judellie

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, it really helps to know that I'm not alone and that other people care. I will look for some of the book suggestions and will also ring his psychiatrist this week for her advice - she is very approchable. Last week she said about telling ds2, but said nothing about telling M, and I never thought to ask at the time!! Thank you all Jude xx

Thank you for your thoughts and for the links, I'll have a look at them tonight. Although it wasn't unexpected I've found I've been walking around in a daze for the last couple of days, can't get my head together at all. I also thought ds1 might freak at the title of the Luke Jackson book, and I also don't want him to use the diagnosis as an excuse for bad behaviour! Has anyone else found their ds/dd has done this? Jude xx

Hello everyone, I haven't posted for a couple of months as things have sort of settled down a bit since then. However I saw the paed psychiatrist today with ds1's teacher and did the asd diagnostic questionaire with them. The result is that he has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. The paed psych was a little surprised how highly he scored, she thought he would be borderline AS. She also said that because he was so bright he has been masking his problems very well when he has to ie at school. The teacher has said he was no trouble in class and just got on with things, however when asked specific questions it turns out the ds1 hardly ever speaks in class, only when asked a direct question. He never initiates any conversation and will sit doing nothing rather than ask for help! It was quite revealing having his teacher there, she told things that have never been said about ds1 before! Any way, sorry to ramble, my main question now is how do we tell ds1 about this, he is starting to realise that not everyone behaves like him. How would you explain HFA to a 10 (nearly 11) year old. Psychiatrist said to explain things to ds2 (8) as he bears the brunt of ds1 aggression, she recommended 'Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers' for him to read if he was able. I have this book but it may be beyond him at the moment. Ds3 is only 3 and too young to understand, but realises already that big brother is (in his own words) 'always naughty'. Feel totally shattered now, and emotionally drained, although it didn't come as a surprise. Thanks for reading Jude xx

I presume it's about pay increases, or lack of them!

My son's school, in it's wisdom, have decided that only the children in the striking teacher's classes stay off tomorrow, so half the school goes and the other half stay at home. M came home in foul mood today, he has to go in. He hates school at the best of times and one of his 'things' is everything has to be fair. How can you argue that that is fair. He was swearing like mad and has stated catagorically that he is not going to school tomorrow. In his words ' why the hell should I be stuck in that f@@@ing place when half the kids are having fun at home'. Don't the school realise the stress that this causes. Husband is out early tomorrow and I can't physically get him out the house if he doesn't want to. I guess I shall be ringing the school saying why he won't be in tomorrow: and to be honest I can't disagree with him this time. Personally I feel that if the school is open all pupils should go, if they can't staff everyone then the school should be closed. What would you do, let your s or d have the day off or force them to go and suffer the consequences. Jude xx

My son M (10) is passive at school, but usually explodes when he gets home. He's borderline ADHD - only because of lack of symptoms at school, although apparently fidgets a lot. Waiting for AS assessment. He hates school, has done since pre-school, and I can tell there's only a couple of days of holiday left, his anxiety levels are rising rapidly and you can tell he's on the edge of blowing all the time now. He lost it last night because wasn't enough hot water for a bath, broke the tap trying to get the water hot. His dad physically carried him out of the bath on put him in his room. He was very upset after, and we had quite a long chat. He's just started telling us what's bothering him now, which is a major breakthrough. He said he was worried about school and especially secondary school in sept. He's heard stories from other kids and believes them all! He's especially worried about homework. In his words 'Mum how will I be when I get 6 lots of homework a week when I can't cope with 2 lots now?' I just wanted to cry and tell him he'd never have to go to school again, but I can't see home ed working, or his dad agreeing to it! He actually said he didn't want to go back to that JAIL. That's how he perceives it. Jude xx

Hi everyone, Thank you so much for your replies and support, it's good to know I'm not the only one having a hard time with our dear children. Purplehaze - He was refered to the paed psychiatrist, but I think she is part of the Child and Family Guidance team, I don't know if that's the same as CAHMS or not. Karen - I'd never considered Dyspraxia before, mainly because I thought it was general clumsiness and gross motor problems. M's gross motor skills are very good. His obsession for the last 2 years has been skateboarding, bmx and rollerblading, and he's very good at them, no problems with balance or co-ordination at all. He was also a very good goalkeeper and cricketer, until recently. Unfortunately he's given them both up now, he had problems coping with team mates! He's also into music as well and is very good at drums and has taught himself electric guitar since christmas and can play along to various rock songs. I've just looked up DCD and a lot of the rest applies to him, he has real trouble using a knife and fork, his handwriting is awful, he's very sensitive to food textures and tastes and smells in general, and all the emotional and behavioural stuff fits as well. Suze - you're right, borderline dx does us no favours at all in getting him any help, especially next year at school when he goes up to secondary. If the school had reported behaviour like he has at home it would have been a definate ADHD, but he is very different at school to home. From reading through some of the posts this seems to be quite common. Thank you for the warm welcome Jude xx

Hello everyone, I stumbled across this site from a link elsewhere, I think it was the moneysavingexpert site. I'm Jude, married with 3 boys, M - 10, J - 8 and S - 3. It is the eldest M that has the 'issues'. Always had doubts since an early age, subtle behaviours, but there. He saw paed psych in year R after behaviour at home peaked and I asked his teacher if he was ok at school. She said that she had concerns and would refer to paed psych. After a couple of meetings with her she came to conclusion that 'he was on the upper boundaries of normal, but not abnormal'. ie, yes he has AS traits but not enough to dx. School was good and he had IEP and SALT to help with emotion awareness and feeling, facial expressions etc. He then went to Junior school and IEP was dropped and he seemed to settle quite well, at school anyway. Behaviour at home a different matter. I always said he was like a pressure cooker waiting to blow. The pressure built up during the day and he released it when he came home. Too much to describe in detail at the moment. Anyway things got really bad last summer, trying to jump out of bedroom window, self harming on one occasion, very violent, food he would eat got less and less (always been really fussy, if it didn't pass the sniff test it wouldn't get anywhere near his mouth.) Oct last year he started refusing to go to school, saying it was boring( always hated school), the work was too difficult, etc. My theory is that he's very bright, in top groups for everything, and that so far he's been able to cope with pressures on him. Now the work is getting more difficult he actually has to put some effort into it and he can't/won't cope with it. Saw GP Oct half term, without him, because of the disruption and violence at home and referred to paed psych again. (Same woman we saw in year R) Seen twice so far and filled in loads of forms. So far she says he's borderline ADHD - behaviour at school ok, very passive, but different matter at home. And waiting to hear when she'll do full ASD diagnostic stuff. Must ring next week as haven't heard from her for a couple of months. Last time we saw her she also advised that I look up PDA - demand avoidance (also comes under the ASD umbrella), and at home again this does describe him very well. In the meantime we continue to deal with his paddys and abusive language when things don't go as he had planned them. At least he is quieter in the evenings at the moment - a new skatepark has opened in the village (one of his 2 obsessions, the other being music, specifically drums!!). We've found that if he spends 6 hours at the skatepark he's actually tired and calmer in the evenings, usually the worst time. I'm just hoping the weather stays good for the rest of the holidays!! Sorry to ramble, but he's very difficult to cope with at the moment, but I love him to bits. however my husband is coming nto the end of his tether with him I think, but he won't talk about it. He's just fed up with not being able to do anything as a family. My middle son is a particular target of his violence, and almost had a broken nose last week! Anyway, thanks for reading, no doubt I'll be posting about specific issues. Just feel a bit guilty being on the forum with no actual dx, although from the posts I've read so far they are nearly all relavent to us Bye for now Jude xx PS. Dreading Sept when he starts secondary school