MOSEY

Bestaluck, Scoops!!!

Oh dear - its such a nightmare applying for DLA! I was totally stressed doing the form and felt so guilty about the negative focus on my boy. I am waiting to hear whether he qualifies again and have read your post with interest!

If I were you Allsetuk I'd go straight back to Social Services and tell them just how hopeless you are feeling. You could ask them directly whether or not you would qualify for shared care/respite support. We have just been approved as shared carers and will be taking a little boy for outings soon at weekends when my hubby is home. I'm much better and quite happy managing the kids when both of us are there as we can take turns coping. It's just so hard when its only you. I feel for you!! There are people out there who want to help out through the Children with Disabilities team at Social Work. I'm not sure how you access it but I could ask my shared care social worker for you if you would like?

Just to say, Mel - one of the reasons we bought our first dog was that my sons had an irrational fear of dogs and were jittery around them. They now snuggle up on the sofa with their heads against the dog, love walking them and spend hours playing with them. My eldest DS used to spend hours stroking my head because he liked the sensation of it - drove me mad! I'm delighted to say I've been replaced by a labrador!! If your son really has an aversion to them, getting one could be just the way to help him overcome this.

What a shame allsetuk. It can be so hard sometimes. Is anyone in your family able to help? Sounds like you could really be doing with a couple of hours to yourself. Could he start a Pokemon project, maybe writing a book about all the characters and their skills or making cardboard models of them all? When my DS is really jumpy, a project helps and he responds best when its on his current fave topic. I think it's so much harder to cope when you can't just let someone else take over and let you calm a bit. Wish I could offer you more advice, but sending you my best wishes and good luck at work.

Oh yeah - card games. Scabby Queen (Scottish name - bet there's a more polite name for it!). The kids love it!

We've been doing lots of big doggy walks in nice places and taking picnics for us and a treat for our lwo labradors. The kids love to throw sticks in the water and watch the dogs fetch them back then shake like all the water off like mad things! Next week, we are packing paints and engraving boards (from Hobbycraft website sale - very cheap arty treats) and staying at our wee caravan for a couple of arty days. I do my own paintings at the table and the kids sit and join in with their projects. If anyone is off to the cinema, I'd strongly recommend Ice Age 3. I was laughing louder than the kids - genius!!

These are really moving - from the heart. Your nan must have been very special. Hope your niece enjoys hearing hers!!

They are brilliant! Creativity is such a fantastic way of expressing feelings and you've captured them so well - my heart was aching on your behalf reading those. When I was 17, my mum dropped dead very suddenly and I was left alone with a brother of 11. I couldn't talk about it and I felt like no-one understood the pain, but I painted and it helped me sooooo much. I think you have a talent there.

Thanks BillyX

BillyX thank you - that was a really helpful post. Particularly the bit about managing the tantrums. I will try this next time (which might be in about 5 minutes heehee as we need to take him out and he doesn't want to go!). You are so right about staying calm - and that's the bit that's hardest for me, especially when I'm tired. It's so easy to get cross and it always makes things worse. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the music - it's very helpful for me to imagine it from DS's point of view. Last night my OH was playing his music for ages and it was really getting to me after a while. Made me realise how Sam had felt, just in a much more intense way! I hope I haven't painted too negative a picture of my boy - he really is a gorgeous kid and he would never wilfully upset anyone. He can't help how he feels a lot of the time, but I wouldn't swap him - he's my wee star!

Thanks BillyX! I do take Sam through new situations in great depth - I have also spent hours with him making and illustrating a book full of social stories which reflect situations specific to him to help him understand what has gone on. The extreme reactions which have been causing the stress are not due to new situations, they are caused when he doesn't get to do what he wants or someone does something he does not want them to do. I appreciate that this might be upsetting for him, but I also think he really needs to learn that not everything will be his choice all the time and that other people can listen to music or make a decision without him having a complete screaming match and making personal comments. I'm scared that if he doesn't get help managing this, he will compromise his chances of having positive give an take relationships in the future. That's why I always spend a long time talking to him afterwards or doing a social story approach with him. He always understands after the event, but it doesn't make his behaviour any easier to deal with at the time and if there are other children with him, it's not always possible to ignore it.

You might be pleasantly surprise Brooke. We were worried sick as DS had big changes last year with support staff and transport and during the Summer was convinced everything would go wrong when he got back. Quite the opposite - his new supports worked really well for him and he ended up blossoming and becoming more independent as a result. I guess it's always prudent to prepare for the worst, then you have every possibility of being pleasantly surprised!! And thank you so much for your kind words.

There are several books on this topic - you could check out Jessica Kingsley Press website. My son is younger, so the info we read is probably too immature for her as he was disgnosed some years ago. We told my son a little bit about Asperger's syndrome and its typically associated traits and he very quickly identified with it and asked if he had it. To him (and us), it was a huge relief - he felt like a lot of his past suddenly made more sense to him. He loves to read about successful people with Aspergers and likes to focus on the positive traits. There's lots of info on the web about this. Of course, this doesn't help much on the bad days and he knows his condition causes him a great deal of stress, but in the main, hearing about AS has helped him to become more self aware and deal with his life more effectively. He now knows why he experiences some ofthe extremes he feels. Best of luck with your daughter - hope someone else has better advice for her age!

Mibbe all of that together is just too much. Its hard enough coming off anti depressants without a big bereavement on top. I'd deffo go back to the GP and explain how you are feeling. Hope today is going well!