Alma

Hey - very good luck in your job. My stepson is nearly 15 with AS and although he has loads of difficulties, he is wonderful when he visits the residential home where my mother lives. He is really kind and patient with the residents, many of whom have dementia and I had wondered if there may be a future role for him somewhere like that. I hope it goes really well for you.

I certainly understand. My stepson is nearly 15 and would happily be alone in his room all day. We're torn between acknowledging that he is relaxed whilst watching tv or playing on the computer but not wanting to let him waste his life away. If he doesn't try to take part in everyday,life how will he ever learn to manage? J has recently stopped doing any of his "jobs" (we have a tick list for everyday routines like doing schoolwork, bringing lunch box into kitchen, preparing school bag for tomorrow) and has become even more negative. He sees the worst in everything and everybody, is destructive and swears at us yet when people he likes are present (his aunt, some of our friends) his is charm personified. It's this instant change of behaviours which really gets to me. The psychologists say that he is awful wih us as he feels secure and trusts us which may be true but doesn't make us feel any better when we're in the thick of it. What we need to try to do is remember that these children have such a different outlook on life to us and can't begin to understand how much they hurt us - easier said than done, I know only too well but your not alone and there are people out there who understand - I guess that's where these forums help

That's great. J sometimes does yoga on the Wii fit too

Thanks Moon Gazer - I hope you are enjoying the book

J is 14 and we have personal care issues too. A lot of the time it is because he can't be bothered (probably typical teenager) but we teach him simple routines and when we think he has mastered them he seems to completely forget again. He also has a daily to-do list which is supposed to help him remember things like which days to wash his hair but he still "forgets" I have to periodically go into the bathroom and talk him through his routine to re-learn it. I also try to calmly check with him before he goes into the bathroom that he can remember the things he needs to do - it doesn't alsways work but keeping stuff in the front of his mind seems to help a little. I shoud add that my sister's NT son was much worse for a while but has thankfully grown out of it.

Hi, I'm stepmum to J who has aspergers and attachment disorder. I've given up my full time job to enable us to cope better as a family but I'm re-training to be a yoga teacher and I'm really interested in the benefits that yoga could bring to people with aspegers and to their parents (I know from experience how much it can help parents!)J is reluctant to spend one on one time with me but, when I can persuade him to, he relly enjoys trying some postures and loves me to talk him through a relaxation. I've bought a book called yoga for children with ASD and I've made a few contacts locally but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

It relly helps to hear that others have similar issues. J is 14 and has a shower every day but just stands there in the rain for ages! We've tried a kitchen timer to set a sensible amount of time but he will get out covered in shampoo when time is up so that didn't work. Periodically I go in the bathroom and re-teach him a washing sequence but it only lasts so long before he forgets it all again. Last time I did this I discovered that the loud banging sound I'd been asking him about was that he had been jumping out of the bath, whilst soaking wet, onto a tiled floor. He insisted that this wasn't a problem because he hadn't fallen (yet!)

This made me think of a conversation I had with my stepson long before he was diagnosed with AS and seems to make so much sense looking back. He said that he felt that he was a normal person and that everyone around, even close family members, were robots. I've thought about it many times and looking back, he probably had a better understanding than some of the professionals we had been dealing with for years.

Thanks Everyone for your input. You've certainly given me some things to think about. We are currently working towards some support from a local organisation who help autistic youngsters in mainstream education and we're due to meet them along with someone from CAMHS soon. I'll raise some of your points and see how we go on. On a lighter note, at the weekend I bumped into a Mum who I met on a parenting Aspergers workshop earlier this year - We're getting together next week to have a coffee and a chat. I think It will do us both good and I'm going to let her know about this forum.

Thanks Karen, that's very interesting. We have a copy of a letter from Jack's psychiatrist to his GP stating the dual diagnosis and this has been discussed with various professionals without any queries. I'll raise a challenge and see where it gets us. From our point of view we are more interested in learning some srategies which may help J to cope with the challenges in his life and for us to be able function as a family.

Wow, I have a 14 yr old stepson and recognise what you're discussing in him. I've often wondered about his grandfather, especially as it seems that AS may be something that can run in families but the condition hadn't been recognised when you and he were boys. I wish you all the very best.

Hi, does anyone have any experience of a dual diagnosis of AS and attachment disorder? My 14yr old stepson has had a difficult time with his natural mum (before and after he came to live with us aged 6). We only managed to get his diagnosis about a year ago and I thought that the AS had been difficult to diagnose because of the attachment issues. Now I'm puzzled because I've read about incorrect AS diagnoses when in fact the problem was AD. I've read around and there are a lot of similarities. I try really hard to support J (I've given up work to try to support him better) but he does everything he can to be unpleasant to me and basically treats me with contempt. He is pleasant and charming to everyone except me, his Dad and his paternal grandmother but is especially nice (sometimes excessively) to other adult females e.g. aunts, my friends, female teachers etc. I feel as if he is searching for a mother figure but he just doesn't want it to be me. I know we've also got teenage issues going on and most kids are difficult at this time but I feel at the end of my tether and because I'm so upset, I know my behaviours and reactions are not helping.