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Feeling rather nervous,anxious and physically sick with anxiety starting build up in my head already weird/strange how nerves get you! Lol

Just to let you all know suitcase all packed and ready to go for tomorrow afternoon! going gala bingo tonight with two of my best friends (from school) lol!

I WAS taking anti depressant (SSRI type) parexotine 30mg. Have taken before in past! But currently stopped taking after medication was involved in emergency crisis situation where ended up in A 'n' E over night! (Early hours friday until saturday lunchtime afternoon) was seen by crisis intervention team but they discharged as few days later was seeing adult MHT for 'intial assessment' I was in that too high,too low state before the medications came into "play" within my life I've been on one anti-pyschotic meds (risperdal) but came off due to horrid unpleasant side effect of high prolactin level raised! Not good/great! really need to book doc appointment to discuss what happens next over current medication as scared/worried I'm not stable enough yet?! So confused ,lost within it all to be honest!

@ phantom sneeze - they wouldn't write down on your notes if you hadn't got it been assessed /diagnosed! Always feel I'm constantly chasing assessments/diagnoses and support! List seems never ending -endless!! Then everyone 'wonders' why tired /drained! Going to keep raising bi polar so don't think got that "severe" but it hard stand out now from "depression diagnosis" I already got from CAMHS! XKLX

About two years ago did reach a period of calm peacefulness in my anger outbursts (verbal/physical) really 'tripping' myself over why it has re-occurred! Hoping seeing well-being worker will 'help' recognise my triggers in all areas! I know I need to improve issues! That's why I am doing my homework strictly of both mood diaries also with this upcoming MIND appointment! XKLX

Struggle find difficult to 'just walk away' up and leave as steps up for "such a level" its becomes out of control quickly! Similiar statements are "tossed/dished out" brings me to tears I then reach point of becoming verbally aggressive but have seen this behaviour in my childhood and behaviour is copied and learn't feel bad /guilty for reacting in such "horrid" awful way! Trying to "step out" before the situation turns "ugly nasty" ends up in screaming contest which is so draining emotionally weakens me completely! Lot is past childhood issues which come back to haunt and attack me! I don't see the "signs" before too late which consequences are bad last one caused emergency crisis situation!

I hoping lady going through assessment will be one I know really well -on personal level (known her for 4-5 years) which help calm my nerves -anxiety down helps dampen it abit easier I am taking mood diary nurse said come in handy to see for myself I think! But don't know professionals never put information across on an "easy level" but hoping sharing thid information connected/linked to mood diary will finally/eventually show up something other than "depression" other senior manager spoke to from MIND said from what I've explained /described sounds highly possible for bi-polar! XKLX

Why when getting into verbal row ? -why common statement /expression 'just grow up' when get upset angry and results in me crying that statements annoys me even more so! People don't get why it has that effect on me for!

Got letter through post from MIND -got an appointment for friday 15th feb @ 2:30pm so hope I'm finally heading in 'right direction' at last! It was quick as only dropped referral form in last week (thurs)

Have once again got snow but heavy winds with it! Not settling so far fingers X as got my train adventure on friday afternoon I know it only tuesday but still now feeling anxious as have no control over the weather! XKLX I know some places had snow yesterday and this morning thought we'd miss out here in northamptonshire but obviously not! Better not spoil my plans booked or won't be best pleased or happy at all!

A family friend just come up withg great idea as she started up new business in sewing crochet etc her stuff is gorgeous lovely beautiful items she totally enjoying! Hers started off as a "general hobby" and now turned into this so I'm liking her style her thinking it may turn into something else! From hobby to business! Have gave me some great ideas! Will look into this further as give me a focus,purpose etc who else agrees this a good idea to take on? XKLX

From what you've explained and described about your son before I think personally you maybe right when you link/connect stimming with safely comfortable letting out days frustrations /stress built up within him his way of release that in his own way makes feel calm,relaxed settled! XKLX

I didn't get a return as my auntie bringing me back home next wednesday was going to come back on the train! so that's why and how come I haven't got a return! XKLX

But if can't follow conform properly to rules then why should you be allowed a vote of country! When can't follow country rules?! How does that work make sense really! XKLX

No I don't think they have "the right" as they "lost that right" when committed the crime out in society they don't deserve the righ to vote as aint a part of 'society' XKLX

Me too just hoping "someone" believes my own suspicions fingers crossed! Whether it Bi-Polar or BPD! XKLX Got given "home work" got another mood diary to fill in complete aswell as practising breathing techiniques I did show her my mood diary my scales /scores on both depression and anxiety added up to top level! When I do bring up mention bi-polar like everyone especially professional wise shrugs me off completely and don't know why! Haven't got clue why ! XKLX

I don't think MHT think I got anything other than 'depression' but looking at the bigger background picture! I feel personally I have 'other signs' which don't add up clearly to 'just depression'! XKLX

Ur welcome Xxx

I never knew until you mentioned it that there are autism specific hospitals!but yes it good that it is fits "his current autism needs" and mental health needs too! Sounds like whatever it provides him with safe and secure environment! Which is comfortable for him! And sounds like he "coming on" leaps and bounds! XKLX

I got my well-being appointment monday morning @ 10am bit anxious /nervous several 'professionals' I've spoken to about "my issues' say point directly against towards Bi-Polar with up and down's mood that sudden extreme with spending money when on an irratic restless high! But have decided take along my mood diary with notes alongside to tally up if any "main noticable triggers" ! I also going to bring up about the worries /anxieties behind my medication around emergency crisis situation whether I should take risk and go back on them! XKLX

I've got my well-being appointment @ docs monday morning! XKLX

Glad it was positive visit and experience for you both and Glenn! Good news that he not head banging and stressed as much he more in relaxed calm state! Looks like looking onwards and upwards! XKLX

FINALLY got my single train ticket through! Lol ;p XKLX

Feel like high of spending money is closely linked and connected like Special Talent raised/mentioned that main part of my high mood in Mental Health issues! XKLX

I'm still not back on medication due to "emergency crisis situation" but I will discuss this matter further with well -being team at the docs on monday morning! As scared worried ill be tempted to "go back there" XKLX