Paula
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Posts posted by Paula
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My son started doing his work experiance last week at our local supermarket asda.........im dead dead proud of him.Hes walking the half mile to the supermarket everyday there and back..................without complaint............and im going with him so im doing a heck of a lot of walking because ive to take him come home and then return to fetch him home.............he goes from 9am to 4pm and his working in the fruit and veg and tin produce isles alternateing...........and hes realy realy enjoying it.................im so so proud of him and he looks great in his uniform.
You know what. the manager said hes a good worker..........i thought of course he is..............hes 16 in january and will be leaving school next year ...............you know for the first time in a long time im optimistick that hed be more than capable of holding down a little part time job..............he also starts his mock gcses this week...............
You know what hes doing ok for an aspie............im im dead dead proud of whats hes achieved...............onwards and upwards for him.
And a big big thankyou to ASDA for makeing him feel so welcome and all the folks hes working with and is teamed up with.
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My son could go years without appearing to make any progress what so ever youd think things were never going to change then all of a sudden everything would happen at once.............it would be like a light going on.
I used to think my son is like a sponge everything is going in there all the experiances ect and you be just got to know how to squeeze him then it all comes out...........not that im an expert on knowing how to squeeze him.
My son attends a thing a group for the duke of edingburgh awards thing every week for 2 houres and hes loveing that it gets him out gets him mingleing in in controlled circumstances............maybe youre son would enjoy something similar.......its realy built up my sons confidence...........
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<'> <'> How olds youre son.........
I ask because my son is comeing up to 16 .........hes got moderate learning difficulties and aspergers syndrome and i wanted to offer you hope and let you know theres folks me included out there on this site that know exactly what its like bringing these kids up...weve all been there done it and got the t shirt.
Ive been in public mostly when my son was younger with him screaming blue murder,chucking himself on the floor,attacking me everybody looking on no one offering help as i tackled him mainly to protect myslef as he tried to bite me or punch me his favourite was headbutting me...the sounds of tut tuttings and cant she controll that child ringing in me ears..............youd just want to die on the spot ..........id get home and break down in tears.Life was hell.
Thing is you think its never going to get any easier you cant see a time when things can be relativley normal but it does get easier.My son attends a special school,im lucky and so he hes attended one since he was the age of 6.he can read,write,hes done work experiance,hes been recently to France and is starting 2 weeks work experiance this month.He can travel on a bus alone.All the things i thought hed never acheive hes done.
His behaviour isnt perfect...........hes still an awkward stubborn customer who enjoys things his way,and prefers no change in routine............but unlike when he was younger hes more open to suggestion know he can see other people matter too and sometimes hes got to try to fit in even if its with a scowel on his face and a muttering under his breath.His temper tantrums are still around but there few and far between and he no longer takes it out on me he tends to take himslef of to his room hit the bed kick the door and get it out of his system.
I dont know what to suggest over youre son being bullied except this..............is he aware there bullying him......he may not be.............i often used to notice kids and teens laughing at my son when we were out and about but he didnt it was a wasted effort on there part coz he just didnt notice that type of thing so i tried to think whoes it bothering me or him......answer was normally me and though it was still upsetting id to think well if hes not noticeing then they can snear all they want coz its getting them no where.
My sons worse years for his behaviour and aspie ness were between the ages of 3 and 10 then sudenly things clicked at bit and he joined the human race..............hes far exceeded our expectations..............Youre son will too and life does get easier.
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<'> <'> How olds youre son.........
I ask because my son is comeing up to 16 .........hes got moderate learning difficulties and aspergers syndrome and i wanted to offer you hope and let you know theres folks me included out there on this site that know exactly what its like bringing these kids up...weve all been there done it and got the t shirt.
Ive been in public mostly when my son was younger with him screaming blue murder,chucking himself on the floor,attacking me everybody looking on no one offering help as i tackled him mainly to protect myslef as he tried to bite me or punch me his favourite was headbutting me...the sounds of tut tuttings and cant she controll that child ringing in me ears..............youd just want to die on the spot ..........id get home and break down in tears.Life was hell.
Thing is you think its never going to get any easier you cant see a time when things can be relativley normal but it does get easier.My son attends a special school,im lucky and so he hes attended one since he was the age of 6.he can read,write,hes done work experiance,hes been recently to France and is starting 2 weeks work experiance this month.He can travel on a bus alone.All the things i thought hed never acheive hes done.
His behaviour isnt perfect...........hes still an awkward stubborn customer who enjoys things his way,and prefers no change in routine............but unlike when he was younger hes more open to suggestion know he can see other people matter too and sometimes hes got to try to fit in even if its with a scowel on his face and a muttering under his breath.His temper tantrums are still around but there few and far between and he no longer takes it out on me he tends to take himslef of to his room hit the bed kick the door and get it out of his system.
I dont know what to suggest over youre son being bullied except this..............is he aware there bullying him......he may not be.............i often used to notice kids and teens laughing at my son when we were out and about but he didnt it was a wasted effort on there part coz he just didnt notice that type of thing so i tried to think whoes it bothering me or him......answer was normally me and though it was still upsetting id to think well if hes not noticeing then they can snear all they want coz its getting them no where.
My sons worse years for his behaviour and aspie ness were between the ages of 3 and 10 then sudenly things clicked at bit and he joined the human race..............hes far exceeded our expectations..............Youre son will too and life does get easier.
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My son will be 16 in january.
To cut a long story short around 2 years ago the teacher at the special school he attends kinda suggested that i didnt let him do enough stuff on his own that i was holding him back and that if i didnt let go a bit then id inadvertantly make his life worse.Basically he said my son was capable of going to college ect but if i refused to let him use public transport alone and travel alone then how would he be able to get on.
At first i was outraged.but then i thought long and hard and thought you know what there right i have to let go or else im going to limit what hes able to do.
Anyway the first time he went to town our local town alone on the bus i was terrified.........we agreed upon a meating place ect and a time.............i was on edge all the time untill he turned up..............he was dead pleased with himself.Since that day hes gone from strenth to strenth and last month he even went to the dentist alone on the bus.......id phoned ahead and told them i wouldnt be with him and if he didnt turn up to call me mobile asap..he managed that ok too.
Yes im a proctective mother and i worry myself sick when hes not with me............but you cant hold them back to basically protect yourself................thats what you need to ask is it you youre protecting or them.It does get easier.
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Thing is the first part of the video blog is very very hard hitting and negative..........and yet is very true of most peoples experiances ........it is of mine........it would have been easy to think ill turn it of but then it went on to bascially say parents are powerfull people and no matter how hard it is we fight on day after day and we love our kids so autism isnt going to win...............I liked it it was very powerfull...............it made me proud because it kinda said you know what youre doing a bloomeing good job in rotton circumstances and autism isnt going to beat any of us.
Yes it was very american in its delivery but so what.
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Todays the day...............he goes at midnight................travels down to the euro tunnel and then on to paris...........i feal sick with worry but im trying not to show my fears.Just keep telling myself hell be ok.The staff are grwta hes been at the same special school since he was 5 so all the teachers ect know him well.........ill be wanting to give him a kiss and a hugg when he departs .............fat chance that will happen...............
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Just watched it and read some of the blogs underneath the video.
It made me cry it realy did.But to be utterly honest it did hit upon some stuff that is true.............i cant take my son to parties ect without it going pear shaped or fealing embaressed............most people dont want to know about autism untill it effects there child or grandchild...............i didnt untill it was my son..............
To me the message wasnt one of hatred for autism .......part of the message was kinda saying Parents love for there autistic kids is a powerfull thing that will break down walls and plod on day in day out.
I think for me it was difficult to hear ect because it said what at times ive fealt deep inside it confronted my darkest thoughts over the fact my son has this condition and sometimes its not easy to aknoledge the truth.
Just seen youre comments Nobby i dont beleive parents are the cause of autism .
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Well ive got his euros,weve got the suitcase down and hell be on his way either midnight thursday or the early hours of friday morning.
This week has been realy stressfull for him.Yes he wants to go but his behaviour has been all over the place combined with lots of outbursts and tantrums...............i guess its his way of showing hes a bit nervous even though he says ive to stop fussing................
I think well go out for a nice meal,and just enjoy the fact i can just take care of myself for a few days.
Thing is when he goes away .......he once went for two days with the school on an activity weekend..............its like a weight dissapears a weight youre not relay aware of because youre used to it,its youre normality,and then hes gone and you realise how stressed it makes you how rotton life is at times and when he returned it hit me all over againe the reality of the situation with an aspie teen...........kinda i got a taste of normal life for a few days and then back to reality and the reality stank................
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<'> <'> <'> <'> I just wanted you to know id read youre post and utterly empathise.Itsn a decision i hope i never have to make but one im sure in the future im going to have to.My son is at times realy difficult to handle and hes so large and strong ............at times life is hell for all of us.Its only recently ive faced up to the reality that as i get older........im 40 im might not be able to cope and residential might be the only option.I cried buckets at the thought of it.
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I thought he was brilliant and i too had a tear in my eye............imagine being his mum imagine how it must have fealt youre son youre autistic son there doing it.......youd have been so proud so full of emotion.
I realy hope he goes on but im worried it might get too much i hope hell be ok.
if he gets through to the live shows.....hes gonna have one massive fan base in the autistic society behind him............
My son was dead excited to see someone with autism up there doing it......it kinda said its not a barrier and you can achieve a dream.
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I dont think youre over reacting on little bit.
My son is 15 and hasnt yet had a girlfreind,thankgod.its so difficult at this age as they enter young adulthood.hes aware of and wants to do normal teenage things and yet hes too immature in many ways to fully understand how the world ticks hes too trusting and niaeve.My son clams up when i try to chat about anything to do with certaine things and refuses to talk.
I think youve done right trying to talk to this girls mother what more can you do.To put it bluntly if say this young girl endded up pregnant you can guarantee theyd be pointing the finger at the irresponsable parent of the learning disabled lad who got her up the duff and wondering why shed allowed him out in the big wide world.Youve done youre best youve spoken to them theres nowt else you can do.
I dont envy you and im on the brink of all this myself.
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im comeing at this from a different angle.
I know youre son is only 9 but if youre up and down the steps to him when youre putting him to bed at 7 then theres no point he may as well go up an hour or so later say before the 9 o clocke watershed on the tv..............
My son is 15 now so i know im in a different position but he just goes to bed when he feals like it he normally goes at 10 but sometimes on a weekend he isnt tired at this time so we just leave him to it he normally wanders of to bed before midnight..............
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My son is of to France and disney land paris next friday with his special school he will be there untill tuesday when we pick him up from school.
Hes dead excited and im worried sick even though the school asures me it will be a ratio of 1 teacher two kids,theres 28 kids going all on the autistic spectrum but on the more able end of the scale.
I dont know what ill do with me self when hes gone...........you dont realise just how much youre life revolves around them im going to be lost............in his tactfull aspie way he says hell be glad to be shut of me.............i thought thanks you paine.
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I hope they work for you my son did use them at first but still found chewing fingers more his thing.
I find that if i put a bit of tcp in a bowel of warm water now and againe and dip his fingers into this it helps to stop the inflamation and stuff takes the redness of and stops infections.................
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Hi
my son 15 also does this his finger nails are all bitten down and literally ground of his finger tips,the skin can get inflamed and infected its horrid.A couple of years ago one finger got that infected it swelled up and hed to go to a and e and have it lanced it was a massive puss filled infection it was horrid........even this hasnt stopped him.He tends to do it on an evening when watching tv i tell him to stop but he carrys on.
Afew years ago someone on ths site told me about chewy tubes that sometimes help,there hard rubber things with nobbley bits on that come in different sizes and are aimed at kids who do this type of thing as an alternative to nibbleing fingers ect you can get them on the internet............unfortunalty my son wouldnt use them but youre child might.
http://www.kapitex.com/dysphagia/chewytubes-range this is the link or just type in chewy tubes.
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My son is 15 and hates brushing his teeth refuses to do it cant stand the toothpaste in his mouth weve tried alsorts.
My son now attends the communtiy dentist hed to be refered there by his own dentist.The community dentist deals with special needs kids and adults and its great.They realy understand his needs.For the past year hes been going every two weeks for the hygenist there to clean his teeth .............hell allow her to do it but refuses to do it himself or let me.........and she also coats them with a special stuff that hardens the enamal............it means that even though his teeth dont get brushed at home he hasnt any rotton teeth or fillings............its a paine taking him every couple of weeks but worth it.
If i were you or anyone else whos as kids hate tooth paste and stuff see if theres a specialist service or commun tiy dentist in youre area...............
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<'> <'> Getting a diagnosis .getting the powers that be to listen and understand is a nightmare and a struggle most of us have been through........and yea sometimes they do try to say its homelife and upbringing and bad parenting.MY son is now 15 but when he was 3ish he refused to talk would just make geastures and nod ect and when i used to tell the drs this there answer was that i had a broad yorkshire acent and thats why my son wouldnt speak because he didnt know what i was saying
and that is the utter unbeleivable truth.............it didnt matter how many times i said but my son does this or that i think hes got aspergers they just brushed my worries aside..............Its a long drawn out saga and i wont bore you with any of it.This is kinda totally unreleated but relevent in many ways.
My sister is going through a very similar thing to you and youre daughter.
My sister adopted a 18 month year old little girl who is now 6 and she behaves very similar to youre little girl.She is extreamly clingly for better want of a word............wont let my sister do anything ,is extreamly demanding,refuses to speak to other people,is constantly in my sisters face,demands her attention all the time to the point she cant do anything and then screams and tantrums if she doesnt get it...........its a lot more complicated than ive put but it makes my sisters life hell.Shes involved with chams and social services and drs and physcologists and they say its attachement issues her daughers got and seveare anxiety...............and yet they can offer no advice on how to deal with it or make things easier.......My sisters little girl also appears to want her mum all to herself you can actually see her behaviour change when someone else is around and if you try to have a conversation she "plays" up even more so that all my sisters attention haas to be on her and shes to give up trying to do what she wants.
I dont realy know what to suggest ...............maybe someone else will...............
I dont envy you it is so so hard and stressfull trying to get people to listen and offer help and its something you can do without when youre already under a lot of stress.
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My son who is now 15 did a year in mainstream when he first started school at 5 with 15 hours support from a helper for one year against my wishes because the lea said hed be ok.It was the worst year of his life it was hell on earth.
Hes been attending a special school since he was 6 and weve never looked back .
If you have the choice if you have the oppurtunity to send youre son to a special school then id do that.My son came alive in the school he now attends.............hes not there because he cant read or write ie for academic reasons but he wouldnt and couldnt cope with loads of other kids and the utter lack of understanding that the teachers in mainstream had for him.
Special schools are best youve to think of the whole picture not just the academic stuff.........soical things,classroom size,teachers that get autsim and the spectrum..........it all makes alife a whole lot pleasenter.
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Id apply for it im sure that as long as ther person who is claiming is in youre care for i think could be wrong 36 or 48 hours then you can claime.............ive a freind her son is 21 and is aspergers he lives in residential and claims dla...........but not for traveling expences its for the care and support he needs.............get a form fill it in youve nowt to loose.
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Can i just point out something the lady said to me and it might help others
She said that it was nice to go into a house where the people chatted to her in a freindly way..........she said often the parents gave one word ansers and came across as unfreindly and guarded.I offered her a cup of tea........i chatted openly and gave background info on me son i told her about our expericances with the LEA and how great the school was he was in now and that he was of to France.She chatted back and asked if i was claimeing all i was entitled to and explained what i m ay be able to claime...........she spoke to my son who granted only gave one word answers she was realy nice.
Id say just be yourself be open chatty freindly like she daid there not there to catch you out .........i also said i realise looking at my son he can appear to be normal to be fine and dandy but its tiny unseen things that you only realise when you live with them.............she agreead.
When she left after half an hour she said how great it had been to be in a house where the person chatted away in a freindly manner.these people are probably met with a lot of hositlity i mean i was warey and worried and thought they were there to cause agro.............i was wrong.
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The person from the DLA came out today to visit my son and me and it went realy well............she was dead nice and agreed he wasnt capable of looking after his own finacial affaires..........she said do you want mum to continue to do it or do you think you can do it yourself and he said i want mum to do it................so its all sorted and id got me self all worried over nothing.
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The dreaded Xbox red ring of death
We had that once had to send the thing of to germany.............i actually thought life couldnt get any worse but three weeks the machene was away spirelled into a pit of doom............it was like christmas with bells on and all youre birthdays at once when it returned and we got our son hooked back up to it againe.............God bless Xbox.........
My son is getting dressed now things are improveing................but this means he wants to go places with me ........and he drives me nutts.You cant win.
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Im fed up with it all already............son broke up last wednesday and int going back till the 4th of september.Already i feal like screaming.He wont get dressed,he wont put on deaodrant,hes hooked up to the xbox virtually all day and when i say enough he proceeds to flick between channels.
Im going to force him out the house today whether he likes it or not............
Ill probably live to regret it.
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Thanks all................
When i joined the forum almost five years ago i could never have imagined how much he would come on .
It just goes to show things can improve and get better and never say never.