lisa2701

Hi, Was just wondering if anyone could recommend some senory toys for a 5 year old? And the best places to get them if possible? Thanks Lisa xx

Hi, Thanks again for everyones replies. I have decided that i am going to keep ds in mainstream. Although it is hard to know if ds fully understood what i asked him i have spoke to him about if he is happy at school and if the other children play with him. He seems to be happy (he's always enjoyed nursery and now school) and says that the other children are nice to him. This is obviously not what i have witnessed so i am not entirely sure what to think. I know he has one good friend, who he has been friends with since nursery, he seems a lovely little boy and i am soooo glad they have been put in the same class. I agree that the school seem to be pro-active regarding the autism outreach team, but at the time i posted the original post they had nothing apart from a visual timetable and i was feeling frustrated by it. I am going to call on monday and get an appointment at the school so i can sit down and discuss things with his teacher. Has anyone been involved with the autism outreach team? If so can you tell me if i will likely be involved with that process or how it works? To answer NobbyNobbs questions, my ds is 4 (5 next month) and i haven't missed any meeting with the school. i totally agree regarding golden time as ds doesn't play with the type of toys they are expected to take in. He will only play with computers, and although i would be willing to let him take his hand held computer into school i am sure that this would NOT go down well with the teacher or other pupils so can not allow him to do it. AS for the other children not playing with him, i know and have told ds that i can not force the other children to play with him. Its just so heartbreaking when he comes and asks me to make the boys play with him. Feel so sorry for him. I also can completely understand though why the other children do not want to play with him and they seem very weary of him, probably because if things don't happen the way he wants it he gets frustrated. I am not entirely sure how to help him in this situation. I am sure all of this is just one big learning curve for both ds and more so, myself. I am sure we will grow stronger and more tolerant people as a result of it all. I am a true believer in, everything happens for a reason, and that everything will workout in the end, and i am sure that it also applies to the situation with school. Sincere thank you for everyone who has taken time to reply to this post. Lisa xx

hi all, thank you so much for your replies. I was given ds diagnosis in july and handed a pack and sent on my way. I don't have another appointment with the specialist seeing him for 6 months. So as far as i am aware the only things happening for ds are that he is involved with a language group at school run by his speech and language therapist, and now, the autism outreach are going to get invloved. All through nursery we were told that our ds did not cope emotionally with things. His nursery teracher is now his primary school teacher, so thats been very good for him to have the same teacher through out. Certainly what i have noticed with all children, not just those at school, is that they are welcoming of ds initially, but when they realise how intense he is they then refuse to play with him. As he doesn't understand (after all they have played with him before) that they don't want to play with him he becomes very insistants pushy and bossy with them, and very often this leads to them physicaly trying to remove him for there group through pushing etc. An old school friend of mines is now an infant teacher at the local schools, she has worked both SEN school and mainstream. I was able to talk to her last night and discuss my concerns and what the differences are between them, and after a long chat she has convinced me that for now i am probably best to keep ds in mainstream. Maybe give him the first year and see how he copes, unless something happens of course. I am going to make an appointment on monday to go and talk to his teacher, and hopefully we can resolve any issues that i currently have. i truely do need something like a school-home book, and this would probably settle my mind a lot. Obviously if what i am seeing is him being isolated in the morning then i have to assume that is whats happening during the day too, and as he can not tell me other wise it has upset me a lot. I was BADLY bullied in school and the thought that it could be happening to him and he's unable to tell someone really frightens me. If he is having problems in the playground is there any supposrt he can get during breaks? obviously teachers not with them, and as much as they have a playground supervisor she can't be everywhere at once? Thanks Lisa xx

hi, thank you for your replies. I was told today that the school have requested help from the autism outreach team for my ds, so thats good. I have to admit that i am not the most assertive person in the world and i find it very difficult to be persistant, however i can and will if i feel its needed when it come to ds. Autism is something VERY new to my family so we are still trying to learn and work out what ds triggers are, and how they may effect him at school. I belive that there's an educational psychologist that is now going to be invloved, and when i called to inform the school of the diagnosis i was told that his teacher had experience with a much more severe autistic childwho is now off to SE school so everything would be fine. Did not fill me with confidence that the school were looking at him as an individual i have to admit! I must say that myself and my husband have seriously thought about wether or not ds should be in mainstream or not. I do not want to wait untill something happens, or he is not coping before making the decision as i don't want him to be put off school. I do not have asd and i know how hard i found school with bullying and struggling to fit in and i'm not sure if perhaps due to my bad experience of school perhaps i'm a little extra sensitive to things. DH and i do think that perhaps SE school would be better for our ds, and there is a very good one only a few miles away from us but everyone keeps telling us to give him a chance in mainstream. i'm totally torn as to what to do. I do not think the school will support the move, and i'm not sure if that will make things harder, or even come into it? I haven't a clue about how to go about asking for the change, or if he is severe enough to get in to SE school or not. Sorry if anything i said sounds silly but i'm really not sure about how things work. Also, i strongly believe that ds will not cope long term in mainstream so just feel like whats the point in letting him go 2 3 4 years, whatever it might be, and then ask him to change his teacher, school, enviroment, friends, routine etc etc when we could do it as soon as possible before he gets too stuck in his ways there?? I'm not sure. Lisa xx

Hi bid, Yes i totally agree that if i wanted to have a proper sit down discussion with the teacher that i would have to make an appointment, i totally agree. I also agree that teachers are allowed a lunch break, however, the time i was talking about was my sons first ever day at school, and they were finishing for the day at lunch time. I was not taking time away from her lunch, as she was finishing for the day, i also didn't want anymore than a few minutes of her time. i do not think it is unreasonable to ask a teacher to give you a few minutes for a very quick question (or to let you see the class that your child is in) especially on there first day! I seriously took no more than a few minutes to look around the class and i did wait to the very end so there was no more children in or around the class. Lisa xx

hi all, Was just looking for some advice as i'm sure the problems i am having is very common with Autistic children but i am not entirely sure what to do about it. My son is autistic and started school 3 weeks ago now into mainstream school. My son only got diagnosed over the summer holidays, so when the schools started back i called the head teacher to let her know and without even discussing things with me she assured me that they would manage and be able to deal with things. I also tried to talk to his teacher one afternoon when i went to pick my son up from school, just to ask if i could see his classroom as i hadn't been given the chance and my DS can't tell me about things thats happened in the past. He seems to be only able to think about things thats in the here and now. when i walked in to talk to her i was instantly told that i would have to make an appointment as she was now leaving for her lunch(thought that was horrible and so much for teacher parent communication )! anyway, got to see the class. I thought seeing the class would make it easier to prompt converstation about his day, so i could ask about things and try put bits of jigsaw together to get an idea. However, this has not helped and i have no idea what he is doing from one day to the next! They even have a thing called golden time where the children are allowed to take a toy into school on a friday and get given an hour to play as they wish during school hours. But the only reason i am aware of this is because i heard the other children in the playground telling there parents about it, ds would've went to school with nothing had i not heard that. There seems to be no communication from the school at all! My other BIG problem is that when we are in the playground in the morning waiting on the bell going the other children from his class etc seem to want nothing to do with him. DS really wants to be part of things, but doesn't understand about game rules, or people personal space etc, he can be intense with children, so i compltely understand why they may not want to play with him, but it is heartbreaking from a parents point of view. I am going to go into his teacher to discuss it this afternoon however as i know his teacher (she was his nursery teacher) i am positive i am going to be told that there is no probelms. I don't know what to do at all. I feel like the school is being very unaproachable, and just that they are dealing with things. I'm soo frustrated already. DS loves school but at this rate i can see him being put off school very quickly. He also seems to get a rediculous amount of home work for a primary one pupil, takes us about an hour every evening to do it. i really am frustrated already. any advise would be greatly appreciated! Lisa xxx

Hi, I must say that i am very lucky and my ds has been getting speech therapy for about 18 months now. And the last 9-12 months he's got it twice a week with a very lovely speech and langauge therapist who he really likes. Perhaps looking back on things i must say that i now feel that there has been so much focus on his comprehension and getting him to understand the spoken language that the fact that he struggles to find his words has gone un noticed by myself (untill recently), that being said its only been the last 3-4 months that he has started trying to use sentences, rather than just use 1-2 words to get what he needed. Another thing that i have noticed he does is to mix his sentences up such as say things such as "what age are you at?! instead of "what age are you?". I must say that i find it extremely cute. Thank you for the website you gave, i haven't had the chance to have a look at it yet but i will definately have a look as soon as possible. I hope you mamange to get speech therapy for your daughter, i have found it has helped a LOT. My ds definately seems much happier now that he can communicate his needs better. He used to have his own launguage that we thought was very cute, but now that i know what i do i think he must have been sooo frustrated repeating himself over and over and over again and not being understood. And he would repeat himself several times, the exact same thing, but it would never make any sense to us. hope that makes sense. its late and i may not be explaining that very well . Anyway thank you for your reply and i hope all goes well for your daughter. Lisa xxx Thanks again

hi mandapapa, Thank you for your reply. I will definatly try the teddy technique with my son tomorrow, when i can get time just the two of us. Its a very good idea, and i think it will work with my son as he's extremely visual. He is normally very aware of dangers, always telling adults to watch the road as there are dangerous cars, and becarefull when your working with hot water etc, but he just doesn't seem to understand how dangerous this new found climbing skill is. I will be sure to update you on how our discussion with teddy goes. Lisa xx

hi, As some of you may be aware my 4 year old got diagnosed with autism about 4 weeks ago. During the assessment the speech and language therapist said that ds has a speech disorder, where he get his words mixed up, i.e. called a chair a bed etc. He knows that he had to go into the furniture catagory but then gets mixed up with what word he was supposed to use. Hope that makes sense. He's been getting intensive speech therapy for about a year now and i've always been told he had a delay not a disorder. The speech therapist that saw him at the assessment center didn't really say much other than he had a disorder and gave the example i just gave you. I was hoping to have the report from the doctor in by now, and was hoping it would explain things a bit better, but i have called and been told it'll be another few weeks before i can get it. So i was just wondering if anyone could shed light on the differences between a disorder and a delay? A disorder sounds like it would be perminant, and may even not improve, would i be right in this? His speech has definately improved since getting the intense speech therapy, and he can now put simple sentences together, understand 3 part instructions etc, so am was really hopefull for him, but a little worried now that i've been told he's got a disorder. thanks Lisa xx

hi, Thanks for your replies. My main fear is that he will fall off the window ledge and really hurt himself. There is a radiator directly under it and i have visions of him slipping, getting his foot caught and breaking his ankle. I have spoken to my HV but her only advice was to tell him off for it. I'm not sure what i was hoping for, but i was hoping for better advice than that. lol. I'm not worried about him falling through the window as its double glazing, and the windows are locked, and have safety catches on them even if he did open them. I'm pretty new to autism so i'm not entirely sure how i would create a social story relevant to my ds?? Thanks again Lisa xx

Hi everyone, I keep catching my 4 year old autistic son standing on his window ledge. He's never done anything like this before, but i'm now worried sick when putting him to bed. I found him this evening stuck, unable to get down, tangled in his blinds. I'm terrifed that he's going to really get hurt. I plan on removing the blinds tomorrow so he doesn't get tangled in them, there are locks on the windows, but obviously he's still in great danger. My husband and i have tried talking to him about it and explaining how dangerous it is but i get the feeling that he doesn't understand. I'm at a complete loss at what to do. We've also removed everything he can use to get up there but he still managed. Wondering if anyone has had a similar experience that could offer some advice??? Thanks Lisa xxx

All signed

Hi nicky, I completely agree, i really have to become thicker skinned. I have a very good relationship with the person who's putting preasure on me to keep him in, and i respect and trust her judgement, but i do think on this occassion she's wrong. That being said... I feel increadably guilty not taking him. WE have swimming lessons in a couple of hours, and although my son is very much looking forward to it, i know the tears, upset and stress are more than likely to be the outcome. i am dreading it. My pool doesn't do one to one that i am aware of. but like i said there is a swimming for special needs in a local school every week i think. Places are no doubt limited, and i can only imagine how long we will have to wait but i thnk i'm going to ask about it. As for todays swimming, i'm not sure whats going to happen . Lisa xx

Thanks again for your replies. i am not entirely sure about asd specific support groups in my area. I really should sit down and make a few phone calls, i just can't get half an hour without my son to do it in silence, and i struggle to focus on things (i.e conversations) when there is noise in the background. But i think i will go after i write this and see if i can get hold of my health visitor. See what she can suggest. I have made some trips to borders books to see what they had for reading, i did buy one book but haven't had a minute to sit down and really get into it. As with the shower situation, my shower does come off the wall, and we do take it down and let our son have complete control over it, but unfortunately there are days where he just refuses to rinse the soap off him. We use childrens shower gell. He doesn't like being wshed with a facecloth or sponge as this is how we get washed in the morning and he hates it! But maybe i could try a bowl of water and a cup that he can rinse himself off that way. he likes doing that in the bath when we are at my mothers. Haircuts are also a nightmare for us. Thankfully my sister is a hairdresser, we try to give our son something that he REALLY likes (usually his nintendo ds) to distract him but it works sometimes and not others. We don't usually get anymore than 5 minutes to do it, and i've seen is have to leave it half done and finishing it another day. Haircuts are due this week actually, i dread them. But at least now i can understand it better. So here's another question, for the last year my son has been taking swimming lessons, initially he was put back into mother and toddler classes as he was struggling emotionally, he is now up into level two swimming, but since being put up into level two he has went back to struggling. He is highly competitive, and if someone else gets to the other side quicker than him (which is a lot as he's the youngest in the class) he gets so upset. his swimming instructor was fab with him, very understanding and encouraging, but he's went off long term sick now. i just wonder if swimming lessons is worth so much stress. I am under a lot of pressure from the family to keep him in them but i just think all its doing it causing stress both to my son and to myself. However, i just discovered about swimming lessons for the disabled not far from myself. Do you think he would be more likely to cope in those lessons where the class in smaller and there are two instructors? Lisa xxx

hi again, Firstly i'd like to apologise for disapearing for a couple of days, had to take a time out and clear my head. As for sensory issues, i would agree that some of his behaviour is steming from sensory issues. Mainly surrounding, temperatures of food and water, and noise bothers him too. The showers a hard one as he says the shower scrathes him, and that is too hot, but its as gentil as i can get it and the showers freezing! i find this hard as i feel like i'm being cruel showering my son in a cold shower. I think in light of things i am going to try to get a bath put in with a shower over it, would make life much easier on both of us if he didn't get so stressed at shower time. Admittedly i am very new to autism, and i'm learning as much as i possibly can to help my son but i just wish i could understand better and quicker. We have got a visual timetable set up now which he has responded to very well. Behaviour seems a little better in the last two days but then we haven't left house, so are able to control most things in the enviroment. he got very angry with our cat yesterday and so i asked him what it was that was making him angry, and he told me that she kept going in and out and in and out of the house and it was stressing him. Poor wee soul, the cat had spent all morning coming and going from the livingroom window and he was really upset by it, so window got closed. Seemed to help. A and A, I first noticed that my sons speech regressed around the age of 18 months - 2 years. He started a small playgroup around that time and i was assured by them that he was just developing slowly, although they all commented on his american accent, which they loved. He started nursery around 3 and again i questioned his speech, in which they agreed that it had to be adressed. So he started seeing a speech and language therapist and made little progress. My hv referred my to the CDC as she suspected autism, but no one had told us anything at this point and i hadn't a clue about autism, therefore didn't know what to watch for. The CDC eventually saw us, asked to have some blood work done and sent us on our way. We then get the report in and it mentions that they don't think he's autistic. i then went and read up on autism out of curiousity and couldn't believe how much it sounded like my son. So i called the CDC back and told them about my thoughts (although felt i was being silly). 9 MONTHS later i get another appointment with CDC and at this point had lots of example of autistic traits in my son, so she referred me to the specialist. At the assesment there was no hesitation in diagnosis, and i was told for the first time that my son has a speech disorder, not just a delay. My son is 5 in October and he was 2 when i noticed his speech wasn't developing, so it has taken almost 3 years. Had i known then what i know now about autism i think we might have gotten things done a bit quicker, i wasn't aware of his hand flapping(that was normal to me, he'd always done that, i never even noticed him doing it), sensory problems(i just thought the nightly fights in the shower was naughtiness ), social problems(played on his own with thomas tracks for hours, wouldn't let anyone else touch them, and lined them up), etc. AS for how i'm coping with the diagnosis, the answer is, no where near as well as i expected i would. It is hard times right now. Normally i am a very open person with my family, but for some reason i can't bring myself to tell my family how sad i feel. I also feel increadably guilty for all the times i've gotten angry with him over things that i now know he couldn't help. i hope that helped A and A, if you've aymore questions just ask, i'm sure i've missed something out as its late. Lisa xxx

Hi everyone, Thank you all so much for your replies. It has been very interesting to hear about everyones experiences. I have to appologise for taking so long to reply myself, but i had to just take some time out and clear my head for a bit. So much to take in and my mind is going at a million miles an hour day and night at the moment. I suppose what i'm thinking now is to get a meeting set up with the school and everyone involved with my son as soon as i can and start discussing our options, and whats best for sean of course. I know the head teacher of the school is lovely as i've already met her a few times before diagnosis, she was very supportive. I just hope that i can get the same commitment of support from his teacher. if things don't work out in mainstream (which long term, i suspect they won't) then there are a couple of good special needs schools in my area with autism specific classes i'm sure. I suppose i just have to wait and see how he copes, maybe he'll surprise me...goodness knows he does it often enough, tonight he actually asked, as in volunteered to have his hair washed.... i was speechless. He still wasn't happy about it but hey its a huge improvement from normal Thank you to everyone who replied once again Lisa xxx

thanks every1 for your replies so far. i must admit i'm not entirely clued up on the education system, my son is an only child and my husband and i are only in our early twenties so this is all very very new to us. That being said.... my gut feeling tells me that he will not cope with mainstream, he does have a speech disorder, severe soocial and play problems and sensory issues such as very sensitive hearing. My fears are very much about how is he going to cope in a noisey busy classroom full of kids, how on earth can he learn in that kind of enviroment, with school bells ringing, people running past doors etc. Children are already showing that they are not accepting of him, already had to sort out some bullying problems, and school terrifies me from that point of view. I fear that he will be unable to tell us if he is being bullied as he can only seem to get his mind around the hear and now, not what happened 5 minutes ago. Also the teacher he is getting is the teacher he had in nursery, and as much as she is lovely i really struggled with her reagurding her committing to the fact he was struggling to cope emotionally in nursery. She would tell me that he was struggling to make friends and cope emotionally, so i asked her for a short report that i could take to the autism assessment and the report was useless to me, it didn't sound like my son at all. i am convinced that she had just pulled an old report card and changed the name on it or something, it said that he had made friends, was coping well etc, exact opposit of what she told me. Maybe now i have a diagnosis she'll be better. Fingers crossed. Just one other thing.... Everyone keeps talking about statements, first of all i'm not sure what a statement is (sorry for the ignorance) and secondly i live up in scotland and have read that statements only apply to England and Wales, is this true? Thanks again xxx

Hi thomastank, I have been told to get a visual timetable, something that i am in the process of making and hoping to get put together tonight if not this weekend. I have also been told to get a visual timer for him, still working on that one as i'm not sure what type of timer would suit best. initially though a sand timer would be best but then there so specific to time, i'd have to buy several of them. So now trying to find one where i can set time to my liking. Not sure if a simple count down kitchen timer would do? He is fabulous with numbers sou would no doubt be able to comprehend that the numbers are ticking down. As for help identifying his triggers i have had no help. As for school i am sure i will just have to wait and see what happens. i will ask my health visit about portage. I know that i am suppoed to be put in contact with a disability nurse whio comes out to the house to give advice etc, but so far not heard anything about it. xx

Hi, ok, so heres the thing. My son has just been diagnosed with Autism a week ago. He is a very academically bright young boy with extremely good number skills ( can count to 100 and can do simple sums 2+1, 4-2 etc) He has recently discovered letters and that they make words which in turn make stories, so we are now encouraging his reading skills. He is 4 years old (5 in October). He starts mainstream school on the 20th of August so only 5 weeks away, and both my husband and i are very concered about how he is going to cope emotionally. He already knows his teacher, so that is a plus but he has such hard times with other children as i'm sure most if not all kids do who are on the spectrum. I have an uncle who works in schools with children with behavioral problems, and he has worked with SE children too. I was telling him about our recent diagnosis and he was admiment that he doesn't think mainstream is going to be right for my son. In his prefessional and personal opinion he feels my son would be better suited to a special education school. I trust and respect his opinion but really don't know where to start with it all. I am sure he can point me in the right direction. My thoughts were though... i know all children with autism are different so theres no hard and fast rule, but what is your opinion and experiences of mainstream vs Special education schools?? Thanks Lisa xx

hi, I have tried to ask him if the dogs are bothering him and he replies that they are making him angry, but i can never work out what they are doing to make him angry. He is sensitve to noise and the dogs are very vocal and hyper , however, they have always been this way and they have never bothered him till now. He doesn't play with toys really so never has things lying around to be knocked over (this was a problem when he was obsessed with thomas and they kept breaking his track) and they are generally bathed on a weekly basis as my mum shows her dogs so shouldn't be smelly. I have gotten to the point where i can not trust him with the dogs and its getting very stressful to be unable to do simple things like make a cup of tea etc without taking all dogs or my son with me where ever i go. Its also heartbreaking to see something that used to give him such pleasure now causing him so much stress. I must admit i am extrememly lucky that we own such lovely natured dogs and hopefully there confidence and trust in him can continue untill we can work out what is happening. Thanks lisa xx

Hi again, thanks to everyone who has replied. I have considered contacting my health visitor but wasn't too sure how she would be able to help. I will definately contact her on monday and see what she can offer. I must say that the consultnat the we saw was lovely both with my son and with myself, i just felt like she'd maybe ran out of time at the end and wasn't able to spend anytime talking about things. Going back in six months to see her so will no doubt have lots of questions by then, but its a long time to feel alone and unsure of what your doing. I must say that my son doesn't have too many sensory issues and the ones he does have are managable. He is sensitive to noise but not to an extreme manner, as long as you turn down whatever is bothering him he settles down instantly. The hardest one for me is that he doesn't like the shower (says that the water is scratching him) but i only have a shower in my house, so that is a problem and one that is getting worse. He is also very senitive to hot or warm. A temperature that i think is perfect for him he thinks is scalding so he has pretty much cold showers. Getting washed in the morning is the same. ANd his dinner can only be warm and no more, if he tries it and its too hot (in his mind) then he just simply won't look at it again. He does have a liking to things like tights and silk, but i don't think of that as i problem really. Behaviour is where i am struggling a bit with him, He is very easily frustrated and angered, and reacts by hitting, punching kicking, punching and shouting. He also refuses to do things that he is capable of, i.e. getting dressed, but the more you push it or try to convince him the more he'll dig his heels in and refuse. ANd i must say that since the school holidays split a few weeks ago both these have gotten much worse. Its so exhausting and i don't know how i'll cope with another 5 weeks without a break. My husband works full time, very often away before my son gets up and not home till he's in bed, and both grandparents have stopped taking sean over night in the last 18 moths or so. I'm only 24 and all of my friends are younger and have no kids so i don't get any support there either. My son starts school next month, into a mainstream school. I must admit i am very worried about how he is going to cope and would like to at very least consider and look into a special education school. There is a good one a few miles away from me. I have no idea how i would even go about that. I was under the illusion that you only needed a statement if you lived in england or wales? is this true as i come from scotland? And if it is does anyone know how things work in scotland? Sorry about the length, just trying to cover all basis. Lisa xx

Thank you for such a quick reply bid. I will be sure to look for some books by Tony Attwood, and i'm sure i can find lots of information on here. Thanks xxx

Hi everyone, I've just recently had a diagnosis of autism for my 4 year old son. I have found that my sons agression and frustrations have went through the roof since the school holidays started a few weeks back, and i'm really struggling with how to stay sane and help him. One of the things i am worried about is that he has recently started becoming angry and lashing out at the dogs in our family. I myself have 2, and my mum has 4 (one of which is a puppy) and i spend a LOT of time at my mums. He never used to mind the dogs, infact i'd say he loved them before but they are now becoming the targert of his frustrations. His frustration does seem to get worse when they are brought in so i'm thinking that something about the dogs are upsetting him but i'm not sure what. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks lisa xx

Hi everyone, I'm a mother of a 4 year old boy who has just been diagnosed with autism a week ago (although we've suspected for a while now). I must say that my head is still in a bit of a spin with it all. Almost feel as though i was given diagnosis, a pack with leaflets and shown the door so i'm so glad that i found this forum. Wonder if anyone could recommend some good books to read up on, i've already read "ten things an autistic child would want you to know", thought it was really good, but would like to read up some more. Thanks lisa xx