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#1 MartianTom

MartianTom

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Posted 08 June 2016 - 09:09 PM

I'm a 57-year-old male who was only diagnosed last year, after a lifetime of difficulties and misdiagnoses (depression, anxiety disorder, etc).

 

At last... my life makes sense to me!

 

On the whole, the diagnosis has been positive.  Having said that, I still live with anxiety from day to day.  At least now I know what's causing it.

 

I still get down days, too.  There's one paragraph in my diagnosis, in the summary, that is inclined to send me spiralling down...

 

The problems noted above have interfered with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and work, and an inability to attain life goals.

 

Sometimes, it makes me feel as if my life has been wasted.  It makes me wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd been diagnosed in childhood.

 

But there it is.  I have to let it go.  I have to move on.

 

Anyway... it's good to be here.  I look forward to meeting you all.

 

Best regards,

 

Tom



#2 Tomar

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Posted 09 June 2016 - 07:31 AM

Hi Tom

 

I like your "have to move on " attitude.

 

I'm exactly the same as you - I was 53 when I was diagnosed last year.

 

I go for long walks to get rid of the depression & anxiety, it works for me. Do you have a way of dealing with things?



#3 MartianTom

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Posted 09 June 2016 - 05:43 PM

Hi Tomar,

 

Writing has always been my 'sanctuary'.  I've written fiction and poetry since I was ten.  At that age, I wasn't interested in playing with the other kids.  I was always alone in my room, scribbling away.

 

So, I suppose you could say that it's my escape.  The thing is, though, it's double-edged.  I find it hard to do for sustained periods (I have a short attention span) - and when it isn't 'working' properly, it leads me to anxiety and disillusionment.  It's like, I can't do the only thing I feel that I want to do.

 

I used to take anti-depressants, but I stopped once I got the diagnosis.  I've always enjoyed running, so exercise helps - getting those endorphins going!  I like walking, too.  And I do meditation, off and on.  In recent years, I've been drinking too much.  I've tried stopping, but life almost becomes unbearable.  I don't think of myself as an alcoholic, because I can go for long periods without it.  I try to keep tabs on it, too.  Ideally, I'd like to stop.  But it's like Bukowski said: 'When you drink, the world's still out there.  It just doesn't have you by the throat for a while.' (I'm sure he was an undiagnosed Aspie).  I know the score with booze.  I know it's a depressant.  I know that I drink for the wrong reasons.  But it does help me through some really bad times.

 

Now my life makes a bit more sense to me, I tend to feel more positive.  But, like all of us, I can swing from enjoying the good things to dwelling on the bad - and before I know it, I'm spiraling again.  I work with special needs people at a day centre, and that's very fulfilling for me.  I have a lot in common with some of them.  But when I get home, I like to shut my door and be alone - just me and the cat, and some films to watch.  When I'm out and with people, anxiety is always there - in greater or lesser degree.  Films have taken the place of books for me in recent years.  I used to love reading, but now find it very difficult to concentrate for a sustained period of time.  A film, though, is a complete story in an average of a couple of hours - and once I'm absorbed in a film, I feel as good as I can feel (apart from when I'm asleep).  It's escapism, intellectual engagement, catharsis... the whole thing.  I probably watch upwards of 300 films a year.


Edited by MartianTom, 09 June 2016 - 05:45 PM.


#4 trekster

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 03:22 PM

Hello and welcome to the forum. It's great you are becoming more settled and relaxed in your life.

The diagnoses reports can be quite insensitive at times. Have you been offered any post diagnostic support? I'm some areas there are drop in centres for people like us. I can look for something similar in your area if you want? Just let me know whereabouts ie which county you live in and will see what I can do.

Edited by trekster, 02 February 2017 - 03:24 PM.





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