Jade

Well the principal told me there aren't any places, but I have been told by someone who has helped to get a child in there previously that as the principal has told me a couple of times to be a 'pushy mum', that perhaps means they could have a place!? I'm hoping that is the case, but if not, that he could be placed there by the start of year 6. He may just scrape through year 5 if his present school continue to be patient and use the interventions that have been recommended. I just want to make sure I do everything possible to help things go through smoothly. I am aware from reading your other posts that you need to be very much on the ball and not expect the professionals to think of everything or that the LA will see things my way.

Yes he does have a diagnosis of ASD. I have visited several schools now and this maintained school would be the best for my son in every way, their aim being to guide them to hopefully be able to cope with mainstream by 16 but continued support to find the right setting if not. I was panicking about the whole thing yesterday, but your replies have reminded me that I need to focus on being strong and direct and "be a pushy mum" as the head of the special school told me, to get the best for my son. I spent some time today going through the admissions criteria and going through my sons reports to write my own account of why that school is "the only school that can meet his needs". Thanks both for your replies.

Yes I do have a school in mind, its an LA maintained school for aspergers and ASD children and its in my county. Their entry criteria is that the child will have a statement of special education need citing autism spectrum condition as their significant problem area. It would be ideal for my son and all the professionals agree that he would hugely benefit from being there. My son has always had a very negative view of school and I so want to do the right thing by him so that he has the best possible future.

Hi all, I am currently gathering reports for my son aged 9 to make a case to the LA that he needs a place at special school. I have reports from paediatricion, GP, OT, an independent autism specialist, and school are backing up the referral. EP is assessing him and will provide a report, and a "communication and Interaction" specialist is going to assess him and provide a report also. My son has never seen a SALT, and no mention has ever been made that he should be assessed. I know there is massive demand for their services, and am wondering if I should make a referral myself or get a private SALT to assess him, which presumably would be a lot quicker. An interim review of his Statement is set for Thursday June 26th to gather all the information together to be sent to the LA to make a decision about special school and I am worried that I have enough evidence to show that it would be the best possible setting for him. He is really struggling with school now, and its impossible to get him in before 10am. He increasingly follows his own agenda and won't conform, doesn't respond to rewards, suffers from severe travel sickness, and school have admitted that they don't know if he will cope in year 5 come September. He's been having some major meltdowns lately and been very aggressive to teachers (it took 3 of them to restrain him for 20 minutes the other day, and he headbutted his teacher in the face during this.), and been trying to escape from school to get home. He really enjoys language and seems to have a good grasp of words, but that doesn't mean he understands the dynamics of communication and interaction does it? Do I need a SALT report and what is the best way of going about it?

Hi, my son aged 7 was diagnosed last November. I've made a point of letting him know and understand his diagnosis which has really helped as he has been very aggressive and still is at times. I'm trying to help him realize there is a reason behind the frustration that he feels. I bought a book called 'The Red Beast' Controlling Anger in Children with Asperger's Syndrome, which I would highly recommend. It takes the blame out of the anger and helps the child realise that everyone gets angry but the red beast wakes more easily in some than others, the trick is in learning how tame it! Hope this helps x

Hey, thanks for all your replies. I had a meeting with the SENCO a couple of days ago and she briefly went through 'Thrive' with me. Although it is actually aimed at children with emotional difficulties rather than ASD I do think it could be interesting to see if this has any bearing and effect with my son. There have been events in his life that ordinarily would cause emotional difficulty to any child (treatment by his step mother who couldn't acknowledge he was on the spectrum, and my own post natal depression), but as you point out, I'm not convinced he will benefit from it, other than enjoying an hour of 1:1 each day. What could be beneficial is that they can follow up on whats happened within the school day with him, if he's been upset or in trouble, as I mostly don't get to hear whats gone on to be able to address those issues once at home (home and school is a big divide for him and he will very rarely tell me anything) There seem to be a lot of check lists with this programme and I agree with you all that I need to keep in close contact with school about the strategies they want to implement. This is a new thing for the school and they are are trialing it out with 2 statemented children with ASD diagnosis (including my son) and 2 children with no statement or diagnosis. Assessment starts after half term so I'll let you know how it progresses. Thanks again Jx

School asked me to sign a consent form today for a Thrive assessment for my ASD son aged 7. I had a quick look on the website and it seems to be aimed at emotionally disturbed children, no mention of the specific difficulties posed by autism. Maybe I'm being oversensitive, but I feel like the finger is being pointed back at me and my parenting skills rather than aknowledging that the behaviour he displays is a result of frustration and fitting in with imposed rules etc. because of the ASD!? It may help him I suppose, and possibly this is about the school trying to equip him with emotional tools before going up to key stage 2 (which will undoubtedly be very difficult for him). Does anyone else have any knowledge or experience of 'Thrive'?

Really glad that things are moving forward for you, fantastic news! I haven't heard anything yet, but not really expecting to until possibly Feb next year.

Hey, thankyou for your kind replies and thoughts. Its strange that however much you know in yourself whats going on, its still hard to get that formal diagnosis. M has been on school action plus for a while. I have quite detailed reports from Ed psych and his clinical psychologist. I found out that he is getting a Statement of Educational Needs, but they haven't yet decided what support and or funding will be attached to it. School are making an application for emergency funding in the meantime. The psychologist that he was seeing has recently left for another job which is very disappointing in terms of continuity for him (and me if im honest), so the paediatrician has said she will see us again before christmas rather than having to meet someone new. I feel mach better now i've had a few days to adjust to the reality of our situation. I love my son to bits. I think this is a positive thing and i hope we can move forward with more confidence now. Jx

Hi My son was formally diagnosed with ASD on monday (paediatrician said they don't use the term Aspergers any more!!). Its been a long process, i'm relieved that its conformed in some ways, at least i know im dealing with him appropriately. Flip side though is that im also quite down about it.

Well done, it takes courage to take that first step! 'Open Mind' sounds similar to 'MWA' team that I was referred to. Jx

He sounds like a very angry and lonely young man. That doesn't excuse what he's done, but he definately needed help which obviously wasn't being given, or given in the right way!

Thanks Gonzo, feel more prepared now I know! I'll try to stay relaxed as I usually get uptight and have a sense of having to justify and fight for everything when it comes to assessments! Jx

Hi, Thankyou both for your replies, really helpful. Ed psych did the British Ability Scales II with him and the results were very spiky! He should have had an appointment by now for formal diagnosis, but it seems nothing gets done unless you hassle for it...I'll phone them tomorrow. I've just looked at the letter again, it is a "medical assessment for his Special Education Needs", so it possibly will be straightforward as you say Kathryn. I don't doubt it will be a long process lol, but I don't mind fighting for justice! Thanks again Jx

Ed psych and clinical psych both say he is Aspergers following observations and tests, but he hasn't had the formal diagnosis yet. Ed psych recommended school to go ahead and make an application for Assessment for Statement and the LA agreed that he needed assessment. School sent in detailed reports from themselves and psychologists so they already have lots of information to hand so not really sure what else they need to do!? Though I realize they need to make their own independant assessment.

My son (age 6) has an assessment in a few days to decide if he needs a Statement. Can anyone give me an idea what this will involve? Its at the Child Development Hospital, but I don't even have any idea how long to expect him to be there, whether they'll simply observe him or if they'll be testing him? Or what if any input I will need to make? Thanks

I went to my GP in July this year and explained to her my situation. She referred me to the 'Mental Wellbeing and Access' team. When I saw my sons clinical psychologist I talked to her about what i was doing and she informed me that apparently the government has decided that every district in the country should have an NHS department for adult diagnosis of ASD. Within a month of seeing the GP the MWA team had referred me to the nearest Autism Spectrum Centre, who felt my referral was appropriate for their service. They are still setting up, and there is a 6 month waiting list when they do start operating, but I'm on the list! It seems odd with all the cutbacks that these centres are being created. Maybe its acknowledgement that there are more people with ASD than previously recognised? Good luck.

I relate to everything that's been said here, I don't ever enjoy or relax over social events, every one is as hard as the last. I need a lot of solitude anyway, and definately recharge time after social contact where I can just be and not have demands made of me (preferably with a glass of red wine once the kids are in bed!). I saw my GP thismorning and explained to her that I believe I could be Apergers, that I relate to most of what I've read in looking into it for my son. She's going to look into a referral to adult psych for me. At 46 its a revelation to me, that there could be an explanation for why I have found certain things in life so difficult, and still find just as difficult as ever.

I asked them very calmly to explain what had happened and his wife explained that she thought the kitchen was safer than the living room because of the gas fire, at which point i became livid!! Both the children were extremely upset by the event and were relieved not to have to go stay there any more. Their dad has written to me to say im short sighted and reactionary. I stopped the kids going over there last year when I found out she hadn't let them in house for several months...Dad had been bedding them down in his car at his field. The only reason I let the kids go over there again was because they assured me that dad would take responsibility for M whilst he was at the house which he clearly didn't. However, as she already had 3 older children, and they have had 3 more babies between them I can understand the situation is stressful all round. I just feel incredibly angry that their dad can be so selfish, and whether he realizes it or not, he's effectively pushed his 1st 2 children with me out. Its probably for the best, I was worn down by the stress of it all, and sick of M being victimized by them. Dad can see the kids, but I'm no longer willing to facilitate it. I have just started getting DLA for M, and carers allowance, so the next step is to work out constructive ways of using it to help me aswell as M. I have a habit of feeling guilty about doing things for myself, but I suppose its no use getting worn out and not looking after myself. Am hoping the anti depressants will give me the lift I need to sort these things out. I do time out with M in his bedroom, especially if he's become extremely angry and or physically violent towards me or his sister (which is much less often than it was). TV in his bedroom lives in the wardrobe on school nights, he's only allowed to watch a film in bed fridays and saturdays. He loves books though and spends hours looking at them every night. He does snap though, even after lots of warnings and use of traffic lights timer. The other day he threw my expensive headphones that i'd got half price and broke them when it was time to go brush his teeth. Lastnight at 11pm when I eventually turned his lamp off and told him to get some sleep he tried to headbut me, I left him to it so he threw everything to hand out of his bedroom door. I guess its the nature of things that kids push boundaries, and its ok to an extent when you feel on top of things, but its exhausting when you aren't.

Thanks so much for all your replies, really helpful. I'm not a young mum, my oldest daughter was 20 last month, and the issues i struggle with aren't new. I've had councelling before, and tried to get some before summer hols start but after having one session and due to circumstances i can't get another one for another 3 weeks. Hols start in 4 weeks and I won't have anyone to mind the children for me to continue with it. I did the CAMHS Challenging Behaviour in Children with ADHD/ASD course last year which was a great help. I've been working really hard to reduce M's anxiety which has meant pulling back on certain issues for a while, whilst maintaining strong boundaries, and actually not going to his dads has helped with this. Maybe the boundaries aren't strong enough, I'm doing my best but its hard to keep a perspective on it all when you're struggling. I agree that my daughter is vying for attention. However hard I try to make sure she feels heard and cared for she is a more reserved personality whereas M is the opposite and inevitably she feels like she's missing out. I sometimes wish M had a volume control as he shouts even when he's talking and you have to remind him you're right next to him! I'm trying really hard to take control of my life, which includes standing up to my ex who is controlling and bullying, even though it means I get no break. I'm seeing a solicitor next week so that I know my rights and whats reasonable to expect of him if he does eventually decide he wants to see the children. I'm also trying to establish more of a support network for me and the kids, but as I said, I particularly struggle with this. I only started taking the citalopram 5 days ago, so I guess im going through the initial thing of it making me more anxious/depressed, and yes slightly nauseous. I'm relieved to read your replies, I really need to take the edge off things for a while. My circumstances aren't going to dramatically improve any time too soon, but hopefully it will give me a boost to carry on trying.

Hi all, Haven't posted for a while, although I regularly check the forum. Feel like my problems are not as great as others! I'm struggling right now, though perhaps no more than usual. My son M age 6 is close to having final diagnosis of ASD having seen Clinical Psych and Ed Psych, who recommended school to make an application for an assessment to get a Statement so that he can get the 1:1 learning support that he needs. His father and wife don't accept there is a problem other than attention seeking, and I've had to stop the children going to stay with them following an incident where they punished him for wetting in his pull up nappy before going to sleep by making him sleep in the kitchen all by himself all night. That was 3 months ago and he hasn't even attempted to visit the kids. M doesn't seem bothered, he's happy to be at home and not have the stress of doing the car journey to visit dad, but his sister is stressed and doesn't seem able to talk about it and its affecting her sleep. With summer holidays looming I've taken the plunge and started taking an anti depressant 'citalopram' which is supposed to be good for anxiety (been prescribed this 3 times now but always been too anxious to take it!). Am really hoping this will help, without too many side effects. My daughter and I made a list of some things we could do during the holiday, but M hates going in the car, or even going out at all some days, and I simply run out of energy to make things happen. My days and nights seem to be rolling into one at the moment with the constant stress of dealing with M's obsessive and domineering behaviour and ongoing diagnosis stuff (think i may be obsessed!). He is never asleep before 10 or 11pm and now his sister is up through the night too. The only respite i used to have was when the kids went to their dads, now I don't have any respite at all, the few people I know won't help in a practical way. I'm rubbish at asking for help though, and find social situations extremely stressful (even with people I like I have to get away after 1.5hrs max, after which I feel exhausted and find myself going over everything, worrying that I may have done or said something wrong or offensive). Hope this doesn't come across as too self indulgent. With very few people to talk to I get pretty lonely, and end up over analysing everything. Does anyone else have experience of 'citalopram'?

Thanks Coolblue, I will talk to school about the possibility of auditory processing problem. Have done a bit of research and found this is a common problem for children with dyslexia. It's quite a stressful and anxious time lately and think i'm probably over sensitive to everything to do with my kids at the moment!

Hi, My son age 6.5 is in the diagnostic process at the moment. He has seen the clinical psychologist now and I have done the diagnostic questionaire for ASD (also likely ADHD) though don't have the results yet. Have 2 more questionaires to do if he is ASD to find out where on the spectrum he is. Ed Psych has also seen him and done some tests for cognitive development and produced an interesting report which backs up what the clinical psychologist observed. So everything is falling into place after what feels like a long fight. My concern now however is with his sister age 8. She did have delayed speech, which at the time i thought was due to stress in the family (birth, deaths, relationship breakdown etc). Recently school have thought she is dyslexic and are doing 'Toe by Toe' with her. She has had hearing tests because her hearing has been so bad for quite a while, which only showed that she had a slight problem with low frequency noise. More recently I have become aware that its not so much that she doesn't hear, but that she seems to loose bits of information when you talk to her (does that make sense?). This happens even when you are talking about something really obviously connected to something thats just happened. I've just realized that she doesn't understand expressions such as 'pull your socks up'. My mum said to her are you feeling 'fine and dandy' (odd i know) and she didn't have a clue what she was on about. Also realized she has difficulty reading facial expressions and relating them to what is being said. I have been so focussed on attending to my sons needs and adapting to reduce his anxiety because he is so much more obviously out there with his behaviour, but i'm increasingly concerned about my daughter. I'm not sure i believe that ASD is more prevalent in boys than girls, just that it presents differently? Boys externalise whereas girls internalise. Feel like I should talk to school about my concerns, but i'm worried that they will think i'm being a paranoid mum!

Hi, thanks for all the advice, this forum is such a great resource! And Thanks Sally44, i just read your email. Am feeling a bit more positive about it all right now, I really feel the school are trying to do the best they can by my son. This has been greatly aided by the Parent Support advisor in my area who is a fantastic woman (used to be head teacher of asd school and her son is aspergers). The head teacher told me yesterday that they realize and accept that he is most likely on the spectrum...he has agreed to the Autism Advisory Teacher coming in to give advice and says they are going to have a teacher training day on asd (although I know that doesn't make an awful lot of difference if minds aren't open!). EP is booked in for March 15th and the Head says they have written a very detailed report to her on his behaviour difficulties, and she will be coming to assess, not just observe, so that application can be made for assessment for Statement. I'm meeting a Play Therapist tomorrow...with all the cutbacks she has only been booked for 6 sessions but has agreed to do this in a consultory role to report on his emotional state etc. The Paediatrician we saw was useless and confused my sons anxiety as being related entirely to tension between his dad & I, whereas actually the tension arises (apart from the fact that my ex is a *****) from the difficulties my son has and his fathers inability to accept it or deal with it. No idea when we will see her again, though had a second CAF meeting a couple of weeks ago, once the action plan from that is typed up it will be sent to her and the doctor, along with the schools assessment of him to try to speed things up. No idea when we'll see the clinical psychologist yet either! I have started making enquiries about other schools in the area. There are a couple with special units, and I think you make a good point that it would be useful to see how things are in those schools.

Hi, thankyou so much for your responses, they are really interesting and very useful! It does seem that you have to know the system, and your rights within it to get things done. I think the school are actually trying to help but are coming from a point of little understanding of asd, even though there is at least one other child with aspergers, who is statemented in year 2 (its a small school of around 100 pupils). I will be able to go in and talk with school tomorrow with a bit more knowledge and confidence now. Thanks again.