linda

HI Suze, So sorry to hear abourt your son being bullied,I work with handicapped children and i must say on the whole children are very good with the handicapped children,but there are always the few that take it to the extreme and are out to hurt others.My son was bullied at school, but rather than mess around with the head,who I had already spoken to,I went to the director of education,who took me seriously and sorted it out from his end.Maybe this would be a suggestion to the head of your sons school.Gauge the reaction and see what gets done,if nothing then go in person to the director. Good luck and happy times with your son during the holidays.

Hi Paula, I am new to all this and have jusr read your post regarding constipation.I know i'm a bit late replying but I wanted to tell you about my experience where constipation is concerned.My partner was rushed into hospital doubled up with constipation.It was pitiful to see a grown man cry so much.For three days they gave him enamas,laxatives,you name it he had it,but would he go ,no way could he go. In desperation i took him a carton of marks and spencers pure apple juice,(the large one) and told him to drink it all.of course being a man he knew better and said if all they had given him didnt shift it,apple juice wasn't going to,but he drank the lot during visiting time.Half an hour later he wanted to rush to the loo,he couldn't rush he was in so much pain,but he came back still doubled up and bunged up.Within the hour he wanted to go again so out he hobbled,he was gone 20mins so i sent a nurse to see if he was alright.Yes he was ok. He came back into the ward upright punching the air and shouting "yes" he looked and felt a different man. I am never without a carton of pure apple juice in the house just in case.I have just visited my mother in a nursing home where a poor man is the same,bunged completely up,so off he goes for an enama.I took him my answer to constipation and low and behold he said to me today how good it felt to be normal again,and would i please get him another carton. If you havent tried it with your son maybe its worth a go,and its pleasant to drink.I now make my own in my juicer which works a treat.I would be interested to know if this works for your son. good luck. linda.

Thanks Bid, i shall certainly be sticking around,especially as you are all so friendly and helpfull.I feel as if i've found a new circle of friends.I would love to hear sometime some of the things your hubby puts up with and how he copes. take care. linda.

Thanks for your reply,i understand what you're saying but i'm finding it very hard to accept the cutting remarks and lack of communication,especially as i try to discuss any problems we have but just get the blame put back on me. thanks and all the best. linda.

Hi Karen , thanks so much for replying to my letter.I think my partners problem has probably run in the family,as his parents have both passed away,(his mum was alive whilst we've been together but he would never let me meet her.(he went to visit her 3 times,a few miles from where we live,and each time he took me to the nearest town to her home and gave me money to shop for a few hours)When i queried this he told me that she had a mental problem and he didnt want her to say or do anything that might upset me.I'm begginig now to wonder what it was he was afraid she was going to tell me.He has no friends/family etc.only on my side .I find him so deep and unwilling to communicate about anything personal.I'm not sure how much longer i can go on with this relationship,especially as i come from a very social lively family.Will read the books before making any desions, thanks again. linda.

Hi Stephanie,thanks for taking the time to read my letter and reply.I don't think for one minute we will ever get a diagnosis because he insists its me with a problen,not him.I have approached the problem in numerous different ways but to no avail,he turns everything around or changes the subject.I am going to get some books this weekend and maybe when he sees me reading them he might take an interest or believe that i am serious about it. I will have to do something because i am at my wits end. thanks again. linda.

HI Paula, Thanks so much for your reply.It is a relief to know there are others like my partner and i am not alone with this.I am still trying to get my head around the best way to deal with it.At the moment we are not speaking(again) and it is phasing me out,the atmosphere is awful.As I write this he has just handed me a print out of information I found earlier about aspergers,I heard him give a chuckle before passing it to me,you can tell what he thinks of the situation,can't you,he just doesn't seem to take anything seriously.I am at screaming point.My partner is very cuddly and affectionate but attempt to take it any further and he clamps up.People who visit have told me that you can tell by the way that he looks at me that he thinks the world of me,yet he is so verbally hurtful with his cutting remarks.I just hope i can get my head around this before long because i feel as if i'm going mad. thanks again and all the best. linda.

HI,Thanks so much for your reply,it is lovely to be able to talk to others about this,and have my suspisions confirmed.You are right (there was certainly no offence taken from your reply) about neither of us seeming happy in this relationship.I think he is happier than me,he has everything done for him,washing,ironing,cooked tea on table every night and weekends,cup of tea waiting as he gets up in the morning,all home made bread,cakes etc etc etc. also i have a sick mother in a nursing home,i visit every dat,my father 82 who i look out for daily + i work full time.So all in all i don't think he has much to be unhappy with,yet I have been to my cousins and cried buckets asking,what am i getting out of this relationship,besides a beautiful home full of expensive material things,when all i want is a social life,which he can well afford + a bit of bedroom fun, but i get nothing in return.I wouldn't take or ask for any money from him,so therefore i feel its all work and no play where i'm concerned.I have had a bit of "fun" with a male friend which he knows about(i never lie to him about anything) but even that just drifts over his head and he will start talking about the weather or something else completely irrelevant. I am going to think long and hard over the next few days and come to a firm decision. thanks again for your time reading my letter and your reply. linda.

Hi Shona, Thanks so much for your helpful reply,I have had an incling for months that things were not right when he was lining things up and fanatical about things being in their place.Every morning he plumps up the pillows and folds the top sheet over the duvet then folds it back and smooths it out. This is only one of dozens of things that he does,i even began to question whether he was gay as he acts so much like a woman sometimes. Have you any tips on how to handle this behaviour,especially his hurtful remarks,which after reading topics on the forum,i now understand that he doesn't mean things as they are said. As for divorcing him,we are not married,we have bought a large expensive house together in joint names.He pays a larger amount of the mortgage,bills etc as he earns so much more than me. So i am assuming that if we did split i would get my share and he keep his,I have asked him again this weekend to sort things out financially and he just tells me to do it. I don't want to split up really because we have a lovely home we have a lot of things in common,but the social side and sex side (lack of them) is getting to me,and no matter how much i try and talk to him regarding these issues,he always turns it around to put the blame on me.I think i will give it a bit longer,especially as I am convinced he is an aspie,and see if i can live with him.I am so relieved to be able to have a solution to his odd behaviour. thanks so much. linda

HI Shona and thanks so much for your reply,it does put things a little more into prospective.We have had yet another ding dong tonight about his smoking and inconsideration as far as i'm concerned.Hope you dont mind me relating the story but i find it helps such a lot to be able to talk about it.I gave up smoking 21/2 years ago just because i wanted to and also the cost.He smokes 25-30 benson and hedges a day,which of course makes his hair clothes breath etc etc. stink. He had a scare last month,rushed in to hospital with suspected heart attack,after tests etc.they found out he had hardening of the arteies but his heart was ok.he was told to give up smoking or he would loose his leg/s. When he carried on and ignored this advise i lost my temper and told him how inconsiderate he was being to me,he told me i was the one with a health problem not him and maybe i should have some tests.I am only on blood pressure tablets and otherwise fit and well.(he is 56 i'm 53) We have been unable to go out today because i cant stand the smell in the car or on him,yet he cant see what the problem is.Am I being to picky here and would it be better if i gave into him,this is something i'm seeming to do all the time lately. As for the tv in every room because we live in a bungalow we cannot get a signal only from a sky dish which we have for the main tv,when asked what it entailed for me to have a tv in the bedroom i was told it wouldn't work and theres no need because i can always watch the one in the lounge,yesterday proved this not to be the case.I am really fed up of all this and wish i could find a way of either accepting it or leaving.I have told him today I want out and will he sort out the finances then I can go.(we have a joint mortgage) his answer was "you do it" I could scream with frustration. Another irritating habit he has is lining everything up and putting things straight and tidy,eg. everynight the five remote controls are put in a straight line like a row of soldiers,his keys,lighter,cigarettes,glasses and anything else on the table is lined up and anything i've lfet around the room or kitchen is put in a tidy pile on the end of the work top. Is this another trait of AS. or am i imagining things.It feels so good to talk to somebody who knows where i'm coming from.When I told him earlier that i was writing to others involved withAS his reply was OH,AND WHO MIGHT THEY BE? almost as if other people were rubbish. Any advise or related issues would be very gratefully recieved.Once again thanks. Linda.

HI ALE, I am a newcomer to this forun and how heartened I was to read your account of living with your husband. My partner and I have lived together for 6years and met 9years ago.As I write this I am in tears after yet another incident where aspergers has come into our evening together.I had been out to get a takeaway and hoped on my return the table etc would be ready to eat our meal.I find him sat watching star trek with the volume 3/4 volume(we have 8 speakers and a 51"tv ) he tells me he has been chasing a frog around that the cat had bought in and thats why nothing was ready.I managed to fume inwardly and say nothing.Whilst eating our meal in the kitchen i can still hear (you'd be deaf not to) the droning on of ###### star trek,when i asked if i could turn it down he said "turn it off,but i decided to put the news on instead. This caused the reaction from him that he thought i was going to turn it off,when i said i wanted the news on he said there wasn't much difference between the news and star trek and that he was watching it before i came in.I don't usually give in so easily as i am a very stronged willed person and hate men to think they can get the better of me when i know i'm in the right.,so here i am again in the study on my computer in tears while he watches(noisily)his tv. He seems to be saying more and more hurtful things and i'm not sure how to handle them.He hasn't been diagnosed and when i approached the subject a few months ago he gave some bizzare remark,which i never understand(yes this happens frequently)and turns it round that I have a problem not him.He is oblivious to how i am feeling here on my own tonight and will say to me tomorrow or later,"would you like a cuppa,or "are you ok".I do feel relieved to read letters like yours but i'm sure you will agree,it is very trying and tiring living with somebody like this.I have shown my frustration and anger in many ways but nothing phases him out,which makes me even more angry. I told him a few weeks ago that I was leaving(I wouldn't if we could discuss this and him accept it but there is no way he will). his reaction to my threat of leaving was"you now there are boxes in the attic don't you?"He has noboddy in his life except me and my friends and family and he issues invites to all and sundry yet when we go out or they visit,he sits in silence,doesn't appreciate anybodys humour and totally embarrasses me.Now i've droned on,have you any tips or ideas of how to make the most of this situation.(he is 56) The icing on the cake was when I had just as much as I could take and took up the offer of a night in a hotel with a male friend,I found i couldnt lie and told him the truth,expecting to be thrown out.his reaction was"i'm making toast how many rounds do you want" as we sat to eat it he said"well at least you got l....d."he hasnt mentioned it from that day to this,surely this is not the behaviour of a man whose been living with a woman for 6 years.I cant cry anymore so i'm off to bed. thanks for your time and reading this. linda.

HI Everybody, I have just joined this group after trying to work out the problems I was having with my partner.(he's 56 now but I realised something not quite right 8 years ago when we met.) I have worked with disabled children and their families for 30 years and never encountered this sort of behaviour before. I find it difficult to put in writing how he behaves,so excuse me if it sounds a bit odd.He has no friends only mine,no social contact with any collegues,despite having a very high powered job and having to give presentations,talks etc,to large amounts of people and he has no contact with his grown up children or any other members of his family. When his mother died he didnt tell me for 12hours and wouldn't let me meet her whilst she was alive or have anything to do with the funeral.etc. I come from a large welsh family who are always socialising,having get togethers and generally having fun.Despite all this my partner never joins in a conversation unless its about his work or something technical,he never sees the funny side of things and is so straight laced in most situations.I am finding all this very embarresing and find myself making excuses for him.We recently went out for a meal with 4 frinds to a lovely restaraunt and he sat with his outer coat on all evening. I shan't go on too much but hopefully you can get my drift about him.My friend who works with autistic children has said for a long time that he has aspergers and i must be honest I am beginning to think she's right. Any thoughts or comments on this would be most welcome. Can I just add that he is very affectionate but dislikes any form of pleasure in the bedroom,even here eye contact is avoided. thanks for taking the time to read this.I already feel better about things knowing that I might have an answer to his behaviour in life.He also says hurtfull things and when I comment on them he says I am being over sensative,which I know not to be the case. linda.