anne054 Report post Posted February 12, 2009 MY son is 20 yrs old and has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome since he was 14. My problem is he has no regard for other people's "stuff". If he wants something he will take it, as well as any money that is unguarded. As far as I know this is limited to his sister and myself but truthfully I doubt it. Any consequences I have tried have not been successful and when I ask why he just shrugs and says "I don't know". He knows what he is doing is wrong because he is very sneaky when he is taking something but is not very good, or sometimes doesn't cover his tracks. I am afraid he is going to end up in jail for stealing if I cannot teach him to think about right and wrong and choosing right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted February 12, 2009 Do you have any idea what he does with the items and money he steals? Is it possible he is being manipulated into it by someone else? Is it possible he is doing it to fund a drug habit? Have you told him that what he is doing is illegal and could lead to him going to prison? Sometimes the police can be helpful with things like this. I know people who have had the police speak to their children and explain the consequences of stealing, show them around the police station, the cells, etc. At some point you might need to consider reporting him to the police for the stealing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anne054 Report post Posted February 13, 2009 Do you have any idea what he does with the items and money he steals? Is it possible he is being manipulated into it by someone else? Is it possible he is doing it to fund a drug habit? Have you told him that what he is doing is illegal and could lead to him going to prison? Sometimes the police can be helpful with things like this. I know people who have had the police speak to their children and explain the consequences of stealing, show them around the police station, the cells, etc. At some point you might need to consider reporting him to the police for the stealing. I know he buys ciggarettes and then it is music cd's and then video games. He is easily manipulated by others and he buys them ciggarettes and I think they pay him. He does not get enough to support any drug habit and I really think he has no interest in altering his state of mind. He turns 21 in March so I'm sure he will be used to buy alcohol for others. I know he has done some drinking and a little experimentation with drugs but as far as I can tell nothing very much. Talking with the Police here is a good idea, I think I will try that. We are Canadians living in the US with Green Cards ( a long story with not a happy ending ) since 2000. I would hate to report him as he would be charged with a felony and that could complicate things at the border that is 30 miles away. An eye opener is needed and perhaps the police can help if I explain the situation. I will try that and see what they say. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted February 13, 2009 I know he buys ciggarettes and then it is music cd's and then video games. He is easily manipulated by others and he buys them ciggarettes and I think they pay him. He does not get enough to support any drug habit and I really think he has no interest in altering his state of mind. He turns 21 in March so I'm sure he will be used to buy alcohol for others. I know he has done some drinking and a little experimentation with drugs but as far as I can tell nothing very much. Talking with the Police here is a good idea, I think I will try that. We are Canadians living in the US with Green Cards ( a long story with not a happy ending ) since 2000. I would hate to report him as he would be charged with a felony and that could complicate things at the border that is 30 miles away. An eye opener is needed and perhaps the police can help if I explain the situation. I will try that and see what they say. Hi.I thought I would post a quick message.Most of the posters on the Forum live in the UK.I think the idea Tally suggested about reporting to the police was probably based on the experience of Forum users in the UK.I think the people on the Forum who have involved the police live in the UK.Talking to the police in the US might be a good idea.However if the police in the US are not aware regarding AS then it might not be a good idea.Where people here have reported their children here it is usually with the idea that a firm chatt and a tour of the police cells might be a wake up call.If there is a risk your son could end up charged with a felony [???? get a criminal record ] then that may not be a good option.Karen. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted February 13, 2009 Welcome to the forum Would your son be able to manage some kind of job, even if it was part-time? My son is coming up for 20 and works at a tiny local supermarket on our residential estate. That way he would be earning his own money, gaining very good life skills and experience, and hopefully more confidence and social 'sense'. Good luck! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anne054 Report post Posted February 16, 2009 Hi.I thought I would post a quick message.Most of the posters on the Forum live in the UK.I think the idea Tally suggested about reporting to the police was probably based on the experience of Forum users in the UK.I think the people on the Forum who have involved the police live in the UK.Talking to the police in the US might be a good idea.However if the police in the US are not aware regarding AS then it might not be a good idea.Where people here have reported their children here it is usually with the idea that a firm chatt and a tour of the police cells might be a wake up call.If there is a risk your son could end up charged with a felony [???? get a criminal record ] then that may not be a good option.Karen. thank you for your insight. You are very right. They are not nearly as aware of AS here as they are in the UK and at home in Canada. I guess that is the reason I am so scared. They would rather charge him with a crime than understand. I had to cancel a cheque he tried to use over the internet and the first thing the bank wanted to do was charge him with identity theft. I had to be very firm that it was not going to happen. I think that is when the fear first set in and now he is turning 21 and will be given all legal rights of a consenting adult and the legal consequences too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anne054 Report post Posted February 16, 2009 Welcome to the forum Would your son be able to manage some kind of job, even if it was part-time? My son is coming up for 20 and works at a tiny local supermarket on our residential estate. That way he would be earning his own money, gaining very good life skills and experience, and hopefully more confidence and social 'sense'. Good luck! Bid My son did have job at a fast food place but lost it for not showing up to work one shift. He loved it and loved earning his spending money. Jobs here are easy to get and even easier to loose. At the moment he is in a special training program to learn graphinc communications and I hope it will lead to employment with some help. He is a good worker and very friendly and most like him if they can get past the poor hygene and quirky conversations. My worry is his ability to resist temptations that will be around him. I am trying to teach him that he cannot have anything he wants and taking it is not right. The consequences are not worth it but so far I have not been able to convince him that the world is not a forgiving place. Also I am a single mother and his biological father has had no contact since he was 6 so there has been no male role model for him. I have tried to find someone just to work with him but have been unsuccessful. My family is really small so all I have is friends and they have not worked out so well as it can be alot to ask of someone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anne054 Report post Posted February 16, 2009 I am thinking that maybe going to the Police dept first and asking them to help me and explaining the situation may be my best first step. At least I can control what happens. Maybe I can find someone who I can work with on a one to one basis. thanks for your suggestions and I am still open to any ideas that you might have. I am certainly feeling less lonely and not quite so overwhelmed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wasuup Report post Posted February 16, 2009 How about having house rules such as if he takes someone else's stuff then he has to do a job/chore for that family member for a week or so or pay it back by selling something of his own? A bit like a in house community service program? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anne054 Report post Posted February 16, 2009 How about having house rules such as if he takes someone else's stuff then he has to do a job/chore for that family member for a week or so or pay it back by selling something of his own? A bit like a in house community service program? We have tried an idea like this but I like yours better. There is only myself and his 19 yr old sister who normally takes his stuff when he takes hers. When she does he just grumbles for awhile and then moves on and adapts. I like the idea of him having to choose and give up something of his. This may produce a better understanding of how others feel when he takes their things. Thanks, I will give it a try. Money that he takes is more difficult as it is harder to replace when he has no job. I am hoping he will get employment in the near future through a local government program so we will try the same sort of thing with him giving up his earned money. I think all this boils down to empathy which as we know is lacking in this syndrome. It has to be learned and relearned so I am hoping something will work. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wasuup Report post Posted February 17, 2009 We have tried an idea like this but I like yours better. There is only myself and his 19 yr old sister who normally takes his stuff when he takes hers. When she does he just grumbles for awhile and then moves on and adapts. I like the idea of him having to choose and give up something of his. This may produce a better understanding of how others feel when he takes their things. Thanks, I will give it a try. Money that he takes is more difficult as it is harder to replace when he has no job. I am hoping he will get employment in the near future through a local government program so we will try the same sort of thing with him giving up his earned money. I think all this boils down to empathy which as we know is lacking in this syndrome. It has to be learned and relearned so I am hoping something will work. Good Luck with it and be sure to let us know here of the outcome-be persistant with it give it a few weeks to see if i t works or not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Report post Posted March 2, 2009 Does he have an allowance? This would enable him to have some money under his control, which may lessen his 'need' to acquire money, and would also give him a source of repaying money as a punishment. If things were better when he had a part-time job, and money of his own, then this might be a step towards improving things once again. Hope that helps, Helen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
isme Report post Posted March 2, 2009 I was thinking along the lines of an allowance.. Like the idea of having to do house community service if something is taken! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
