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#1 Frangipani

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Posted 27 July 2008 - 03:15 PM

Hi,

Just wondering if you could explain to me why it is difficult for people like my son to use phones. He is okay on his mobile talking to me or his father or sister but anyone else its a no go zone.

I was with a client the other day and I was setting up their Accounting for their small business, luckily they are friends of mine, and understand, but I needed my son to talk with this friend about a problem configuring something on his computer I was having trouble with and when I gave him the phone to speak with my friend he hung up. Luckily I worked it out. But when I got home he said he was sorry but he finds it too hard and uncomfortable speaking to strangers.

I warned my friend that this may be the case and so it was okay, but, is there anything I can do to help him with strangers or is this something he will always find too hard.

Just wondering, thanks for you help.

Love

Fran xx hug.gif

#2 Tally

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Posted 27 July 2008 - 04:11 PM

I also hate using the telephone. I don't like to answer unless I know who is calling. If I am making a phone call to a stranger, I like to plan it beforehand. This makes it difficult to make phone calls without preparation time, and I tend to suffer in silence rather than make a doctor's appointment for example. Part of the problem I have with getting jobs done in my house is the multiple telephone calls you have to make. The idea of having a phone thrust on me and being asked to talk to a stranger is my worst nightmare. I would also hang up the phone.

It should be easier because the other caller is also suffering from an inability to read body language and facial expression.

Part of the problem I have is in understanding what is said. I find it easier to understand what is said if I can watch the person's lips moving (although I cannot lip-read). I struggle most with people with strong regional accents. I find foreign people easier to understand because they tend to speak more slowly and pronounce words more clearly. That can't be the whole problem though, because I manage to phone people I know well OK.

I am obviously not very good at talking on the phone, because I often end up with someone shouting at me, telling me I am being abusive, and hanging up. This does not really help me feel confident next time I have to make a phone call. I do find though, that I find it easier as time goes by.

I can't really explain what the problem is because I am not sure myself. Everyone will have different reasons, of course, but a fear of phones does seem to be very common in autistics so there probably is some common ground. Maybe it has more to do with Social Anxiety, which probably stems from real social difficulties.

#3 Frangipani

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Posted 28 July 2008 - 03:58 AM

Thanks Tally, that helps a lot. smile.gif hug.gif

Some good tips and advice. This friend has a strong English accent too, this might have stressed him a bit as you said.

Thanks Tally.

Love

Fran xx hug.gif

#4 alanm

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Posted 28 July 2008 - 12:38 PM

Don't get me started on phones, after the dreadful experience I had in a workplace in January this year. I'd joined this company to do finance work, and the accountant taking me on was well aware I'd got a disability, however he hadn't planned for me to have a role with much communication anyway. Once I got there though the general manager above him, a very obnoxious woman, insisted that I was to be solely responsible for Purchase Ledger work and that meant I would have take phone calls from suppliers. Many of them were chasing up very late payments and were really irate and gave ma a lot of abuse, and to make it worse the obnoxious manager I'm referring to had a go at me telling me to "use my initiative" to negotiate with these people. What makes it worse about her saying that to me, is that SHE KNEW about my disability too, and thus knew that a role with "negotiation" would not be right for me, but didn't admit it.

Throughout the months since this position finished I'm also surrounded by so many adverts asking for people with a "confident telephone manner" as well as the bog standard "good communication skills" and I feel like "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH" wallbash.gif

I'm fine with phoning friends too though, as those are conversations I actually look forward to.

#5 LicklePaulie

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 09:04 PM

QUOTE (Tally @ Jul 27 2008, 05:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am obviously not very good at talking on the phone, because I often end up with someone shouting at me, telling me I am being abusive, and hanging up. This does not really help me feel confident next time I have to make a phone call.

This sounds very much like me - I think it is because I am not very good at picking up on people's tones of voice. I have particular problems when dealing with 'officialdom' and have often got myself into deep do-do because I get very frustrated when I cannot get my point across in a way that they find acceptable and often misinterpret the other speaker's attitude. I am very lucky that my wife is very aware of the difficulty I have and will now often make those important phone calls for me - she used to think that I was simply too aggressive and boorish or did not have sufficient patience until my dx and our consequent research into AS traits.

So, to summarise, I haven't really got any advice on how to successfully negotiate this problem though it is a huge one for me - I've simply been lucky enough to be with somebody who is prepared to take it into account and remove the problem whenever possible.

Edited by LicklePaulie, 29 July 2008 - 09:05 PM.


#6 Livelife

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Posted 31 May 2015 - 02:01 PM

I have awful trouble using the phone I have a mobile and if I need to communicate it's almost always by text never calls, I only ever ring to make appointments with the doctor if I need a plumber all communication is by text I think he's used to me now.
My mind goes blank and I can't think what to say and end up trembling and wondering what mistakes I've made and there are usual a few. I have to write down anything I need to remember at the time otherwise it will be forgotten that's the real purpose of my phone recording information alarms to remind me what to do and when.
It's like it's not me as if I am watching it sounds daft but i cant really discribe how it feels that's the nearest I can get to explaining it.

#7 MiddleEarthNet

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 10:54 AM

So interesting reading this thread. I also have a lot of problems using the phone. I though it was just me. I find it so hard to give and understand information that I normally understand perfectly.

When I am forced to use them, everything becomes jumbled up and makes me so unsettled that I am unable to function for a while after.  And I find the slight change in pitch caused by the electronics really painful.

 

I have awful trouble using the phone I have a mobile and if I need to communicate it's almost always by text never calls, I only ever ring to make appointments with the doctor if I need a plumber all communication is by text I think he's used to me now.
My mind goes blank and I can't think what to say and end up trembling and wondering what mistakes I've made and there are usual a few. I have to write down anything I need to remember at the time otherwise it will be forgotten that's the real purpose of my phone recording information alarms to remind me what to do and when.
It's like it's not me as if I am watching it sounds daft but i cant really discribe how it feels that's the nearest I can get to explaining it.

 

I can relate to that.



#8 Livelife

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 03:45 PM

I needed to phone about my Employment And Support Allowance today, I hate speaking to people I don't know and even though I knew what I wanted to ask the words wouldn't come out and things got very confusing and it took some time to sort out.
Thankfully I don't need to contact them again for awhile its a shame they don't use a text service for people who struggle on the phone and get easily confused especially when anxious about speaking to strangers.

#9 trekster

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 03:47 PM

I'm quite phone phobic about strangers because I can become nonverbal on the phone. Strangers are unpredictable, frightening and confusing. I'm quite verbal with people in person but struggle on the phone. We end up both talking over each other and I can't remember the conversation later.




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