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About Jeap100

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    Norfolk Broads
  1. Hi to all repliers and many thanks. Lots of questions to answer, but basically we have been through all the LA and CAMHS channels and he has an official diagnosis and a statement. I know every school for miles around and have visited many of them. I have done the fighting at tribunal and have won and lost battles, but he still refuses to attend anything. The LA placed him in an Asperger's unit attached to mainstream school for year 11, but he refused to go. CAMHS tried a bit of CBT and had to come to the house as he doesn't go out, but he didn't respond to that and they pulled the plug. I'm sure he must have some sort of anxiety disorder now on top of the Asperger's, but where does that get us? There still is not magic pill for that. He has been assessed by NHS Occupational Therapy who found lots of motor and sensory issues. He is bright and on paper should be fine in school, but he is unmotivated and also quite oppositional, so he does not take advice easily. One of the major problems is that he now hates and denies the diagnosis and refuses any 'special' help. So, although he can't cope with his anxiety, he will not attend Asperger's/anxiety units/schools nor follow the suggestions to minimise stress because this singles him out (in his eyes). It feels like a Catch 22 situation. The latest is that I have been talking to a therapist myself, because I was finding it all difficult to cope with (hence the despairing post here, which is quite unlike me!!!). He suggests that in addition to the underlying developmental problems my son has, we have now developed quite a lot of negative and unhelpful co-dependency issues. I now am trying to see that whatever I do to try to get my son out of the house and to college makes no difference. Three exhausting years of thinking of strategies, being tough, being sympathetic, being cross, being disappointed has got me nowhere. My son is nearly 17 and it has to come from him. So now, I will do everything to provide a secure home for my son and help him stay healthy and try to teach him to be more independent (cooking, cleaning etc), but I am going to get on with my life and go back to work. BTW, my son made it into college one morning last week which is a small step in the right direction! Mr Dingleman - I hesitate to give advice, because we are not a great advert for success! Would I have done anything differently? Well, it kind of just happens and one thing leads to another - school suggested CAMHS referral which led to diagnosis, which led to statement because school said they could not provide for his needs. LA initially refused to assess, but agreed on appeal. I searched for schools, LA refused a nice independent one I found initially...etc...etc...so it all lasts months and months, and as the clock ticks, my son became more and more entrenched in his withdrawal. Part of me thinks a quick school transfer right at the start would have been better - but who knows? Most people say diagnosis is key to a good outcome and that it usually helps the child, although it certainly didn't in my son's case, so perhaps that is the place to start if you are sure your son in on the spectrum. Best wishes to you.
  2. Hi - just felt like sharing my despair and looking for moral support and radical suggestions. My son is nearly 17, should be starting sixth form this term, but has not attended school since the first term of Year 9 (when he was just 14). He was due to start this morning doing catch up English and Maths at a local college, but would not go. My disappointment if fresh and raw! He is diagnosed with Asperger's, anxiety and depression and experts believe he had a kind of breakdown at school (mainstream) and could no longer cope. Since then we have had three attempts to start new academic years - all failed. I managed to get him a statement a couple of years ago. We have had a string of Education Other Than At School tutors, some of which have been great for him, but none of which have managed to transition him back to school nor get him to do any work. He is in effect uneducated, has not qualifications and is totally socially isolated. He leaves the house very rarely and has no friends. He does see peers occasionally when it is arranged and scaffolded by me with the help of my friends, but as he/peers gets older, this is becoming harder and harder to arrange. To make matters more complicated, he won't accept his diagnosis, so does not accept specialist help and won't go into a special unit. He has always refused to go to CAMHS. He spends his whole time on his PC playing games and watching You Tube videos. I used to limit this strictly, especially during school hours, but he is a big boy now and it is harder. Three years of this has worn me down to be honest. Today was the start of a new era for us. His tutors, Ed Psych and everyone else involved have spent the last few months preparing him to start college. He has been offered a lot of help and support to get there. I cannot complain that we have not been helped. However, now that he has refused to go today, I feel really desolate. I don't think I can stand this again. Do I give up on the idea now? What will he do? If I go back to work (I had to give up my job while all this was going on) I will be leaving a young man alone at home doing nothing constructive. And what will become of him/us in the long term? Should I move to Shetland (a small community that he has to be part of)? Get him sectioned? Abandon him for a while, leaving him with money on the kitchen table, in the hope of forcing him out into the world (he currently relies on me for everything)? All these awful thoughts go round my head and I really don't know what to do for the best. I feel sorry for him because he is genuinely frightened and anxious, but I am also so angry with him for not trying and not seeing that he has to do something. I guarantee that all the sensible, logical steps and approaches that you will all suggest, I have tried. I need radical suggestions.
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