Prud

You're describing a cyclical mood disorder, the most obvious one being Bi-Polar. I would suggest in the first instance you read the following link. http://www.autism.or...r-syndrome.aspx I have Bi-polar and I feel it affects me more than AS does, currently in a very low mood. Very tired but no amount of sleep helps, I am seseptable to seasonal canges and the drawing in nights is not helping. I'm not going to tell you to go to your GP and discuss your moods because that would be hypocritical of me. I don't go, my wife pleads with me to go sometimes but when you are in a low one nothing matters, it's all to much effort. Then I come out of it and hit a high so I don't go again because everything is great. When I worked for others, this would be the time I would not go to work, cold, virus, migraine, etc. Whatever I could get away with, as long as I did not tell them the real reason. Telling them you feel like topping yourself is not something you wish to share with your employer. Working from home is easier for me, I just do what I can until the feelings subside. The highs are fast and furiuos, and enjoyable although I seem to have memory loss when in an extreme high, the psychologist said something about me not being able to encode a new memory because of the high speed at which I am operating. This causes all kinds of issues, I used to argue with people when they said they had told me something I could not recal, I now accept that maybe they have told me. I hope you can go to your doctor for help but I understand it's not that simple, otherwise I would go to.....

All I Know is, everytime I watch his original audition it makes me cry. This guy is special and I hope they don't try to hammer this undifined shaped peg into an NT round hole.

Just joined.

Fear. That's what I think all my meltdowns are, no-one deserves to be at the receiving end regardless what they may have done. Especially those close to me, I used to blame everyone else for my behavior because they had done something that to them was insignificant but to me it is huge. I realised I am very fearful and the fight or flight response kicks in instantaneously and it’s always the fight response, a learnt behavior from my father who thought nothing of inflicting his violence onto me. I am grateful I am not physical but the psychological pain I have inflicted on my family fills me with remorse and yet knowing that in its self cannot stop the FEAR setting in. I wish that someone could implant a device into my brain that would render me unconscious with a remote control given to my family to press when I go off on one. I don’t think they will ever stop; I just need to find a way to focus on the fact that it is my own fear and how to deal with it without impacting on others. So far, the best action for me is to actually shout out load “I’M SCARED”.

I have "stimmed" from a very early age, I still do it now and I feel it releases tension, I in no way feel it is a strange thing to do. Most of my family stim although we all call it flying, I think my mum coined the phrase as she thinks it looks like we are all trying very hard to take off. I was diagnosed with Aspergers earlier this year at 43, my sister and her son were diagnosed in Australia last year. My two brothers and other sister all fly. The need to do it is very strong and we have all found some unique ways to fly in public without anyone realising what we are doing. As we have got older the "episodes" are not so extended as when we were children and this may be as a result of realising it is not NT and explainations only make people think you are mad. But when I am alone it becomes full blown and very enjoyable.

@trekster Can I suggest stamp collecting, cross stitching, playmobil, Star Trek, Liverpool fc, use your interests. Go to car boots, use freecycle, put an advert in a free add paper for unwanted items and buy those items you know about & sell them on ebay. It costs 10p to list an item and you only pay fees when you have sold them, I know I am simplifying the process but this thread is entiled "What will become of us" and the anwers is nothing, if we don't try....

@madeinthe70s I agree with allmost all you have said, especially your comments on unfairness. I too have a deep seated sense of fairness and have come face to face with the unjust way in which all illnesses are treated with such distain by many of our politicians. 28 years ago my mum was diagnosed with MS and the way she was treated by the state system was atrocious, with vindictive tests only the most uncompassionate in society could dream up. My chosen career from the age of 3 as my parents told me was to be an artist, the very shy, quiet little boy sitting in the corner of the room drawing. I was accepted into Art College on the merit of my work alone but due to circumstances still fully unknown to me, on enrolment day there were no places available. A meltdown quickly followed and that was the end of my childhood ambition to be an artist, so unlike you I never got the chance to study art formally. So 27 years later and too many jobs to name here, what am I doing…….? Graphic Design and self employed. I agree illustration is a very difficult career to get a job in but with the internet your work can be seen by millions. I do however strongly disagree with your statement “I don't even know if I'm still any good at it” my opinion is that Tracy Emit and Damion Hurst are not any good at it, but that does not stop others liking their work. Peter Howson’s (an Aspie) work is brilliant although his imaginary friend conversion fills me with dismay (but that’s a very different topic). For years I did not think Van Gogh was any good until my synesthesia came forth and now he is (in my opinion) the greatest artist we have ever seen and that’s because I hear his use of colours and Starry Night is the most beautiful painting to see & hear. All artists are tormented in some way or another, so let your torment become your art. I urge you to illustrate your thoughts and let people see it. Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime, but he was no failure even though his contemporaries thought he was not "any good at it".

I was diagnosed with Aspergers this year at 43, last year my whole deluded world fell apart. The main cause of this was long term depression I was not aware of; when I look back I knew I was a bit of a loaner and do not find enjoyment in things but just a need to do certain things with ultimate focus and an aversion to others. But everyone is like that, RIGHT (I thought), now I know that’s not strictly true, my intelligence comes with a hefty dose of arrogance and/or self doubt, a conflicting mix that seems to spill out at the wrong times. I had a well paid (35k) job in the aerospace industry, which was literally eating away at my sanity. Although I was in total denial about it, my wife could see it but I just could not accept her critique of my personality. So after she moved out with my daughter my world literally came crashing down, at the time this was terrible but it made me seek help and I am now on meds for the depression and have a “label” of Aspie. I know some don’t want this label but for me it is useful, but not to claim any form of state benefits, that’s not to say that others are not entitled to do so and are in real need. Additionally that’s not to say I will not need to claim in the future. But, here is my point. There is an internet site that Aspies can go to and sell there wears, it’s called Ebay. In fact, if I didn’t know any better I would think it was specifically designed for Aspies. No need to have face to face comms, start times to suit your moods, holidays settings you apply whenever things get a little bit difficult. It costs nothing to set up, no rent to pay if you don’t sell anything. I’m not saying it’s for everyone, but anyone who has any thoughts about self employment should start with Ebay. If you are anything like me you will doubt your own abilities and that is my biggest flaw, but once the items you list start to sell you begin to question whether your doubts are well founded. Having the money to pay the bills is the physical manifestation that you’re doing something right. I have been self employed for just under a year and although my income is not at the same level it once was I am a lot happier than when I worked for someone else and all the difficult things that came with it. I am so confident about this, that I will help anyone who is seriously considering self employment to get started on ebay. Start small and build on the success, my Aspergers and the need to be an “Expert” has proved to be a REAL positive. Everyone has seen the videos on YouTube of famous Aspies, I don’t think those people would have achieved so much without it. Please PM me if you need some help with self employment, I will try my best to help you. That’s Aspies working together….!

Thanks for the replies and the advice about what I should and should not post. Would not have thought about that. I am reading Tony Attwoods books at present and a few others. My sister got me on to Tony Attwood because she is lucky enough to live in Australia and she & my nephew will be going to see him again soon. ASD seems to run in our family. I am making changes to my life so I can cope better, one is by leaving my very technical job after 14 years. I obsessed over it so much that I could not think or focus on anything else and this has been a real problem for my family and for me too. I become the "expert" in all that I do and while that can be a real positive side of me, the job became a negative. I am setting up my own business from home and its going well, its a mix of technical and artistic processes which I think I need to have a balanced outlook on life. My wife is extremely supportive and while she needed to distance herself and my daughter from me (for their sanity) we are still very much a family. We just don't live in the same house at the minute. I know its a journey and for 43 years I have been parked is a layby going nowhere, I think I am now on the road if only in first gear. Thanks

Hi Everyone, I am new to all this, I am 43 and currently being referred to a clinical psychologist with suspected AS & Bi-polar. Not a nice person to be around, especially for my family as my wife & daughter have left because of the lack of empathy I show and the very child like tantrums I have. Trying to come to terms that I may have AS but the overwhelming feeling I have is that I am just a bad person and that’s how I was made. Would like to here from others who have been diagnosed with AS in adulthood to see if I will be able to change or if it's just a label and nothing much else. Cheers