Jump to content

Mother in Need

Members
  • Content Count

    544
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Mother in Need

  1. Thanks Jomica, will look into this. I am meanwhile trying to visit other schools in the area (though this is not ideal as it means driving up and down to school twice a day, cutting my 'respite' time even shorter, and somehow having to juggle it with picking DS2 up at the same time), now that DS! is off school for study leave he can help me out a ibt with his care while I go se the heads etc. As for his own school, I have still not heard anything from them, though from the clinical psychologist I have heard that she has arranged a meeting with the school for Thursday (and she has invited me).
  2. It sounds like you're all too familiar with all this.... I am having serious difficulty for anyone to take the situation seriously. They all go on about how they want the best for him, but then say that there is nothing they can do till the end of July for one thing, October the other, that they're doing everthing they can, etc, but that there just isn't the funding to help all the children that need urgent help... He has had two visits to CAHMS but they have now said nothing more till end of July. I have emphasized everything, I have pushed and cried and stressed I am not coping but they simply say we will manage... I have asked the school for help on numerous occasions and sent them yet another letter on Monday, but us usual there has been no reply from them at all... I so wish I could change his school, or even move out of this accursed beautiful area which has no funding nor care for anything or anyone, but then I would have to start the fight for my other son all over again as well (apart from many other reasons why I can't move) so it won't help us at all. The info on the emergency 1-2-1 assistance is very useful, and I have just written to the LEA requesting this. Thank you!
  3. Oh Oxgirl, that is exacly my son!
  4. Oh Oxgirl, that is exacly my son!
  5. Well, good news and bad news. The EWO was actually very understanding, and signed him off school for medical reasons. He will also talk to the school, psych etc, and see what can be done for him. But, the psychologist yesterday told me that he won't get any mental health treatment till the end of July..................when I complained about the time scale she empathised that they are NOT a crisis intervention team, they do not do that............(so if they don't then who...........)...............she also said that I am strong and resourceful and therefore I'll cope....................yeah right.............things may seem to disintegrate at times but they'll always sort themselves out again.........yeah right that's why he resorted to trying to kill himself................ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh, and 4 days after my letter to school they still haven't contacted me................. Is anyone actually listening to me (the profs I mean)?
  6. My 9 and 13 year old and a bath/shower... nope, definitely don't go together, and definitely both need a hell of a lot of prompting (for days on end) before they'll go in (after I've run it/set it), and then they'll stay in so long I have to prompt them out again.... My kids (DS2+3) fortunately don't shout as much to know where I am but will either ask a question, or come and find me, all this is only to ascertain that I am still there for them, a lot of the time I think it is purely needing reassurance that all is fine and mum is where she 'should' be, I think it stems from insecurity and the need to know they are not left alone/behind. An example out of the house is when we are going for a walk, and DS2 has to do up his shoelaces; if I even start moving on before he is ready (and I still have to refuse to do it for him), he will get really upset and then oppositional because he is afraid I might walk on and leave him behind; it is based on pure raw fear, even though I have never left him behind he still fears it. Example indoors is if they are watching a movie together, one or the other will keep coming up with little excuses or just to give me a hug. Endearing maybe, but those are usually the times I use to write a letter or something and their constant interruptions drive me nuts and stop me from getting on with it.
  7. Well said Bard! I sometimes say things to all my kids that I regret afterwards, NT and AS alike; usually when I am really tired or simply can't cope for a moment. sometimes I say things I do not regret saying, and might not have said if I hadn't been so stressed, and that is sometimes OK too, as it makes the boys a bit more aware that mum has needs too. I constantly have to remind myself that I am only human, not a mum and a maid and a nurse and a psychologist and a cook and a cleaner and a taxi driver and a first aider and a wrestler and a umpire and whatever else more, all in one, all the time! I am not a goddess with superpowers so sometimes I simply cannot do everything right all the time (well, alright, most of the time), however hard I try.
  8. It's just so disgusting how they took the kids away simply because of her comment about burning the house down........... how often don't we all say something like that, or at least think it? Why can't they simply recognise the amount of stress thta's behind it, and help that poor family? (and so many others)
  9. Thanks ladies. The reasons behind his depression etc are clear to me, and are numerous, and all need to be addressed for him to be able to go on with life. Having a brother with AS and ODD, needs not met at school, being bullied at school, having had fits for a year and still no treatment, all add to the 'concoction' of his many emotions. He is now being seen by a psychiatrist and psychologist, and in two weeks time will finally have an appointment with an appropriate medical specialist, but none of this would have happened had he not tried to commit suicide and had I not pushed so incredibly hard afterwards......... this should not be at all. Now I've got to get school to take action, and I thinkthey ar ethe most difficult of the bunch....... unfortuantely not much choice re school in this area............
  10. Thanks again JsMum!!!! Well, I've managed to ring Young Minds, and they will send me info plus have a specialist advisor ring me back (within the next 7 days, why does it always feel so long). I have nearly finished the letter to school (and will copy it to many others like ed psych etc) and will deliver it later (if I can get DS3 to even go in that direction that is), and then wait and see school's reaction, and take it from there. Meanwhile DS3 is still very depressed and bored, but won't accept any ideas for things to do...
  11. Between you all, everyone is convincing me to go for a full statement, and I can now see the relevance of it, esp as that means that all his needs will HAVE to be assessed urgently! I will wait till I see the clinical psychologist again on Wednesday, who was going to consult with the psychiatrist who's been away, and then see if I can get her to support me in relation to the school and his education, and ask her what she feels needs doing, hopefully she says the same as all of you, statement starting and lots of help in place before he can even be asked to go back. However, it is only a 3-class school, so they definitely won't have any TAs to spare till that statement is in place. Would the LEA pay for one for now, so he can start to access his education, or won't they do that till they have decided whether to assess or not etc?
  12. Thanks Karen. I have indeed contacted Parent Partnership, and hope to hear from them tomorrow, BUT with DS2 they were helpful up to a point and then suddenly put on their LEA's hat and became obstructive, so I am doubtful as to how useful they can be this time, but as you say, maybe it is different with mental health needs (mind you, DS2 has to stay in a psychiatric day unit for 6 weeks before attitutes started changing in our favour, so mental health certainly came into it as well). Fingers crossed! I've got that publication here, and have skimmed through it and marked some places that seem really useful as pointers.
  13. Will try to make loads of phone calls tomorrow, but as I will have DS3 here with me, and I do not want him to become more anxious, I may find finding the right moment difficult.
  14. Very nicely put Karen! Considering he hasn't been in class at all this term, he is certainly not accessing any education. I will put this in the letter I am preparing, it is so stupid that school still hasn't done ANYTHING at all to help him, though they have not forced him to be in class, they have just left him (by himself) in the hallway or dumped him in the little class, with no work... I drove past school earlier on and gosh you should have seen his reaction, panic instantly... this way of putting it of yours Karen is one that I can use when applying for a statement as well. I still have not managed to find anything else connecting mental health to SEN, other than very vague references, despite so many wonderful links having been passed on to me. Thanks for that everyone, esp JsMum!
  15. Thanks, I have got The Code, but will have a look at those links. Again, in the code, I cannot find anything very specific to this at all. Can't answer further now, DS2 won't leave me alone.
  16. I have, but I don't know if I have enough to go on, his needs are all still so 'vague' (but very real!) at the moment. Also, it is such a long and hard process, if he got one it wouldn't be for quite some time, and he needs help now, not in 6 months (well yes he might, but you know what I mean). And I simply do not have the fight in me, it is normally hard enough coping with DS2 that I really am not managing with all this with DS3... first things first really.........immediate survival.
  17. My Youngest has serious mental health problems (depression, suicide attempts, etc), hasn't been in his class since the beginning of term and out of school for the last few weeks as he can totally not cope. School has so far not been helpful, and I have been summoned to a meeting with the EWO to explain his low attendance figures... A) I have to explain things to the EWO (whom I have had dealings with for my AS son and he isn't one of the good guys); he hasn't had any education at all for months; C) I need the respite school gives; D) he needs the distraction of organised education; E) he desperately needs contact with other children. So I am working on a letter to send to school and the EWO, ed psych etc, to ask them to actually HELP him... I have explained the situation in great detail, going into physical (fits) & mental health issues to bullying to other unrecognised needs at school. In my dealings with school so far this year, they won't recognise his needs, he isn't even on SA or SA+ despite external involvement (ed psych, dyslexia teacher, SALT referral, psychiatrists etc). For him to be able to even be in the building, he needs a lot of help, so I must somehow convince them to put him on SA+ and put lots of stuff into place (and I think for now he needs 1-2-1 as he has run away from school before and I really don't want to have to drag him out of the river again, or worse; he must be kept SAFE). I have been trawling the net, books, SEN code etc, and yet I cannot find much at all about mental health issues and what school should provide, relation to SEN, nothing at all. Does anyone have any ideas?
  18. The Contact a Family lady has already emailed back, and she will come and see me next week! We had another horrendous day on May 28th, he just totally lost it and I ended up having to wade into a river after him to get him back out, (although he was not feeling suicidal at that moment), but still trying to get him back to the car was a nightmare, and a bit later on, if a friend had not been there to grab him, he would have jumped off the wall straight down into the river, this time feeling it was the only way out..................... It took him 6 hours to calm down enough, after which wwe wee all physically hurt and emotionally exhausted... He did see the psychologiest earlier on but ofcourse he wasnt cooperating too much and we both had quite a lot of stuff thrown at us, and the room was shall we say, a bit transformed... But I think it must have given her some of the picture, she said she had to discuss it with the rest of the team which she can't do till next week as the psychiatrist is on holiday...will then hear what (if anything) will happen next.....
  19. Thanks again! Those links were also very useful, will ring them all as soon as I have a moment of peace and quiet (well no, that would mean never, but I'll certainly try and do them at a not too hectic moment.)
  20. Thank you JSMum, you so clearly understand so mcuh of this and that helps me feel a whole load better! A multi disciplinary meeting.........this is Cornwall my dear, though officially these things are supposed to exist, the raw reality is............... May I ask what blood tests and other tests were done for J, as my youngest sometimes has tachycardia as well, but again, only ever once the short ECG has been done, and no blood tests? The more I know, the more I know what to demand for. I will follow those links now and see what I can get out of them. Thanks!
  21. Thanks all for your replies. My eldest (16) also simply does his own thing, or is locked away in his room (he put a lock on his door so his AS brother couldn't come in and stab him, or even simply bother him). I have pushed and pushed for these fits to be investigated, but they're all just saying 'oh he has a migraine' or that it is all psychological (so yes in a way they say he is picking up fits, as a way of getting attention) :wallbash: . BUT I have created such a stink this time that I think they will finally get their act together (urgent referral has been ages already though), but again it is all the time it all takes and meanwhile he is suffering greatly. When he has his next appt with his normal paed for his stomach in a few weeks, a friend is coming along and we're planning to simply stay put till the guy agrees to all the tests; as my son's one of the first of the day, that could cause some interruption! And ofcourse, if I happen to be arrested, SS will have to step in now, wouldn't they... Tried ages ago for a young carer's group, but the ones around here are all so oversubscribed they can ony deal with kids who are the sole carers, not with siblings. GP and psych both told me to keep his anxiety level as low as possible, but that there was no reason he could not go to school.............. he can't cope at school at all, it sends his anxiety levels through the roof.......and how am I supposed to keep the levels down right now during half term, as his AS brother is home.............? Aaaaaagh. They really have no idea, do they...
  22. To make a very long story short, my youngest hasn't been coping well at all lately, not at home nor at school, has been out school for a little now, but this was not enough and he tried to commit suicide last Saturday, with repeated attmepts to get out of the house through to Monday, going as far as holding a knife to my throat to force me to open the door so he could go down to the river to drown himself.............. needless to say, it was all very stressy. Things are going a little better for the moment, though he still has moodswings and I keep a very close eye out on him. A friend is staying over to help me with him, for which I am very grateful. I know that there are many contributing factors for him feeling the way he has, and ofcourse one of them is having a brother with AS and ODD; that's tough, he is often the victim of his violence, but also, as I have to give soo much of my time and attention to my middle one, the youngest feels left out. So does the eldest, who normally just locks himself in his room and stays put there. Are there other siblings who have been this profoundly affected? School is a big problem too, and I feel that one of the reasons for that (the other being bullying) is that he has autistic tendencies but these are not recognised! and he has specific learning difficulties which are also not taken seriously by school. So basically, school has no idea that he has needs, just sees a very bright boy that behaves badly . BUT the clinical psych says (and this is not from tests or an indepth check) that he simply has the wrong role model (AS brother) and picking those behaviours up from him. I don't think that is the whole of it, that his tendencies might be creating problems of their own for him, but what is other people's experiences of all this? Third factor is that he has been having fits for a year now, and again we have not been taken seriously and hence no real tests have been done, but they are affecting his life; directly, by making him feel physically bad, and he tries to punish his body for letting him down by selfharming; and indirectly, by not being allowed to do things he loves, ie sailing. I could use any help here, specific to how to deal with this, how to help my youngets, and how to keep my AS son of my back and not be so damn selfish about anything. Eg, The other night when we had to call an ambulance, when the psych asked him if that had been frightening for him, he replied no, it had been a real nuisance because he hadn't been allowed to go to bed at his usual time............
  23. Received some very good news! I applied in Feb, received a letter a little later stating that it would take 3 months for them to contact us again, then a lady came round and asked lots of questions. She was very nice and very helpful, and she did some research for me afterwards and checked that over with me, she then sent it off to the Family Fund and within a week I had a letter confirming money for a holiday AND for a specialist trike for my son!!! Chuffed over the moon we are!!!!!!!
  24. Struggling with the respite as well, finally have managed to get 2 hours per week BUT social services insist that is ONLY to be used to go out to social situations as they feel he is 'socially isolated'. Worker took him to youth club which he hated (it didn't help that the worker ended up at the cafe just leaving him to it...), and there isn't anything else out here to do without driving 45 minutes first.... She almost refused to come last week, managed to convince her she had to earn his trust again first before going anywhere. According to her he MUST attend a club or something. He just wants to go out walking/hiking in the forests and moors which ofcourse isn't very social. He doesn't WANT to be social............. and anyway, youth club timing interferes with his evening injections and as the worker won't give them to him he has to come home for them... it almost feels as if the respite only increases the need for respite instead of being respite.
  25. Thanks Bid. Aro, I am trying to leave a message, but it won't log me in yet. Does confirmation usually take long?
×
×
  • Create New...