jlo9371

Thank you! If you know that blowing the whistle! causes your kids further grief.....................you have no choice than to shutup! You have no choice other than to wait the day they find stength to stand up alone, the damage caused at that point must be weighed against suppression and not being heard, that's a risk I had to take. However, talk about waiting for a bus, then 2 arrive ........................got a Psych Ed & and Consultant Psychologist within 14 days I pray, that this will be at the right time for my son & all of my kids. I will keep you posted & thanks to all of you for you posts & support, you have no idea how much they lifted my spirit, I have & will continue to experience dark times, but knowing your "not alone" really makes a difference. p.s Zemanksi, reading back on the posts (past) I can see what u mean now, feel a bit stupid...........should have known

I have a 12 year old waiting for diagnosis & I have a 17 month old who gives me a feeling of "seen this all before" Whilst a Social Worker was at my home my "lil one" calmly walked to the wall and BUTTED it, he also BUTTED an optician, has 2 chipped teeth, numerous scars and an attitude provided by the devil NO ONE will babysit etc, everyone asks how I am not in an institution and so on, and his screaming tantrums stop traffic My 12 yr old was like this, I soldiered on believing deep down I had made him like that, if I asked for a referral they would see I was an incapable mum, my mates cope - therefore I was useless etc. Looking back I realize I had a an enormous responsibility, I was so afraid that to ask for help ,and that would be considered a failure as a Mum. I now wish I didn't, that I trusted my instincts, forgot my insecurities and ASKED FOR HELP. I knew as a 1st time mum, my baby was just not like the others, and you have concerns or you would not be here. Please speak to your HV, ask about the CHAT assessment, tell her your concerns...............if I had did that all those years ago, I am certain I would not be in the situation I am now. Better that you get the reassurance and help you need, I know it's a humbling experience, but it takes strength to ask for help, and I'm sure it will put your mind at rest. Good luck <'>

He is a POLICE OFFICER. And I have had 14 years of hell, but everytime I object to his actions, I find myself being investigated by every organisation known to man. I divorced him on the grounds of violence and psychological/emotional abuse, but he still torments me through the kids. Every time I mention my concerns, he comes back with 20!! However, a previous, unfounded referal he made actually had concerns with him!!, and stated the children would eventually rebel against him. My daughter is still at the torn loyalty stage, but my son is angry now, he wants to starve himself to show his dad he is "anorexic" My son is now ready to "talk", due to the way my ex behaves, I have had to wait until "it came from the mouth of babes", I knew that one day my children would object and talk. If it came from me, I was made to look like a stupid, inadequate mother. Sometimes you have to shutup and wait, let time take it's its course and wait for the people (my kids) who would be believed to come forth, that day is near. I maybe wrong, but I remained seethingly passive, I have never questioned my kids, shown sides, or outwardly expresses my opinions, I held faith in my belief that my kids would at some point realise the way they are treated is wrong and speak out themselves. Maybe I am wrong, and have left it too late?, maybe the damage is too far gone................your welcome to express your views, however, I wish I had the strength to stand up for them sooner.

I cannot thank you all enough for you heartwarming posts & pm's. Your all going thru your own issues with your kids and you still offer your support, without judgement, prejudice or arrogance <'> <'> I dont have a great deal of time to reply, we both have jobs, 4 kids and as u may appreciate a load of other stuff going on Just to update you, the SW couldn't even be bothered to turn up to see my son (7weeks and counting), my mum is at her wits end saying she apologises for not understanding my daily "hell of a life", also known to me as "GROUNDHOG DAY" (sure you will all relate) , but she cannot cope with my son no more (dont know if I mentioned SS said he cant slepp at his home)??? My daughter had a fit when school nurse weighed her and related upset caused by dad weighing her. my mum said after DAD visit this weekend my son came (again with issues) dad said he is fat, gran must feed him chips all week, mum wont take you out every week, mum has reduced time you can have with me, do you want to live me, aren't we great parents etc, etc. My son was starving himself (seriously) till tea time today, had no food for 48 hours, persuaded him tonight b4 I take him back 2 mum's Related all to school nurse, who is concerned etc, etc (extremely rather And I have an appointment in morning with a solicitor, who dealt with a load of c*** with his dad 3-4 years ago, and had concerns then, she is pretty good. Please feel free to pm me for my number or likewise, I am reading all your replies, all of them, and they they are such a source of hope & encouragement . I apolgose for not replying to each 1, but I really have no time (to type) anyone wanting to chat on the phone let me know please. Thanks again to all.................and I send you all my best wishes

APOLOGIES, I dont know what I did to get that quote there............................sorry <'> Must be my pc skills

Thanks all again <'> Zemanski you were there for me a while ago, and so were a great many others, it was appreciated <'> and I am reading thru all you posts slowly (thanks guys) If I can summarise (not good at that LOL) 4 kids (2 with 1st marraige) police officer dad, violent control freak (really & honest). 2 kids (2nd r'ship) passive, kind relaxed dad, treats kids as equal (discipline not a strong point - but they really love him) Myself - tries hard, doesn't always get it right, shouts, screams and swears (sometimes) Always knew my son was not "typical" appeared highly intelligent, aloof, did not care when I left him, never sought me for comfort, never responded when I fell etc, etc, but designed a website at 10 yrs, and became an X BOX developer at 11 yrs, however, unable to interact with kids same age. He has attended good schools, which I was a frequent visitor and had a reserved chair (joke) (schools said "just need help to socialise" I didn't want to rock boat, therefore, agreed. His dad, strict and considers physical (really physical punishment) acceptable, when I question/protest, he undermines me, states I am too lax etc (turns it around) although apart he has campaigned against me, letters to Social Services. DSS, DVLA, Tax, etc - all unfounded................he has a real bitterness that his partner appears to share too. They appear to do lots with kids, but motives are wrong - always to score points, and they make this known to kids i.e (all the great things you do in life.....are with us) - thats the latest statement, as my 2 very angry kids related to me. My son complains always of questions from them!, where mum take you, who at the house, what did you do, do you want to live with us etc, etc, my daughter gets weighed, told she's fat and they used to check her underwear for wee marks..........if found, put her pants on her HEAD!!!! both kids also appear really scared of them, but will not complain to thier faces, and will not tell anyone else. Finally, year 7 - a teacher notes his difficulties and suspected ASD, I check it out and hey presto, I know my son at last (and so do nearly all that are close to me, finally his behavious makes sense). However, 8 months later, SENCO going mad, psych ed off sick, GP refusal to refer etc, risk of exlusion and then the final blow......................................my 6 yr old states " his brother done some sex things with him" In shock and disbelief, I still felt I was duty bound to all of my kids and made a self referal to SS, however they are on the ABUSE trail, believe my ASD has been Abused also, lack of eye contact and interaction (THIS KID WANTS TO TELL US SOMETHING) - learned behaviour and so on (although they are trying to fast track diagnosis)..........................phew The fact is when I researched this issue, to me & his step dad, it's crystal clear that this was never an act of self satisfaction, or pre meditated satisfaction (this is a kid who acts sometimes like a 2 yr old) but a misguided experiment. and lack of understaing with regards to social relationships, However, if I say that, I will be seen as unable to protect. There is talk of prosecution , NSPCC intervention " teenagers that abuse" and so on........................................ Any help would be appreciated, in respect of SS, or somewhere where I can get private help (pay for) like a recognised assesment, do I need a solicitor? I am really confused, and don't have any idea where to get help. Sorry for the long post.

Thanks everyone <'> I didn't mean to rage a war with everyone, I feel desperate & helpless, my 12 yr old AS/ hyperlexic kid has to stay at my Mum's, he doesn't understand what's going on. My ex-husband is using this oppurtunity to undermine and bully me - as per the last 12 years. I have to sit in family conferences, and justify the last 12 years of parenting. I am subject to spot checks, assesments and so on..........................whilst no one realises that my 12 yr old is the most sweetest, innocent kid that god put on this earth. I understand the enormity of whats happened BUT I KNOW my kids, I have to keep my mouth shut, as if I say that I am seen incapable of protecting the others. I have been pulling my hair out in frustration for years, been back and forth schools, doctors etc, screaming for help, however, it takes THIS to finally get it. This system stinks, and if there is anyone out there that can help or advise me, or have been through similar themselves.............please let me know. Once again, apologies to everyone for my outburst, but I was real low at the time, but one thing I stand by is to tell you all TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. For 12 years I have known something was not right, but allowed my judgement to be clouded, but my 17 month old is showing traits and I am getting checks on his development NOW.

Hi all, I spent some time here during September 2005, some of you were real great..............however, one of your members called Xxxxxxx tried to flame and distort my posts, and whilst going thru a major bad time I couldn't deal with it. I must mention that besides that, the other members were extremely helpful, considerate, compassionate and had an empathy that word are unable to describe. Since deciding not to come here FOR ADVICE & SUPPORT! I thought it best to provide you with an update................. All of my children are at present on THE CHILD PROTECTION REGISTER, due to risk from my asperger/hperlexic son (diagnosed by psych ed, family etc, but awaiting Psychiatric OFFICIAL diagnosis (that I do not need) I know as a mom, that this behavior was not pre meditated, or meant to hurt, and that it's a symptom of his inability to comprehend social relationships...............................however, try to tell that to the social workers!!!! (Who ignore any communicative disorders - as the rest of the world) Before members dismiss others, argue with opinions etc, the facts should be understood..............what annoys me most is that, if I stayed around, I may not have reached this nightmare situation (where I feel I want to die)..................maybe, just maybe I would have found the advice and help that could have prevented my living hell. I dont suppose I will be welcome here again...................and I understand, I am just stating facts. To all of you who are here, keep your beliefs & do not let anybody or anyone cloud your judgement - trust your insticts............please. Nobody knows you or your children like you.......................remember that always (in your deepest doubts) Night & god bless you all. JLO

Thanks all especially Malika & Zemanski <'> <'> But let me explain a bit more....................(if you dont fall asleep) The Doctor wont refer without letter from Ed Psyc, and the Ed Psyc doesnt feel a formal evaluation is needed yet, wants to see how the IPE works out When I mentioned a Statement of Special Needs, I was looked at as barmy! and received a comment of "oh no, you dont want him statemented" Implying, its some kind of stigma!! Also a special needs & education charity - SNAP also said not to be concerned about a formal diagnosis, and the fact he is on the special needs register is adequate. Although everyone agrees that he has ASD/S I was considering changing his GP, and paying for a private consultation with a reknowned NHS consultant, but was informed that I could spend my cash on better things. With my limited knowledge its hard to argue against anything I am told. And yes I have been so stressed out, I have been so anxious & depressed (kind of shellshocked), this last week has been bad, I dont recall ever feeling this stressed, overwhelmed, inadequate & pathetic.I am shouting at everyone, freaking over the silliest things. I feel so pathetic when there are parents who have children with much more serious problems than mine, I just dont cope well with too many demands in my life. Sorry again for my constant questions, and gibberish.........just that I really am struggling with this. Thanks

I agree entirely, but will try to re phrase what I said. I think previously during the 70's & 80's, it was only children with OBVIOUS major development delays that were noticed, but now more & more children who appear advanced are being recognised as having ASD's. Although I realise that there are still shortfalls in understanding, awareness & diagnosis, at least children previously overlooked are being recognised and given the additional help & education that you and many others never had. I just wanted to point out that we need to look beyond the steryotyped ASD, and see that so many high achieving individuals or potential high achievers have ASD's too, I am still educating myself on ASD's (still at novice level), but I am astounded, overwhelmed & facinated by the vast amount of brilliant people who are considered or are confirmed to have ASD's. (including you) Without the outstanding efforts to raise awareness of ASD's, my son would have ended up excluded from school (& eventually society) and his talents and strengths ignored. You seem to be hard on yourself, you have achieved a great deal without assistance or intervention, and surely you need a huge pat on the back for that alone. I will have to think in the future before I offer any more crude opinions or observations - apologies (Hope I havent spoilt the thread)

OMG............ Malika! <'> You hit the nail on the head!! Sorry it's taken so long to come back to you all but have soooooooooo much news Meeting with psych ed.............did nit need to see J (my son) believes it's HF ASPERGERS + HYPERLEXIA! Special needs co-ord @ school, arranging an IPE (I think) & a staff training day for teaching ASD's. Say I don't need to get a true DIAGNOSIS YET!! But they are taking it seriously. They also did a LEARNING STYLE questionaire which gave great insight & confirmed loads. Is this heading in the right direction?..............I have no idea of my rights!! & they placeed him as ACTION PLUS on the register (no idea) Confused mom (again) XXXXX

Hi I am extremely new to this myself, and feel a bit daft even offering advice. but my son was the brightest kid in school, and is still registered on the "gifted & talented" pragramme. This was the fact that threw everyone off the scent. (Only kid they ever had registered on Special needs & Gifted register - LOL) When you read a page of characteristics in any ASD, they always state "probs with communication etc" which never fits in most cases!! (on face value). In MY OPINION ONLY, most people that have traits of the ASD, appear a great deal more in the prodigy/genius category & this is what appears to cause the irony. My son the genius (cannot tell me what he had for lunch) but can design a website aged 9. I wish people would start to realise that anyone with ASD's are not retarded (not aimed at you), in fact "I think the opposite" Hope this helps etc (but as I said - inexperienced) Regards JLO

New to all this (but have a lots of insight & experience) Any child or adult, ASD ot NT who suggests or attempts self harm (regardless of severity) must always be considered SERIOUS. I would personally like to slap the "professional" that ever suggested that this behavior is a form of "attention seeking"! Suggestion is usually an indication of intention!, and not done for pleasure, or to distress another. These threats should (in my opinion) never be considered empty, and are indicative of the trauma an individual is suffering.

Thank you MALIKA After learning about ASD's and the relevance to life etc, I did my best to understand my son. But when he p*****d off his sister, he would normally be sent to bed etc, however when I restrained myself and INFORMED him (instead of screaming) that it was unacceptable, he just gave me this weird smirk..............................that implied that he could not care as he wouldn't be punished (he used to look scared/ish). I started thinking that this was all messed up and J didn't have any ASD's,just a manipulative, spoilt kid taking his mom for a ride. Suddenly he pointed to a comprehension question - using his middle finger!! I read this was highly typical of ASD's. (and it was scary) I have noticed him do it before, and not taken much notice (he also has LOADS of other behavior's that are alike other traits/characteristics on the AS. I appear to be receiving conflicting signals. My son shows indifference/or does not care., appears to act with pre-meditation, and implicates anyone else except himself for the situations he gets in. Surely its possible for a child to overhear a converstion! read about it, then act the personality out (in order to gain attention etc) Or am I a barking mad! and that kids who are ASD's do not have manipulative tendancies. Yes, he is totally unable to remember or recall specifics...................the most I can get out of him his ......................"Fine". The answer to all questions! I have, I promise, tried my best to understand this! and most occasions I am able to relate. But I became aware that after a behavior, he was observing me at a distance for my reaction, or the lack of!! This has to be the most confusing development issues ever............................................PLEASE ADVISE/HELP (I am really disturbed/confused/upset at the mo), I have no idea what to do next?, explanations mean nothing to a person who you finally ascertain " is unable to tell you about "what they had for lunch". (I am not the kind of mom that looks for attempts/excuses to justify any of my childrens behavior), but this is beyond comprehension!! Very confused