joeboe

Ultramom - I can just picture your hubby now! sorry, but as you say - it is kind of funny, and that's exactly what seems to wind my other half up! He seems to have a sense of humour when no-one else is laughing, but when everyone else is laughing he doesn't get it.....oh well....such is life. Those kinds of things I can deal with, but when it's constant hate every day - I wish I was a Winnie The Witch to "Magic" not so much him, but his behaviour away. (Now can you all tell I've been watching too much kids TV!) Strange thing is though, when we first started dating 14yrs ago - he seemed the sweetest, most caring bloke I had ever met, although he did say one strange thing to me which I thought no more of - and that was "Never trust anyone". I didn't know back then what it meant, and even that he may have meant me too (which he did), but I sure know now. At least most of us on here are doing something about our children's difficulties, even if it is only chatting to other Mums about it, that alone helps. It really gets my goat when someone turns round and pipes "don't be silly, there's nothing wrong with him, he's really sweet!). I feel like turning round and shouting - "Well you try living with it then!" They seem to think I'm the one that's potty! Cheers everyone, I feel better now, and yes - I WISH (magic wand pls) I could go into Hospital 4 bed rest....That'll be the day! Kerry

Hi Jinny, Just like yours - our family life & relationship is unbearably unfulfilling, I too find myself wondering what it would be like to feel loved again....but then I have to stop myself because it just gets too upsetting. I sometimes think "I don't want to spend the rest of my life being treated like this", and I always hold onto the fact that once the kids are grown up enough and we have enough financial security that we can leave if we choose - at the moment we are too dependent on the person who is destroying our family, whether it's his intention or not. He just won't listen to us, he is always right, which dents everyone elses self-esteem....he even does it to his Mother and she puts up with it!!! Grrrr Regards the infidelity - mine has also cheated with his Mum's neighbour's Daughter (teen) around the time our 2nd son was born......he doesn't feel remorse for what he did, and says he was trying to make our family "bigger" so we had more people around us to care for the kids!!!!! What a load of BULL! But to make matters worse, I also found out that he'd slept with the neighbour (mother) too a while before that. Needless to say I went downhill pretty fast and wish to god I had left him then. Domestic Violence also comes into it, when arguments rage he will come right up to me or the boys with a threatening face - shouting and baring his teeth. He tried to squash me in the door last week. he has been arrested for violence towards me and threatening with a knife towards our 2yr old. I cannot excuse his behaviour, but I can kind of see where he thinks he is doing nothing wrong - it's the ASD! But other times I think he MUST know it is wrong. I know only one thing though - it's made me hate him, no-one wants to know what kinds of things go through MY head sometimes as a result. Well sorry for ranting on - just that this is the only place I have found where people actually understand. Best Wishes, Kerry

Hi Everyone, What a weekend! My partner of 14 years has decided to be as awkward as humanly possible. All he keeps on about is how we should do more with the children (we have 3 boys, 2 3 and 7), but has been sleeping on the sofa and refusing to get up! 2pm on Saturday and 12.30 yesterday. The poor kids ended up doing nothing all weekend, they haven't even been out of the house. I'm at the end of my tether, as if it's not enough having to deal with my Sons concerns at school - I have this pedantic arrogant, can-do-no-wrong, blame it on everyone else limpet to deal with.......and I have 10 weeks before I give birth to my new baby! How the hell can I sort things out, can anyone help? I feel like SCREAMING!!!!!! Thanks, Kerry

Aching

Hi Everyone! Just thought I'd ask you all how you cope with your partner (male or female) when they have Aspergers. My 7yr old son is diagnosed and I'm convinced his Dad has the condition too as they act and re-act in totally the same way! It is enough to cope with a child with any difficulty, but coupled with the fact that I get it from an "adult" too, is 10 times worse! Like they beck each other up or something. I'd love to hear your strategies for coping and dealing with a partner (especially when it comes to the relationships and fidelity bit). We have been together for 14yrs and have three boys 2,3 and 7. Looking forward to hearing from you all on this one! Regards, Kerry

Hi Everyone! Just thought I'd ask you all how you cope with your partner (male or female) when they have Aspergers. My 7yr old son is diagnosed and I'm convinced his Dad has the condition too as they act and re-act in totally the same way! It is enough to cope with a child with any difficulty, but coupled with the fact that I get it from an "adult" too, is 10 times worse! Like they beck each other up or something. I'd love to hear your strategies for coping and dealing with a partner (especially when it comes to the relationships and fidelity bit). We have been together for 14yrs and have three boys 2,3 and 7. Looking forward to hearing from you all on this one! Regards, Kerry

Hi Kirstie, It's so hard trying to find the right way to go about things for the kids isn't it? I agree with what was suggested to me earlier today though, ask him who he does play with, or who he feels is his nicest friend at school.....maybe he would like to ask them round to play (I know it's sometimes a worry & hassle with an AS child, but it MUST be worth it). This, I am convinced will have a knock-on effect with the other kids at school.........My son yesterday asked his friend to come and play soon, now today after his Cookery Club two more of them would like to come round. I have found that by "listening" to him, empathising and putting my past experiences at School and my present knowledge of the condition and differences it brings into one pool of thought, I can then find a solution and he seems to really appreciate that. In a sense, I try to become "Joe". As a result, he has paid me more compliments and been more loving in the past 24 hours than since the beginning of the year! Well sorry for rabbling on so much, but my lovely AS son has just gone to bed and I am now quite happy (for a while!). Best wishes and good luck to you all! Kerry & Joe

Hi JLP, Oh he is interested in Star Wars alright!!! Lego and Transformers follow a close second. I think at his school they organise traditional games during the summer, but not sure about this time of year - that is something I need to ask about. Thanks for your ideas - everything helps! Best wishes, Kerry & Joe

Hi Reuby, Good to hear the bullies were sorted out, and what an ingenious way to go about it! Since Joe arrived home after school today, we have written a note to one of his "good friends" to invite him round to play at the weekend, so hope this goes well. They are both into Lego & Star Wars, so will have plenty to do! We are also planning on inviting 2 more of his friends round to play & lunch next weekend (apparently he has been asking children to come and play since our chat yesterday), maybe I have been worrying needlessly?! Still, now the ball's rolling I will carry on and do all I can to help him with his friendships - as I recall my own parents weren't exactly forthcoming on this kind of idea when i was a kid and my partner had the same with his parents too. Thanks for your advice!! Kerry & Joe

Hi There Everyone! Being new to this group, I don't quite know where to start! What I really need at the moment is some ideas and guidance to help my 7yr old son Joe (diagnosed AS) relate to and play better with his classmates at school. Yesterday, whilst walking home with him, when asked who he played with at playtime he answered "no-one", I just played by myself. When I tried to coax a little more info from him, he just said that no-one wanted to play with him. He also confided in me that a child had been picking on him, the incident yesterday was having a deflated ball thrown at his face several times. Now I know this is a common occurence for children on the spectrum, but that doesn't numb the pain of hearing him say it. I have spoken to the SENco at School today who says she will have a word with the class about including everyone, but I'm not convinced this will help as they've tried before. What we really would like are some pointers (games, interests) on how to help Joe forge better relationships with more children at school, and how to explain to him what is going on. I dreaded this happening and it's breaking my heart but I cannot just sit back and watch him lose out. I would love to be there at school with him so I could see what's going on!! Many Thanks, Kerry & Joe