Sooze2

Hiya, DS finnally got a proposed statement yesterday but I'm not sure how much time he will be getting from a TA - he currently shares a TA with a statemented ASD (very placid child - the opposite to DS) boy and there is also another TA in the class to help out part time. I phoned the LEA and they said he has been awarded .7 funding and I said how many hours support will he get from that and she said its up to the school how they spend the money. Ive spoken to the parent partnership lady who told me they have had meeting about whats happening with DS next term and they are probably going to put him in with the same boy and TA again with another TA in there as well that he already knows. So, my question is - do I push for him to have one to one support from a TA allocated to him alone or do I accept that they have his best interests at heart. Parents Partnership said he will probably have 3 afternoons with no support which is what he currently has which includes PE where he doesn't cope because he can't cope with team games so needs support there. In the Ed Phyc report she says that he needs one to one adult support in order to do any work and they included hand writing examples where in one he produced very little messy writing (14 words) in the space of half an hour which was unaided. He still distractable, has no concentration and prone to rudness and outbusts which this other boy doesn't do. Should he have an outside trained ASD TA or is it ok to grab a TA from somewhere else in the school. If they are just using the TA's that are already there surely the LEA money isn't going to be spent on him? If he is happy and supported then I am happy but the other boys parents could be a bit annoyed with this eh! In the pack we were sent it says we can have a meeting with the LEA the discuss changes or just the contents of the statement - did you do this and were things clarifyied as to how how and when support is given or is all the done when the the full statement is issued. I feel I should have the meeting because I would like specific points about the need for one to one support written down so that the school have to do it. I thinm my brain is a wee bit scrambled now!!!

With the till getting the money wrong I would have felt anxious too because even though I would have ended up saving money I would have been scared that the security guard at the exit would somehow just "know" that something had gone wrong and announce very loudly that I haddn't paid enough money and try to "do me" for stealing the extras. I would have ended up standing around for a while thinking about what to do and then telling a member of staff that the machine was going wrong to avoid any unintentional theft on my part. I am annoyingly honest. The dry cleaning sign would really annoy me in a very big way and I would probably need to go into the shop after passing it a few times and point out their mistake. So I'm with you on both counts. I'm not really sure what I am, NT, ASD or other - I'm probably a bit of all as I am seen as excentric by people even though I think I am perfectly normal and they are just weird for thinking I am different! Usually if things just aren't right especially the sign for the special offer for dry cleaning which is not a special offer but a ploy to get people into the shop I would say something to protect others and I ALWAYS annoy people in the process. xxx

Could you take him shopping and let him choose his own socks? My son (also ADHD) used to HATE clothes and new clothes were hidious for him so I had to wash them with loads of fabic conditioner before he would wear them and even then I had to hide his older clothes for a while so he had no choice but to wear the new ones! BUT now I take him shopping and let him chose what he wants, we go to Primark and their boys clothes have a label with Rebel on it which DS thinks is cool becuase he is a bit of a rebel and he will wear anything from that shop now. I though it may be worth a try for you. The main problem we had was that he uses to destroy his socks very quickly at school, he would sit and painstakingly pick any writing out and unpick all the tops so they had bits hanging off them. The TA used to encourage him to sit with his hands together on the top of the desk to stop him destroying everything when he had to sit still! He also had to have his shoes done up so tight it must have almost cut off the circulation to his feet! Its nice to hear that his meds are working, its like a strange wave of calm coming over the house isn't it - my son started Concerta XL a few months ago and he's getting happier by the day since taking it. Good luck.

Thanks Sally, thats reasuring. What you say makes sence - it's understanding that she has the problem with in every way. All I have to do now is try to get her inside the doctors! Thanks for taking the time to reply. x

<'> <'> <'> What an awful situation for you when life is stresful enough. The main thing that stood out for me is the fact that she is babying your son yet his younger siblings are expected to be independant - there is a danger that they will start to resent him and her as time goes on which can become a problem too. Perhaps you could explain to her that you have been told that consitancy is the biggest key to improving his behaviour and once you as Mum say something it can't be changed like - "if you don't eat your cereal you go to school hungry" he's trying to control every situation and if he thinks there is a tiny chance that he can make you back down he will fight tooth and nail until you do - your Mum stepping in and giving him the bread and honey reinforces to him that its worth having a tantrum every time just incase he may get what he wants evenually and he will do it every time even if it only works one time out of 100! My son would do exactly the same and I never gave in to him even if he screamed and kicked me in the park/outside school etc because it just made things worse for weeks afterwards if I did. The Gradparents thought I was really mean and used to go around saying "oh shame he/she's upset" but they aren't living in my house and I know for a fact that if it was my DH or me doing it as a child we would have got a hard smack or two and sent to our rooms for the day instead. I think you are doing the right thing and your Mum is in the wrong here and is must be unbearable! I really feel for you. Could you buy some books on ASD for her to read? Amazon have loads to choose from. Sometimes our kids push the boundaries because they need to know that the rules stay the same so they can feel safe and your mum giving in everytime may be making him feel insecure and unsure of himself and his little world. What is he like when its just you looking after him and he knows your mum isn't coming round? Up until recently my DS would get really stressed when he knew people were comming round here, every little thing would cause a majour tantrum and he just wanted to be left alone. I think you left it in a good way, she has your son when you arranged and doesn't come to your house and mess up your routines - don't worry about upsetting her because it will mean you can spend time with your younger ones and she can't interfear with how you do things. Would she have liked her mother interfearing with her parenting? I don't think so somehow. Ive not been in the situation myself - our parents don't help at all but I'm starting to think that is a blessing these days. <'>

Sorry , I was needing a bit of TLC because my first has difficulties and always has so I don't know what Mrs Average acts like, do average kids do this sort of thing at over 6.5. Not seen her freinds do it but don't want to start the whole harrowing process if I don't need to. Weve only just sorted DS out and still going through statementing (or not!) process for him so don't want to go through it all with her if she's just a bit highly strung. Just don't know what to do for the best and a bit down about the prospect of it all really with no family support ot just seems endless and lonely sometimes!

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiya, Following on from my post about one of my twins the other week, this morning she was supposed to have a hearing test at school and point blank refused to go into the room. I wasn't surprised and had warned the nurse that she would probably not want to do the test so she has now been referred to the hospital for them to do it. Problem is that I know she won't do it there without massive amounts of bribes etc etc which I will have to think about and offer something big to get her in the room! How bad is that! Anyway do average kids act like this - is it common or should I now be going to the doc for a referral. Her twin is now at the stage where she is explaining conversations to her while we are all talking because she doesn't understand what we are talking about (hearing but not understanding). To be honest my confidence as a parent has now gone back down to where it was when DS was in year 1 and I just feel like I can't be bothered to go through it again. To add to that the lady who has been so helpful with DS said a while ago that girls don't have ASD so I know this one will be harder - if I decide to persue it. Perhaps since she is so nice at school (in class) I should just let her stuggle on with everything else and drop it.

Aw, thanks everyone. When I went to pick him up the teacher said - ah no emotional reunion here then ! Nice. I was keeping my mind blank just in case he kicked off but thought there was no need for that - he doesn't do affection in front of others ever and anyway its none of her business is it? She told me how good he'd been etc then one teacher asked if the girls had missed him, when they said no he didn't know where to look. He had a fantastic time and was full of it all weekend so well worth it. He has also been really laid back all week end so maybe this could be the start of a change for us. Oh, FIL doesn't have him at their place - they babysit for a couple of hours on my birthday each year. Thanks again

I'm dreading it! Enid - 3 replies = 3 lots of hugs, thankyou.

I can see the GP's point really. When DS was small I bought an attatchment to go over his seat belt clip thats slides down after the belt has been done up to stop them being able to unclip it them selves. I think I bought it online from Great Little Trading or one of those type places. I must add that DS was about 3 and he figured out how to undo it within about a week but it's worth a try. In the end I scared the life out of him by telling him in great detail what would happen if I crashed the car and he had no seat belt on, I had to really lay it on thick and scare the pants off him but he got the message in the end and stopped doing it! Sorry just editing to add, what also worked was to stop the car and tell him you are not moving off untill the seat belt has been put on and stays on and then just sit there untill he does it - luckily I smoked so I just used to get out of the car and have a fag while he screamed blue murder about it for 20 minutes! You could say "it's a shame, we were going to buy some sweets but I guess we won't have time to go to the shops now since we are just sitting here instead! etc. You have to do it when you have a magazine or something to read and just stand your ground till he gives in no matter how long it takes. Or if he's looking forward to going out but refuses to buckle up, just calmly get out of the car take him inside and tell him you are staying in because he can't ride in the car if he won't wear his seat belt, no discussions and ignore his tantrums over it. Or make him walk if its a short journey. He'll soon get the message.

Hum I wondered about that. I haven't written anything that I would want to hide so I don't mind about it being found - tis all about me being adopted and how surprising it was to find that blood family (especially on Birth fathers side) are so amazingly like me and the boys/men all have similar personalities to my son etc etc - hence the genetic link blah blah. Twas very late night ramblings and I got a bit hippyish over our personalities and charaters being formed before we are born. All very boring - man

I'm not looking forward to picking him up this afternoon after school! I feel so guilty. I haven't missed him at all. I have wondered fleetingly if he's having a nice time but thats it! What a horrible mother I am. I haven't said it to anyone. FIL phoned the other day and asked if I heard how he is getting on to which I said no because they don't allow contact unless there is a problem, he asked if I missed him and I said no in a joking way and he said I was really mean and DS could come and live with them because THEY love him - they babysit once a year so I know he was joking - but it really made me think. Am I an evil, cold, uncaring mother? Or have I had to make myself hard because he has punished me and faught over everything and anything for so long? It started happening when he was in year 1 and was getting so hard to deal with that I had to either curl up in a ball and cry or stand tall and blank out my emotions, perhaps thats why I feel this way - I have no emotions left to give. The girls havn't missed him either, one said that its too noisy and mad normally and she has loved the quiet. He's on a school trip by the way, its a great week with drumming, tie dying, painting, walks etc and a lovely opportunity. My brother and I went when we were kids and all his older mates who have been say its brilliant etc. Funny thing is that I know the teachers who went will say how great he's been and no problem at all which will make me feel even worse. I'm not even going to ask how he's been when I pick him up so they can tell me how great he is when I feel like this! Sorry, what a depressing post but I had to say it to someone and I won't be able to see the horrified look on your faces when you read this.

Ive just spent a very long time writing a very deep and meaningful reply on the Genetics post and I pressed to refresh button on my brower and deleted it. Probably for the best, a least you won't all think I am a hippie now!

Thanks Karen, they were almost 5 weeks early and good weights for twins at around 5.5lbs each, it was a normal birth after a 3 hour labour and we were all home 4 days after with no special care. Amazing really! D was and extremely easy baby who never cried, her sister cried at feeding time so I fed her first then D was fed after the other one had finished because she never damanded anything! She didn't talk till well over 2 and the others just talked for her. She was very very sweet indead and so easy!

Yes, I used only the dolls names all the way through and they were both fascinated with what I was doing so payed attention. Its just interesting that one twin got it right and the other got it so wrong. The whole twin thing is so interesting, how they are Identical genetically (dna tested) but so very different in lots of ways.

Would most kids of 6 say what she did. I'm probably looking for things that aren't there and her sister is probably just more mature, do you think? Just musing really.

The twins are 6. Must put them back on my signature.

Hiya, just thought I would pop in here and say hello. I have a shiny new pluter and I am loving reading through all the posts again. Nice to "see" everyone again. xx

Ok, today I went on a course for parents of children newly diagnosed with ASD for my son. They showed us how to do the Sally Anne test, I have had worries about one of my twins for a very long time but decided that she is probably just immature and maybe copying my son's behaviour. Her Identical twin is very bright and much much more mature than her and also my son who is 3 years older! Anyway, I did the test this evening after some of the conversations going on at the tea table and her seeming to be hearing completely different conversations than we were actually having! When I asked dd 1 to tell me where Sally would look for the ball dd 1 said she would look in Anne's box because dd1 saw me put it in there so that is where the doll would look (silly mummy!)! Daughter 2 said Sally would look in the box she had left it in without even thinking about it. My husband was there when I did it and I made each daughter come into the room on their own when I did it. There was no pass or fail - I said I was just wondering what they thought. Twas really weird! So what do I do now? Editing to say - it's good to be back.

Hi All, just thought I would pop in to say my computer has completely died now so its looks like I won't be around much. I am in the local library typing this at the moment as I had started getting withdrawal symptoms Also we have just received a letter to say they have agreed to do the Statutroy Assessment so I am now looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel - I hope!!!! Love to all, hope everyone is doing ok. Suexx

My son has just gone back to chewing, he's 9 and stopped for a while but is now eating his school ties again with gusto! The school say his behaviour is getting better but I now feel that he is starting to keep all the tension in again and so thats why the chewing started. His tie looked like a consetina this morning, it was in a terrible state. I don't know how to stop it though.

Thanks for replying guys. Not been around much due to pluter dying so I am in the local library!

<'> Hope you feel better tomorrow.

The teacher calls it a Lucidity test. My daughter age 6 has started it, its done over a few sessions. In a couple of the parts she scored below the 5th centile - visual spatial memory and auditory sequential memory plus and couple of others. On one part she was on the 100th centile. The PSA is putting her down for a heaering test and I need to take her for a sight test. I have the printout of the one DS did when he was 8 and he was below 40 on all, below 10 on most and didn't understand how to do one of the tests. So if daughter has problems with visual spatial memory and auditory sequential memory what does that mean, I don't want to go jumping to any conclusions but its not too good is it? I think the test is for dyslexia. Just thought I'd ask the experts.