Akunin

Hi. I have been for my assessment for ASD/AS and paid to do so privately as due to my age NHS wouldn't spare the funds. My first appointment should have been an hour long, however the consultant came down almost half an hour late and then told us at the end of the appointment how we MUST be on time for the following appointment, almost acting as though we were the cause of it being delayed, when we definitely arrived on time. My second appointment was a total disaster, we turned up about 15-20 minutes early and he came down and told me he had to leave the hospital and would be 5 minutes, however 5 minutes passed and turned into more like 30 minutes. I became very agitated and when he did arrive for the appointment he told us it was a family emergency. My mom did tell him that I was getting agitated as he had told me 5 minutes and wasn't and to this he just smiled and said "Oh!" This session should have also lasted an hour but again he cut it short as we finished well before the hour was up. It was left that he would go over the information he had and send me a letter within 4 weeks with the results, I am still waiting and it has now been around 5/6 weeks. My mom had great difficulty trying to contact them via phone so she emailed and had a reply saying he had a backlog and also some annual leave so hadn't got round to it, but I should have the letter this week. I personally feel this is very bad practice and feel the need to make a complaint, however I do know due to the way I am I can feel the need to complain about things others wouldn't. So does anyone else feel this would be grounds for complaint or not? -Tsukimi

Thanks for your reply. I find since having these neighbours I have become much worse in my tolerance of noises, which doesn’t help matters and I do try my best to avoid instances that will make the problem worse, but it has been very difficult. I have been having a bad time of it since Sunday and feel so unbelievably fed up, drained and tired. I just want to crawl into bed and pretend the world doesn’t exist. I still haven’t caught up on the lack of sleep from Sunday night/morning and I’m finding it very hard to cope, everything is aggravating me and I have little to no concentration which throws off my whole day.

Welcome to the forum I haven't had my diagnosis yet, just assessments, so I guess I can't say much other than I have many of the same issues as you. Socialising has always been the main one for me. When I younger I would speak my mind and not tip-toe around subjects that other children would and it caused a lot of falling outs with friends, though I never really understood what upset them. I also find I can easily clash with people due my interests, I am very strong minded in that sense and am often perceived as a 'geek' or 'nerd' not that it bothers me at all, I would rather be a person with a thirst for knowledge and interests than another mindless drone! A house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded with nothing but open space and my pets has always been a dream of mine. I could easily live happily in my own little world then. Ahh, Oda Nobunaga!! Do you watch Anime? There has been a lot about him (or in one Anime 'her') just recently. Nice to meet you Dranz and hope to see you around

Hi Dranz, It doesn’t sound strange at all. I often feel completely alone in my thoughts and feelings in this situation, so it comes as a relief to me too that I am not. I must admit I have been luckier in the sense this is my first time dealing with noisy neighbours and I am so sorry to hear you have always had this problem. We have also been told that the noises during the day are perfectly fine and acceptable and I cannot understand how. A few days ago I had loud music coming through constantly for over 4 hours and it could be heard throughout the house and firstly I don’t understand the need for listening to music so ridiculously loud and secondly how it can be considered acceptable just because the sun is up. I completely understand how noise makes you distracted and paranoid, as I am the same way. As soon as I hear car doors slam, people talking outside etc. I start worry and can’t concentrate on anything I am doing. At the moment I tend to leave the TV or some faint music on in the background, but it definitely doesn’t cover up as much noise as I would like. If they aren’t too expensive I may look for some noise cancelling headphones, as much as I would begrudge wearing them or for that matter having to spend money on them due to the neighbours being inconsiderate, I really need to start thinking of ways around the problem. The anger side of things is definitely one of the biggest issues that has come along with the problem. I become so angry can’t sit still, I become hot and shaky, all the muscles in my neck tense up and it takes everything in me not to scream and shout. I had a bad episode on Sunday, I was in bed around 11pm and had my window slightly open and heard voices getting louder and this was followed by very loud banging on the neighbours door. As soon as I heard the voices, I knew it was going to be a bad night ahead. They were out in the front garden smoking and singing and just being as loud as they could and once they had gone back into the house all we could hear was yelling/screaming/hysterical laughter and to begin with, we actually thought they were upstairs due to the volume of the noises, but when I went downstairs to get away from it I realised they were actually in the living room. At this point (just gone midnight) they put music on and I couldn’t get away from it, I was getting very agitated so I asked my mom to call 101 and thankfully, the police came out within 40 minutes of the call, though it did take them kicking and banging the door and yelling through that it was the police to finally get them to open up, after about 10 minutes of them refusing and us hearing them giggling away next door. After the police left, the music went off, but the screaming carried on and they also took to slamming doors over and over. After all of this I found it hard to sleep as the anger had taken over and in the end I didn’t sleep until about 3.30AM which takes a huge toll on me. (Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay >.<) The only spare room we have (which isn’t attached to next door) is my old bedroom and the smallest in the house, so although I do occasionally go and sleep in there I wouldn’t be happy to move into it. The room I have now is much bigger and fits my huge DVD collection and all my furniture in. I will sleep in there if I am having a particularly bad night, but again begrudge having to move just because next door refuse to be considerate. So I think for me, the headphones would have to be the next step Thank you so much for replying, it really does help to know I am not alone in feeling this way. -Tsukimi

Hi Oolong, sorry to hear you have experienced issues with noisy neighbours too. I usually have my TV on to cover noise, though I find it hard to concentrate if I have to put it on too loud. I haven't tried ear-plugs as I don't like them, I do have some ear muffs though which I will sometimes put on, though it doesn't always completely mask the noise. Hi Mel, that makes perfect sense. I will definitely try that as a lot of it for me is about having my plans and routine taken away from me. Thank you again for your advice. -Tsukimi

Unfortunately that is one of the problems, the noises are very erractic and just as a pattern does start emerge it changes, which adds to the stress for me as I never know what the day will bring and it puts me constantly on edge. We also did have about 4 months before Christmas where it was like having our old neighbours back and I only heard what I would consider to be normal living noise, so we know a lot of the noise is unnecessary and avoidable on their part. My mom did mention this to the neighbour and she just told us that her daughter is away a lot, though I don't really understand how that explains it and makes it acceptable. I definitely think I have become more sensitive to some noises and yes even the day-to-day ones can irritate me such as vacuuming or mowing the lawn, which I know are normal things that I can't complain about (though they do occasionally vacuum late at night 9pm-3am) and I do try really hard not to get worked up but I think now, anything they do and any noise they make gets to me and I know I need to work out some coping methods for these issues as I am making myself unwell. I think the majority of the noise is down to their daughter and from what we have been told by the estate agents and the mother herself, the daughter has a loud voice (though I don't actually hear her all the time) and "likes" to slam doors and I do feel bullied by her and as though she goes out of her way to annoy me. The one night for instance she woke me up at gone midnight playing music and when my mom went round to ask that it could be turned down as she had woken me and them up, she got a mouthful from the daughter who then decided to have a party that went on until 4am. Other times I have accidentally dropped something in my room and had either a bang at the wall or music go on and this causes me to almost tip toe around my room and act "invisible" so she doesn't know I am here. Thank you for your reply, it really helps to speak to someone that can understand how difficult this kind of situation can be. -Tsukimi

I do have some recordings of the noise coming through, though it seems it can't be used as evidence as there is some kind of law that states you can't record people without their knowledge. My mom did tell the mother I had recorded the music on my phone and would she like to hear it so she could hear what we have to put up with and she refused, we have also invited them to come round to hear the noise for themselves and again, they refused. I agree there should be more rights when it comes to things like this, but from what we have been told it seems like they have more rights than us. We haven't told anyone that I could possibly have ASD as we aren't sure where we stand and if it would all be put down to that, despite the fact that my parents hear the noise just as much as me, I just get it worse in my room.

I suffer with very bad fits of anger, if something or someone annoys me I find it very hard to control. I did manage to for some years by putting all of my focus into things I like, but the past few years it has become much worse. The trigger was/is our neighbours who moved in 2½ years ago and have been extremely noisy, especially the daughter whose bedroom adjoins mine. I can't focus on the things I enjoy anymore as there is usually some form of noise coming through from her, this is part of what makes me become so angry. I live at home with my parents so my bedroom is the only room in the house that is my form of escape for the times I want to be alone and enjoy my interests, but it is being ruined. Due to these issues, I just have to see the neighbours outside and I become very angry as I know they aren't doing anything to reduce the problem and have also told us they don't care and will continue to make noise. I am becoming very depressed because of it and I am fed up of being so angry all the time as it takes over everything I enjoy. Does anyone suffer with anger and if so, do you have any methods to calm yourself down so it doesn't take over? Here is a link to my other post regarding the neighbours and issues we are having: http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/30313-noisy-neighbours/ -Tsukimi

Mel - That is exactly how it is for us. Fear leaving the house and coming back to it. I have often screamed through the walls at them as well, as I do get extremely angry. I have been keeping a record of the noises and now have about 6 books full, though we are still being ignored. We have been told EH won't touch slamming doors, loud voices, loud music during the day etc and will only deal with loud music at night, which does happen occasionally but not enough for them to consider it a problem. The police have put us in touch with a charity called Brave, who deal with victim support and they are currently working with us, but they can't solve the actual problem of the noise. They did however give us the number of people who sort out mediation, though I don't have high hopes as the police did try to set up a meeting, but the neighbours refused. Instead accusing me of having "difficulties", the walls of being thin and it being our fault for enjoying to read and everything else they could to claim the problem isn't them. Due to all of this it would be very difficult to play the friendly neighbours now, as it has gone on so long that there is a huge rift between the 2 houses. We have often been called liars by them and they have told us how little they care about being considerate towards us. As for me, I hate them and could never even look at them without seeing red and getting angry to the point I begin to shake and want to go and scream at them. Sesley - We have done that on quite a few occasions when we have become very angry, but they can't seem to understand what we are trying to prove. Infact the mother came to complain about 1 instance when we had noise throughout the house, so played them back at it. We did explain why we had done it, but she refused to believe her daughter would play her music loud, so it really is like banging our heads against a brick wall.

It did really worry me that he didn't seem to understand, as it makes me doubt how well he does his job. It has now been over 4 weeks and still no letter, I am starting to get quite annoyed with him now. He told me I could see him post-diagnosis if I needed anyone to talk to, but I know I wouldn't as I don't trust him now.

Hello. I haven’t officially been diagnosed with ASD, but I have had an assessment and am currently awaiting the results, so I hope it is okay for me to post in the meantime asking for advice. I live at home with my parents and about 2½ years ago we had new neighbours move in, it was fine for a while but soon after they settled in we started experiencing a large amount of noise, a lot of which was in my bedroom. The noises varied from slams and bangs until the early hours of the morning, loud music, loud talking/laughing/arguing etc. My mom did go to speak to them about it and she was told their daughter is in the room adjoining mine and they would ask her to keep the noise down. It was quiet for a little while but it soon started again and began to get worse. To cut a long story short my mom has been round to speak to them on numerous occasions, she has contacted Environmental Health (who weren’t helpful at all, they told us it is behavioural noise and it is up to the parents to keep their daughter quiet) she has even contacted the letting agent and our old neighbour who is renting the property to them, none of which have helped us at all. We have also had to call 101 (non-emergency police) a few times and the police have spoken to them and we have a crime number due to the problems. A couple of weeks ago I was in my room organising my DVDs and as it was hot I had my window open, so did the daughter next door, but she put music on extremely loud to the point where it was all I could hear in my room, as it was coming through the wall and from outside. I told my mom and she went round to speak to them, the mother answered the door and was very rude to her. She refused to ask her daughter to turn her music down and kept saying she didn’t care about us and they would carry on with all the noises as they couldn’t care less. Since this I have been woken up in the mornings with the daughter yelling and screaming, usually followed by loud music for the most part of the day and then slamming and banging late into the night/early morning, sometimes accompanied with loud talking and laughing. All of this has greatly impacted my health and life so my doctor put me on citalopram. However, even after taking these tablets for about a year or so, I still find it very hard to cope. My room is the only room in the house that is mine and where I can spend time alone. I like reading, studying, watching world cinema and anime and playing on my PS3/4, but I am often made to leave my room and disrupt my plans because of the noises coming through the walls and once it starts I usually become so angry I can’t do anything but be angry so I miss out on indulging in my hobbies. It definitely feels like my room isn't mine anymore and I am "told" what I am and am not allowed to do by the girl next door. I also don't like to leave the house anymore in case they are outside when I go out and when I have seen them in shops, I have to leave the shop as I get angry and anxious just seeing them. The main things I wanted to ask were, if I do have an ASD diagnosis will divulging this information to an organisation coming out to help us be a good thing or not? As I worry it could get put down to sensory issues, which isn’t the case as my parents also hear and get frustrated with the noises. It obviously causes me more stress than them, but it is mostly in my room that the noises occur. Also does anyone have advice on how to deal with the anger side of things, because I do get extremely frustrated and can't control myself. -Tsukimi

It didn't start out very well as the consultant I was seeing had to pop out for a family emergency, he said he would be 5 minutes but took well over 20 and I began to get quite agitated. He asked a lot of questions (some that were really hard to answer) he has also taken my school reports, statements from my family and lots of information from the interviews and told me he thinks it is very likely I am on the ASD spectrum, but he will take all the information home to go over it and will let me know the results in about 4 weeks time. So onto more waiting which is really quite frustrating, especially as I have heard that most people get the results straight away. Thanks Trekster

Hi, Paige Thank you for the link. I have now had my first appointment and will have my second this Saturday. I think I am getting more worried now due to getting closer to the result because if I don't have AS or any form of ASD I'll be back to square one with why I am the way I am. It is a very stressful process and I really hope it is going to shed some light on my situation.

Hey. I joined the forum a few years ago now, but wasn't an overly active member. At the time it had just come to light I could possibly have AS and we were going through the process of getting a diagnosis. After nearly 2 years of waiting and being referred back and forth, I finally have an appointment for an assessment this coming Saturday (8th March) I am extremely nervous about the whole process, as I am not 100% sure what to expect and am not very good in new/unknown situations. Anyway, nice to meet you all ^_^ Tsukimi. My first post, with a little more info about me. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/28774-shy-hello/#entry333222

Sorry for taking so long to reply, been having a bad few days My dog (Motley) is a Welsh Collie x New Zealand Huntaway. He is already over 3 now >.< He is a lovely dog, he seems to be very in-tune with my moods. If I'm sad he usually comes over and paws me until I give him a hug! I also have an African Fat Tail gecko and 2 sugar gliders, I love having animals around me ^_^ Aww, it's a satisfying feeling taking in rehomes. My parents dog was a rehome, she is a bit nutty, but very sweet! Hi - Darkshine

That's good to know about the private practitioners My parents have said that if we don't get anywhere through my GP that they would be willing to help pay, as they feel it is very important for me as you said though, hopefully we won't have to. I'm just over half way through "Aspergirls" I was up last night reading it and could easily have finished it in one sitting (and considered it!), but I knew I wouldn't get up in the morning to walk my dog! I think I might have to buy myself a copy as that was the urge I had, to underline the things that jumped out to me and I so badly wanted to go into my parents room and wake them up and say "Look! That explains that!" It is such an odd excitement! I kept going back into my childhood and the things that were often seen as my "funny little quirks" suddenly started to make sense! That is lovely about your Dad! I think once I've gone through it I'll have to let my family have a read too, as it would be interesting to see what they think and see if any of the behaviours I had when I was much smaller will come to light and make a little more sense! Also, just wanted to say I love ferrets! Always wanted one, but never have Thanks for that info Anxious, I'll keep it in mind

Thank you so much for you encouragement, Merry! My GP has been very good and she encouraged me to seek a diagnosis, it is just finding somewhere that will be able to take me on at the moment. She left our old surgery and my mom did all she could to hunt her down for me, as I felt so at ease with her and we finally found her and thankfully she wasn't too far away! I do have a wonderful and supportive family, my mom has to go to all my appointments with me as I just can't do it myself. I think if we don't hear back from them my mom will call up to ask if they know anything yet, keep your fingers crossed for me ^_^

Thank you both for such lovely replies! ^_^ Reading through all of this has given me so much comfort and made me not feel so alone in my thoughts. It's quite crazy to see things that I think being said by other people for a change, but it is such a nice feeling! Even online I feel very misunderstood at times and regularly have to take breaks from the forums I go on, as even they can give me such an overwhelming sense of not fitting in, not being 'normal', of saying all the wrong things and asking all of the wrong questions. I think for me it feels like everything is a test and should have a 'right' answer, I just don't always know what it is and start to feel the pressure when it seems like everyone else does, If that makes sense? I've been going over my childhood a lot recently and keeping AS in my mind makes so many of those puzzle pieces that could never quite align before finally click into place, and I feel an official diagnosis will (hopefully) verify that they really do fit! It would be great to feel that pressure go and as you said Merry for it to finally be okay to just be me and not have to feel the need to hide it and cover it up all the time! Even with it just being in the stages of getting a diagnosis I feel I can open up a bit more to my family about my inner workings, without worrying that I will sound like a completely horrible person! Ahh, I have just today loaned 'Aspergirls' from the library as on my searches over the internet have seen a lot of people recommend it, I can't wait to start reading it! Even just quickly skimming through it I'm seeing things and thinking "Yep, that's me!" After coming on here and reading what you have both said, I'm feeling much more positive about getting a diagnosis, looking at the internet you seem to get such a standard template of what AS is, and how people with AS should act, but hearing it all from first hand experiences is much more validating for me I just hope my GP gets back to me this week about it as I am worried I'm going to have trouble getting in anywhere!

Thank you rufusrufus, I can imagine! I just hope I manage to get in somewhere relatively soon as it would be a huge weight lifted. Did it take long for you to go through the processes of getting a diagnosis? Hi Merry, thanks for your reply. I can definitely relate to and agree with what you have said. As I have grown up some of my 'behaviours' have changed slightly and I've learnt to keep things to myself a lot as people tend to think I'm extremely selfish and rude when I do speak my mind, since this has all come to light though I do find my family to be much more understanding of me. A big part of me however is really worried that I have too much going on the fact that this is my answer and if it turns out that it isn't, then I'm back to not really understanding myself and the way my mind works. So it is a very scary process, as a diagnosis is the difference between a final solution (so to speak) or the start of more questions!

Hey. First of all I just want to say that I haven't been diagnosed yet, so I hope it is okay that I have joined. Also, I am not looking on here for a diagnosis, just merely some information and advice. I am a female in my 20's and am currently awaiting for an assessment appointment. My GP has been having trouble trying to get me in anywhere at the moment though, the first place she tried said I fit their criteria, but due to lack of funding they couldn't take me on. So she is now trying to get me in somewhere else, but we are yet to hear back from them. It first came to light that I could have aspergers when my sister (who is training to become a teacher) had a session at the school she works at about children with aspergers and when they asked "Do you know any children that act this way, as they could have aspergers" she thought of me. I have always been somewhat 'different' to my siblings in my behaviour but it was always just seen as me being me. I'm not certain I have it, but from what I've researched and read it could definitely be a possibility which is why I'd like to get it checked, as I think it would bring some closure and comfort and after speaking to my GP she agrees. Anyway, I'll leave it at that for now ^_^