LS2242

Have to agree with Baddad. Have you made contact with CAHMs over the differences with your son in the past few days? Have they given you an emergency appointment? If your appointment is delayed for any reason then you could ask your GP to contact CAHMs also. It is imperative that your sons needs are identified as quickly as possible. I saw another post on here that sounded slightly similar. Maybe you could go through that and see if there is any advice that may help in your situation. I would post the topic link but I dont know how to do it. Sorry I cant be of more help.

Thanks Sally. That makes sense. Will ask them if they can put this into place at the beginning of term. I cannot go through another term of school refusal. The school know he was refusing school so hopefully they will be forthcoming with their support. I will give the EP a quick email to update her that he is still anxious in the holidays and give your suggestion.

What are the other options you have? I see what you are saying re the haircut scenario. We all have to learn different ways of handling things in life and the way you handled that I think was fantastic. We live in a town with two junior schools, the one where he is now and the other school is full, with a long waiting list. I could however travel. The CP says the problems will follow him no matter what school he is in, but at the same time maybe he needs a fresh start, so he was sort of 50/50. When I mentioned it to EP and HT they just say he blends in well and shows no signs of anxiety in school. I can email the EP but still waiting for speech therapy referal. My instinct is that it is highly possible that she would say he is fine in school, but if he doesn't like it then move him! They are jsut people to them and dont have the emmotional involvement. He has already been refusing school since 28th June. Well I say school refusal, he has refused to go and runs round the house and refuses point blank to get dressed for school but in the end I do get him there (sometimes requires a phone call to school as we are going to be in late). I am not sure how I can determine how servere the anxiety is - Last term it would aggressive behaviour when he game home which would eventually calm once he got fixated on something else. Then as evening comes he would have tummy ache, head ache, feeling sick. Eventually falling to sleep between 11.00 and midnight. Waking up with tummy ache, headache etc.. but can still have a cereal bar! He has never been physically sick. It is the CP who has said school is main cause of his anxiety, so that has come from a prof and not his parents. He just says everyone is mean and he has no friends. I spoke to CP about this when I rang him over the camping issue we had/having and I mentioned about the stress of school and he was telling me that he will not even know probably what is causing him so much anxiety and that is why he fixates on others being naughty. We are seeing CP on Fri to do some work to try reduce the stress. School are supposed to be doing some work on emmotions in a small group with him but the SENCO is off for a while, so someone else with little experience has stepped in. As of yet no work has been done from the emmotional angle. I have tried to explain to him that there are people who are mean at every school and as an adult there is in the workplace too, but he just dosen't see it. Now he wants to move house too as he has decided he hates the town where we live because if you fall over no one helps you????? Will see what fri brings but think this is going to be a tough descision to make and a concern is if we change school and people are still being mean then he will want to move to another and onther! I cant win either way. As much as I was hoping it would all stop in September instinct tells me it is going to continue and possible escalate. are there any other signs I should be looking out for re the anxiety. He does not self harm or anything like that. Does suffer tics but they have stopped at present.

Hi i have no experience in this field, however would definately pursue for dx. As you say "the new team say that my sons problems are definitely not parental " Can the new team not do anything. Can you put in an official complaint regarding the treatment of you and your family with the backing of the new team? Also instruct a solictor to pursue this and clear your names, as it has already caused damaging affects and will continue to do so unless challenged.

Hi About an hour ago my son came downstairs to give me a note saying "Can We Move School?" Not sure where the WE came from! Normally in the summer hols his anxiety reduces, well in regards to school anyway. I thought we would not have to have this conversation AGAIN until nearer the start of term. I am in such termoil still over this, especially as there is no school and it is still on his mind. Initially after advice on here, a chat with CP and a bit of gut instinct my husband and I decided to keep him at his current school, as things are just starting to be put in place, BUT this is clearly effecting him and now my thoughts are ??? I dont know what to do. I was bullied on only a few occasions at school and I can still remember. It has stayed with me and am sure many of us can relate to this. When a child perseves that others are mean to him and that he is bullied (his perception sometimes), this he will remeber for the rest of his life. I just dont know what to do about this situation anymore. Any advice, ideas appreciated! Many Thanks

Hi and welcome to the forum. I only came across this forum a month or so ago myself and I have to say the people on here are great. I have received so much useful advice and support and it has given me such an insight into ASD from personal experiences rather than reading from books. I have 3 children and our youngest (9) we have been told has AS although not a confirmed diagnosis as yet as we are still going though the process. I have said since he was about 2yrs that there where differences between him and our other children but I kept getting told, it's the terrible 2's, oh he is a boy what do you expect! We then had a new HV and she said after ten minutes that our son had autism. I was so cross that she had labeled my child within minutes of being in my house that I nicely told her to leave. What a mistake I made. If I had listened instead of burying my head in the sand then we could have had help, support and guidance years ago. The reason he is under going assessment now is that we thought he had OCD due to his lining things up and set routine (these where effecting his daily life to function). When the CP told us he is 100% certain he has AS, it came as a complete shock. the only way I can describe my feelings at the time, was like grief. I had lost the little boy I had. How wrong I was, I still have the same adorable boy I had then only now I have accepted that he has difficulties and that there are reasons for his behaviour. Nothing I did before or after childbirth could have prevented him having AS. What is important is that now we have an explanation is that we do our utmost to support and help guide him through life. Give him the foundations so that he can build an independant life for himself. It is tough, but am told it gets easier! Your daughter is young and given the help at such an age can only prove beneficial for her and your family.

Can I ask Sally44, how did he initially react and what sort of statergies did you try, to get him to accept that TV was not always accessible. At least he chose the camping and made the decision himself, which I think was very grown up and brave of him really. My son is 9 and that maturity isn't quite there yet. Think I will be having more than a starbucks when he has gone for the weekend! Thanks for everything Sally, I have really valued your input and your understanding of our situation. I understand this 100%. Do you have any other reasons as to why you would not deny him his ICT fix. I am interested to hear your views on this. Also how does he react when he does not get his fix / or he thinks he is not going to get it. I think we have come to a deal now - He is going to TEACH me (bless) how to do his challenge. I am going to observe him for two nights and then the third he is going to do it and together we can write some instructions and the forth he is going to observe me doing it so he knows I get it right. Been alot of talking from me and shouting from him, but he is starting to come round to the idea now. This is making the best of what must have been a very difficult time for him. I am so pleased we dont have to go the route of taking it away, I have to say I would have done it on CP advise but I felt it was the wrong thing to do. So pleased to hear other's have fixations too. Is this part of the whole ASD thing or is it more because ASD people possibly have stronger will power and determination or are more interested in their own needs.(sorry if this description appears incorrect, just describing it from our experiences) Maybe I should start a new thread on this topic as I would find other peoples experiences interesting and informative to hear

Just spoken to him about me doing it and apparently I dont understand. He informs me HE HAS to do it everyday for a year! I think it is a bit like the brain training game actually. It is a set of a few questions with four possible answers. When he completes the challenge within the time limit for so many days in a row he gets moved onto the next level in the game. I think it is his mind set as to why he has to do it every day. He has made the rules up in his head that he cannot deviate from. He has changed from doing it in the morning before shcool (which just added to pressures of morning routine) to now being able to do it at any point in time during the day. He has never experienced not doing it and when we struck a deal to reduce the time on pc I promised him I would allow him the time to carry on doing his ten minute challenge (BIG BIG mistake) Right Ok just had phone call back from CP and it has been suggested that on Monday start preparing him that HE is NOT going to be doing the challenge from say Sat - Tue. explain that I know he will be angry but that we will help him work through his anger. Stop the challenge a few days previous say from Thursday so that his outburst is at home rather than with the grandparents. So looks like this is the way we have to go and TBH it was always going to come up at some point and if his fixation was not the challenge it would be something else, which would prevent him from doing things. So yeh looking forward to next week. Not! Will be ready for the weekend with no children Again thanks to you all for your input.

I borrowed an iphone to see if I could get the website on there so that he could complete the challenge, but it didnt work! I dont feel I can say tough, get on with it. I feel that is the wrong decision to make. He has come so far this past month alone and a condition of our agreement to reduce the time on the pc was that I allowed him the ten minutes to do his challenge. I cant take the last bit away from him too. I would have broken my promise to him for a start. Yes I agree in the fact he maybe should get on with it, but at the end of the day, it is not me who is going to be looking after him and that is unfair of me to put his grandparents in such a position if it can be avoided. I have to remember they are doing me the favour here If I was to go down the accept it route then he would make ALL of their little holiday a nightmare and it would not be an enjoyable experience for anyone. Grandparents have seen him have a rage or two or three but they dont handle it the way I do, and no matter how many times I ask them to handle it differently they never do. I know other issues will arise whilst away especially when it comes to meal times. this would just end up being the final straw. I cant do this to him or them. Yes if the other children wouldnt go because of a pc then yes i would say tough. The reason why I am handerling it differently is not because he has AS but because the consequences of taking it away IMO are to great for the circumstances. ok so am left to a few options to consider: Got time to keep working on him and he may change his mind himself - can all but try try a dongle - but expect outburst for grandparents if it doesn't work Say tough get on with it - expect anger outburst and his trust in me will be gone for a while and make great meaning in the saying "holiday from hell" he stays home and hopefully will realise he is missing out and change his mind and then go the following day. - may backfire Ask the campsite to borrow there's - not sure they would allow it but no harm in asking or I could encourage him to show me how to complete it and I could do it for him if he would let me. (only down side is he will say I will do it wrong, but he could write me instructions!) Ha ha this could be the solution. - Would have to change my original idea of going abroad for a long weekend, but I can live with that. This problem is going to come up time and time again and I do need to find a way round it. Thank you all for all your ideas, you have been wonderful yet again.

I completely understand where you are coming from here and this was our original plan as it would be a perfect time to break the pattern when in exchange he is going to be doing something fun and exciting. He can live without the computer the rest of the day now, if need be, just so long as he can do his challenge for ten minutes. We did the camping in the garden last week, just to make sure that he would be ok with it and was very successful. He really enjoyed it. Never even crossed my mind then that the whole 'daily challenge' would stand in the way, I thought with the excitement he would just say ok and get on with it. How wrong I was. CMJ does have some crucial points also to make and I agree with both of you. Unfortunatley I cant swap for pc games, as it is not games that he is fixated in it is the 'daily challenge'. Think he has taken the title 'daily challenge' literally and it HAS to be done daily. He will not back track now as he has been doing it for months and months. Ten minutes a day is nothing when we are at home. Your right on the point of we are not going and although grandparents love him to bits and are what I call the ideal grandparents, they still to this day dont understand all his little ways and make liitle problems into a big problems for him and then out comes the anger and anxiety and then into a bit of a vicious circle. This happened again today when they took the children to the beach but once back at there house, tried to make him wear his grandad's socks as his where all sandy. Under no circumstances would he ever wear anyone else's clothes and not socks of all items! This was then made into a big deal and he got into a right state and caused them to be a little stressed out too. See if I was there I would have handled it differently and just asked him to wash his feet in the bath and he could go round the house in bare feet. We all handle children differently, but he does need consistency. (sorry gone off the subject a bit there) My point being though they dont handle a fallout the way I would which then causes more enxiety and stress for him and everyone else and I am always fighting a losing battle when I try to get the consistency from both us and them. Parents work super hard before and after the break! This is where I started to change my mind, as I cant think of a way that we could achieve taking the 'daily challenge' away without it being too stressful for him, for us before and after and also for his grandparents whilst away, he will make their break away a miserable affair. Also if Iwas to try and change the fixation now, he would 'blame it' on camping and would then refuse camping another time. If I get a dongle and set it up then I have the problem if there is no signal. I wont be there to deal with the aftermath which would occur. It is difficult as my OH agrees with Mumble and I agree with CMJ. Arghh! I feel like I should let him stay home the first day so he can realise what he is missing out on and then take him to the campsite the following day, but got a feeling that would backfire on me and he would be happy to stay behind. Apart from that, whilst the kids away, I thought I would take advantage of the situation and plan a weekend away for us (get out of these four walls).

Thanks. Just asked hubby and apparently we would need to be in a 3G or such like area? I think where they are going there is possibly no internet coverage anyway! Also to get a 3G dongle would have to sign up for a period of time and then cost me each month?? If this is the case then we cant do it.

Hi All. Need advice on the best way to handle a camping holiday. My son's fixation is his computer. we have reduced the time considerably over the past month or so. The problem we have is that his grandparents want to take all the children away camping for a long weekend, to give them a nice time and also us parents a bit of a break. My son is refusing to go because he wont be able to do his 'daily challenge' (a challenge he does each and every day without fail, on a game on the internet) He needs the interent to be able to do it and where they intend going he will not have access to it or an internet cafe. I really want him to go as I know he will enjoy himself and I will not let a computer rule their going away plans. I am just not sure on the best way to handle it. I have tried talking and preparing him, but he 'NEEDS' to do his challenge and is quiet happy to miss out in order that he can spend ten minutes a day to complete it. I am not sure how he would react (although I can have a good guess) whilst away if he cant fulfil this task. Any suggestions. Thanks

Wierd - I asked EP re SALT referal and was told the waiting list closed. She then told HT she must do a referal to speech therapy for an assessment. Hence my confusion. Persumed they must be two different things! Note to self do more homework before go to meetings Thanks Karen A.

Thanks Justine1. I will just keep the pressure on from as many angles as I can. Getting anew EP in September and HT arranging another meeting so we can introduce ourselves and tell them state of play. Going to try and get CP to attend so EP has a prof point of view also rather than just been classed as over anxious parents. What is the difference between SALT and speech therapy?

Never thought of this. Where would I get list of schools from - PP? More experience will definatley look into this. Initially my son was said not to need a Statement. Then when he continued to struggle and we wanted a place at the mainstream school that has 'enhanced resource' status (around 5 children per class on the spectrum - that does not include the children who are in the autism unit as well) we were told all the enhanced resource places were full. So I applied for a mainstream place, which he got because there were places and it was my parental choice to move to another mainstream school. However I had to provide transport whilst we went through the tribunal process for his Statement and as the tribunal date neared the LEA started giving us what we were appealing for ie. an enhanced resource place was 'found', his transport was provided, etc. We still went to tribunal for SALT input and got what we asked for because we had the reports that provided the evidence that that was what was needed. When we met with EP, we asked for a SALT assessment and she said they have closed the waiting list. She told HT to refer to speech therpay? What is the difference between speech therapy and SALT? We are getting dx from CP as they have now changed the rules and he can dx on his own now apparantly without the need of EP, Paediatrician, and social panel. I persume when I get the official letter included will be a report? So is I cant get a report from SALT with them closing the waiting list. from what I have been told the EP said son blends in well but other than that I have nothing. So as for the diary, which I am doing but feel I may not be including the things I may need. The diary I am doing more from the angle of his anger outbursts - to try and help identify triggers. What sort of things would you recommend also that I include? Oh! Wow! I am just at the beginning then! Ok so I have two years left before he goes to senior school, I doubt I will have everything identified by then. We where hoping by then everything would be identified, which would help us in choosing a senior school place and also if we needed to go via the statement route we would have all this in place. Sort of puts a different spin on our thoughts completely. Our senior school is relativley small but as parents we dont think he will cope. It is big step and social skills needed so much more. Will have to think about this nearer the time, and see where we are at. Anxiety - can this be put down on his IEP, when he goes on SA+? The school know he is daily refusing school and I know would back me up on this. We do get him there always, but this if not addressed again when senior school starts and he is more grown up has the potential to escalate. CAMHs doing work over the holidays with him to try and reduce the anxiety before it escalates anymore. We did speak about school part time - but would rather our son had a full time education. thank you for this very informative post. I wish I had come across this forum years ago!

From the SEN support session Maths problem solving was the only thing that jumped out at me. Socially I know there are issues and he certainly does not understand the unspoken rules. He has finally learnt not to stand to close behind someone in a queue, but that took months and months of us saying it when shopping. I dont think the session looked deeply enough into things and alot of the report is what son has supposidly said rather than what was looked into. As an example under social stuff it says He played with alot of people at playtime - ok so for me I am saying where is the word friends in this. Was wasked if he had a lot of friends or a few - he said few. - Ok so where in this list is the word none. Because if it is not on the list he cant say it This is mentioned in the report - Think he may not have had enough problem solving experience yet - Not sure about this he is Yr4 I had to ask for him to be put on SA+ and this is the bit I find frustrating. HT should have done this without prompting from me. this is something we discussed with CP last week. I have expressed that we are willing to see how things go for another term and see what help they offer. He will need a statement though wont he for a school with a unit attached???? I think he can get by socially in mainstream whilst in Primary school, secondary school however (2 Yrs away) we dont think he would manage, as social skills are needed much more. This is why we think it is so important to help sooner rather than later as 2 years is not a long time. Anxiety / stress at school now is a problem so this if no help given will only excalte in secondary. I will look into schools with extra experience. Who would I ask for this info PP??? Our argument re his education is that we believe he is not developing at the rate of other s socially, he has no friends, he is constantly called offensive names (which now I can add he will no longer give his dad a kiss good night, due to one of the names he has been called many times) We are not 100% certain he is reaching his full potential in all subject areas. I realise he is said to be above average but that does not mean he has no more to give. I had a PSA do an assessment and she concluded that he joned in and was doing well. The one thing that showed to her was a question was asked about do they have to wear school uniform. Everyone answered yes however my son said no. Asked to explain his answer he said we have non-uniform days. He has taken the question literally. She did the observation for half an hour and that one thing showed so what about the rest of the day?? I dont want to make something an issue if there isnt one but I dont know how to find all this info out. One thing I need to bear in mind is the two characters he presents - one at school and the other at home/grandparents etc. I am full of mixed emmotions re his education and his present school and is the ASD showing in school but they are not picking it up?? CP did assessment in school last year and nothing was noted.. Just cant grasp what is and isnt going on..

Thanks Justine. We have been going to CAHMS for 2 years now. We originally got refered there when he was 7 as we thought he had OCD. (We have thought since he was about 18months old that something was different about him. A HV told us when he was about 3 that he was autistic but I wouldn't listen and politely told her to go away. How I wish I had listened now.) They have told us, after some assessments and observations at CAMHS that he has AS. Something TBH we had never heards of before, hence why I am always asking lots of questions. I dont understand AS fully yet as it has taken time trying to get to grips with it. My husband and I still have some learning to do, but the positive thing, we have learnt more about our son in the past 2 years than ever before. Now we are trying to find our feet in what works to support him. CAHMS are doing some work with son over the school hols to try and reduce the anxiety and stress, (think this is because his physical symtoms of tummy ache, nausea etc are more apparent) He has never as yet been offered any meds though! CAHMS say his aniexty primarily comes from the stresses of school. as during the holidays the anxiety side of things drastically subsides. Then we start again in September. Recently he has gone back a step also in the change of routine at school. He didnt like change in yr 3 but in yr4 was doing really well until about 4 weeks ago.. Not sure what or why that changed. When he walks in the house after school, all the tummy ache etc.. starts. I have taken this as part of his release??? After a while the complaints subside and he carries on his day, then bedtime he starts again when it is calm and quiet. This goes on until approx 10.30 - 11pm Sunday - Thursday. I allow him the time to express himself as I believe if he has someone to confide in and can vent some of his anxiety then that is better than botterling it up. Can I ask, for a statement for the social side of things what would I have to do. All I know is about the SA+ for approx 6 months and after this it takes another 26 weeks for a statement - if you get it! Is there anything I can be doing now to prepare for it (should we need it later on). Although we are doing a diary, what sort of things should I be noting as I am not sure if the content I am noting down would be relevant if I had to explain when this and that happens. The diary I have done is more on the anger side of things, so that I could start to work out what may trigger an outburst.

Gosh you dont know how good it is to hear that. These are our thoughts exactly. I know where the HT got the complex needs from and that was a letter CP wrote to her. But his needs are not deemed as educational - exactly why bring in the EP. TBH I think the HT only did it to try and prove me wrong and shut me up complaining. Back fired though as EP was on our side and told HT to put this and that in place and see if it works. The HT although has not said it in words has come across as not a clue in the area of SEN and also I believe due to some off the cuff comments made, think our son is too much hassle and paperwork for the school - as was said I have children to educate!!! After an assessment last week with the school SENCO the report highlighted one area in particular - Maths he finds easy although he appears not to realise that maths problems can be broken into stages and that there always has to be an answer. He was ok though if guided him through the stages slowly step by step. If the answer to a question does not spring into his mind immediatley then he stops thinking. In context I read this as although he is academically above average, with a little more help he has got more to give. I maybe wrong but Sally (I think) said to me previously a very wise comment Dont assume anything until it has been proven in different situations. It IMO is down to the school now to convince me that he has no more to give academically and he is reaching his full potential. Behaviour wise he is ok within school and just lets off at home (which I have to say has calmed down over the past few weeks) Emotionally I think all the stress is starting to take it's toll. I have being doing a diary and I have learnt a fwe things from doing so, which has proved worth while. HT emailed me saying new EP in Sep so will have another meeting first then do the IEP and put him on SA+. Completely agree with you here. I make him go every day unless he is bad with his asthma. I am confident he is not doing it for attention.I went to a conference last week with a guest speaker who has AS. The speaker made a great comment it's ok getting good grades but what are you going to do with them if you have very little social skills. I thought this was a fair comment to make and it did make me think. We all want to achieve one thing on here and that is give our children a good start in life. Thank you for your comment s and guidance.

Hi all Just to give an update and hopefully someone can clarify a few things for me. Had our first meeting about 3 weeks ago with the EP. All went well and she asked the school to put in place certain things, which I believe they have and that they should review in Oct half term. However I am confused I asked the headteacher today if our son is on the SA+ as it has been suggested on here that he should be now that EP is involved. Response was no as his needs are deemed not educational!!!!! I was told that they are willing to put him on SA+ and they will do an IEP but the next sentence was Are you sure this is what you want?? What is this supposed to mean? I do not feel ashamed for son to be on SA+ so did not quite understand why HT would even ask us this! Am I missing something? It is not a case of what I want, it is a case of what is best for our son. His social and emotional skills are the main areas of difficulty he faces. HT does not quite seem to get that the SEN CoP clearly says about social, emotional and behavioural. After a stressful few weeks with son, the CP has now decided to do some work with us over the holidays to try and reduce the physical symtoms of stress that he is having daily. This is good! I did mention to CP that it is unfair on our son to manage at school and then come home full of stress and anxiety about what has happened or not happened at school and then start worrying about the next day. We discussed the ASD units and going to school part time. These where just ideas bouncing around rather than this is what needs to be done. I contacted the HT re his dx and the new rules that have come into force in our area re diagnosing. I also added about how the units and part time schooling was mentioned as an option we may need to explore. response to this was maybe a specialist team/school would be best! I just feel that HT is trying to get rid as it his needs are complex. Considering that he apparently shows no signs of things in school I cant quite grasp this theory, but it is not the first time it has been mentioned. He is well behaved in school, so his behaviour is not a cause for concern at school. Have I done the right thing requesting SA+. I realise our son is mild compared to some personal stories that I have heard however he deserves to be happy, like the rest of us. Can anyone bounce around some ideas how I should handle situation at school. Also how do you deal with child who has constant tummy ache, feeling sick, sore throat etc.. I am sure he really does FEEL this tummy ache etc. but that it is all down to anxiety. What do you think?

I have been told to put a ping pong ball in the toilet bowl. Makes going to the toilet more fun and helps with aiming. As for stranger danger - If he was in his own garden then I am sure he would preceive this as ok with him being in his own territory. Some people do however have no/little sense of danger.

Summer hols. I love summer hols, always miss the kids when they go back to school. I take on board all your comments and your right, moving school is not the answer. I have tried and tried explaining how people are different and given examples against myself and a friend with emotional, physical and various abilitie differences etc etc.. Asked son how he is different to a particular person and the answer was his finger print. I am still trying and will carry on doing so, as he wont learn it otherwise. the problem I think is because he thinks he is always right! at everything! No matter what the situation is, it is always someone elses doing/fault. They/Us have always done it wrong. Also your right in that I would not be forcing anything on him, but would I be making him more aware that there is this gap with social developemnet between him and other children his age. There will always be differences and he does understand that people are different in the way they look, reading, writing, but cant seem to grasp the social and emmotional differences. I am not sure how I would get this across to him, without him personally feeling everything is his fault. When he tells me about When he tells me about an incident, I try and understand what happened before and after but he always says he cant remember. I am not sure the best angle to take with this or is it just a case of perseverance.

Thanks Justine1. Gosh how daft am I. I never even thought about a new school and staff getting to know him all over again and what makes him tick. Not been an easy day, well thats my excuse anyway:-) It is hard listening to the begging day in day out and son thinks we are being horrible, and that we like him getting picked on! Could not be further from the truth. I think also because he is so unaware of his difficulties it is quite difficult to explain to him what maybe the reasons why things are going so wrong. I cant say to him that these children are just behaving as any other 9 yr old. As he is so unaware of the difficulties he faces and we dont want to force AS on him, when he truely believes he is the same as everyone else, or everyone else is annoying etc.. rather than him)I dont want him to feel as if he is at fault. Does that make sense. Once we have a confirmed dx and he is realising he is behaving differently to others that is when I would try and explain. Change of subject - Contacted the CP today, who keeps making false promises, Asked him to arrange this IQ test he keeps promising and to contact who ever else needs to do any assessments so that a dx can be made. He said he wont discuss it and will send me a letter - Get the distinct impression the letter wont have any way forward in it, but time will tell. I think until we know the full picture and where on the scale he is, or not for that matter, I wont settle. I need to know. All I get off him is the label doesnt matter, the help and support does - Absolutely help and support does but I cant get through to him without the dx help and support is more difficult. Wish private dx wasnt so expensive! Pleased to hear Sam going somewhere better and settles into the new school life! Thanks

Hi All For the past 3 weeks now our son has asked to go to a new school everyday. His perception is if he goes to a new school, people will be nice and he will have friends. They always are if your new, apparently! Tried to explain that all schools have children who can be mean but he is having none of it. In his eyes he is picked on / bulliede daily however it is not the case. Yes sometimes it is clear bullying but more often than not it is his perception of a situation. He thinks he is getting picked on when really from what I can work out is that these children are just been typical NT children. He says all the time he has no friends, yet plays with various children at playtimes. I realise his play is all superficial. He does not appear really upset though, he laughs, smiles and gets involved at home. I understand he may be unhappy, regardless of if it is bullying or not, that is the way it makes him feel. My dilema is that we feel if we change his school, the problems will just follow him, due to his perception and unfortunately there is no magic wand. Our son is 9 and does not see himself as any different to others and is asking for a cure to his friendship problems. We want to do whats best but not sure what best is anymore. When he is in school, teacher's say he is not unhappy and just gets on with his day. Any advice anyone

Please bare with me as this is all new to me both with the ASD side of things and the help in school. What is the difference between SALT and Speech Therapy? I thought both would assess the same sort of thing?? Is the assessments they do the same as what would be do in the IQ test thing that the CP is supposed to be sorting out, but never has? I did mention the IQ test thing to EP but she says she cant do it and the CP has to do it. Yet the CP says the EP has to do it. I dont understand why it has not been done, we are two years down the line and the CP finished his assessment back in Jan. Because the EP is involved now does our son not automatically go onto SA+? Or would this be after she has done her assessment? I am not 100% but I dont think he is servere enough for a statement, but that could all change when at senior school when social skills needed much more. We see things daily at home with regards to him taking things literally and his level of understanding, impatience, fixated on his own needs, anger etc etc... If this does not come across in an assessment does that mean he is playing us / confident in his own surroundings rather than having a difficulty? There are so many things to understand and am finding it difficult to define what is part of growing up, what could be due to ASD, and what is normal for his age. I ask the experts and they say he is who he is and don't understand what I am trying to work out. I agree he is who he is but aspects of his behaviour that are due to ASD are the things that I can pursue and get him help. Sometimes like all last week and so far this week he is calm, happy and fun to be around but the week previous he was anxious, refusing school, lashing out, threatening behaviour, more literal, couldn't tolerate noise when he came in from school etc...(this is is at home only and not in school) When he is calm etc.. I start to wonder if he does have AS at all and has the CP just said that. I am so confused I dont know what to think anymore. Sometimes I just wish he would be the same in school as he is at home, then they would be able to see what we see. I would contact NAS re the referal but it is hard to explain what the problem is when I dont understand myself, if that makes sense. Sorry this post is all over the place, I just dont know where to start. We have had since day 1 people constantly contradicting what another prof says. We dont know if we are coming or going. What is or is not the true case. Hope this post makes sense, I dare not re read it as I will only start typing more and more. Sorry one last thing, for a dx I am of the understanding it has to come form a CP, EP, social and communications panel and a paedeatrician. CP done observations and played games with son and seen him in school. Thats it in two yrs... but we as parents are still going to see CP.. not sure what for. EP got involved last week, as school called them in. What parts of the dx process is left to complete?

Thanks for your response. OK, I see where you are coming from here. But would the dx actually make any difference in terms of help and support for him in school. I dont mind carrying on the waiting game but if it does help in the way of more support and help for him in school then I would certainly find the money and go private. This is only because the quicker he receives help and guidance, then the quicker he may feel better about himself and others and learn the skills he needs to have friends and socialise better. Yes I think we made our opinions perfectly clear and I think our opinions as his parents where valued and taken on board. Which this we are pleased with - finally someone doing something to help. I asked about SALT (thanks to some very useful advice on here) apparently since the budget they have closed the waitng list and are not taking any more referals. I thought SALT and speech therapy would be the same but dont think it is. I did ask for things to be put in writing (again thanks to this forum) and EP said she would write her report and put in there everything that was decided. I also had a parent support advisor with us and did ask her before the meeting if she would do minutes - which she agreed. So with two professionals doing it in writing. I cant fall on that side of things. I just hope they follow through their promises. Thanks again.