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undiagnosed 36 yr old asperger male how can I get him urgent help. sensitive nature

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#1 zappashouse123


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Posted 09 January 2015 - 11:00 PM

Hello all, this is my first time posting here. I need urgent advice regarding my 36 year old brother. before i go into the details of what has happened this week I shall talk a bit about what has gone before. My brother has never been diagnosed with aspergers but I would bet my life on him having the condition (my son was diagnosed age 2 so I know the signs!!!). we can't get him any help. He won't go to his GP. He has always lived at the family home with no job and this has created tensions between him and mum & dad. He is very intelligent but won't communicate with his parents at all.  Out of the blue 18 months ago he got a job and we were all so happy for him. He still is with the same company and this summer he announced (by a note left in the kitchen) that he was moving out and renting a house. Again, we were all really happy for him - especially my parents who are now 76 and 71 years old. All was well, my brother seemed fine at Christmas.


Then crash... this wednesday I had a frantic phonecall from my mum. She was at the hospital with my brother, he had stabbed himself in the stomach. His work had rung her to say he hadn't turned up, she went to his house but couldn't get him to come to the door. She called the police. When he came to the door he collapsed and was rushed to hospital. Very fortunately it was a shallow wound and he is fine. Yesterday he was seen by the risk assessment person. She said he was fit to go home which was a shock to us all. (i live 80 miles away so wasnt there at the time). If I had been there I would have said he needs to be seen by a hospital psychiatrist .Our trouble is that we don't know his intent  - was it a cry for help or was he meaning to do REAL damage. We need him to get proper help but how can we demand this if he is not willing. 

All advice welcome, thanks

Edited by matzoball, 10 January 2015 - 01:59 AM.
***self harm trigger - font colour changed***

#2 Waterboatman



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Posted 10 January 2015 - 03:34 PM

If your brother really is on the ASD scale, then you probably know already he is prone to be stubborn.

I have a diagnoses myself in a few days, and I have most likely tried to do the same as your brother, several times, I failed as your brother did. We botched it, forgetting that there is very small part of our brain, the primal bit, that wants to live, if it spots we are doing something, automatic systems put a stop to it, one way or another.

Talking therapies if it can be arranged quickly will help massively. Having someone who will listen and can prod helpfully. Maybe not the NHS.

Any treatment has to be his idea, getting it to be his idea, is the hard bit.


Unfortunately the "system" as a whole cares not one little bit. And getting anywhere is an almost futile struggle, its made as bureaucratic as possible, mostly to hide there really isn't any money. Not for adults.

Bureaucratic systems need bits of paper stamped, formal diagnoses, getting one is another bureaucratic system. I doubt your brother is going to be able to cope with this. 


If you can get him to use this site, to read other postings, it will enlighten him greatly, it did for me.

#3 Shnoing


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Posted 10 January 2015 - 09:05 PM


Any treatment has to be his idea, getting it to be his idea, is the hard bit.




Furthermore, it may be difficult to find someone who is able to "hear" what he's saying (re. talking therapy).

#4 verbeia


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Posted 12 January 2015 - 12:16 PM

Can I ask, zappashouse, has he ever had help for any mental health problems such as depression? I can see it might be difficult to persuade him to consider that he might have Aspergers, but talking about his hospitalisation and suggesting he might need help for whatever directly led to that could be a start. It could be easier to break it down into dealing with related issues one by one.

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