Meethoss

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share some knowledge about a book I am currently reading. Some people may not think it's appropriate, but if you keep an open mind I think everyone can actually take something from it. The book is called "The Game" and it's by a writer called Neil Strauss. Strauss is a "pick up artist" - he seduces women. The book is basically all about how he went from a shy writer to the world's greatest pick up artist and what happened after. I think people in this community could take a lot from it, whether they are male or female and "on the pull" or not. It's basically all about confidence and setting yourself goals to overcome your social issues. It is in fact incredibly suited to the mind type of an Asperger's or Autistic person, and I can say this obviously as I have that perspective. I've been reading the book a few weeks and it has instantly boosted my confidence with talking with the opposite sex - where as I'd usually let them approach me I'm now able to do the approaching, with not a great amount of confidence but enough to actually do it! In fact my best friend, who's a girl, was amazed by the difference she has seen in me! Anyway, feel free to discuss it or whatever, but it's a great read whether you are looking to take anything from it or not.

I'd suggest advising your flatmate that you don't mind his other friends but you would like him to not bring this friend around for the various reasons that you've explained; just try not to do it in an offensive or insulting way i.e. just state the facts. He should see that you're being reasonable and hopefully will listen - just keep at it.

P.S. My electric toothbrush tells you how long you should be brushing each section of your mouth and I find this really helps so I know how long to brush for and I stick to it around 99% of the time on account of my liking to "stick to the rules"

Yes I see your point, but putting yourself in a position where you will never get to use your social skills and hiding there (i.e. just sticking your head in the sand) will also never help. So it might be a case that you need gradually build up and to do so in a relatively safe manner. Either way, you can only improve through exposure to real social settings and through challenging yourself.

Huh???

Just a note for Smiley: if you forget things a lot as you say then you should carry a notepad and pen around with you and just note things down - I do this and it really helps because my memory is awful, and by awful I don't just mean I mean it's really really bad! Also if you get flustered when talking I'd again note down what it is that you want to talk about and just go through the list, and take your time. A lot of these problems are quite easy to solve really and the more you do them the less mistakes you will make and the calmer your will become. Also don't worry about asking questions, just persist. I always ask for more detail and my employer, even though they sometimes get frustrated, actually appreciate my attention to detail as it means I get things done right. I honestly believe that if I didn't have Asperger's I wouldn't be half as good as I am at my job (which is very good - I get a lot of recognition from the people I work with because I'm so good at what I do).

These days I feel the general British public are a bunch of ignorant, thugish, inbred Neanderthals who care for nothing but themselves. I suppose that's unfair against those who obviously do make the effort to be good people but things just seem to be going downhill!

Many people seem to recommend (generally, not yet in this thread) finding a job that doesn't require much social interaction - I would actually suggest that you don't do this. If you hide away you will never learn the skills that you need to get by in life. Whilst, as a group, we struggle with social interaction, with empathy, reading people, picking up social cues etc. these are still things that we can learn. Whilst you may find yourself a job that lets you hide away from these things you will need them in other areas of your life, and if you ever lose your job (which is more and more likely in the current economic environment) you will need these skills to find a new one or else you will struggle to get employed. When reading your third paragraph ("i get so exhausted...") I related to it very well as I also experience this. I find it's worse when there's more than one person talking to me or if I'm talking to someone on the phone (which I avoid at all costs). I often find myself saying "pardon?", "what?" or "sorry?" repeatedly because I just hear noise and it can get a little embarrassing and whilst I know it's because I have Asperger's I also haven't told anyone about this so will often say that I sometimes have difficulty hearing and then people don't seem to worried. Another thing that I've noticed is that my brain is a little slow in interpreting what people have said and I will either reply late or will sometimes ask them to repeat it but then before they do my brain will have worked out what they said. With not knowing what to say I usually compare situations to past experiences and think to myself what worked then and I will try it in the current situation. I also try to remember certain facts about people so I can discuss those topics with them. It doesn't always work but you have to try at these things I've also been inconsiderate all my life when it comes to offering people a drink when they come to my house or when I'm in the office so I make a concerted effort now to do so and that is often appreciated, which helps to build a rapport with people. Finally if I ever find myself feeling anxious I will just find a quiet place and sometimes close my eyes (or not), breath slowly and maybe count to 10. Anxiety IS all in the head and whilst it's often associated with Asperger's it's not directly tied i.e. you don't HAVE to suffer from anxiety it is something you can solve, and as they "mind over matter" So just hang in there - yes it will get easier as you get older but not because you are ageing, rather because you will get more experience in dealing with various issues. But you will have to try hard to do this. I'd focus on utilising the positive aspects of "the condition" i.e. our steely determination, to improve the areas that you lack in.

Ok, I was being a bit general in my remarks I admit: it probably does vary quite differently in different areas (and I didn't realise Baron-Cohen's facility was NHS run) but south Wales (where I live) is notorious for poor mental health care so that's probably why I get that impression. Also the first person I saw may have had the skills as you say, but was completely ignorant to my issues and I was also told that I shouldn't have been referred to her as she was an Occupational Therapist and wouldn't have had the appropriate training for an assessment. Either way, seeking a second opinion would be a good idea if dekaspace is still concerned.

I would also consider the fact that the NHS has near to no knowledge of diagnosing adult Aspergers. I had a similar experience when I went with the NHS and I eventually went private to a NAS approved psychologist. Took me 3 hours to get there and cost me around £400 not including travel costs however I believe it was worth every bit of effort and cost! The psychologist actually knew what I was talking about, where as the NHS therapist I saw didn't have a clue what Aspergers was. She seemed to ask me all the right questions and posed things I hadn't consider which helped me learn more about myself. She also wrote up a report for me detailing what we'd discussed, what my parents had put forward about me and details of the assessment she used with my scores. It might be that you can't afford that right now, but I'd look up the nearest approved psychologist and either see if you can be referred to them or just start saving. Took me just over a year to save as I already had debts that I had to get rid of first but I did it in the end so I'm sure you can too (if you decide to)!

Have you tried using logic to explain to your child why to brush their teeth? When I was young I used to see adverts with the shining clean teeth so I'd brush mine very well to get them like that. Then a bit later in life I got lax in brushing my teeth and ended up having a number of fillings and I think someone even commented on their cleanliness. I found this embarrassing and ended up going mad cleaning them again to the point that it was wearing away my gums so I had to calm it down by getting an electric toothbrush. I have no found a happy medium and am able to clean enough without damaging anything. I'd suggest using a combination of lectures from the dentist, images or videos of people with bad teeth, an explanation of why this is socially bad and a good electric toothbrush that aids the cleaning. If they can see that 1 + 1 = 2 (cleaning well + cleaning regularly = good healthy teeth = lack of embarrassment) then I believe this may help. Oh and don't think of it as scaring your child, it's simply explaining the facts of life (when it comes to teeth!).

That first robot is freaky! Chucky, anyone? It's more likely to freak a kid out than help him learn facial expressions. I'd say the best way is through watching TV where everything is exaggerated - that's how I think I've learnt it best. As for the helper robots I think this is more for physically impaired people. People with Autism and Apergers aren't physically incapable and I think treating them as such will only make them this way - they're generally good learners, help them to learn, don't hinder their learning. I think having robots as a fun thing is very good though. This will also help them learn and I think may help them find a niche, but I don't think they are of much use socially - the only real way to learn how to socialise is through use of social skills.

That doesn't sound selfish at all, in fact if you think about it it's selfless. Compare it to oxygen masks on a plane - they tell you to put yours on before others which at first thought makes you think that it contradicts your position as a parent, for instance. However, if you think more in to it it really makes sense - you could pass out half way to getting the mask on your child's face and then you both die, or you could put yours on first and even if the child passes out the child will still live because it takes a while longer after passing out for someone to die. So, logic actually dictates that taking a break from your child is actually a way of helping them as you will recuperate and be able to take better care of them. Don't believe everything you read...most recent studies have indicated that the majority of probiotic yoghurt drinks, to which I assume you are referring, have very little "good bacteria" and in fact have little effect on our systems.

I have to wonder if the fact that he's not going to school is part of the issue? I find that the less people do the more depressed they get. He spent so much time away from school when he was ill that it may be that all that has done has built up his anxieties about going to school and increased his depression which is further deepening because of his lack of social interaction and of keeping busy. Not necessarily right but something to consider maybe? Hopefully the medication will break the cycle and he can get involved again and that should pick things up.

I agree with all that Matzo says. You're in a situation where you cannot do much on your own so you need to get as much help as you can from legitimate others.

Just in response to MelowMeldrew - I agree with what you say. I have Asperger's yet I'm also quite outgoing; I'm just naturally that way. I do sometimes just want to be on my own but I think that's either when I'm not happy or when I'm struggling with social stuff. But when I'm alone I do then long for company. And as for running in the family there is definitely something in this. I would imagine if someone has Asperger's then there's a high chance their child will have it. But just because the child has it doesn't mean the parent does. Neither of my parents scored high on the Asperger's test (I score around 2-3 times higher) but both have traits of it. From what I recall from my biology lessons I guess this could be where their genetics have combined to create me. And very lucky that happened too or else they wouldn't have such an intelligent and skilful son, despite his sometimes odd quirks

I'm really sorry to hear that Tally! It's the right decision though, if he's in pain then that's the last thing you want - at least this way he won't be hurting any more and if it's any consolation everyone and everything will go at some point so it's just good that he's had such a great owner to give him a great life; a lot more than many other animals or even people could say (unfortunately). My thoughts are with you.

Aww, sorry to hear about that, that sounds terrible! Hope she's ok! Yes kittens are lovely aren't they, so cute! My ex came around earlier to see Stitch and she was showing me videos on her phone of when they were little. I still find them just as cute though Not sure exactly what you mean by your hissing question...do you mean why do they do it? Or why the noise they make is a hiss? If it's the former it's usually because they are trying to frighten enemies away, usually because they are scared or threatened. If the latter then it could be because the sound of a hiss sounds like a snake or something and that would make larger animals more scared?

Glad they're both feeling better Tally! Stitch is also doing better today. I slept on the floor with him last night in my sleeping bag but then I had to go back to my bed because I was in so much pain from the floor. Let him out this morning and he's been roaming the house all day and that encouraged him to have something to eat. He even jumped out the cat flap before I could stop him so I had to run out and get him then he decided it wasn't worth it again, but I've kept the door to it locked. He's just been conked out on one of the chairs in the living room since

Sorry to hear Tally I've got cat problems myself. One of mine got hit by a car on Tuesday and I rushed him to the vet hospital that is luckily not too far down the road. He had surgery on Thursday to repair two holes in his diaphragm and I brought him back yesterday. He was looking pretty good considering, but since he's been home he's not eaten anything. He went to the toilet once last night and when I popped in to check on him about an hour ago he'd wet his bedding. I let him have a wander about the house and took him to where his food usually is in the hope that he'd feel better and eat something but that didn't work, so I've put him back in the room I'm keeping him. Gonna call the vet tomorrow and see what they say - I think he might need to go back in and go back on a drip and painkillers as I reckon the pain must be getting him down It's not very nice to see him like that, I was already feeling down and now this is just making things worse

Woah, ok dude he sounds way too messed up for my approach. I agree with Matzoball - get the hell out of there. And you aren't a troll, ignore those fools.

I'd be persistent. Leave the house to escalate in to chaos if needs be. He'll never learn if you keep doing it for him. As for his friends just stick your head out of the door and say something like "Hey guys, would you mind keeping it down a bit please? I've got an early class tomorrow, thanks!" and say it with a smile. It's easy to be rude to someone who's abrupt but much harder with someone who's nice to you. And as for not being able to stick up for yourself this is simply something you will have to learn the hard way. As before, just be persistent, you'll get there. If you don't learn it soon then you will find it much harder later in life and I've seen myself in business the people who've never learnt and they simply get walked over. Sorry, I know this may come across as "it's tough, deal with it" but life IS unfortunately a case of survival of the fittest. Just keep your chin up and keep at it, you'll get it sorted!

You're right - I'm not a very big fan of the media. Funny about Dizzy Rascal. And I'm guessing your husband doesn't teach in the Bronx?

Please explain this. I don't see how my post is wrong at all. I stated that we don't know the all the facts about this incident, that it was a terrible thing to have happened regardless of the cause and that nobody truly knows what they would do unless they were actually in such a severe situation (which may or may not have happened in this case). Please explain to me what is wrong here. Justine sums it up well, and I think Baddad's later posts show a better reflection of what my point was. In no way did I excuse the behaviour of anyone murdering someone else, nor do I think mental illness is a "fair reason" or anything like that. However it IS necessary to recognise the factors that would lead up to something like this (if it was murder) so that something can be done in the future to prevent it. Simply marking someone evil and monstrous ignores those facts and allows similar crimes to continue. People need to think with their heads and not their hearts, no matter how terrible the crime, if they wish to actually gain something for society.

Too many people read articles (especially from The Sun - oh what a great publication!) and make various assumptions and accusations based upon little fact and/or understanding. The fact is both sides of the argument are, essentially, correct. Yes, this is a terrible thing to have happened regardless of whether it was an accident or intentional. Yes this woman does deserve sympathy, again, regardless of whether it was an accident or intentional. The fact is the poor woman has lost her child! To simply brand someone as a monster is to live in complete ignorance. You are assuming there is such a thing as evil, where as the truth is everyone has the potential to commit murder. Granted, very few people would murder their own children and you can say yourself that you would never do that but how can you TRULY know unless you experience those circumstances. I am not condoning any of this, but simply trying to make people think...Imagine if your child had some terrible illness that made them suffer in agonising pain every minute of their life...Imagine that you lived in a country where rape and torture were rife and you were in situation where something awful was about to happen and you were able able to prevent that...Imagine if you were stuck in a burning building at the top of a 100 storey building and you and child were about to burn in an agonising death. The fact is nobody really knows what they are capable of or what situations they may ever find themselves in. You may think that this woman was perfectly sane and simply committed a horrendous act but we don't actually know this. She may have actually been suffering from schizophrenia or some other well known mental condition. She may have even been suffering from a yet unknown condition that goes easily hidden in society (ya know, kinda like Asperger's!). Or she may not. Fact is, nobody knows, so maybe people should hold back and put down their pitchforks and put out their torches. I'm not defending any sort of act like this, but it's too easy to go all out on someone especially when you don't know the facts. All I'm gonna say now is that it is a terrible thing to have happened and that my thoughts are with everyone affected by this. P.S. Baddad, I disagree that the sibling will now be able to live a decent life - he's lost two of the key people of his family and now faces a childhood devoid of any stability or motherly love. I know you won't find anything positive from that and that's no criticism, just wanted to point that out in case it wasn't already obvious.