focusfuture

Wow, a thread on poo! Just my thing! Two large doggies, and we are doing our best to revive the 1970' white dog poo fashion! (Workmen at my house have stood in wonderment at my back lawn, in a sort of nostalgic bliss!) They eat a lot of raw meaty bones, and they are a joy. Can I just say as a dog owner, I have become obsessed with the quality and consistency of my dogs' doos as when you have to pick up, it's quite important!! Totally with you, Milly mouse on the whole bad food goes straight through!

First off, you are only young! It's ok, and in the words of the great Douglas Adams 'Don't Panic'! Some people are slow burners, and take a while to get up to temperature. I do hate the pressure of having to keep up with this stupid 'normal'. You are you. Good bits, bad bits and all the in between bits. You are making progress in life, and working towards a future. Don't listen to other people's agendas. I'm 32, still coming to terms with my own sticky life, it took three attempts to get a degree, I was professional, with proper job, but then mental health took nose dive, so coudn;t work, then built back up slowly, have dogs instead of kids as not ready yet! Whats my point? Life isn't perfect, and you can't please everyone, so best thing is to please yourself. Sounds like you are making great efforts and doing a good job, so try to let the others' comments go in one ear and then out the other. Take Care.

No relevant experience etc, but is it worth getting her checked for a urinary tract infection? If she is leaking, but not full wetting, perhaps this might be a problem, also if she's holding for a long time, that might cause it too. A random thing, I found, my nephew experienced deep anxiety, not ASD but we found that when he was young, singing helped him to take his mind off things, and so poo's were easier, he suffered with terrible constipation and a sort of phobia about going to the toilet after his delightful mother told him he was dirty and stank. Thankfully she has left now, so he's struggled with it, but coping much better now, a few years on. Both hand signals and disabled toilet are really helpful ideas, amongst all the wisdom here!

Hell, yeah, hon! Defo up for that. I think it's great that we are both trying to make it work with our guys, and loving them!

Hi Peony, Crumbs, it is like looking in a mirror! I think that the grief thing has been hitting me really quite hard the last three weeks. We had a massive bust up, when I ended up shouting "what's wrong with you!!" which had been precipitated by years of having 'talks' and making promises to not do the same thing again. It was at that point, when I had even told him to get his act together, or I was going to leave, as I would rather be unhappy and alone than go through this (as I saw it then) rejection. At that point he went into a sort of mini freak out/melt down. He was very upset, distressed muttering and his limbs were rigid, but he was conscious and aware of me. Weirdly, we had been watching a series on TV about extraordinary dogs, and there had been one about ASD children and Dogs. I sort of recognised it was a melt down and got him downstairs to be with the dogs, which helped calm him. The next day, I looked up the symptoms. I sort of suspected something was 'wrong' for a long time, and even when I met him, I sensed he was wired a bit differently, but we just put it down to very different personalities. Eg, I am a bit loopy, very sociable, quite disorganised, virtually no routines, and I am dyslexic too, although it's mild it makes me forgetful and I don't retain facts and figure in my head, which is why I argue that I have books for that! I said I was a bit messed up, but that's not true. Like you I lost my work, and experienced some very painful months where I couldn't engage with the real world, as I was just too vulnerable. I have had to rebuild myself since that time, and I am still quite 'vulnerable' as such. Not as resilient as I used to be. It's hard going from being a professional, feeling competent, having friends and so on, to being some sort of gibbering wreck that can't talk to people without bursting into tears. As you said about your hubby, DH is very caring in his way, he will provide, make sure there is stability, and has even got to the point that he lets me pick colours and furnishings, whereas before, it was the functionality that was primary, but he's realised that he quite likes the home comforts and so on, which is nice! Silly things like that. One day, we had someone come to meet the dogs, as they were going to look after them. Halfway through the conversation, he just wandered off and started mucking about with his bike, another time I had a friend over, and he disappeared. He had gone to bed. He reappeared later and said it was accidental, but he's actually changed into PJs and got into bed, so I wasn't too sure how accidental that was! Then there are the comments, I can't remember them, thankfully the dyslexia sort of erases them! And he is scared about making decisions re buying a house, or sorting insurance and so on. I have to make the grown up decisions on my own, as he seems to crumble with that. Additionally he finds driving really stressful, as people here in Bristol are nothing short of unpredictable in their driving style! And on top of all this, I love him to bits, because before I met him, I was on a certain path to self destruction, but my relationship with him was so valuable to me, that I felt motivated to sort things out, get professional career, and so on. It is really hard to accept that a: it's not all my fault that he is distant and b: that he's not going to miraculously get better. It's really tough, but thankfully he's willing to learn more, I think because with my mental health problems, I reached out and went to mutual support groups with a local charity, and tried to do things to connect with others, getting my confidence back by volunteering, so he does see that it is possible to learn new skills, which might make the ASD more easy to deal with, especially if he is mildly affected, perhaps it's not so deeply ingrained? Like I said to him, it's a bit of a torture, because he's the one I want to share everything with, to be intimate with, share feelings, good and bad, and for some reason that side doesn't work very well, but it's only him I want to share with, no one else! Like you said, the faithfulness is certainly an asset with DH too, and that helps, as I had bad experiences with that too in the past. Wow, like a mirror. So glad there's someone else out there, in a similar position. Sorry for the novel. It's just really hard to explain it to people who don't 'get it'. Then tell you that you need to make time for eachother! Grrr! But thanks for your response it means alot. Also, if anyone out there does have any suggestions on good books or charities or services, I would be really grateful. Cheerio!

Hi All, Right, I am new here, so just to introduce myself. I am married to a wonderful guy, although we are now in the process to trying to get a diagnosis for ASD, probably relatively mild end of spectrum, but enough to have brought our relationship to crisis. We've been together 9 years, married for 5 of them. Throughout that time I have been a bit messed up, with bad mental heatlh, and finally had a breakdown about 2.5years ago, and have been able to work a lot out. DH has been an angel trying to support me in practical ways, but as a suspect aspie, shares the problem of not being able to empathise, understand emotions or read situations very well. This meant that as I was getting better, I have found that I wanted more from our relationship, and previously thinking that his distance was all my fault, I have now realised that it isn't all my fault, and that he too has difficulties. We have done a bit of research into ASDs and been for first appt with the GP, now we're waiting for the next appt tonight. It might be that they laugh at us, after all how many women say their husband doesn't get them! Hopefully we will get some pointers and perhaps move towards a potential diagnosis. It's been quite amazing reading a couple of books (An asperger marriage and workbook for Asperger couples). It's been sort of relieving but at the same time a bit of a shock facing up to this being possible and realising that there aren't a great deal of supports in Bristol for DH who has a good job, and from the outside appears quite 'normal' so long as there is no intimacy or emotionally challenging situations! Also, we are both committed to giving this our best shot and working towards keeping our marriage going, because we do love eachother a lot (I have to take DH's word for that, as he doesn't display it much!). We always wanted to have kids, but I must be honest, I am afraid of having ASD child as well as DH, because I really don't think I am strong enough to cope with caring for them both, and not having the support of my partner. I don't have close family. I don't mean to be rude, it just scares me, and is more to do with my own fears about coping, NOT that ASD being 'awful' and something I am prejudiced against. Also, looking at it, I might have the Cassandra problem, apparently partners of ASD people can feel emotionally starved and get depressed and so on. I have really struggled to deal with my depression as I have done a lot of work on how I think, I'm on strong medication and try to live a positive life, but have never been able to get through it. Also, as had difficult childhood and missed out on care, love and nurturing, it's something I have always craved, but don't seem to get it now, so suspect that it's a bit because DH doesn't show love and affection in the conventional sense. Open to learning how to deal with challenges and take a different perspective too, because I can't deny that I originally fell in love with DH because he is very steady, gentle spirited and very routine based. (Obviously coz he's gorgeous too!) So I can't wish away the possible ASD, because it's what I love about him too. Sorry, this is a bit all over the place, as am I! It's all a bit scarey, but nothing we can't cope with, I really hope so! I guess I am just really open to any suggestions, any ideas or recommendations others may have? Thanks for reading.