verbeia

Great news!

I'd agree with those above, autism spectrum conditions are considered to be neurological, and not something you can grow out of - however, your coping mechanisms to deal with social or communication difficulties relating to the condition can change or improve, and you may not outwardly show signs of autism any more. In the case of some of us (suspected in my case!) we get so practised at learning the expected social conduct and responses that hardly anyone would notice - but this can also result having to live behind a mask permanently, whether consciously or not. I'm sure I've heard before of a classification of 'childhood autism', but I'm not sure if this is given because it's seen as too early to give a diagnosis of a lifelong condition because the person is too young or it's unclear. Some behaviours in young children could be misinterpreted as autism, and maybe this diagnosis is given when it's unclear?

I guess the point I was making was that it was actually a social norm at one time to look clean and presentable rather than 'perfect'. The focus has shifted very recently towards an ideal of looking airbrushed, and anyone, ASD or otherwise, who doesn't do that, may be labelled as ugly or not making enough effort. I don't mean necessarily the high-glamour all-over tan, false eyelashes and full make-up, but there is a greater expectation to tick a lot more boxes while still looking 'natural' - slim, straight teeth, completely smooth and clear skin, no bodily hair (in the case of women), no visible blemishes, smooth, freshly-styled looking, straightened hair, without a hair out of place. If you go back two or three decades, and look at photographs of the majority of everyday folk, many people of today would label them ugly or not taking enough care of their appearance. I accept some people with ASD may have problems with executive functioning that mean they neglect actual hygiene and cleanliness, and some will chose clothes for physical comfort rather than flattering, fashionable or well co-ordinated clothing. But is it the case that many more people with ASD are living up to older-fashioned basic standards of what constitutes a presentable appearance, and don't see why they should go to the much bigger efforts more widely expected today? The example I gave you of people telling me I should get cosmetic dental surgery, is such a case, I think. I don't have that much money, and my teeth are natural and not 'bad' as far as I'm concerned, I just have a slight gap at the front. But 'getting work done' is such a catchphrase these days. Older members of my family can't believe people would think cosmetic treatment is necessary, younger ones think it looks hideous. As for being overweight, that can very often be linked to anxiety or depression, lack of exercise (especially if you spend most of your time in the house), and poor eating habits due to poor executive function or organising skills.

I can quite understand Thomas wanting a diagnosis, if it opens the door to support at work. There are enough people who are sceptical about the existence of Aspergers, and they are even less likely to believe a self-diagnosed person. I doubt it would make a difference in my own workplace, as medical conditions are generally considered an inconvenience to the company, and anyone who declares them is considered a lame duck who somehow isn't pulling their weight. I'd like a diagnosis because I think it would change the way my anxiety and depression is considered, and treated. At the moment, I'm medically considered to have mild depression which doesn't stop me from working or being reasonable physically healthy, and without obvious cause such as a traumatic past experience, therefore it's not high priority for treatment. The fact I feel extreme distress outside my home, and can't cope with any social contact, falls off the radar.

I've never heard of him!

I think Harry Potter successfully combines many proven aspects of children's literature, as seen in work by Enid Blyton, CS Lewis, and old-style comics and annuals. The 'fun' boarding school were kids get up to adventures away from their family/parents, the 'cheer for your team' thing with the school houses, the scary magic and mystery stuff, the snobby kid who deserves to be taken down a peg or two, and the down-to-earth underdog hero. The language is quite old fashioned, too, not unlike Enid Blyton or Beatrix Potter, giving it an olde worlde feel. That said, I find it all very unoriginal, and just not as magical or well-written as the older works.

While I know what you mean about some individuals with ASD having little interest in fashion, choosing comfort ahead of tight, formal clothing, or in some cases forgoing personal hygiene because of issues with their executive functioning, I find 'ugly' such a loaded term. Not everyone, including many NT people, believe in having all their bodily hair removed. That's a very recent trend, led by Hollywood stars and pop stars who are often seen publicly wearing revealing clothing. Not everyone wants to have dyed and highly styled hair or full make up, not everyone believes you have to be on a permanent weight loss diet, or working on a six pack in the gym, in order to be presentable. The Twitter celebrity culture has promoted this idea of it being 'normal' to be glamorous. For those having employment problems, poverty can have an impact on health, and suffering secondary depression or anxiety can also cause health problems affecting your appearance. I do object when people say I should 'get my teeth sorted out', simply because I have a slight gap, or should wear designer dresses rather than M&S.

Can I ask, zappashouse, has he ever had help for any mental health problems such as depression? I can see it might be difficult to persuade him to consider that he might have Aspergers, but talking about his hospitalisation and suggesting he might need help for whatever directly led to that could be a start. It could be easier to break it down into dealing with related issues one by one.

Good to know, thanks for posting.

I don't know for certain, but parents I know say they know of several children with Aspergers in their children's primary schools, and it sounds like there's an effort by teachers to be inclusive and to encourage other children to be inclusive. But even if she isn't diagnosed, there's more personal development onus on schools now, and if a child is being sidelined or picked on, whatever the reason, they're supposed to identify and try to work their way around that.

Oh my gosh, this sounds very much like me as a kid, and to some extent today, too. (I'm not diagnosed, incidentally, I only have my suspicions.) I think it's really good that she has parents who understand that she isn't being deliberately rude, and also recognise that when she's acting the way she's expected to act in public, it's an effort for her and it doesn't come naturally. I think education and other services for children are a lot more Aspergers-aware these days, and if you did want her to be assessed for a diagnosis, it might give you and her access to more services and simple changes in school/other areas of like that could really benefit her. Just simple alterations to the way classes run or the way teachers talk to her could make all the difference, and hopefully help her understand herself, the world, and her place in the world. Personally, I'd rather my own difficulties had been picked up earlier, before I was conditioned into believing I was always in the wrong/inferior to others, and ended up failing to develop my own views and personality fully because I was concentrating so hard on thinking and behaving the way I thought I should. Anyone with ASD who fully conforms to social expectations can be overlooked and their needs not met.

3 is good, but I think a friendly smiley one like 1 is good too

If people are thinking about safety, then a daytime meet in a place like a coffee shop in a town or city centre might put them more at ease

A lot of people do get seasonal affective disorder, and that's not just people with ASD, but increased sensory sensitivity *could* make an individual more sensitive to it. I've tried light therapy for it but it didn't do much. I've had far more success with wearing warm and comfortable clothes, and trying to stay warm and dry. I found it was being affected by cold, rather than dark that made a difference.

I've found antidepressants have generally lowered my anxiety and irritation levels. One thing I do find gives some relief is my own sounds. I often listen to an MP3 player. I know this is akin to wearing earplugs or headphones, but if I can focus on another sound, that helps, especially a sound that's comforting, reassuring or familiar. It doesn't have to be music, either, if there are ambient sounds you appreciate.