Jade

Hi, My son is 6 & has no diagnosis yet. School have implemented 'school action' and 'school action plus' & he is waiting to have the Educational Psychologist observe him in March. He is also on the waiting list to see the Clinical Psychologist following meeting with Paediatrician. Despite having an Individual Education Plan and school staff trying to manage him more effectively, giving plenty of warning before change of activity etc., his behaviour is getting worse. I don't think he is generally getting worse, just that he is displaying more of his difficulties in school than he was before. Having said that, the incidence of aggression with the frustration & anger outbursts is increasing, & he's not shy of kicking or stamping on his teachers feet! School had another meeting about him on Friday...when i went to collect him his teacher said he'd had a terrible day, hiding under the table for most of it, & only came out to kick her & to spend a couple of hours with the headmaster. She said she would "fight tooth and nail" to get him one to one support in the classroom. My question is, would he be entitled to a one to one teaching assistant based on his behaviour difficulties as they are, or is this only available to children who have a SEN Statement? I've asked around & looked for information, including SEN Code of Practice, but can't seem to find the answer. Just realized i have posted this in the wrong part of the forum! Would be grateful for any advice though.

Hi, I have been feeling exactly the same way. My son is in year 1 and not diagnosed yet either, but i am in the process of trying to find out everything i can about what is going on for him. I went out with a couple of women friends this evening for the first time in about six months & it just made me feel more down because you can't help but talk about what you are going through and whats happening for your child, but at the same time feel the need to justify and make excuses for whats happening because its so hard for them to understand what its like to live with. The paediatrician i saw last November said she didn't think he was on the spectrum, said he was anxious & had low self esteem & possibly dyslexia, but she has referred him on to the clinical psychology team. His absent father & his wife can't manage him either, & have the belief that he should take responsibility for his own actions, which borders on cruelty (of the psychological kind). school have got to the point of requesting Ed Psyche to observe him. His teacher told me this Friday that she will "fight tooth and nail" to get him one to one support because they can't manage him in the classroom (he spent most of the day hiding under a table & came out to kick the teacher & spend a couple of ours with the headmaster, doing writing on his laptop). I haven't had any work for a few months now, but i think i would be more exhausted if i was working whilst trying to get through this long & difficult process...admiration to all that manage it. I think a lot of the problem for me is feeling and being isolated, and assuming that people won't or don't understand. I spent the last year feeling paranoid in the playground waiting for my son at home time, but very recently i have started to make links with other parents who have challenging children, & have begun to realize I'm not the only one and not everyone is judging me.

Hi, kids have gone to grandparents for a couple of days so have some headspace at last! Had copy of report the paediatrician wrote to my doctor through on Christmas eve. The report was so badly written and inaccurate the paed obviously didn't even bothered to read it before sending. She completely ignored any concerns i tried to put to her, choosing instesd to quote my ex (M's dad) who said he thought his behaviour was just 'attention seeking'. Unfortunately my ex had already been verbally abusive to me just before we went into the meeting, and instead of focussing on M and addressing the concerns about his behaviour, which was the whole reason for going through this wretched process, paed chose to focus on the tension between us and interpreted this as the cause of M's anxiety. I've no doubt that the situation at his dads home contributes to his anxiety, but i don't believe its the cause of beaviour, which goes way beyond 'attention seeking'. Paed has referred M to Clinical Psychologist and he is now on the waiting list. That meeting with Paed and her subsequent report has left me feeling angry and upset though, like i havn't been taken seriously at all. And completely undermined by my ex, who effectively sabotaged the meeting by trivialising behaviour that lead to his wife banning our son from their home. Am going to see my doctor to go through the report and highlight how bad it is. Think I should request a different Paediatrician, and not invite M's dad to further meetings! what do you think? Thanks Ste and everyone, have felt very isolated with this for a long time, its so good to know there are others to connect with to share the experience.

Hi, thankyou so much for your replies and advice. M had a normal birth & was a 'normal' happy boy until about the age of 2 when he began to be more challenging. A lot of his behaviour until fairly recently could be explained by him being so young...'typical' toddler defiant egocentric behaviour. As he is now in year 1 at school though, the difficulties and frustrations he experiences are more obvious. Basically the school has had to adapt to him because he is unable to adapt to the school, but i had to push for them to recognise this! He doesn't flap or anything outwardly obvious, but he doesn't make good eye contact (unless initiated by him). He is sensitive to the feeling of certain clothes, & to bright light. He is particularly sensitive to smell, noise, and the texture and smell of food (he's basically a pasta & cheese boy). He always needs small things to fiddle with & is quite the magpie, bringing things home that don't belong to him. He gets so absorbed in things that he won't or can't hear me & i have to repeat myself a million times. He will talk endlessly on whatever topic he is into at that moment, with little regard for how it is being received (ie. he will talk to anyone & even position himself between 2 adults he doesn't know to show them some small toy or to tell them something thats going through his mind...cute from a toddler, not so cute from older children!). He is always spotting patterns in things & faces in paterns, & will do very detailed involved drawings where every little bit has meaning that he can describe. He is intelligent, & will sit up looking at factual books long after i have said goodnight. those are just a few things about him off the top of my head. I have the feeling that the aggression thing is about stimulus...i think he enjoys the reaction!? For a long time he did a lot of bumping into poeple, which greatly upset his sister as it often sent her flying & she'd fall & bump her head etc. Now its the kicking out & throwing punches if you are the nearest to him. Though he does do this through frustration also...the other day i asked him several times to put a toy down to go brush his teeth, in frustration because he wasn't responding i moved the toy away rather abruptly & he headbutted me in the stomach & was totally unrepentant. As you say, diagnosis isn't necessary in order to manage the behaviour, which has to be dealt with effectively to make to make life more tolerable & for the child to have understanding & security. I am finding the aggression hard to deal with though. I will continue to try to find answers to whats going on with my son, diagnosis or not he has additional needs and i'm tired of him being viewed as just a naughty boy.

Hi, My son has just turned 6 and it was suggested to me this year that he could be on the autistic spectrum. After years of finding his behaviour difficult and exhausting and baffling this was like a revelation to me. The more i have looked into it the more i am convinced that he is on the spectrum. I have become more and more isolated from family and friends who find his behaviour 'too much' but who also do not accept that this could be an underlying cause. His behaviour has been such that he is no longer welcome in his stepmothers home. I can honestly say that ive been 'pulling my hair out' and in tears over how to manage him, and its not as though i don't have experience of raising children as he has 2 older sisters. I thought for a long time that it was because he was a boy, with different energy? However, his behaviour makes him stand out, even from other boys. He can be loving and imaginative, and can talk endlessly creating stories (which his stepfamily say is deliberately telling lies). He is extremely egocentric though, and tries to dominate and control the whole time. Just getting out the door is a major event, and once out there is the whole trauma over the activity ending. He finds change very difficult to cope with (unless its instigated by him). He is becoming incresingly physically violent to me and his older siblings which is particularly distressing for them. And then there is the constant whining and moaning, which nothing seems to assuage. All i know is, since i have viewed my son from the autistic angle, things have become less stressfull and i am learing how to manage his behaviour in a more effective way. The school are taking on board his need for extra support, including paying for him to go to breakfast club which he enjoys and gives him a chance to ease into the school day, and making sure he has at least 5 minutes warning before any change of activity. I have had a CAF meeting now which recognised that he needs extra support and has recommended that he has some play therapy to try to explore his emotions. I have also been to the doctor, who initially got me an appointment at the child development hospital about the wetting (5 or 6 times daily and gone from being totally dry at night to wetting every night) and was then referred to the paediatrician. The paediatrician, in a half hour meeting, told me he definately was not on the spectrum, but that he was anxious and possibly dyslexic. She has referred him to a psychologist and he is on a waiting list. I understand that the paediatrician sees children with far more profound ASD symptoms, but i was astounded that she could make this 'diagnosis' in such a short time, with no background knowledge of my son and his daily behaviour difficulties. Has anyone else had this kind of experience?