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About Sakaratte

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    Salisbury Hill
  • Birthday 05/26/1987

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  1. That does make sense to me when it put like that. They have only seen me that once and the first and only impression they have had of me is that one small snapshot. The reality is that most of the care is coming from her and most of my general support is in the form of practicality (I.E. sorting out finances or emergency shopping). I would say around 80% of my interaction with the kids is in her direct presence and of that the primary for of discipline I would give is purely verbal reinforcement of her decisions when the kids play up as they often do. Her suspected condition is Hystronic Personality Disorder rather than BPD and she is struggling to get any support at all with a diagnosis or treatment for this, even though a NHS psychologist has stated this as being highly likely. As for her motherhood being used against her, I'm not sure about this, but I know they have had to go to some extreme lengths to bring some unhealthy elements of her life under control (she is forever trying to save the world and ending up with people who need more than she can reasonably give), I suspect that as I am another male in her life this is a red flag for social as a whole as its been males that have been the root of problems in the past. I have noticed that mental health support for all conditions has seemingly gone backwards as a whole as time has gone on which is counter productive to society. It really needs a radical overhaul to become proactive rather than reactive to benefit people in need and help prevent situations like this occurring.
  2. I thought I would come here to see if I'm missing something as I am confused by what is currently going on. I'm looking for a rationale explanation rather than advice in this case. To give a little background: My friend has 2 children close in age. The eldest is 3 with suspected Asperger's and I have been using my own experiences with Asperger's to help support which has built up a relationship between me and the the kid. My friend does have a lot of issues of her own, she lost her sister last year, was neglected as a child herself, has a lot of mental health issues, anxieties and trust issues which stem from it. She won't push back on people who are where she should do for her and the children's well-being. The father himself does what suits him best and has made things a lot worse for her in recent months, by never taking both children away with him at the same time (which I can appreciate as he does have Asperger's and the stress could be too much for him to handle). When he is present he does nothing to help at all, so she gets no break at all. Me and my friend had both been hoping for a relationship, I had been holding off because her life was too far from the right place to have a healthy one and she was likewise holding back because I was. On Thursday my friends health worker (She is a single mother) came over to check up on her and she revealed to them she was feeling suicidal. At the time the eldest was misbehaving. As her mother wasn't in a very good place I placed her on the step and told her why she was on it, something I have done before without complaint from the mother. The children then went with my friends sisters that day to give her a bit of a breathing space. I was told this evening that she has lost the kids because of everything and one of the reasons given was that I disciplined a child in front of a careworker. My friend has said this wasn't an ideal thing to do, but isn't mad at me and has been singing my praises overall on the phone this evening for all the help and support I've given as a whole. Ultimately I know my own actions on Thursday are only a minor issue in the big picture as social have been involved since the birth of the eldest and have their own larger concerns, but I am struggling to see why a fair and proportionate act of discipline is being cited as a reason for taking the children away when I was merely helping out in a capacity in which I have done a few times before. I've been through material from the NSPCC as well as legislation it lead me on to and neither has stated my actions are any form of social concern (Legislation mildly supports it by my interpretation). Any ideas what their thinking is in this case as I am struggling to see it.
  3. Slow replies are always better than no replies, thank you for posting again i haven't shown her as yet, its been a bit of a rough and tumble week emotionally over the whole scenario. I've seriously considered walking away for my own health because of how emotionally attached I am (I really do live her to the ends to the ends of the earth and not being with her is quite painful). She has been pretty intense about how much she wants me in her life so we have had to sit and work a compromise which has slowed things down. I have managed to touch on the joke/banter with her and make it clear that I pretty much always understand when a joke is a joke so she needs to stop tip toeing around me regarding that. I'm going to broach the subject tonight and see what she says in the morning as it will give plenty of time to think whilst I'm at work rather than be in a position where I'm going to be sat twiddling my thumbs waiting for an answer.
  4. I'm sorry its taken me 3 days to reply, that will teach me to look for update flags when I don't realize I get logged out every session. I'm going to apologize now if anything is a little nonsensical. I haven't had much in the way of sleep since this happened. I've known this happen before, and it always seems a shame to me. I've got a feeling there is something more to this than she has been letting on. This started as a downward spiral after christmas which was quite dramatic as the police were called for a domestic incident involving her relatives. I ended up imploding twice, which she had never seen happen before. This is normal in close relationships, even when both parties are neurotypical. The spark slowly fades - as all novelty does, but ideally by then mutual love and affection is sustained because we are familiar with one another and understand each other's ways. If you still love one another, there's just no point in separating. She doesn't feel that the spark should go. Tried to explain this to her several times and a good friend was half tempted to give her a biology lesson on why it happens to get it through to her. She's going to be stubborn on this point. Even though we split a few days, I love you/I love you too still occurs so its not like the feelings aren't still there. What's the difference between a couple and being best friends? I see none, but maybe that's just me. Are you still best friends? They say the best marriages are the ones where you marry your best friend don't they? As to whether I am I honestly couldn't say as she doesn't label friends as best friends our acquaintances. The best Idea I can give you of how she sees me is from the day we split. I live in England and she lives in Scotland so one of us has to go to the other. After she decided it was over, she didn't want me to go home and wanted me to stay. This has actually led to a lot of confusion as it feels like she is contradicting herself. Do you understand what she means by this? I've been accused of this kind of thing myself. Sometimes it's true, for they may not be my kind of people, but sometimes it's simply because of my aspieness - I can only take smalltalk in small doses, and find it tiring and stressful. It's not that I'm unsociable. What she means is I don't start a conversation with them. I struggle to initiate conversation unless I have had a conversation with them as it gives me a foundation to work from. I've spoken to her mother a few times through facebook messenger so i don't have a problem talking to her at all, I've never spoken to her father beyond the odd joke that my former partner had suggested. I don't excuse myself from the room if I am on my own, I'll actually make a point of being present. The only problem I can see is that she probably doesn't properly understand your autism-related limitations. In what way does she see her banter as a problem? Do you overeact to it? Underreact? Misunderstand it? Largely I would say I've under-reacted. There has been one occasion where I have become overwhelmed by it, then times where I have just been unsure if its a joke or serious. A bit of a mix really. She should be able to adapt, or at least put up with us needing further clarification. It shouldn't be a big problem - unless we make it into one. This is what I have tried to explain to her recently, more along the lines of No is a nonsensical response to an open statement.
  5. Myself (aspie) and my (now former) NT partner have recently separated after 9 months as she doesn't feel the spark between us anymore. We both agree that we still love each other and don't want to go down this route. In her mind she feels that although she loves me and wishes it didn't have to be this way it is the right thing to do. I don't entirely understand what is wrong for this to need to happen, we were still very intimate and would talk to each other, she still feels safe and happy in my arms, enjoys talking to me and trusts me more than most people and doesn't want to lose me as a friend. She has also agreed to keep an open mind about us getting back together again. My primary concern is about being able to transition from being a couple to being friends, whilst trying to rectify some issues we have so we don't end up losing something very dear to us. Her overall concerns that have been recently mentioned are: Her parents feel like I don't want to talk to them. She feels like she can't always be herself (banter) without it being a problem. I can go around in circles with my questions. I.E. she will give a response which can be somewhat contradicting so I will end up asking the same question, but slightly different (which I appreciate is really frustrating when you feel like you gave an appropriate answer) Does anyone have any advice on how best for us to make this transition or manage the issues she has mentioned so we can maintain a healthy friendship?
  6. Hey there. I know what its like to feel alone in a room full of people. I'm 25 and borderline aspergers. I don't even know what my obsession is or if I have one. I can really relate with the anxiety and being recluse. Being a teen and newly diagnosed/not diagnosed is difficult to handle. I remember when I was your age and parents/teachers etc wuld say I'm doing things to seek attention, when I really didn't know how else to do things. Even now I feel there is a lack of education in life and work relating to mental health management of ASD's. Its hard to understand something that comes so easy to someone without a condition that it can be just as frustrating for them as it is for us. as for the boy you like, I know the feeling. finding the balance to be friends with someone you like without getting emotionally wrapped up is hard to do. It does get easier though
  7. Hey again. I know I wrote this a few weeks and I read the replies that were given. My apologies for not replying before now. I didn't know what to say or what to respond with. I agree very much about difficulty with crisis situations. I have faced a few pretty extreme ones and always struggled massively with them. Handling one situation at a time isn't so bad for me, nor is dealing with other peoples which I find quite... ironic. Lesser situations I tend to panic and freeze a little but find a way through them thankfully. I am also by and large comfortable with my own company. Like a lot of people with ASD's I like and need the space to switch off and just unwind everything that has gone off in the day. I'm also quite comfortable in smaller social situations, but right now my life very much lacks the 'resources' to do this. This is what I think is really affecting my management of the situation at hand right now. As right as my friends are, they are very much fixated on how this should be done and the time scale in which it is to be undertaken. As I cannot meet and.or agree with these terms they are now not talking to me which does not help. Accepted that this isn't something I can do much about. I've taken a different route to try and handle things now, which could result in further fallout with my friends. I consider it the worst of a bad bunch. As for putting a lot of pressure on myself. I think thats a norm for me. I like things to be done as quickly as can be without compromise, I also like to have a situation to manage from time to time as well. Since I started this thread a couple of weeks ago a few things have changed. I'm now back at work full time and doing overtime as well. I've managed to make amends with one person. Sadly, she is the one that triggered this all back in November, but it has helped non-the-less with the isolation. Things are still just as rocky with my close friend though. A friend of mine is willing to help, on the basis that she thinks my friend is refusing to accept the limitations of my ASD as a partial reason for my actions. The only reasoning I have been giving for it is I struggle to express myself and how I feel. Also that I do frequent bouts of depression from time to time. The medication is now starting to take effect, after a bumpy start. Rather than a constant negative I'm fluctuating between positive and negative which is definitely an improvement if not ideal. Just letting you guys know whats been happening and that you haven't wasted your breath I know too well the feeling of talking to a brick wall myself.
  8. Recently I've been between various counsellors and doctors regarding issues with managing negative emotions. My diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome form 10 years ago does not appear in any of medical notes (I have changed doctors once in my life, but I know for a fact the current surgery has my paper and electronic notes so this strikes me as odd). The most recent appointment I had with Lets Talk Well Being confirmed a diagnosis of borderline Aspergers syndrome and a further one of long term depression with significant rejection issues. I am currently waiting for CBT and an appointment to have anti-depressants. I know in the long term this is really going to help and get me to a point of being able to live 'normally'. Right now I feel in a limbo with no solution for the immediate issues of isolation and loneliness. Doing anything on my own seems to just leave me unfulfilled. My friends are so far away I can't just go see them. When I do call them all I can't see past what is happening in my life to be able to have a normal, friendly conversation. I don't know what to say to them. I have been through a lot of difficult events in my life over the last year . A very dear friend who lives in Canada lost her mother last April so I was out there trying to support her. My inability to emphasise and frustration with myself made this worse at times. I came after this to have my entire life and routines turned upside down. I live with my grandmother and she spent a month in hospital literally from the moment I got back. I had to take on a lot more responsibility, manage the household completely to myself which I'm not used to. When she came back there were so many people coming and going, not communicating with me about anything that's was happening I felt so out of control in my own home. While this was going on my friend in Canada had a massive change in her life which meant I had far less contact with her. She had been a massive part of my life for years so to have to try and accept how much things were going to change wasn't easy. This was then followed by a 2 months relationship with someone who was emotionally confusing and manipulative. Several friendships I had took serious hits from this and I was just left run down and worn out. by this time I was so exhausted mentally I was struggling to keep check in control of my emotions the one person had been able to maintain a close long term friendship with was struggling to manage the ups and downs and round about I was going through. Anything that could be remotely taken as negative was and amplified and eventually I lost her. With her I lost my social life, my day to day interaction with someone I called a friend The rest of my friends live 80 miles away, they keep telling me I should do this and I should do that to fix things, but the idea of doing anything socially just panics me. They suggest getting new hobbies and trying new things, but I can't find anything that captures my interest, My current personal interests don't distract me like they used to. I've reached a point where I don't know my emotions or what I'm feeling, I don't know how to distract myself or what will settle them. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so how did they cope?
  9. Sakaratte

    Hey there

    Hi there, Introductions aren't really a forte of mine, so apologies in advance. I'm 25 and live in Nottingham. I was first diagnosed with Aspergers as a teenager, but was told that there was no real support that could be given to me because of my age. My asprgers syndrome is mild and not always obvious to people to meet me. Usually it only really becomes apparent in large social group situations. I have problems with meeting other people and having the confidence to start a conversation. I feel quite isolated and fed up. I take things going wrong very much to heart. I've had a few experiences with friendships and relationships that have been very difficult to handle. Its reached a point where when things start to go wrong I see a worse case scenario and panic. It makes me very difficult to handle at times. I work full time, currently I'm on reduced hours due to a break down for the above reason. My main interests are music and gaming. I rarely go out because I don't have anyone to go with. I came here because I want to meet new people, make friends and hopefully make a life where I can get over my social anxieties and have a 'normal' social life. God that seems like a depressing rant instead of an introduction. Anyway hi!
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