Sammysnake

Ha ha ha ha

Every time I read this thread title I think it's going to be some big expose on the secret ingredient in Coca Cola - vegetarians beware .

I haven't watched Mission 2110 yet but my daughter loves it. The other day she told me she's feeling a lot more positive about being female because the girl in the final of the programme 'majorly kicked the butt' of the boy she was up against in the trials! Yay for positive female role models

I LOVE CBBC and Horrible Histories rocks! Beth's got loads of the books and they really tune into that encyclopaedic memory of hers - once she's read it she knows it (a useful skill). The most often heard phrase in our house, even more common than 'it's not fair' is 'Did you know......' followed by some amazing historical fact. We were walking in the village the other day when out of nowhere she says, 'Did you know..... that in 1911 a dog in Egypt was killed by a meteorite and it's the only recorded occurance of anything or anyone being killed by a meteorite'. Ahh, OK, that's an amazing fact says I but why did you mention it now? She then points to a building in front of us with a datestone on it for 1911 . Favourite CBBC programme has got to be Deadly 60. Animals - amazing Facts - amazing Fitness of Steve Backshall's often naked chest - as amazing as it gets phoarr

Nice to meet you Pinkpig, especially as you have a foot in both camps so to speak. Hopefully you'll be able to give lots of advice once you've settled in as well as learning a lot from the people on here who've had years of experience dealing with daily issues (I'm not one of them I'm afriad, very much a newbie myself!). Sam

I've always known there was something going on with my daughter but it was so mild I guess that other people couldn't see it. Besides, she's fine at home because I know how to create a safe environment for her and have always acted as a kind of translator of the world for her even before we got the diagnosis. At age 5 the paediatrician missed it and school felt her difficulties were still within the normal levels for a child of her age. As she's gotten older the issues have become more apparant though so by the end of Year 3 and now in Year 4 interventions, particularly friendship groups and relaxation techniques are being employed and it was suggested we go back to the paediatrician who gave us the diagnosis. One example of the change I have seen in her is in play with other children. There is a small green outside our house and she used to play out there with two kids from over the road. About 18 months ago she started to come in a lot earlier from these play times and have more tears. I would try to explain to her how to sort out what had gone wrong in the play, give her some scripts and strategies and send her out again but eventually she began withdrawing from her friends to the extent that even if they called for her she wouldn't go out. I did some sneaky observing and worked out that the group had grown from two others to about five and now my daughter couldn't control the play. She used to be able to organise the others into Pokemon battles but now they wanted to talk and play things she didn't want to and she couldn't cope. Also, a younger girl joined the group who knew just how to push my daughter's buttons to make her upset and understood how to manipulate the other children into making her feel excluded. Things like purposely offering a sweet to everyone except her or inviting everyone to see her kitten except my daughter. My point is, as the other children mature and develop more complex social skills, the gap can appear wider with our kids. My daughter's issues are very mild compared with much of what I read on this forum but if it upsets her and makes her feel unsure and vulnerable then it's very important to me. School are really pleased to have a diagnosis as they know what sort of things to look out for and what strategies to investigate. It also gives us a better chance of getting some support at Secondary school. I've got another appointment with the Paediatrician in September and a friend told me we will now probably have them fairly regularly so that my daughter's progress can be monitored and there will be advice available as soon as other issues arise in the future. I find that comforting. I'm glad in some ways that the diagnosis came a little later as my daughter was old enough to understand it and be very relieved to have it. She had felt at odds with the world and now has a reason for it and knows there is a bank of adults who really care about her and are going to do what they can to help make things better and to teach her appropriately. Having said that, if I hadn't already suspected AS, been researching it and using the support strategies I felt appropriate, I know she would be an unhappy little girl right now other than the happy, funny and loving individual she is when she doesn't have to interact with lots of other children ( )

My daughter loved Beavers and is now in Cubs and loving every minute of that too. There have been a number of different leaders but they've all been very supportive of her even before we had a diagnosis to explain her difficulties. Her friend from school who has AS and behavioural difficulties is still in Beavers - they have also supported him really well. The scouting movement has some really good training for their leaders which includes SEN training and ideas for differentiating the badges 'curriculum' where necessary to make it accessible to all. I hope Piers loves it - they get to do some really exciting stuff.

Hi Darren and welcome to the forum. I have a daughter who is 9 and was recently diagnosed although I had known for years there was 'something' and had come to the conclusion it was AS. Like your girl, mine is very clever but 'highly strung' but responds really well to the millions of strategies that are out there to support her with once we understand where the difficulties come through. Beth's teacher assessments put her well above average but she gets very stressed at the mental and physical processes of writing which puts way down the standard and quantity of work she is actually producing. School now let her use a laptop for some longer pieces of writing and have written daily time into her timetable for her to practice touch typing. This means for some pieces of work she is able to show what she is capable of with the stresses of handwriting taken away. We both feel incredibly relieved to have the diagnosis. As you've said, it opens up opportunities for our girls to access support to have a better time at school and achieve closer to their real academic levels. It's brilliant you've got sorted before the transition to Secondary school so now they can ensure there is a really good handover and support in place when she arrives. Good luck - this is all a bit new to me too and let us know how you get on . Sam

That's good to know, I presumed it was still up to the next of kin. I have had a donor card for many years and when I got it I made sure I spoke with my husband, my mum and my in-laws so they all understood my wishes and are happy to support them. I personally don't think it's a morbid subject at all - we're all going to die sometime and ensuring my family knows and is supportive of my wishes means one less thing for them to have to worry about if I die unexpectedly. It's just practical planning. As soon as my daughter was born my husband and I sorted out who would take care of her in the event of something happening to both of us and we wrote it into a will, explaining gently to my mum why it wasn't her!! Mumble, I guess you've tried talking to your Mum about all of this but it might be worth trying again at a time when you're both relaxed and have spare time to chat. See if she can explain what she's worried about with organ donation and you can explain your views and why you want to donate. It will be much better for her in the long run if she can come to terms with your wishes, just in case the worse does happen. Good luck

Hi Kathryn, it was my 22 year old niece (she has learning difficulties and is about 10 years old developmentally). She said that she'd been brought up as a Christian but wasn't bothered about God when she went away to college (she spent four years at the Star College in Gloucester - a boarding arts college for young people with various disabilities). After she moved back home she began going to church again and it was then she decided she actually wanted to live as a Christian and God became real to her. She was really brave and spoke very well despite being very nervous - we were very proud of her! Beth was absolutely fine. She read her book through most of the service which was very stand up, sing a song, sit down, listen to the bloke speak etc. Very different from our church and she took very little notice of what was happening other than the bits when her cousin was involved.

Thanks for that Karen and to everyone who's messaged me. My niece is getting baptised on Sunday so we'll be visiting her church which is less charismatic than ours. It'll be interesting to see what her response is there and if she's more comfortable....

Chris54, I'm so sorry. I've just reread my own post and can now see absolutely how it could have sounded like that. I didn't say anything about it being to answer a genuine question for my daughter . Usually I'm a rambler and my posts go on forever. This time I tried to be way too succinct and it didn't work. Well, two page essays from me for now on Kathryn has given me a very helpful response which has put things into perspective and given me some tangible strategies to use in our situation. Cheers.

Thanks all for your replies - Kathryn I've sent you a long and rambling response (sorry!!). Thanks Suze for the ideas - Beth is a committed Christian (her own decision) and is fine with what she reads in the Bible, it's the experiential side of her relationship with God that is the issue and which is occassionally 'freaking her out' at the moment. We have lots of very supportive Christian friends but none of them with experience of AS and I think this is one of those areas where the language I'm speaking and the experiences I have are totally different to Beth's so I was trying to find someone who could relate more to what she is thinking/feeling. Thanks for your willingness to help

Didn't mean to offend anyone by asking about messaging, I just thought it would be a topic that wouldn't really relate to most people and it would be easier to discuss with one or two people who might know what I meant by my question. If someone doesn't know what I mean by 'experiencing the Holy Spirit' then they are not going to be able to help me anyway, even if they want to. I thought if I could find someone who did know and then messaged them off forum I would avoid confusing anyone or offending them or having to triple explain everything I say. Obviously that hasn't worked as simply asking the question has annoyed someone. It's an important issue for me at the moment as it's upsetting my daughter. I don't know how to help her through it or who to ask for advice. I thought it was worth me asking on here thinking that either someone who knew what I meant would reply or I would get no responses. Feel free Mods to lock the thread if you think it's not suitable for the site.

Hi, does anyone know anything about how someone with AS might have a different from NTs experience or understanding of the Holy Spirit? If so, would you mind if I send you a message about it? Cheers, Sam

My daughter's 9 and I was planning to have a bit of a preparitory chat with her before we saw the Paediatrician two months ago (I was hoping for a clear diagnosis of AS but didn't want to pre-empt it incase I was wrong). I planned to chat to her a day or two before the appointment when over breakfast she suddenly asked me if her brain was 'special'. Other questions she'd been asking led me to believe she was noticing that something wasn't quite right so I did talk to her then, explained what I thought and that the paediatrician would help us to know how to support her better. The paediatrician told her to her face that she has AS and explained in very clear terms what that meant and she was fine with that, asking him some very sensible questions. She was a bit freaked when he later mentioned 'Autistic' - I guess she had some preconceptions associated with that term but we are able to explain to her about the spectrum. She was on cloud nine after the diagnosis feeling that the nameless tension she had been feeling was now explained. She's happy to tell lots of people about it especially family as she feels it will help them to understand her. A book I highly recommend which gave her a voice to understand and explain much of herself was 'Can I tell you about Asperger's Syndrome? A Guide for Friends and Family' by Jude Welton and Jane Telford. It's written from the point of view of a child explaining to adults and siblings how some things feel different to him and what we can do to help.

My situation was very similar to yours for years in that I knew there was something different in the way my daughter was seeing the world (although no one selse seemed to believe me). I was led to read up on Asperger's and for the past three years have been convinced that was what we were dealing with so I read loads of info, picked the bits that seemed to fit my daughter and used the strategies described. We've now got the official diagnosis, the Paediatrician apologised for missing it when I took her to him five years before and said that fortunately she hadn't lost any time because I had been doing all the right support strategies anyway. Most of the time I choose option a) "correct her gently putting her straight and explaining where she went wrong". A lot of the time I explain what the listener's response would be to what she is saying. I explain that if she changes the subject suddenly, although I can often work out what she means as I know her well, another listener needs an explanation from her about what she is now talking about as they can't 'hear' the thoughts that are in her mind. I've taught her the very useful phrase 'I'm just changing the subject now' which prepares the listener for a change. If she is talking to another person and ends up confusing them, I will quietly guide her in what to say to bring the person back into the conversation by prompting or leading questions then as soon as the person leaves I'll explain to her what happened, pointing out what the person's face looked like and that it indicated confusion, why they were confused and what she can do to stop it happening again. It's not telling off, it's taking a learning opportunity and she's very receptive to it often thanking me for helping things make sense. Jokes are harder, I always explain them and what another person mind find funny about them and usually get the response - 'Oh, I get it.... but it's not funny'!. She accepts that we all have different senses of humour and there is no real way to explain why something makes one person laugh and not another. My daughter used to get either a bit too excitable or get very floppy and sleepy when we had visitors. I now understand this is because she gets overwhelmed by the emotions and feelings associated with a visit. Just a quiet, 'Beth, calm down' is usually enough sometimes with an added explanation such as 'your voice is a bit too loud' or 'people don't like it when someone waves in their face/corrects everything they say' - it makes them feel...... My daughter is nearly 10 and has had her diagnosis for about two months. She was really pleased to have it explained to her as she feels she makes more sense to herself now. I've explained to her that AS doesn't define every aspect of her personality and just because the books say someone with AS might have difficulties in certain areas (or be very strong in other areas), that's no reason not to work at getting better. She doesn't automatically know when she's confused a person in conversation for example but is very good at picking up the cues and strategies I'm teaching her to use next time. That helps her to feel more relaxed and have a better outcome when talking to people. From my experience I would say use the opportunities you've listed always as learning opportunities, challenge when you know she's trying it on (she's a 10 year old, of course she'll push the boundaries) and go with your natural instincts. Even if you don't get an AS diagnosis, you know your own child and can see what things you read relate to her. Try things, keep the ones that work and discard those that don't. Oh, as for simplifying things - yep, why not. If you've there and can help her in a situation then do so when it's necessary. Some days Beth finds it much more difficult to follow what appears to be simple instructions but that is often because she's thinking about something else or there's too much going on. I say her name to make sure she's focused on me, make sure she's calm and either explain in another way or if the instructions are in multiple parts, break it down in to smaller chunks and get her to perform the action part by part. Other times I'll question her to help her work out for herself what she needs to do. My husband used to just have a go at her for not listening or not concentrating. He didn't believe there was anything wrong and thought I was too soft on her. Since the diagnosis he seems much more tolerant and now explains rather than telling off. We don't let things go though - although I understand why for example she corrects every detail of what I say she still needs to understand that it really annoys people as one day she'll meet someone less tolerant than me about it. Hope this helps, Sam Just re-read this and it looks like we never tell her off but we do! Usually a telling off is enough, it's very rare that sanctions are needed but they are used when necessary .

I've worn my glasses at lots of different pools when swimming and have never been told not to so I would expect you to be OK. I hope you are able to go and that you have fun .

Sounds perfect for my daughter. It's got excellent reviews on Amazon so I've just ordered it - thanks .

Boy I wish I'd been on that bus with you, I would have helped with your bags and then given those people a talk that would have made some of them squirm in their seats . Sadly it's not always young people and even when it is, they have to learn it from somewhere. We have a very nasty parent at our school who has always been a trouble maker in many different ways. She started a campaign to try to get a boy with AS kicked out of our school because he has behavioural issues (she failed). I heard her shouting in the street about this child and she referred to him as a 'retard' - in front of her own son too. Sadly the only person around at the time who could correctly have had that label attached (slow to learn) was her - not only in what she was saying about another human being but in the damage she is doing her own son. Whenever he's even slightly reprimanded at school she comes charging in shouting and swearing at the teachers in front of her child and whole classes of other children. Your boy is learning to control his outbursts, shame this parent doesn't seem able to and is going to make her child into another intolerant .

Oh, BIG time! 'That's not fair' is her most quoted saying, whether it be commenting on the Victorian judicial system on on her computer game (which apparently cheats!) That's what I was telling her the other day. It is great to be a women and we ARE every bit as good as men but there are some people who still need to learn that lesson. If she embraces being female and becomes the best that she can be at whatever she decides to do with her life it might just help to change a bit of the world (she's really keen on wanting to make a big difference in the world and wants to know what she's going to end up doing). Hmm, now that's a thought..... She's been in Beavers and then Cubs for several years now and loves it. She always wants to do things that are not traditionally girly. I wanted to encourage her to go to Girl's Brigade too for the opposite reason - so she could spend some time with girls and see that they are OK, not some alien creature that she has nothing in common with!

Thanks Tally. We've done a bit of that already, just as an unplanned chat but I think I'll start doing more targetted teaching with her and make sure I fully explain the boys bit as well as the girls as you suggested. I really do think that will help her to not feel singled out but instead to feel fully part of what's going on with everyone else. It will help her not to feel scared when she sees physical and emotional changes in her peers too and will actually put her ahead of the game 'cos I bet she'll have a lot more accurate information and understanding than a lot of the kids will have when the time comes .

Thanks for that list of women of note Jannih. We'd already looked briefly at a couple of them but I'll work my way down the rest of the list. NobbyNobbs I'm so sorry to hear of the terrible time you had at school - how incredibly humiliating and stupid too - it would have been so easy for someone to have make a couple of practical changes to make this better for you and other girls in your position . I've been reading the book 'Aspergers and Girls' which has some excellent tips for preparing a girl for puberty such as encouraging them to choose their own deodorant, bra and pads before they actually need them so they can find materials/scents etc they are comfortable with and feel happy wearing. Another was to use red food dye on a pad to prepare them for the sight of blood. I like practical tips like that. Thanks for all the replies, it seems the general consensus is this is normal and just keep talking to her and informing her. My problem is I have a tendancy to read too much information and can sometimes start seeing issues where there are none or looking for 'symptoms'. I need to relax - even though I was 90% sure Beth had AS, having it confirmed/diagnosed so recently still needs a bit of processing. I need to work out a balance of supporting and encouraging but not seeing AS everywhere and not expecting difficulties which may not affect her. Thanks for your understanding .

Thanks NobbyNobbs, you've reinforced what I was already thinking and trying to do anyway. This is what I was trying to get at in my posts - I definitely think there's more going on than simply being a tomboy. She said to me a while ago that she wants to be a lesbian when she grows up but I really don't think she means it, the context sounded like she thought this would simply mean she had no pressure to have a husband. Besides, if she really did want to be a lesbian she'd have to start spending more time getting to know other girls! I'll just keep plodding on trying all I can to reinforce how great it can be to be female and I'm going to start reading up on puberty and getting her ready for the concept before it kicks in. Although I'm a girl I didn't go through the traditional teenage girl stuff. I never wore makeup, wasn't into fashion and didn't fancy any lads so a lot of it is still a mystery to me! I got through it OK though and am happily married and Beth and I are extremely close and talk about anything and everything - no need for embarrassment - so I'm sure we'll get through it together. I worry way too much and want to protect her from every struggle but I know that I can't and it's also not healthy for her if I try to. I just need to get my head around what's to come so I can be calm and supportive and rational enough to help her when it all kicks in .

Thanks Justine. I've got no problem with her being a tomboy (just as I was at her age) but there's a lot more going on here. She's been saying she actually needs to be male and thinks being female is getting the bad end of the deal. I understand she feels she has more shared interests with lads at the moment (she's into reptiles, science, history and to a lesser extent now - Pokemon) but I want her to understand she doesn't have to be genetically male for that to be acceptable. It was a real breakthrough getting her to spend time with girls at Girl's Brigade as she had violently shied away from anything she perceived as being 'female' prior to this. Oh, hi Mumble, just posted and then read your post after! Really good point about the ensuring she doesn't get picked on bit - that really WOULD be just her luck!! Fortunately her class teacher is the most amazingly wonderful and understanding teacher in the world and I know she will look out for that sort of thing. As for scouting - Beth was in Beavers and is now a Cub and she absolutely loves it. She was the only girl in Cubs for some time, a fact she was very proud of. Another girl has now joined but Beth is happy about that - she doesn't feel it's stealing her thunder at all! Beth can usually handle things as long as I can help her think about them a different way. Our school midsummer festival always involves the classes dancing and usually the girls do one thing and the boys another. They did Indiana Jones one year and she was upset she had to twirl and dance and swoon rather than running around pretending to use a gun and a whip. I got her to show me her moves then showed her the Tomb Raider games and we decided the leaping dance could be Lara Croft leaping across a chasm or twirling round to kick an enemy etc. She was OK then. Only she and I knew what her moves really meant! Thanks for the encouragement both!