sawjd

Sorry just wanted to add that (last paragraph) about £7.50 for prescriptions. I wanted to take anti depressants but it would cost me £7.50 for few tablets depending on what the dotor says and how many i can have. OH and D are the only ones working and i can't afford anything. I am 40 years old, is this what they call a mid life crisis ?. sarni.

Hello Anybody out there who can help, It been some weeks now since i was last on here and feel i need to pour my heart out (figure of speech)today but first i would like to ask a question and peoples advice. I want to make things better for us all but don't know how to. As people know on here and on my profile i have dyspraxia (mild). I feel i am letting people down. I just need to explain. K (7) is expected to go up to year 3 and the SENCO has not sent any advice or metnioned anything about continued support for him in this year group. Me and OH have put in for another school and we are waiting for confirmation of this. This school we are asking for is nearer to us which means getting k there in the morinings would be easier for me and OH could get to work on time. Currently without OH driving i would have to take k on the bus and then walk afterwards to the school (year 3 is in the school adjacent to infants school that he currently attends. OHs MS (multiple schlerosis) is getting slowly worse and we need to make adjustments. One of the adjustments would be Ks school possibly. I do struggle to organsie my time and my memory seems to be slow or none existent. All this and lack of sleep has made life in the past few weeks even more difficult. I could sleep now. I can't keep up with the paperwork and the house and garden is a constant source of argument for D as he says why don't i just get on with it. A week ago i cut down the brambles in our 60 foot garden and sufered a really bad allergic reaction (ankles puffed up and the doctor gave me antibiotics). D says to me 'do i care what your ankles are like ?'. This constant being picked upon to by all men in the household brings me down. K on occasions sees this and copies but i do try and put a stop to it. My question is this and it relates to k, are we making it worse by sending K to another school (this school he is at is not bothered now with K). He seems to be getting on in the playground, as no issues have been raised about behaviour (great) academically he is still behind and in the mornings he is now employing advoidance tatics to delay getting in to school so he missess the beginning of the day, he does not engage with other children, so would we be making it worse by sending him to start all over again in another school despite the fact this school he is currently attending don't give a toss. I am not allowed to see Ks work, i have been told that i have to make an appointment, yet there is no books in his tray and his home/school book has been missing for days and when i have had it in the past they rarely write anything. Last night we saw first hand how K is with other children. We were invited to a First Communion and K wanted to go home as soon as the disco music was on. People could still hear enough and talk to one another and the other children were not bothered by the sound of the music. K would not say hello to other people and just went off by himself over in the corner of a pub (they hired a special room for the communion)and took his vengence out on balloons. The boy (whose communion it was came over with his mum and said hello) K just looked down and ignored him and all other people who tried to say hello. These people are OHs work colleagues and OH has not told them about K. I have tried to explain but people just play it down all the time. Its getting me down. I was upset for k not being able to even try and make friends. D (19) has been keeping me up in recent nights, refusing to go to bed and being left to his own devices downstairs, one day after work at 11pm he insisted on having his hair cut and i had to give in as this row was progressing and OH just wanted to sleep, he can't stand the rows, i really try and pick my battles but somdays my head is just swimming and just not focussed. On occasions when i have been out i found he has been going through my things and feel i can't trust him anymore. I have explained about boundaries and his room is his room, and he claims i go in there all the time when i don't. I seriously don't dare willingly touch his stuff but because both boys share the room i have to clean it when it gets really bad and i have explained about tidying up and getting him to do it himself, D says its my job but doesn't want me in the room going through his things so we constantly have the same arguments. His understanding is that he has to work because i don't and he truly believes that. I have said on many occasions that i still have to find a job even though he is working. These rows make me want to cry, i serioulsy do not know how to hold down a job and cope with the demands of homelife. I had a job back in 2007 but lost it during probabtion as i could not keep up wtih the work load. OH does not want me to work but won't explain to other people why,(is he so ashamed of me and K?) so people think i am lazy and i hate not paying my way. i felt this last night as other people were offering to pay for drinks and i could not get a round in. Its not often we get invited out and this last night was a rare occasion. Just want to make things better, jsut don't know how. Any advice at all. Sorry if all my paragraphs don't make much sense. This is how it is for me today and most days come to think of it. I can't affored to be depressed even as each prescription cost £7.50. I really don't know how other people can be so positive and upbeat when i know that some other people have it worse than me and just put a brave face on things. I was in such a positive frame of mind last night asi did not want to spoil the day but behind the smiles was something else and i felt like such a liar. I have no support from family as they obviously have too many cruises to go (its all the brother in law can speak about to me when i have visisted my sister in essex) I have only seen her twice this year. Yet she is only 40 minutes away by car. Just feel very isolated. I have been on to another site for dyspraxic adults and have just joined but not sure what help is available. Thanks for reading. Sorry its a long post. Best wishes Sarni

Hello Trekster, The magazine is called 'The Autism File' Issue 35.Page 82. This magazine in this issue contains information on Housing Benefit, Jobseekers Allowance, Tax Credits, Benefits for a disabled child reaching the 16 years of age. Also something new to me, Contributory Employment support allowance in youth (CESA(Y). The magazine also details Pension Credit, Housing costs, Carers Allowance and Income support. It is very well explained and laid out and more importantly up to date. Absolutely brilliant to whoever has done this. At last. Hope this helps, this magazine i think comes out quaterly. So you should still be able to get hold of it. If not let me know and i can send you an email and type what is in the magazine for whatever section you want or you can order a copy from WH Smiths if you like. Not sure i would be allowed to copy from magazine on here. copyright law . Only the moderator would know this. Hope this helps. best wishes Sarni

Hello Qwerty, Just wanted to let everyone know aswell as yourself that in the latest Austim magazine issued in the back there is a brillaint well laid out explaination of DLA and what qualifies as high rate and low rate and medium. It explains everything brilliantly and i just wished that this was done ages ago as DLA is extremely confusing. The money can cover extra nappies and bed protection i think but in the meantime i would keep up with the movicol. Hope this helps. best wishes, sarni

Hello everyone, Since Easter, k has given us hell every morning when going to school, but for the last two days he has said nothing and just let me put his coat on, no talking, no tears, no conversation, just one little extremely miserable boy. He keeps saying everytime he comes home that he asks for help and they don't help him. What do i do now. He is below expectations in litracy. He is frightened to do anything dramatic at school to get their attention yet he does ask for their help and he is supposed to be receiving it and he is not. He receives no homework. We have a school diary and all they do is write about how wonderful and what a superstar he really is at reading and that he struggles a little bit with RE but thats it, all the verbal stuff about playground fighting never gets mentioned in the book and now he is really miserable when he comes home. The happy child at home has suddendly disappeared. I really don't think its him having learnt the lesson that he can't get away with it the behaviour anymore.If your childs school writes all the time how wonderful he is and never puts a foot wrong and does not have diffiuculty in anything despite results showing otherwise would you not be suspcious of them ? He genuinely is very unhappy and the violence in the mornings was he was of saying help me. He has now given up. I imagine they let him sit there and doodle as long as he does not kick up a fuss, they don't care. I just want him to receive the help. It will be more of a struggle for him when he goes up to the next year (funny the school warned me of this last year) especially with a gap of six weeks and the school are not bothered about giving me work for him to do in the holidays as they have done before and we did this successfully at home last year so why won't they do it now ? Also they won't let me see Ks work, none of his books ,apparently if i want to see them i have to make an appointment. This school seems to home a bunch of lying teachers. I am angry but what can i do, they won't help and its nearly end of school year. He is sad because no one is helping and he is just behind with everything in class. He doesn't want to do anything. What do i do any suggestions ?. He has tried being polite, he has tried being nasty and violent because of work at school, what is there left for him to do ?. I feel so bad for him stuck in this situation. Would it be worth getting him assessed again to see approxiamtely where he is, if he is in borderline academically ?. The other one is giving grief aswell as he refused to get up to go to college today, we did managed to get him out of the house and i came back to find he had definately gone (to college i hope) I have come back home only to find him sitting in his room before now. I asked college to give him extra time for his exams but they won't, saying he does not need it. They have asked if he does and he has said no. He can't even keep up to date with what exams he is having. He got the time wrong the other day and the college keep mucking him about. Its driving him mad and he is taking it out on us physcially. He chucked his shoes at me the other day and kept going through my things, (he went and took cds from my collection without asking to take stuff and then told me i was a retard for complaining and a lunatic that i got annoyed over nothing as he could not understand why i was angry. Now because i said that i would have to go into his room (big mistake on my part as this escaleted things) to get my cds back he started going through my stuff in front of me, my papers, my clothes and everytime i took stuff off of him he would go for something else. I expect this behaviour from a 5 year old not 18. He eventually gave up and left the house, chucking his other shoes at me in the process. I went to the college and explained this and i was told ' all teenagers do this' i have four and ' i should learn to let him go'. You know like i did when he got drunk and ended up in hospital because no one cared. These people are so ignorant at college. I never get apologies from both children. We have said sorry many times but its the one word that my children never use back at us. As for k, well we have put in for a school that is closer to us so i can get him to school without any fuss and don't need to ask OH for help should k start up again. I have a very depressed little boy who is hurting a lot at the moment, and he is not the only one. With no support from anyone i feel exactly like k and if it was not for this website i think i would have jumped off a pier by now. I think i found you in time. At least k is not biting me anymore for now but i hate the feeling that the school have won and i imagine that this is how k feels and that this has not helped him in getting him extra help. I feel let down big time and so does he. I know violence and creating is not the way to get help but we tried the nice approach as did kieron and that did not work either, so what now ? It still leaves him idle at litracy (which is everyday)in school and below his peers. They are just not bothered. sorry for the rant. Just tearful today and frustrated. best wishes, from sarni.

Hello JeanneA, Thanks for the post, i just want to cry today. I wish the school did have a service like minibus or taxi but they won't. K bit me twice today, punched and kicked out again, part of the behaviour my OH (other half) had filmed it without K knowing. He has done this a couple of times (filming, we did not want to but no one believed us at school so had to film Ks behaviour). We showed the film (from the mobile) to the headteacher and she said she would talk to K and talk to the autism outreach worker. She lied. I spoke to K and he said his headteacher never spoke to him about his behaviour getting into school. They are just not bothered as K will be leaving in the july. The eldest skived off from college, so i thought, but again its not the eldests one fault. He was told to leave when he was not supposed to. This is being looked into and the college staff have asked me after two years now, can they have his statement of special needs so that they can get him the extra time allowance for his exams as he struggles with this. They knew this when he started, its on his application form. The OH is so stressed over whats been going on with both boys, the MS has flared up and taken its toll on his legs. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for posting. best wishes sarni.

Hello everyone, I am trying to email our autism outreach worker and i want to send an email which mentions a paragraph from Tony Attwoods book, (Aspergers Syndrome, a guide for parents and professionals). This paragraph relates to there being two different characters which describes K. I quote, ' The child may be very conscious of the neccesity to follow the codes of conduct in the classroom and try to be inconspicuous and behave like the other children. The pressure to conform and retain self control can lead to enormous emotional tension which, like a compressed spring, is released when the child reaches home. Here the child is a different character, almost Jekyll and Hyde.' We have found Ks anxiety levels extreme in the mornings when he knows what is expected of him and this behaviour is getting worse. I did mention this at Ks IEP but the autism officer has never heard of this problem (there being two characters before ,yet K does have issues in the playground, wants wet playtime to avoid social contact cause no one wants to play with him), yet i questioned the outreach worker when we first met about how much experience did he have, he said he had been working with autistic children for ten years. I am concerned that mentioning this to the outreach worker may come across as insulting ( he may think i am telling him his job, i don't expect him to know everything about autism but did think that Tony attwood and his books were common knowledge in the areas of autism and given his length of time in this area should have come across this) . Just want to know what people think. Can anyone tell me how long did they put up with their child behaving like this before they gave up getting to school or was there a way around reducing the anxiety?. Please can anyone help, OH does not have the strength. I just can't do this anymore. I have a job interview coming up and this is going to be wrecked if K plays up tomorrow. I know its only voluntary work but i want to do this and everytime i try to get on, stuff like this happens. Its been going on since easter and its just got worse. Any advice at all. Best wishes sarni

Hello everyone, Bad day today, K refused to go to school but we did get him in the end at 9.15am. We tried for ages as K kept running up and downstairs and we had to pull him from the staircase again, he clung to cushions from the sofa, his dad kept putting his shoes on him while K was punching him. I tried to get him to the door this morning and he bit me. (luckily he did not draw blood), he pulled my fingers back to try and loosen my grip on his wrist. Its brought back a lot of memories for me when D was like that and the school was supportive in getting him a statement. Now K's school is saying because he just makes the grade (borderline apart from writing) they are not willing to support us in making an application. Apparently its ok to let us suffer the bad behaviour but K knows that when he is at school he says nothing to the teachers and tells them what they want to hear. He saves the tantrums for us. I am really fed up with this as OH cannot take the punching anymore and i won't put up with being bitten again. On top of this the college that D goes to makes me want to scream, they have asked me to supply them with a statement of special needs (last one from school)to get him help with extra time for exams, i said this to them in the beginning that he would need one to one help and extra time, , they are now having to give him this and they did not want my help before and said he would be ok, now they are asking me for this , yet it was on his application form for the college and he said himself that he would need extra help. I am so angry about this . Not sure i have the strength to go another day if K plays up tomorrow. Any tatics about getting him to school, we have tried saying about what he can play with when he gets home and the odd sweets and what a good child he is etc, etc. I will go over the previous posts sent to us about getting him out the house but the differnce is its school. The headteacher has seen Ks behaviour but did not bat an eyelid today when i told her he bit me. We just don't have the strength to do this anymore and OH may lose his job as this keeps making him late for work. I don't drive so it would be even harder getting him on the bus by myself. Any suggestions to do with school. This seems so unfair that we have to put up with the bad behaviour yet if it was the otehr way round the school would be banginig on our door to get something done. No one (the school and the autsim officer) seems to be bothered yet its the work that is making K worse. Not sure what to do next. many thanks for reading best wishes sarni

Hello everyone, I was going to post this subject under resources but i wanted to reach a wider audience about how this book does help me. Firstly let me explain a bit, I have dyspraxia (diagnosed in 2009)but its more fine motor skills,verbal and seqeuncing that i have problems with. I did have good teachers when it came to PE and they were helpful. I learnt how to catch a ball and throw a ball but i am not very good with my feet as i have weak ankles and have had a couple of operations to remove bones from my toes which is where i found that the surgeion i had told me about my joints in the ankles and said i have very weak joints. I have always suffered with chrondomacialia patella. (some form of arithirits and knee gives way a lot of the time). You can hear my knees click. I was and still am a clumsy person, so it came as a relief (mixed with sadness) that i found i had this condition. Then along came Mary.... A adults guide to developmental dyspraxia and found this book useful. I wanted to mention it as it gives tips on how to handle housework better, ( i tend to do things the long way round acutally all the time and people wonder what i do all day, well it takes me a long time to do things and 'think outside the box'. I have always struggled with trying to find another way of doing things. To make household tasks easier for myself so i can be quicker. I can try and avoid making work fr myself which is something that people have always told me, that i tend to make things more difficult for myself. Has anyone found this being said to them frequently ?. I now use this as a reference guide and do my best to introduce strategies for handling most practical things. If anyone does want the reference number of the book so you can order it, i can give it to you. Just feel very sad that i should have known or had help sooner for me when i was at school (teachers knew)then i am sure i could have coped better with my life, which is why i do what i can for our children now.

Hello everyone, Extra bit I forgot to mention about Ks IEP. There are still issues around playtimes and the school have said that k likes to stay indoors and enjoys wet play as they don't get to go out. This is avoiding social play i think as the school have had concerns about his behaviour and they have said to us (last months parents evening)that he is the one causing difficulties, yet i told them (the school) about whats really been going on. Its his understanding of when someone is play fighting or really being rough that he can't understand that is causing problems and has been an ongoing issue in the previous two years as the school have said that k 'is in peoples faces and not aware of his own space' so when the teachers said yesterday at his IEP that there were no issues about his behaviour, i was a little shocked and suprised (when only the day before his IEP K was refusing to come in and we had to get the headteacher to talk to two other boys about incessant teasing as K does not understand). They (boys) know he won't say anything and then K keeps it all in and refuses to go to school. He is scared/confused of what to do. This should have been brought up proplerly in the IEP but clever old headteacher quickly brushed it out of the conversation and said the boys had been spoken to. I was bringing it up and she quickly brushed it aside. I just don't understand this. I know the school have to do what they can for children and making sure that all help/support available has been given but i feel they were only making sure of covering their own back (hence the headteacher being in an IEP). Just feel they are putting the blame all on us. It does not seem fair. The school imply and have been implying that we don't talk to K or explain things properly and we have had the catty comments from the school receptionist 'well you must really try and get him in'. We have also explained about his difficulty with bowels but they don't see it as he hides it and comes home with soiled underpants (doctors letter to them is on its way). Come next Tuesday i am going to bring a bag full of Ks undies and then we shall see. The evidence will be in their face then. (not literally but i am tempted ....only joking). I meant to add this piece to the previous post, sorry and sorry for the other post under the same title, i accidently posted the words 'hello everyone'. Just been all over place word wise today. best wishes sarni

Hello Nicky B, Sorry you had to go through that today. It can play on your mind for the rest of the day when things happen like that. I have had people speak to me and my son to. Unfortunately i always think of something smart to say when the moments gone. There was a book called 'Facing the crowd' how to handle peoples nasty comments and those who are well meaning but not understanding. I have tried to get hold of it but unfortunatly its out of print. I am still looking about for something similar. I always try now and turn comments around. I know you can't always have the time to say something when dealing with physical situations. If i had been there, i would have offered help at least. Its the sort of day that makes you want to cry. Hope you both have a better day tomorrow. best wishes sarni

Hello Julie, Your welcome to join me, plenty of roof tops in our road. sorry i am just so angry today, after yesterdays meeting i felt we were there for nothing. Today OH was planning on going to MS support group and does not feel in the mood,(emotional not physical unable to go) so again i am not free tonight to put my foot up and watch a video. I guess i won't get to bed again until 12am. Just had a night where i was planning to get myself organsied a bit better. I never have an evening to myself. Just a bit of space thats all. The eldest one pretty much is obsorbed into his 'painting models' and little one is back to school again (which is good) and after school club so i had some free time. We never go out at all and we used to go the MS group together but can't keep asking OH mum to look after little one and don't like to leave the eldest one on his own too long. So thats my life. I feel like i get a break and OH gets a break when he goes to the group which is not often.They are a lovely bunch of people and it would be nice to see them again but just got too much to do. best wishes sarni

Hello everyone, CHANGE OF SCHOOL ? Firstly one question. We have been offered a place for year 3 for K at this (wonderful =sarcasm) school. They have been anxious in getting us to accept a place for him, fair enough as they have to be aware of the number of places and let other parents know. I have sometime ago put down ks name for him to attend a school which is nearer to us (better for us as OH has ms and K could probably walk to school (instead of getting lift from dad)from where we live and we would be closer to other parents going to a closer school) My query is this, if we accept this place at his current school does this mean that it is unlikely k will be offered a place at this closer school?. There are religous reasons to take into account. I personally would like K to attend this local school to us as its still a faith school but not catholic as i do not enirely agree with 8 year olds taking holy communion (epsecially K). I would like him to have some teaching and awareness but not be pressured into having holy communion and if he felt he wanted to then he could do this at secondary school depending on his understanding. OH is not happy, he would like k to go through this as he has been through this when he was young himself and it did not make a difference to him, this, i feel its just something that would please grandparents and we would be doing this for the wrong reasons . As it is K would not understand so whats the point. I asked ages ago about the catholic faith,i took an interest and wanted to know more and not one person from OH family offered to go with me just to introduce me, not even once to any lessons about holy communion. As parents you are supposed to go, OH is reluctant to go and has not showed any enthusiam but i am expected to. So that is an issue with the school as its expected at year 3 he will receive holy communion along with classmates. Of course the other school thats is closer is Cof E so it looks like i am being offensive but i'm not. When K was younger OH family were keen to have K go to their (OH has sisters who teach at this school)catholic school even though it was further for us, i was upset as our views and problems in getting to a further away school was not taken into account ( i don't drive yet) . Not sure how to resolve this as i like to be fair and keep everyone happy to a point. SUDDEN TURN AROUND IN IEP I admit i am upset over this but the way the school has handled Ks problems has upset me more. Let me explain briefly,this december just gone, at Ks IEP it was suggested that k should go for a CAFs referral (the school was pushing for this) and that we should ask about a statement and that k should have one to one support in subjects like art and litracy. I must stress at this point i was not informed of exactly what level he was at in the national range. There was a suggestion that we should ask for hours of support and i was expecting a letter of support from school mentioining this. This was only december 2009. Yesterdays IEP the teacher said acadamically he has made his targets apart from litracy (they told me he cannot formulate a sentence by himself but can fill in the missing words to a sentence) Now the headteacher sat in on this IEP and did on a few occasions mention about ks time off for hearing tests, doctors appointments etc, and she said that this does have an effect on his learning and he has to be in school to receive learning (sarcasm= no kidding sherlock) so how in the hell can he have made such amazing progress in the space of 3 months, given that we had snow and schools were closed, holidays half term feb, a few appointments, recent easter holidays and the week k had off before easter holidays and the week after the easter holidays. How does that happen without one to one support as they were requesting, now my query is this taking into account all the info above, why did the senco not tell me exactly where k was, if he was just below the national range then i could understand yesterdays conclusion(senco said he is at levels of 2b for maths and 1c for litracy, not sure what that means) as this was never explained where he was in the first place. Last IEP he was making 'very slow progress'.Dec 09. Why ask about hours of support for K if he was not that far behind. Why ask about OT support and speech and language therapy on the recommendations of the LEA speech and language therapist(which i agree with as Ks not fluent in structured conversation for a child of his age). What would you do ?. The autism outreach officer (not sure of his proper title) said that we should wait and when it/if becomes more difficult then we could apply for a statement. I went on a HELP course run by the NAS and i was informed there, that you could ask for a statement of diagnosis and so if a child did need access to help he/she could get it without having to wait for the process of statementing in the future. I mentioned this to the autsim officer and he said he had never heard of this. This man has (so he told me) 10 years experience of working with autistic pupils some very severe. (sarcasm= no kidding). I know about bad behaviour and traits of autism. My eldest, when he was four got expelled for throwing chairs at pupils and biting and headbutting a nursery nurse at school so bad she had to have crown replaces on her teeth. I think i am a little qualified in knowing what bad behaviour is. Yet the nursery that D went to gave a glowing report of D before he went to school, ( i was not involved otherwise i would have told the truth and no doubt D would not have got into any school, so other children suffered in the end of Ds actions and D suffered) Oh yes, like many other parents on here i have been through it with the authority and this autism officer who we met yesterday had the cheek to tell me K is not bad enough. I know that, i told the senco back in dec 09 that becuase k is not bad with other children and suffers in silence that he won't get a statement. Now yesterday they were telling me what i already knew and i said this to them back in dec 09. with peoples permission on here can i now scream..... Sorry for the inforamtion overload but with Ds problems at work and OHs MS and Ks toileting some times it gets a bit too much, and my foot is still hurting from the sprain i had last week so now i would like to go and find a roof to sit on top of and let the world go by and let my problems drift right off into space where no one can bother me. Up on the roof when this old world is getting me down. (Sally44 would you like to join me) thank you for reading best wishes sarni

Hello Chris, Thanks for reply. K is seven years old. I asked them about K getting changed somewhere else yesterday (at the IEP) but they said he would have to ask if he felt embarrased about it and he could change seperately from the class. He won't bother asking, even though we have told him to speak to the teachers about his worries, he won't. I will do a email to the SENCO and advise her i think. I really want to move him out of this school, they don't take this seriously. Not sure about incontinence pads, would they show ?. I will look into it, think they have them at boots. Thanks for the info. best wishes sarni

Hello Caci, Thanks for the reply. The only problem is K is the one who suffers in silence and says nothing and the school think there is no problem. He hides everything so well till problems flare up big time then he doesn't go to school. He is talking of not going in on Tuesdays as thats when PE is. Dark coloured pants could be the temporary solution until his bowels become regular. If i show the school welfare lady his underwear they might believe me, i have seen K at home picking at his trousers/backside so i know he is uncomfortable and he does try and wipe himself but he gets anxious as it goes everywhere. His poos are adult size, is this becuase he is not eating enough? and when the bowels are full up is that when he is supposed to go?, i am not sure. Not sure if i should chase this up. He doesn't go to the toliet in the morning, has to wear nappies because of irregular bowel movements so he wets in the nappy still. They must have had other children who have similar problems in the past. Its getting the school to understand and help him thats the main problem. He walks around all day with poo in his pants must be very uncomfortable for him. I said this to them (the school) in the IEP we had yesterday and the heateacher was there and said 'if K has a problem then he can go to the welfare lady'. I have tried so many times to explain to her and the others, he suffers in silence and won't ask for help. Its driving me mad. I like to nip things in the bud they like to wait and see things escalate. I am really fed up with this school. They have said themselves he won't do things unlesss prompted so of course he won't go unless someone tells him its ok he can ask for help. Just so annoyed with this school. sorry for the rant. Thanks for the advice Best wishes sarni,

Hello everyone, Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied to the adult toileting issues. D actually cleaned the toilet after making a mess (although he was told a few times). I hope he gets so sick of it that he will see his GP now. Thanks for your help. I have not been on here for a couple of days as i am preparing for a IEP for K and today is the day. In the meantime i have had to post a new topic under the title bowel dysfuntion and coping at school with it. Things are going to be a little heated today when we have this meeting. Fingers crossed all goes well. Best wishes sarni

Hello everyone, K actually went into school for the first time in weeks. Even though he clung to the stairs and me and would not let me go (headteacher had to prise him off me)he did stay. Its taken the headteacher to sort out a bullying problem at school which so easily could have been sorted by the class teacher and she was aware of it before the class broke up for easter holidays. NOT ONE PHONE CALL FROM THE SCHOOL, not the head, nor the senco and not even the class teacher to sort this out. I am aware they are busy but not even a 30 second phone call or message to say come in and talk about it after school. Nothing, yet as parents we get the blame for not sending our kids to school. We are told as parents 'keep in contact with the school and tell them what the problem is'. (Sarcasm = Funny i thought dialogue was supposed to work both ways). Anyway, to the question and problem that k is now facing. The movicol is having some effect but not total effect. Sorry for the description but his bowel movements are becoming larger yet he still cannot feel 10p/50p sized faeces and he/we are worried that the children during PE may see his underpants and faeces drop out (not so bad in the playground its PE when its more obvious). When going to the toilet, loads of crustations go everywhere and his underwear is quite matted. He is on two sachets of movicol aswell as having brown bead, beans, orange juice, apple juice and the doctor today said they would do a letter informing the school that he has problems with his bowels. This could take months to for Ks digestive system to sort itself out and his bowel muscle to work again. Just wanted to know how other people/children had managed at school. ( i am going to take Ks underwear up to school and show them today then they will have to believe me). What advice and how can the school help. He is made to wear shorts, i know i could ask he gets changed seperately but how does k avoid the children seeing his toileting accidents. It wasn't so much of a problem before but its much more noticeable and he can't avoid PE forever. K does not want to go in when they have PE (he doesn't like the change of clothes anyway but he had been doing it). Any tips anyone on how we can sort this out. We have only managed to get him into school as of yesterday and don't want to let this stop him from going to school. many thanks. sarni

Hello everyone, D is 18 years old and refuses to go to the doctor saying there is nothing wrong. For years now (most of his secondary school life) he has had some sort of bowel disorder. I do not wish to go into too much detail. Its not true diaroea but something very close to that description. I have asked several times for D to go and see the doctor and unfortunately never purseued this with the doctor properly when he was at secondary school. It was bad on and off but now that he is older its just got worse and he refuses to clean the toilet. I can't stop him eating certain things, but just wondered if there is any way i could get him to go to the doctor. I have even resorted to taking a picture on my mobile phone to show the doctor but because D is 18 his doctor won't see me. D had a allergic reaction to cheddar cheese when he was younger and his joints and eye sockets swelled up and caused his skin to develop rashes. He was seen by Dr Brostroff who referred him to a lab where they found a low level cheese allergy. So i stopped D taking cheese. In the last two years D has taken to eating cheese again as he has had a pizza and did not have a reaction. D just won't listen. Any suggestions anyone, please help, got one child who can't stop and one child who can't go. (movicol) (K). I have tried giving food that binds the stomach to D but that don't work either. Many thanks, sarni.

Hello everyone, My son D is 18 and has had a couple of supervisors tell him today (even though they are aware/supposed to be aware of his ASD) that he is not meeting his their targets on 'interacting with people' and the other verbal telling off was for 'not finishing a task on time'. I can understand the second complaint they had about him but the first is i think out of order. He works for a large supermarket. I have spoken to a organisation called Prospects (don't know if anyone has heard them before) about a few things when he started working and one thing in recent months about my sons attraction to a girl (he works with) in particular. Just a bit concerned he was anxious about working with her. Other than that no problems. Has anyone else had dealing with this organsiation and how have they found them ....helpful or not helpful ?. I have mentioned to his supervisors that he has problems working on the till as he cannot talk to people and manage to put stuff through the checkout. (just the general 'good morning' ' how are you'. He found that very difficult and was anxious about this. I really thought this was all dealt with but it seems he is having problems again. They said that he is not interacting with customers and Ds response was ' i know the staff better and i can speak to staff better because i know them. I don't know the customers'. I asked d do they have a union ? He said what was that ?. I was shocked that he did not know at all. Both the supermarket and the Prospects organisation (who did work with him before going into this job) should have told him. I tried to tell him about seeking advice from Prospects or from a colleague but he came out with ' no i will take it on the chin thanks anyway' . When he said this it sounded well rehearsed. Dreaded young sister in laws in put no doubt (he went over to see her yesterday). (she does not believe he has ASD) How do you deal wtih in laws that won't keep their noses out (this is the person who sent a disgraceful text). Don't think my son will ever listen or learn. Can anyone offer advice on this situation. I don't want to intervene but he won't do anything and just concernd that this is the start or shape of things to come. Many thanks best wishes sarni

Hello Just wanted to thank you for your reply. I think at the moment ,of the saying 'better the devil you know than the devil you don't'. Our son has really benefited from having extra help in small groups. best wishes sarni