anne054

I think this really is an example of his inabilitly of abstract thought, or lack of imagination. I am only guessing because I don't know your experiences but I can share some of mine. My son enjoys the computer and can make it do magic because it is logical and mathmatical. He always did well in mathematics but not in classes like literature or history. Perhaps ypur son is very knowledgable about the computer and the web but when it comes to designing something he has nowhere to draw from. Some AS have wonderful imaginations and some do not. Each one is very different. My son and your son sound very similar so I think I can understand your frustration. Also the AS emotional maturity is slow but that is just the emotional. Somethings will get much better and some things will never change. I have come to the realization that my son has no imagination, never has and probably never will. When I look back at his growing up and my favourite Lego sets, I see that he could put together very complex structures as long as he had the instructions and would spend hours taking them apart and putting them back together. When the instructions were gone or a page was missing then the Lego just stayed where it was, all over the place and I had to pick it up and get rid of it. He did not know how to make it do anything except what was in the instructions. He is taking classes in learning how to use large high capacity printing machines. He has to do very specific measuring and copying graphic designs onto the printer and he is very good at copying and will stick at it until he gets it right. This calls for his mathmatical and concrete skills and to the best of my knowledge he is doing well in classes and is enjoying them. He has only just started and is living on campus but he is enthusiastic about what he is doing and brings home some of his projects. I think we try so hard to have them learn a marketable trade so that we will know they will be alright when we are no longer there to look after them that it is frustrating when things do not work. All I know is we keep trying because we love them.

I have discovered an author, Tony Attwood. he works and teaches in Austrailia. He has several books and they are all written for people like you and me, not professionals. It is easy and very informative reading. He is the closest thing I have found to an expert on AS and I highly recommend his books. They are paperback and not expensive. He has a website that is worth investigating.

My son is into the world of WWE as I wont pay for online gaming or he would be up all night. I have found that you have to find his passion and then try and form something around it that may be used in the real world that will pay you a salary. If it is not his passion he has the "ability" to learn but not the insatiable need to devour everything there is to know. Right now he is learning how to use big printing machines and doing what is called Graphic Communications.It is a trade and he is being taught that this is a career but not a hobby. I have always been a fan of Lego and so he got a lot of it for birthdays and Christmas. He has patience I good never imagine. He can put together very complex projects with the instructions and even almost finish, he will take it apart and redo it if he has made a mistake. I am trying to use this in trying to find something for him to do in the future. If they needed someone to do stats on WWE he would be a wealthy man. I was once told a story about an AS that had the same desire for stats in baseball. His parents thought it would be wonderful if they let him join a team to play. He did horribly as he did not want to play baseball, he wanted to keep the stats. These have been my experiences so maybe they may give you some insight into what may be going on with your son's on and off with the web design. Let me know it this helps

I loved to read your comments. It is very helpful to hear what you are going through as an adult with AS. It helps me to perhaps understand what my son is going through and how I can be a better Mom. Thanks

I read your words and hear myself. I too have tried everything and am unsure of can't and won't. I really try to give him the benifit of the doubt but truthfully it is very hard. His lack of facial expression is frustrating as I can't tell when he is not telling the truth. I no longer ask him if he took something, I just demand to have it back. I launch into a lecture of right and wrong knowing full well that he is not taking in what I am trying to say. He has learned the expected responses so I am never sure but remain hopefull until the next time. and the cycle starts over. One thing I did notice though, there have been times that he has taken a leap of growing up and maturing a little and it seems to happen overnight. When left on his own he seems to get along just fine and that is when he surprises me. It is almost like I do too much and when I am not there he has to figure it out on his own. Once he gets it, it is amazing but it sure is a long road. I love to hear all your comments. I really feel like I am not alone now. Here in the US, AS is relatively unknown among all but the experts and they are not sharing much. I am Canadian so I do rely on Canadian and British literature, some of which is really helpful. Thanks to all

We have tried an idea like this but I like yours better. There is only myself and his 19 yr old sister who normally takes his stuff when he takes hers. When she does he just grumbles for awhile and then moves on and adapts. I like the idea of him having to choose and give up something of his. This may produce a better understanding of how others feel when he takes their things. Thanks, I will give it a try. Money that he takes is more difficult as it is harder to replace when he has no job. I am hoping he will get employment in the near future through a local government program so we will try the same sort of thing with him giving up his earned money. I think all this boils down to empathy which as we know is lacking in this syndrome. It has to be learned and relearned so I am hoping something will work.

I am thinking that maybe going to the Police dept first and asking them to help me and explaining the situation may be my best first step. At least I can control what happens. Maybe I can find someone who I can work with on a one to one basis. thanks for your suggestions and I am still open to any ideas that you might have. I am certainly feeling less lonely and not quite so overwhelmed.

My son did have job at a fast food place but lost it for not showing up to work one shift. He loved it and loved earning his spending money. Jobs here are easy to get and even easier to loose. At the moment he is in a special training program to learn graphinc communications and I hope it will lead to employment with some help. He is a good worker and very friendly and most like him if they can get past the poor hygene and quirky conversations. My worry is his ability to resist temptations that will be around him. I am trying to teach him that he cannot have anything he wants and taking it is not right. The consequences are not worth it but so far I have not been able to convince him that the world is not a forgiving place. Also I am a single mother and his biological father has had no contact since he was 6 so there has been no male role model for him. I have tried to find someone just to work with him but have been unsuccessful. My family is really small so all I have is friends and they have not worked out so well as it can be alot to ask of someone.

thank you for your insight. You are very right. They are not nearly as aware of AS here as they are in the UK and at home in Canada. I guess that is the reason I am so scared. They would rather charge him with a crime than understand. I had to cancel a cheque he tried to use over the internet and the first thing the bank wanted to do was charge him with identity theft. I had to be very firm that it was not going to happen. I think that is when the fear first set in and now he is turning 21 and will be given all legal rights of a consenting adult and the legal consequences too.

My experience is that because my son was diagnosed at 14 and not earlier, the daily hygene that we would normally pick up with experience just did not happen. One of the clues I had but did not recognize was that he did not know how to spit or blow his nose. We learn that by watching others and he had the motions correct but the technique was just not there. He is doing pretty good now but it sure took awhile. I assumed he was learning from day to day contact and experiences with others like we learned but he was not. I think had I known earlier I could have gotten him on a routine schedule but now I am trying to teach him that even though his body condition does not bother him, it deos bother others. I am trying to make it a rule to change his shirt every day ( he does ) and clean slacks everyday ( he does not ). I also learned that it took him a long time to be comfortable with turning on the shower. I used to do it for him when he was little instead of teaching him so now it is not an easy thing for him today. I bought him a plastic scrubber that makes the soap foamy and he can scrub his neck with thinking it would help and two weeks ago I found out that he had no idea how to make it work for him so I had to explain. We learn so much by watching others and for my son he did not learn so avoided things rather than admit he did not know how. Washing his hair was a battle for a long time as he did not know how the shampoo worked,I have to now learn what he doesn't know and try to figure out a subtle way to teach him without making him feel stupid. I am hoping some of these experiences will help you try to work with your son and his daily hygene but it is an ongoing struggle for me.

I know he buys ciggarettes and then it is music cd's and then video games. He is easily manipulated by others and he buys them ciggarettes and I think they pay him. He does not get enough to support any drug habit and I really think he has no interest in altering his state of mind. He turns 21 in March so I'm sure he will be used to buy alcohol for others. I know he has done some drinking and a little experimentation with drugs but as far as I can tell nothing very much. Talking with the Police here is a good idea, I think I will try that. We are Canadians living in the US with Green Cards ( a long story with not a happy ending ) since 2000. I would hate to report him as he would be charged with a felony and that could complicate things at the border that is 30 miles away. An eye opener is needed and perhaps the police can help if I explain the situation. I will try that and see what they say.

I have just read your post and boy can I relate. My son is 20 and has the same problems with hygene, finances, videogames, and seclusion. I have no answers but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. He was diagnosed at 14.

MY son is 20 yrs old and has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome since he was 14. My problem is he has no regard for other people's "stuff". If he wants something he will take it, as well as any money that is unguarded. As far as I know this is limited to his sister and myself but truthfully I doubt it. Any consequences I have tried have not been successful and when I ask why he just shrugs and says "I don't know". He knows what he is doing is wrong because he is very sneaky when he is taking something but is not very good, or sometimes doesn't cover his tracks. I am afraid he is going to end up in jail for stealing if I cannot teach him to think about right and wrong and choosing right.