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our children being bullied


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#41 Waterboatman

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Posted 02 December 2014 - 06:36 PM

As an old gentle being, if you know of bullying, stop it, one way or another.

Its not good for either!



#42 Mihaela

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Posted 09 December 2014 - 05:26 AM

If only teachers did stop it, but often they don't - especially when there's only one victim, and especially if that victim is 'unpopular' - which applies to all aspies. :(



#43 Canopus

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Posted 09 December 2014 - 06:46 AM

If only teachers did stop it, but often they don't - especially when there's only one victim, and especially if that victim is 'unpopular' - which applies to all aspies. :(


They are teachers, not policemen. I have never heard of any instances of teachers stopping bullying in a posh fee paying school. Therefore if teachers in mainstream schools stop bullying then they are going out of their way. Remember that posh fee paying schools were the prototype on which mainstream schools are based.

#44 Laddo

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Posted 09 December 2014 - 08:37 AM

If only teachers did stop it, but often they don't - especially when there's only one victim, and especially if that victim is 'unpopular' - which applies to all aspies. :(

 

 

When I was at primary school I was bullied by most of the teachers as well as the kids. This included the headmaster, too. Once he suspended me for 'spitting blood' after some kid punched me in the face and split my lip. The kid was not punished at all



#45 Mihaela

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Posted 21 December 2014 - 09:17 AM

What a proud man he must have been.  I've heard so many stories like this where the bullied child is seen as the problem.  This especially happens when the victim is 'different' and the bully is 'normal' and 'popular'.  It shows up so many school anti-bullying policies as mere empty words that simply look good.

 

Canopus said: "Remember that posh fee paying schools were the prototype on which mainstream schools are based".

They certainly were, and the schools of the English-speaking world still harbour many of the class-ridden traditions - prefects, 'houses', religious assemblies, uniform, mottoes, crests, deference, 'Sir' & 'Miss', single-sex schools, sex-segregated sports (we owe school sports entirely to the 'public' schools), 'faith' schools, etc. Corporal punishment still even exists in many commonwealth countries.  (It only ended after a long struggle here thanks to EU legislation). England has the most ridiculously complex system of schools in the world.


Edited by Mihaela, 21 December 2014 - 09:33 AM.


#46 Canopus

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Posted 21 December 2014 - 04:34 PM

we owe school sports entirely to the 'public' schools


Last year I mentioned how Michael Gove's curriculum reforms to the PE lessons increases the amount of competitive team sports.

http://www.asd-forum...-pe-curriculum/

I have encountered several parents who question the utility of competitive team sports in NC PE lessons for life in the real world. They think that team sports are best reserved for school sports clubs with the NC PE lessons concentrating more on teaching kids useful life skills like how to swim, ride a bike, and physical fitness.

#47 Mandy333

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 01:36 PM

If my son is bullied at school again, I would certainly call the police, if the school did not do anything about it.

After all if  I was thumped in the street the police would be called and the offender dealt with, so why isn't a child afforded the same protection in Law?

I spoke to a mother recently with NT normal children aged 14 and 16 and the are being bullied on the bus, and I mean followed jumped on kicked and spat on, and the Police asked them to 'keep a diary' well if that were me I would report the local Police to the Chief Constable. 



#48 Mihaela

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 03:35 PM

The police themselves still commonly indulge in a little bullying of autistic adults, so where can we turn as victims?  My experience of the police has been one of humiliation, intimidation, victimisation and discrimination. 

I was even arrested after desperately seeking their help when living with a psychotic, knife-wielding, fire-raising woman who howled at the moon.  The mental health services should never have allowed her to move in with me, and never told me she was dangerous, and had been 'sectioned' over 12 times.  I'd called 999 four times over three days, and their first three responses were atrocious.  So much for protecting the public. The third time, I was so terrified for my life, and their attitude was so indifferent that I showed them that I carried a vegetable knife in an autistically naive attempt at emphasising how very scared I was.  I was about 2 or 3 feet outside my garden gate, on the pavement at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac.  I was immediately arrested for possessing of a 'bladed weapon' in a 'public place' by a gloating, sadistic, thug in uniform.  I never struggled, but was hand-cuffed and taken miles away to the cells, quiety going insane, crying and regressing to the emotions of a four-year old.  I had a meltdown in the car, and all I got were taunting and insulting comments.  This happened a few years ago before I was diagnosed.  When I was eventually interviewed, the very pleasant female officer immediately knew that I was totally harmless, and very afraid.  I was advised to accept a caution, and only did so because I wanted to get back to my cats as soon as possible, for I was afraid for their safety.  To cut a long story short, It took a visit to the local mental hospital, and a fourth 999 call to eventually have the poor woman removed - she was 'sectioned' for 12 weeks.  I could give many examples of police stupidity, incompetence and cruelty.  Too many of them in the job for the wrong reasons and have psychopathiuc traits.  The work attracts these types.

It's a scandal that children bullied at school have no legal protection.  The police tend to view it as a matter between the school and the parents.  They're notorious for not protecting bullied children.  How on earth could 'keeping a diary' protect a vulnerable child against bullying?   It makes me so angry!  As a child, I was the victim of intense daily bullying between the ages of 11 and 15ish and all the teachers turned a blind eye.  I could write a book about how much the authorities truly care about child protection.  Years ago I worked for the police, and I didn't like what I saw, and their culture seems to have barely changed. 



#49 Waterboatman

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Posted 14 April 2015 - 01:32 AM

Bullying can be a life long problem. If it is then something is very remise with the victim.

 

With the young its important that older more capable people sort the problem out, what ever the cause or provocation.

 

Parents can be at fault for their children's suffering, simple stupidity, intelligent people can be stupid as well.

 

Bulling occurs simply because the "victim" differs and can not defend themselves!

If you are the parent,  ensure that your child blends in or can defend themselves, or both, it helps a lot! 

 

If all else fails with the school, try another, or home-school, do not expect anything from the state, your child is your responsibility no one else's.

 

I know morphine speaks for me, but I am angry, I hate stupidity, parents putting their children through hell, simply because of political correctness or some other nonsense.

 

Get this through your thick heads, your children are your responsibility! Thankless as it is!  



#50 Mihaela

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Posted 14 April 2015 - 09:31 AM

Good reply, WB.  Parents of bullied, autistic children, must never forget that bullying doesn't end with school, and many of us continue to be bullied, tormented, insulted, etc. throughout our adulthood, especially those who are emotionally still very childlike. 

 

I may well be at the high intelligence of the spectrum, but my emotional development never caught up with my intellectual development - and never will.  They call us 'high functioning' but we can have just as many difficulties in life as those on the 'low functioning' end of the spectrum - and often even more, because we lack the support we need.  It's high time professionals understood that simple fact. 


Edited by Mihaela, 14 April 2015 - 09:33 AM.


#51 dgeorgea

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Posted 31 May 2015 - 05:41 PM

I once got the cane for breaking school property, I attacked a wooden ruler with my knuckles while talking to a friend during class and did not realise the ruler was there and so broke it with my stationary hand. Though there were plenty of things I got away with so swings and roundabouts I guess.

 

When my daughter started secondary school I made it clear that I was happy for them to deal with bullying in accordance with their policies, as long as it was dealt with. On the other hand I do believe physical assault is not bullying but assault and if they didn't deal with it I would through the police. Actually the school was very good at dealing with bullying. One method they would use would be to sit them separated in a hall and ask them to write down their account of what happened. If you were caught lying you were suspended. I know one occasion where the bully confessed but to of their friends tried to cover for the bully. They were immediately suspended and their parents called for.

 

I got the same advice as some of the men here, and took it to heart. One reason I quickly got kicked out of mainstream schooling. It didn't stop the bullying, but I did get better at hurting others and seeing no problem in doing so. I also got very good at justifying my actions. Including hanging a kid over a footbridge crossing a busy motorway. So it is not a piece of advice I would quickly offer to a child, especially one where they might take what you say literally.



#52 Mihaela

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 06:59 AM

School anti-bullying policies are often little more than PR exercises.  A school may well deal effectively with a single bully, but when a group of bullies target one child, they are too often reluctant to blame the bullies, and either turn a blind eye or try to find fault with the victim or his/her parents.  It's much easier for schools to do this, and politically safer.  Often the result of this unwritten policy is that the victim is moved to another school, or sometimes home-educated.  I've known of many cases like this. 






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