for the enxt year as she will not have as many lessons to attend. I may see if I could set soemthing up on my day off to take her to do some sort of voluntary work. That is easier than said though as I know she gets very anxious about new people and experiences. How do other people on here with Aspergers deal with this? My husband would just say to get on with it, and I must say that in some respects I agree. I do not want to encourage her to be 'useless' or to use Aspergers as an excuse not to try something which is hard. Any views on this?

Thank you. I will try and find the books that you spoke about. What does EDS/HMS stand for?

Hi, my 17 year old daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome with dyspraxia in December. She has found it hard to come to terms with but is glad that she knows 'why she is weird'. We are awaiting a further appointment from the psychologist, but this could be some time away yet. I am 100% sure that my husband also has Asperger's syndrome, although he does not care about a diagnosis, as he is able to cope with every day life, and does not worry about how people view him. Jen will need to redo one of her a levels next year as she missed a lot of college in her first year there due to operations. Her biggest fear now is the thought of being without anyone who she knows as they will all leave in 3 months time. Her major struggles are with social interaction, although to passers by, they might view her at times as being giggly and happy, this is usually a cover for feeling akward and unsure. Jen spends most of her time in her room listening to music and rarely goes out. She is very intelligent and kind, has no problems reading facial expressions etc, but is finding life so very hard. As a young child she always wanted to be a doctor, until she got older and realsied that the face to face stuff would be hard. She then thought about pathology and for a while became obsessed with the body farm and decaying cadavers. (That sounds dreadful, perhaps I should have written very interested in bones etc) I took her to an archaelogical dig(and had to stay with her) where she dug up some ancient skeletons, but now she has decided that being a forensic pathologist is now boring as they mainly deal with ancient bones. This leads to her next dilemma which is wanting to choose a degree course which hits her interests, but leads to a job which would not be team led and would require her to not have to socially interact to a level which she would find difficult. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with so many changes at a similar age? My husband has dealt with life by not making friends, and by avoiding social occasions and interactions which make him uncomfortable. However, he is very family focussed and is very loving like our daughter. I also have a 22 year old son, I work with an adult with cerebral palsy, a young girl with autism and am a trained early years teacher. I am starting a new job in a special needs school next week. I was a stay at home mum until my children were in their late teens. Thank you. PS Unless you see behind the scenes, you would never know that my daughter had any difficulties. It has been hard to even convince our own close family members that Jen has Asperger's syndrome. It is so much a hidden disability. However, I would not change her or my husband for the world. I just wish people would try to understand more. So many people just did not 'get it' when i said that Jen was struggling with college, but it was not that she did not want to go, rather that she couldn't go.