bid
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Posts posted by bid
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Going back to your OP Cookie...
I don't think it's possible for any of us to judge whether your stepson has ASD or not.
He may well have ASD, and present as many of us have experienced here, passive at school due to anxiety, and perhaps benefitting from the clearer routines you have when he stays with you. Incidentally, although I joked about being 'active but odd', it was a term that used to be applied to people with HFA/AS who rather than being aloof, want to interact and have friends, but do so clumsily because their social skills are compromised.
Equally, from what you describe of his mum's lifestyle and drug abuse, the behavioural issues the school mention and his behaviour with her, could well be due to this rather than ASD. And again, he benefits from the routine and stability with you.
As I said before, personally I would concentrate on fighting for custody rather than focusing on overturning any dx, as that would appear to me to be the more pressing concern.
Very best with a very difficult situation.
Bid
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Whatever happened with A - whether you got everything 100% right or were the worst parent on the planet - that doesn't mean the same circumstances apply to all autistic people who displayed the same behaviours A displayed as a child, or that your 100% perfect / worst parenting ever would apply to all autistic children who displayed the same behaviours A displayed as a child.
And I know a smart lady like you can go figure that out if you want to (but it would be equally true to say, of course, that if you didn;t want to you wouldn't, because that is, after all, very very basic human psychology).
L&P
BD
Now, being a very, very smart lady BD...this can of course be entirely applied to your attitudes/approaches to parenting ASD children too
Bid
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What can I say BD...presumably all the more kudos to A for throwing off our bad judgements and inappropriate responses and making a successful transition to a completely independent adult life, working full-time and living in his little flat in a different city...
Go figure, as they say!
Bid
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*Gags self* (knew that odd sock I kept would come in handy
). Say nothing, Mumble, say nothing. 
Now I don't mind being active but odd...
Bid
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Hi cmuir - just to be pedantic, this is well documented and reasons have been interpreted in the way you suggest by some, but others have interpreted very different 'reasons'. As I said earlier, IMO there are often far more reasonable and logical interpretations that have nothing to do with autism but are very well documented in just about any textbook on basic human psychology and power dynamics. I've seen very few cases where this more 'logical' interpretation has been made and appropriately responded to where the power dynamics haven't changed for the better, either among the NT or autistic child population.
Ah well, I guess both paediatricians with on-going care throughout my son's childhood got it wrong then...and us too, since this was exactly how Big A presented
Ho hum...
Bid
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Some bitter-sweet moments I guess Jeanne, but reassuring that he is happy to go back.
Bid
<'> -
Luckily my stepsons mother isn't like this - she is just quite odd and in my opinion the one with ASD.#
Hmmm...
I have a dx of AS.
Perhaps I am 'odd'.
I think you need to be aware that there are a good number of adults on this forum, both parents and non-parents, who have a dx of ASD. As Mumble says, rather insensitive.
Bid
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And
<'> to all of us missing our dads today...Bid
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One of the most important points to remember is that if your child takes sole charge of their DLA at 16, as the parent you have no rights to speak to anyone should there be any problems that need sorting out.
So when considering your child's competency, you need to think whether they would be able to understand the DLA letters, recognise if there was a problem, and then be capable of phoning the DWP to sort it out.
Competency is about a lot more than being able to handle their DLA money.
Bid
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Hi Mumbley!
It's probably a feeble suggestion, but have you thought of talking to PALS?
Really sorry to hear how tough things are for you at the moment
Bid
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No worries, BD...
I was just trying to show that while I appreciate that accusing an ex of being in denial can be a default position/cheap shot especially where the adult interaction had become very negative, it is also equally possible for it to be a genuine situation. And when that is the case, it is extremely difficult for the parent who has accepted their child's special needs and is trying to get the best possible help and provision for them.
But coming back to the OP, I hope your stepson gets the stability and safety he deserves.
Bid
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I think you are treading on dodgy ground here however you approach it. Regardless of any rights or wrongs about your or you partner's assessment of your stepsons ability it will simply be seen as an 'attack'. Your partner will be dismissed as 'in denial', which is pretty much what happens to any father who has a different opinion to his wife (or ex-wife) on what might be the best way to support a child with ASD or one where mother and father fundamentally disagree on the diagnosis.
As I am the only poster to comment that my ex was 'in denial', can I just clarify that he was asked if he wanted to come to every single one of the many, many appointments and assessments over my son's childhood (he came to one), and that he was given copies of every single report and letter.
It is apparently perfectly possible for someone to read 10 years worth of reports from 2 paediatricians with on-going care, SALT, regular OT and physio and EPs all clearly documenting my son's special needs and still say there is 'nothing wrong' with him.
I carefully didn't suggest that this was what is happening here. Personally, my interpretation of the situation is that all the adults concerned have become more caught up in proving they are 'right', than looking at the actual needs of the child.
Bid
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I don't think I am particularly naive Cookie. I work with young people, a fair number of whom are looked after children, and I'm also a Child Protection lead officer at work.
All I can say is that if my ex was abusing drugs and doing all the other things you describe, I wouldn't allow my child to be resident there, however difficult or costly the legal situation.
It may well be that all of this is due to your stepson's mother and her parenting/lifestyle. All the more reason, in my opinion, to fight for residency rather than focussing on disproving any dx. Once he is safe, then as Flash says, time will prove whether he truly does have ASD or not.
Very best,
Bid
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I would like to again state that his teachers also do not think he has ASD -- just behavioural issues.
So there is something going on at school then.
Have you talked to the school to find out what they are doing to help your stepson?
It does rather come across from your post that you don't have much time for his mum. If she is actually abusing drugs, I don't quite understand why his dad doesn't have residence??
I think the main thing in all of this is that your stepson receives the help he needs, regardless of whether it is ASD or behavioural, and regardless of what the adults in his life think about each other.
Bid
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Welcome to the forum Cookie,
This is a difficult situation for all of you.
I'm only offering this to you for consideration, I'm not for one minute intending to offend.
What is your stepson's mother saying her son is doing that you disagree with? How often do you see him, and for how long? How does he behave when he is with you? How much do you know about ASD?
My personal experience was to have an ex who was in complete denial, and only accepted that his son had special needs when he went to a residential special school.
I honestly think that whatever the outcome, you need to try to keep an open mind and learn as much about ASD as you can. Have you actually sat down and talked calmly to his mum? Whether you agree with her or not, she obviously has concerns and I wonder if you have openly talked about them with her, rather than simply disagreeing?
HTH
Bid
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Hi
Oh poor her - she clocks on at 9 and finishes before 5pm.
To be fair Cmuir, my DH is a teacher, and he is in before 8 every morning, and home at 6 or later most nights...and I think this is true of the majority of teachers.
I agree with the rest of your post tho
Bid
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Have a great time Tally!
Bid
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Sounds brilliant, Tally...have fun!
Bid
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One thing I have noticed is that now at my advanced age
I sometimes find myself in situations where I know that when I was younger I would have been overcome with panicky anger, or outraged by some perceived injustice (was always big on that one!), or absolutely furious with myself...but now it's almost as though those emotions are under a layer of cotton wool and it's easier to think 'meh'...Don't know if that makes sense, and whether it's just a normal side-effect of getting older, or whether I am slowwwlllyyy getting better at balancing my reactions/emotions?
Bid
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I'm not a teacher, but I do work with children and young people with severe learning difficulties, including autism, and complex medical needs.
I have to say my own opinion is that your teacher has been unprofessional to say that she feels 'hurt' by your son's lack of emotion. How on earth would she deal with the extreme challenging behaviour experienced by myself and my colleagues then??
As a professional, you go through the whole gambit of emotions when working with children with special needs, but you deal with those feelings privately or with your team. What you shouldn't do is take them personally, as it appears the case with your son's teacher.
Parents have enough emotions of their own to struggle with, they don't need a professional telling them how 'hurt' they are, epsecially over something as fundamental as a child with ASD not showing the expected emotional responses!
I really feel for you
<'> Bid
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There will be no difference in strength between tablets and capsules if they are both 3mgs. It's just a different way of presenting the melatonin.
HTH
Bid
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Meg had her cast changed today, so we had the first glimpse of her new hand! It's still a bit swollen and bruised, with an 8'' scar running down the inside of her arm and across her palm, and a 4'' scar on the outside of her forearm (not quite what her OT said, but never mind). Still, they are really, really neat, and almost healed so all good.
Poor lass, it was pretty painful, and she did have a faint moment. But only another two weeks in the new cast, then rehab!
Bid
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TBH, white bread and chocolate spread are really not that healthy, and don't forget that cheese is very high in fat.
You would be better off with brown bread (lots of different types to choose from: wholemeal, granary, etc) or if you really don't like those, at least the 'half-and half' bread is better than white.
Bid
Born to be Different
in Off Topic
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Wow! Just watched the second episode on Catch-up.
William and Shelby have the same sorts of difficulties as the children and young people I work with. I found it very, very humbling to be given a tiny window into their family lives.
Bid