I'm Aspergers Not Stupid

I can understand the concentration problem, I myself had to have a one on one person with me in college, though it wasn't that my concentration was bad, I'd just say my concentration was on something else at the time which I was fixated on which I found difficult to snap out of, so that person I had basically tapped my shoulder when he noticed I did that to bring me around to concentrating on what I'm meant to. I'm not sure, but maybe you might benefit from something similar because I found it really helpful. I'd also like to point out that the same way you don't understand how to deal with the news you might have Aspergers, your friends and family will have the same problem. All of you will be confused and starting to look at the highlighted areas I've mentioned, and over studying it. I'm sure there not doing that to offend you but most likely thinking maybe they could do something differently which is basically the same you are thinking. I mean it's pretty easy at these certain situations to just think the situation will only affect yourself and that's understandable, I've done similar but I think it'll also help if you understand that isn't the case. I'm actually happy you said that because now I can put the shoe on the other foot, if they are second guessing how they're meant to treat you and you dislike it, imagine how they might possibly feel that you are also doing the same. Other than that, I'm sorry I can't stop you from worrying about your concentration because I'm also am looking into ways on improving mine, and I haven't found a magic answer yet, for example I want to learn how to drive but I'm worried that if I go into my own little world for a second that I could seriously injure myself or others. But I'm sure that there are ways to improve on it and that's all we as people can hope to do, to try and improve on things we feel we need improving. I hope that helps.

I'm not sure if this is comforting but if you do have Aspergers Syndrome I wouldn't worry to much about it, because it wont change a thing. All there really doing is giving out a name so you understand what you do different. What I found was it never really changed anything, because I haven't changed as a person. If you got Aspergers you've always had it, so even if you don't get diagnosed you're still going to deal with the same situations. (I know your aware of this from what you said) I view it similar as using a highlighter in books. The text in the book is always the same, but if you highlight a certain part of the text in the book, you'll pay much more attention to the part highlighted, while doing that you might gain a better understanding of what's highlighted. I'm not sure if I the analogy clear, but basically all I'm saying is, if it turns out you do have Aspergers Syndrome it might highlight a few things you never realised and hopefully help you deal better with situations. But also although you are worried and second guessing stuff, it might be good to note that your family have only known you for who you are also, they wont view you any different either because you're still acting within your personality and it's not like you have changed to them either. I'm not sure if that's helpful, but hopefully it is.

Well to answer the question first, no I don't believe you gave up on you him. From what I read I believe you did the right thing, I believe first priority should be your kids. (not trying to make that sound like a stereotypical Jeremy Kyle quote) Even if your husband does have Aspergers it doesn't mean that he cannot be an idiot at times or that if he ain't willing to change situations for the better, that you should be lenient and stuck in a relationship you're unhappy with. I would like to say though that I myself find it hard to show affection, so it might not be the fact that he wasn't affectionate towards you, maybe it was that he didn't know how to show you affection. But yeah as far as I'm concerned, you did the right thing based on what I've read, I wouldn't consider going back with him because for the situation to change for the better, he would first need to understand why you left him. (which you said he doesn't) Then he would need to be willing to work towards changing that. If none of these have been accomplished then I believe its pointless. I'm not sure if that's helpful but I hope so.

They was talking about a lot of disabilities not just Aspergers, I wouldn't say that they're saying If you got one(or more) of the disabilities stated that you need a better quality of life. I believe its more along the lines, If your affected by any of the disabilities mentioned and you need some sort of help, that they are willing to help. I might be wrong, but personally I think because there's so many different learning disabilities to cover in this statement, maybe they they didn't want to go in to detail on how each one might effect someone, so they rounded them all up sort of speak and said "quality of life" just as a way to cover all the disabilities it concerned. Hope that helps.

@caci Interesting idea, It's not something I know a lot about because I don't need glasses to see, but I'll try and look into it and find more information about the type of glasses you mentioned. Thanks.

@Jannih Thanks I found what you said very interesting. The first paragraph I can relate to very well and that's why I have so much confusion about eye contact because I find it difficult to find a middle ground. I also found ethnic minorities possibly being more sociable towards others there race very interesting. Also that newspaper seems to be something well worth me looking into. Thanks alot again for your comment and everyone else's so far for that matter, I will try and apply a lot of these things said in the near future. @smiley1590 Thanks for your time and advise...I will try that mirror thing out today probably and try and find what I feel best with from everyone's suggestions. Thanks.

@Pentoon [Warning...if you plan on reading this is might take a while] Um I'm not sure if I can give you a very good reply here but I'll try. Um first I'd like to say that children learn swear words at a young age (not trying to say it in a way that you haven't been one yourself) because many parents don't have the same view as you. I've seen other parents when I was younger swearing in front of there kids or in some cases telling there kid to swear at someone for a laugh. Obviously then that one kid who's in a group of kids start flaunting it like a cool word and then the others pick up on it. That's what I noticed in school. Um the friend thing, me myself when I was young I only hand one or two friends and basically followed them like a shadow. I also got jealous that everyone else seemed to make friends easy and I could barely get any...I found it easier to get bullied than getting friends. Anyway because of me only having a short list of friends, I valued them so much that I'd do similar things like refusing to do stuff unless I could do it with a friend, because I didn't want to be on my own with people I didn't know or had problems with. I guess it was like a sense of security doing something with someone you like. I'm not sure if that's the same scenario but it might be worth checking to see if that's why he reacted that way. The indoor thing I'm not quiet sure of, I'm guessing it was a personal preference staying in there...maybe he wanted to stay inside because he had the toy and wouldn't have to interact with anyone outside. Another thought is...Aspergers kids tend to get fixated with things...possibly it could have been with that toy and if there was a rule like lets say "do not take indoor toys outdoors", my personal first reaction if that was the case would be to try to stay inside with that toy. If that is the case maybe I'd want to stay there to the point of swearing at a teacher. I've previously swore at a teacher also for thinking that said teacher was singling me out. I'm not sure If any of them scenarios are what happened but that's me thinking out loud of reasons he may of done it. Oh and the change of area/ teachers and such might very well have caused a lot of the problem but I'd keep an open mind. When I did things that got me punished it was mainly cause of many combined things I was unhappy with...you know when it rains it pours. The ball thing I cant really relate to at all or think of a scenario of why he'd do it, all I can think of is seeing it as a sense of playing OR actually now I think about it when I was younger kids used to use me for entertainment. They used to give me ridiculous demands that would no doubt get me in trouble, and I'd do it willingly thinking I'm in a part of a gang now, like there all now my friends...in till I did it of course then they'd disappear so they're not blamed. I'd look into seeing if he does a similar thing, but again I cant guarantee that is the case. I know this is an essay but last thing I'd like to say is...when I went to anger management they advised to finding an outlet for frustration, like exercising ,marshal arts, sports...basically physical activities. I'm not sure if that's what you wanted to hear but that's what I was told in anger management. Personally now I take gym once a week and I feel a great relief doing it...and if I'm still angry afterwards...I'm pretty much to tired to want to do anything about it anyway. I'm sorry I cant give you any real good advice on his black moods, all I can really say is be wary of some of the situations I've mentioned...especially the one about kids using a kid for the enjoyment of seeing them get in trouble because I think trying to help him avoid trouble is the main way of making him happy. Oh and to answer the very last question. Silence is golder, duct tape is silver lol (okay maybe not) Hope something I wrote might help.

Thanks for seconding Kathryn's advice, and also thanks for telling me about how you feel about eye contact...personally I wouldn't think people would be put off if you was looking at someone with a fascination. If anything if it was me I'd see it as a complement that there's something fascinating about me, and I'm sure many others would view it the same way. Thanks again. Thanks that will hopefully help me a lot especially that "your turn to speak thing". Now I about it, many do that to me when they want me to speak, but it's kind of a hidden rule of communication or something so I didn't really notice in till you pointed it out. Hopefully it will help me a little more when speaking to people because I feel sometimes people think I'm ignoring them or something. Thanks again.

That might be helpful, but is there a certain amount of time I should do that for? because if I'm giving them the impression of giving eye contact and stare for a long period of time they might think I'm staring them out. But anyway yeah it sounds useful for thanks for your advice. Yeah I guess its possible even though I feel like It's a big deal not giving a certain amount of eye contact, others might not care what so ever...maybe your right and I shouldn't look at anyone but I'm not sure where to look If I'm not looking at them. I don't like the idea of looking down cause I feel I might give the impression of vulnerability so I've tried things in the past like pretending to yawn because you can basically cover your face while yawing...but that didn't go to well my acting skills ain't that good I guess. I'm not sure if anyone might find this helpful but I've started not long back. If I'm walking with someone on the street...I pretty much try and keep a conversation going with that other person I'm walking with (Even though it doesn't really come natural) just to have a reason to look at the other person while I'm walking past people. That way I'm not worried about looking vulnerable or if I'm intimidating the people I'm walking past.

Thanks for that, I kind of understand, I despise stereotyping but I guess sometimes it's possible people can benefit from it. The only problem is I never really notice what the person looks like to really make a judgement. I've walked passed people thinking they where elderly and it turned out to be a youth and vies versa. I've even got it wrong with which sex I'm walking passed. I've probably walked passed 15 people today and I could only tell you how 3 looked like, and one of them was because he was a bus driver and I said thanks to him. I'm not sure if you can relate or not, but if an occasion arises I'll try to apply it and see if it works for me. Thanks for your time in commenting.

I'd like to say I didn't take offence, or felt it was an attack against me. I don't think it was Mumble's fault either and i didn't think the post was a bad one. I was just explaining what I was looking for in the thread but I guess other people viewed it different. I guess maybe I should have thought ahead and stuck it in the threads explanation, instead of leaving late an explaining when someone made a response I wasn't really looking for. I just never considered doing it and if others view that as my fault then I except it. I'm just worried that people are now thinking I'm attacking people on a site when it wasn't my intention...I came to make friends with people with similar problems not enemies.

I wasn't upset but I'm guessing it came across that way, but thanks for thinking how I could have possibly been feeling and trying to reassure me. I've personally been to London many of times and I understood where Mumble was coming from but was hoping for a different response, I'd happily share jokes with Mumble or anyone else on here but it just wasn't personally what i was looking for in this thread, that's all. I see what you mean about different people having different views and that's why I worry about it, I don't wont to intimidate but I don't want to look like I'll allow people to walk all over me, I'm just really finding it difficult to deal with and hoping that someone has came up with a master plan I guess.

My personal opinion is that your assuming I'm attacking you, I said if you used it in that sense that I accepted it. Then I went on to say that even though you did say it that way I was looking for a different response, never did I say your response was wrong or attempted to give any impression of that. I also never insinuated that you was trying to Holt others supporting me, that I personally believe is a insinuation in itself cause I felt I was clearly stating I was simply looking for a different response (not that I'm unhappy that you did, I accept it's difficult for some to read some situations because I myself do also. I personally felt that if I don't explain how I feel, I cant expect people to understand how I feel...so I said to you what I was looking for, there was no attack in there what so ever to say you replied in the wrong way or how you deal with things are, I personally believe there isn't a correct way. My intention was more along the lines of "if you don't ask you don't get" I hope there's a better understanding now, maybe I didn't go about it the best way, but I don't want you being upset. It was not my intention and I think something as simple as a misunderstanding shouldn't get us off on the wrong foot, sort of speak.

Sorry, but I didn't find that very helpful. I'm not sure If that was meant to be a joke but if so I accept that, but personally I'm looking for serious answer because to me this is a serious issue. Not trying to sound like I got my head up my own you know what... but I felt like posting this just so that if you didn't understand maybe you will now, and if others who planned to post didn't they would also. Hope I didn't offend you.

Mainly for when you're walking passed people in the street, or on buses and all that. I get worried about if I'm giving to much or to little eye contact. I feel given to little eye contact gives the impression of being an easy target (people have jumped me a few times trying to steal things). Also that if I give to much eye contact, that I can either intimidate others or start fights that way (I've fought over that also). I find it very difficult to find a balance and many times it makes me feel like I should avoid going out even when I have things I should do. I've thought about wearing sunglasses, so I can walk passed and people wont be able to know any different...but wearing sunglasses around autumn/winter time or if it's late and gets dark would probably draw attention to myself. So that idea I can only really apply for two seasons and I'm left with the other seasons to try and find a balance of eye contact that feels foreign to me. Does anyone have any tips or tricks what so ever?