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About Elefan

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  1. ok, ive just become a member and have validated my e mail but i cannot find how to post a question, please help. robin dabbs

  2. Hello,


    My name is Oya.(Tugra's mum) I am trying to delete my account but I'm having trouble doing so. I may rejoin at a later date but at the moment I would like to remove my account and all my posts if possible please.


    Thank you in advance and I look forward to hearing from you soon.


    Best wishes,



  3. Elefan

    Spammer alert

    Sorry everyone. We're working on it right now,.... Elefan
  4. Me again! It certainly sounds as if a diagnosis is long over-due so atleast the strategies and support can be tailored appropriately to her and your family. You need to have confirmation of what you are dealing with, for your own sanity! She may not have 'accepted' the tutor for the area, but she is entitled to her education and the professionals have to coordinate their time and efforts to resolve this for all your sakes. Her 'black and white stance' or 'one strike and you're out' rule (very familiar to me!) on this occasion is further evidence for you. In my humble opinion, you have to kind of accept whatever they offer you (I know that's hard - especially if you already know the outcome),...so you're not seen as putting obstacles in the way, and this would include accepting the home tutor. Then, when she refuses to engage with him (or runs screaming from the front door when he arrives!), they have to go back to the drawing board for solutions! It should be a team effort to get her back into education, but it sounds as if you are being left to your own devices far too much. My daughter is in year 8 (Scottish second year), but when she started secondary in September 2008, she imploded!!! It was a transition too far! Whilst you are struggling at home with trying to motivate her to keep her learning going, perhaps your school could recommend websites that she could log onto and do some online learning? I know such websites exist, but I'm not sure how they are accessed. My daughters teacher also sent work home and wrote to her, trying to keep the link there. I also handed in anything she did do (such as home created research or 'projects' like you describe). Anything was better than nothing. If possible, try and keep her in contact with the outside world. If she won't go out, maybe an acquaintance would come in? I know she has siblings, so maybe they can have their friends around so she is 'encouraged' to be sociable to some extent. My daughter would have liked to have been left in her own domain without ever being 'challenged', too. Very good luck with the appointments later this month. I hope there is a sense of urgency for her case and you can perhaps get fast-tracked. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to pull her back from her self imposed isolation. Take care, Elefan
  5. Hi Julia, I don't have a chance to reply properly at this moment, but wanted to at least post a 'quickie'. I have a 13 year old daughter (well, two actually! Only one with ASD though!). She is also a Twilight fan and looking forward to the next instalment later this month! I presume your daughter is obsessed with it and Robert Pattinson!? My daughter has had a long and complex journey through education to date, ranging from having no support/understanding to now being in a brilliant residential special school. She has displayed her ASD very differently, but by no means uniquely, I don't think. I think girls are more prone to inhibiting their difficulties for many years, or perhaps being Jekyll and Hyde depending upon their surroundings. I know my daughter opted for complete school refusal eventually, rather than to truly reveal to them the person she was without inhibiting (and the person we saw at home). By the time secondary school came (she is year 8 now), she couldn't sustain any facade and dropped out of school again, but it was also acknowledged that a mainstream setting wasn't going to work regardless of how much support was put in place. During a period when she was at home for a year (year 5/6), we received 5 hours home tuition from the LA. This did not start until she had been off for almost 5 months though. 5 hours was better than nothing. She still left primary with 4's and 5s in her key stage 2 sats! You shouldn't be on your own with this and you might find a tutor could bring her back on track (from Twilight) more effectively as the tutor won't be as 'familiar' to your daughter and she may work harder for them. In any case, the experiences of a recognised third party would be more evidence for you with regards to highlighting her difficulties in accessing her education. I don't know enough about your daughters circumstances or what sort of support/interventions you are having educationally or from the other services to know what hints/tips to give you. Please feel free to PM or continue this thread. My daughter was the inspiration behind setting up this site! She wouldn't be where she is now, if I hadn't received guidance and support from so many fantastic members who empowered me and opened my eyes to what her rights were. I recommend you have a good look around the topics in Education to begin with. You will inevitably find similar stories and possible strategies. Good luck! Elefan
  6. Hi Debbie, It has indeed been a long time since I saw you post, but I am so pleased to hear about this new chapter in your life. Your Mum would be so proud of you for how independent you have become! Good luck with getting everything prepared and I look forward to hearing how things go in July. Take care, Elefan xx
  7. Hi Flora, Great to hear your experience, but I think most of the credit for the success is because of your patience to ensure the transition process worked. SuzyQ, I am sorry to hear about your daughters problems. I truly hope that the help they are providing enables her to access the right school setting and create a better future for herself and give you some peace of mind. It is something that gets mentioned for my daughter quite regularly just now, too. She got formally excluded yesterday and she attacked a social worker today, too. I have visions of any school that I see saying, 'um,..no thank you' with her track record since she started secondary in September! Lots to do over the next few days..... Bid,...I spoke to someone who's lad was in the year above your boy at the special school he went to! A lad with the same name as yours, too, if that helps! Pm me if you can't work out my code! Night night, Elefan
  8. very interesting observations and good to know, Bid. Thank you. Hiya Jaded! As my daughter has found ingenious ways to avoid school or attending lessons, I personally will eat my own hat if she loves it from day one,..but the point is that your post proves it is possible and gives me hope. I'm off to travel the country to check out schools now. All to be done within the week and I only found out today!!! Take care, Elefan x
  9. Thank you JsMum. I have PM'd you. Mel,...very good luck to you, too!!! I knew I wouldn't be alone!!! Take care, Elefan xx
  10. Thanks you three. I'd be here all night writing a novel to explain why the willingness issue could be a show stopper,...but I will spare you. I have three schools on my shortlist after doing some internet and phone research. I got an email from the LEA official today naming the same three for me to investigate. LEA, CAMHS and SS are on side, but whether they manage to agree on each funding a third will remain to be seen as to how far this progresses. Bads,..how did your son transfer to secondary in september (he and my little one are the same age, I think - year 7)? Elefan x
  11. Hi, I have scoured the topics but can't find something that answers my niggling query! Our LEA and the Special ASD Unit attached to the mainstream school that my daughter attends have concluded that the placement has failed. As a result of other significant factors, everyone is in agreement that the only way she will access her education and receive the therapies she needs is to be in one environment. Home schooling is not an option either. However, she does not want an education and is resistant to being kept away from me. I just don't see how she would 'comply' with a visit to a residential school never mind a couple of nights assessment stay. The school prospectus's state that the child has to be 'willing'! So, what happens to children who are not willing, but all other settings have failed and they are considered too disruptive in the home environment, too? I don't think it is a case of her seeing the right school and suddenly clicking with it and being amenable. In any case, she enthused about the ASD Unit she is currently in before the honeymoon period ended and the position became untenable. As all residentail schools state that if a child is given a place, it is for an initial 3 month period,...I imagine any potential initial willingness will have gone after 3 months and they will be saying they can't work with her either! I know that I won't be alone in this situation, so hope someone can come along and share their experience! Kindest regards, Elefan
  12. Hi Soraya, I was very intrigued about Accipio and have looked further into this. I have a meeting tomorrow with the LEA where I want to push for Accipio and home tuition to be a back-up for my daughters education for the periods where she does not attend school. She was absent for all of 2007, with the exception of 3 weeks, during which I had to wait 5 months for 6 hours a week home tuition to kick in. Can I enquire whether you have Accipio detailed in a statement? If so, is it the primary provision in place of your child having a named school to attend? Thanks in advance for your help. Elefan
  13. Hi Kathryn and all, Thank you for the messages. <'> Deedee,...Blimey,...looks like you will soon know exactly where you stand!!! I will keep everything crossed. Please let us know how you get on! Elefan
  14. Whoa,..interesting stuff! Thank you for the replies. Why is nothing EVER simple!!!!???? My daugter had been out of school for most of 2007. She has been tentatively back in school since January, on her terms (part-time). I know that if they try to throw her to the lions and expect her to cope at a large secondary, with support, but in mainstream, she will vote with her feet and drop-out completely,...from school and any semblence of a happy life. I don't want to see her that 'broken' again. Back to the drawing board,... Elefan <'>
  15. Hi Deedee, Lets hope someone comes along who has been in this very situation! Let me know how you get on! Good luck. Elefan
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