Mother in Need

Stressedmumto2, I know exactly how you're feeling. My son has refused to go to school basically since the beginning of this school year and has hence got a VERY low attendance rate. this has now come to a complete breakdown, as his violence in the taxi has been such that they have now refused to take him.. As for statementing, I too had problems getting the school to acknowledge this need for him, for a whole school year I tried and failed. Then I hired a solicitor who requested this directly from the LEA, and we are now on Stage Two. You don't necessarily have to use a solicitor ofcourse, but getting Legal Aid helps to get a clear message across. You can write to the LEA direct yourself and request a statement formally. They cannot refuse to go to Stage One. As your school is not co-operating (though as they have given him 5 hours, they do know he has SEN!) it might depend on you completely via your parental request as to whether the LEA can see the need to go to Stage Two. My parental rep was 90 pages long, and it was worth every page of it, as we are now on Stage Two, despite the fact that the school says they are meeting his needs (yeah yeah). <'> <'> <'>

We are awaiting a vital report from the psychiatric day unit he attended before Christmas, to finish Stage Two. And then comes Stage Three (if they decide to do so), and the writing and wrangling over the contents. How long is a pice of string? I used to home educate, but this is so different. Then I taught my three kids in the day time and worked evenings and weekends, as dad was the babysitter. This gave me a break, and it worked out great. Now I am by myself I have no such luxury as breaks, and as he needs such intense support all day I simply cannot cope. He is now in year 8, and feels there is nothing I can teach him (he is gifted and talented as well, to make matters even more complicated); his ODD makes it extremely difficult ofr me to teach him anything. So no, I am not looking forward to this.

Well, the update. The taxi did not show up this morning. When I rang them they told me they could no longer take him... I sort of expected this, but it would have been nice if someone had told me... I am still waiting for the transport officer of the LEA to ring me back... don't expect it to be today anymore... Talked to the parent partnership lady who was great and got the education welfare officer involved who seemed to have no interest in getting him back to school, and who would not accept that it was the fact that the school was not meeting his needs that made him this phobic... He did talk about home schooling and will get back in touch regarding this... So now I am stuck with him at home... Oh please let that statement be done soon and be implemented...and let it contain the help that he needs i.e. fulltime 1-2-1 though EVERYONE so far has been telling me that is an impossibility to wish for... I think going mad is MUCH easier to achieve LOL

They're not good at all, Bonnie. The taxi company is now refusing to take my son, due to his violent resistance in going to school, and the education welfare officer is talking about home schooling... I did speak to the parent partnership lady (who got the EWO involved) and she was quite appalled by what has and hasn't happened, and she seems to have taken it in hand, for which I am very grateful. and yes, she seems to know about health care plans as well! But it does look like he'll be home till a statement is finally in place and has been implemented...

I did that, but they said that they cannot dictate to the schools what they should implement, as they are only a health organisation and nothing to do with education. I am going to try again, and am awaiting their return call, but I am not holding my breath..

Mother Eve, which page is that first quote on, I can't find it? Mmmm, looking through those pointers there are very few that his school can actually say yes to, from my experience at least... however, when I quoted a good guidance practice to them the other day in a letter, they went totally balistic, and they now keep telling me that I've got to let 'them as professionals' do their job....... We are seeing the psychiatrist next week and I am thinking to ask him if he could declare my son too stressed out to attend school at the moment, till proper support is in place, i.e. his statement finalised and IMPLEMENTED. Except ofcourse then I have got to deal with him for months to come, 24/7 with absolutely no break, and I don't think I could cope... I think I need a hug! We've tried to communicate via email, but the senco took about 5 days to answer 1/5 of it only and ignored the other 4/5s. That certainly didn't work. My sons communication skills are simply not good enough for those (brilliant!) suggestions Nvapid, and he is dyslexic as well so long writing is out. But the most important hurdle is that he has no real understanding of his own feelings, so most of the time I can only go by his behaviour or I happen to piece remarks together and ask the right questions and only then do I get a picture.

Put that way, you are absolutely right. However, what choice is there when it comes to our kids? Or mine at least...

My son is in mainstream. No, he can not remember when he has to check his bloodsugars etc, though is usually OK to do it if someone reminds him and stays with him to make sure he actually does it. He is able to do his own injection every now and again, but is simply not emotionally able to do it all the time. This would greatly stress him out, so yes, someone would have to do it for him though on the odd time that this would not be possible he could cope as long as he was told this well enough in advance. Thanks Bonnie, this information is very important and I will suggest this to the school!

I had great trouble getting my son into the taxi this morning, and only managed because my eldest (who is over 6 foot tall) manhandled him into it. During his struggles and attempts to get out of the taxi, he was very aggressive and violent and hit his escort. The driver then said that it was too dangerous to take him. I ignored what she said and carried on struggling with him, and in the end they did take him and he went to school (though I have just been asked to come and pick him up...). Anyway, my question is, can the taxi really refuse to take him? I mean, I understand perfectly from their point of view that there is an element of danger, and I do not deny that; we have to deal with that on a daily basis. BUT isn't that why he has a taxi and an escort in the first place, because of his problems? Aren't they trained to deal with this? Can they refuse to take him, and if so, where do I stand?

Thanks Bonnie. Do you know if these health care plans are for ALL ages? My son is 12 and apart from AS and ODD he is also diabetic. He is not able to care for himself, nor for his bloodsugar levels etc, and I have been trying to get the school to take responsibility for monitoring him. He has been very hypo quite a few times (that I know off, and probably loads more times that are unknown...) and I do not wish to wait till something goes seriously wrong. That's why this idea of a health care plan is very appealing, but I am not sure how to go about it, and if the school HAS to do this etc. Is it a legal requirement? How does one go about getting one? Could school be asked to give injections (he is in puberty and is soon going to need an extra injection at lunchtime; I am the one who always does them but obviously don't want to have to go into school 5 miles away every day to give it to him)?

thanks jomica, I can now understand why no-one has reacted to this topic. With health care plan I mean a health care plan AT SCHOOL. The ACE handbook states: each pupil's individual needs should be considered when drawing up the plan in conjunction with the parents, and, where appropriate, the child and child's medical carers. The plan should set out in detail the measures needed to support a pupil in school and often will need to be drawn up alongside an Individual Education Plan

The Ace Handbook states on page 104 that the local authority has to provide transport if the child does not live within walking distance to school. Walking distance is two miles for children under eight and three miles for those aged eight and above.

Help anybody? I know most children on this site won't have additional physical problems but I have two kids who have, and there must be lots of others as well. I came across the term Health Care Plans in the ACE Handbook, but it does not give much information at all. Hence.........

I fully agree! I will endeavor to spend some time writing and writing the next time I have an hour or so free.... I am awaiting the report from the specialaist psychiatrc day unit he attended before Christmas, they were really good and very understanding, and are recommending intensive support for my son in school. The one problem there is ofcourse, the word 'intensive' is open to a lot of interpretation... Once I've got that report I'll go in fully armed with it and also hopefully witht hat diary of things having gone wrong (which gets added to every single (part)day that I manage to get him there.

Thanks nellie, this is very helpful indeed, i have a copy of the actual book and have just ordered another one to give to the school if they do not seem to have much knowledge of it

Last Thursday (on one of the few-for-me-lucky-days in which I could get my son to school) he was asked to write about some of his achievements at school. Please note the instructions only said 'achievements', nothing about it needing to be positive ones. My son wrote things like 'I managed to dislike my form teacher' 'I managed to stay home on a lot of days' etc. These remarks were as far as I am concerned, all very very true! Negative yes, but he was simply following the instructions as he understood them. However, they really upset his form teacher and he received a good telling off, but not just her but by several others also (all to do with his SEN, they REALLY don't understand him!!! ) As you may imagine, there was no way I could get him to school the next day. Desperately needing a break, I bribed him into attending school today, which only just worked. Anyway, while at school several other members of staff (incl administrative staff) remarked on his piece of writing and on how naughty he had been etc. Guess what, there is no way I am going to get him back into school tomorrow. Should his writings have been passed from person to person, or is there some rule or regulation that should have protected my son from that?

Could anyone tell me anything about health care plans? For which children are these? Are they limited to certain age groups? Do schools HAVE to have them, or are they only recommendations?

Is there anything legal anywhere that relates to home/school diaries and the collaboration between parnts and teachers?

Lainey, did I get that right that your son did not behaved well at school and hence his teacher punished him by taking away a favourite activity from home???????????????????? Aren't teachers supposed to have their own punishment system in place (well and truly adapted to the abilies and understanding of our kids ofcourse) and their 'powers' do not run over into their private home times? Apart from this, delayed gratyfication and delayed punishing is way too complex for your son to be abble to understnad, so in my opinion you have just lost a day all for nothing. He won't understand anything anyway, and hence won't learn and improve.

Baddad, please do ! I also wished I had known about them before, that would have some a lot of clothing and a few boxes of paperclips LOL, not to mention pins and anything else small and dangerous... My idea was to pass the word around so others could use the plessures of them, hence putting them under top tips is a brilliant idea, so way to go! It took the O/T two months to track them down, buy them from the States and bring them to me, it took me from Firday afternoon till Monday morning to find the English distributor and get their price out of them! My experience is that the chewy tubes pretty much look the same after several weeks of solid chewing. Chewing gum looks disgusting (too me anyway), is dangerous to the user (due to swallowing) and it is definitely banned everwhere. Now, I took my son into a meeting with the SENCO on Frday, and the first thing she said to him was "Do you really neeld to do that?" my son continued chewing and said "Yes, I do". Then the SENCO replied "No, you don't", looking at him in such a way as to saying 'you'd better remove it or else'. I stepped in at this point and said very clearly "Yes he does need to do that, it is a special stressreliver given to him by an O/T who was concerned over finding safer items for him to chew on" CONVERSATION OVER, SENCO LOSSED AS SHE COULD NOT GO AGAINST THE ADVICE FROM ANOTHER PROFESSIONAL Don't think you could get away with the bubble gum that way now could you? Yes the chews do make the kids stand out. But to be honest, my kid already stands out like a beacon. I think standing out that bit more may only make it clearer to other students (oops, typed stupids there by mistake LOL) that he is actually disabled and not just some freak and retard (sorry no offense meant to anyone, it is just that this is what he is being called behind his back and what his older brother is being teased with constantly). I think his imagine can only improve this way, by understanding of his needs,and by the alleviation of his stress.

My son of 12 can often not remember what has happened during a meltdown. The bigger the meltdown, the less likely that he simply cannot remember it. He is such a little baby afterwards, needing lots of hugs and saying/whimpering things like: Mum? What happened? Did I? No I didn't! I didn't do that. Mum, mum..etc. As he can't remember, he also feels that he didn't actually do it.

Had yet another meeting with a SENCO today, and she was being rather, well, feeling professional and knowing better and basically (well no, straight to my face) kept saying that I should leave the matter of them educating my son in their professional hands). I pointed out in response that I was a professional too, I was his mother and knew more about autism then them, and I was also a professional teacher, and that we should work together. That comment was ignored. Then my request for good communication via a home-school book was refused (see other thread). My son meanwhile had had enough and became his usual self (which he normally does not display in school, hence their reluctance to believe me) and became very obstinate and loud and so on, and ended up walking out of school altogether. When I then informed the SENCO that he also has a dx of ODD she just laughed and said 'that covers 40% of the children in this school then'. She didn't have a clue.

O yes Nellie, B E A utiful!!! Thanks!

Paul's group is a great one and I strongly recommend anyone joining it, or at least coming to take a look. I have to admit it was invaluable to me, and helped me loads in the beginning, and then a link was put in to this group and I'm afraid I now spend more time here than there due to there always being so many people on here and time-restrictions on my part; I should really be in bed by now, have had a long two days. But I mean it, Paul's group is great!

I was given some chewy tubes by an OT to help my son contain his chewing as a he was chewing everything that would go into his mouth, paperclips, small sharp items, buttons, his hair, his shirt, whatever he could put in his mouth would go in. His clothes looked quite disgusting... anyway, these chewy tubes are absolutely great. Apparently they are specially designed for people who need to chew in order to strenghten their jaws for medical reasons. Well, my sons jaws are well up to any kind of job as you may have gathered, and once used to this item (it's another change isn't it, and had to be gradually introduced and left out and managed and all that) it is a great stress reducer! I I would like to recommend it to anyone whose child has chewing tendencies. They are called chewy tubes, they are red though there are some other colours for slightly different purposes like very young children. They cost ?4.90 each + p&p and can be ordered from Kapitex on 01937 580211. If you want to see what I'm on about, I hope this links works: http://www.kapitex.com/index.page.php?page...hewytubes-range Oops, hopefuly somene clever will soon come round and sort out the link...