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Posts posted by bid

  1. Posted · Report reply

    Yeah.... sort of... but I think AS kids just like NT kids come in all different flavas too. If you think about it, many parents will point at their well behaved kid and say, defensively, 'well if I'm such a cr*p parent how come he/she came out alright?' Not all of the 'naughty' kids are AS - they just have different needs to their sibling. And the thing is, in every such case the parent always interprets the good behaviours of their well behave kids as evidence of their brilliant parenting, when it's at least as likely to be the other way round entirely. Even when there are four or five kids in the family, family dynamics are such that things that happen to one didn't happen to others and/or that some were more/less resiliant to things that did happen across the board than others. The important thing is how the more 'difficult' one (or six or whatever) is (are) responded to... What's really bl00dy annoying is the gainsaying argument that's always levelled at the parents who have worked their nuts (or t!ts) off toddler taming one of the 'difficult' ones of "well every child is different" and the offensive (and untrue) suggestion that they've somehow copped lucky! :angry::angry::wallbash::lol:

     

     

    L&P

     

    BD :D

     

    Oh PS - Yes, I am aware that we're both saying exactly the same thing! I was just broadening it out to include all those 'naughty step' NT's as well as the AS Naughty steppers, because I think even the suggestion that different rules apply as a matter of course is an inherently dodgy one!

     

    I came back to say that I couldn't really remember why I wrote my last post, as it isn't particularly relevant to the thread :lol:

     

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that some maybe more laid-back parenting can work perfectly fine with NT kids, but if you are that sort of parent, you will probabaly have a much steeper learning curve if you take delivery of an ASD kid, than someone who is by nature more organised and perhaps regimented. I remember being told in the very early days that, lovely though it might be, I couldn't be the laid back parent I had imagined.

     

    Bid :)

  3. Posted · Report reply

    Yet another thought...

     

    I have 2 other kids who are good ole fashioned NT, and a third who is pretty spectrumy but dx-free, and of course Big A with his triumvirate of AS, ADHD and Dyspraxia.

     

    Thinking about my two NTers, you can bring up perfectly nice kids within a much broader scheme of perfectly successful parenting, if that makes sense.

     

    By that I mean that I found that with my ASD one (the eldest) I needed to have a very firm family routine underpinning everything to start with (regular bedtimes, set mealtimes, etc, etc). And then once we had been shown how to tweak things to make them autism-specific (e.g. no point having a star chart for a week, we needed to start by breaking each day into three, using clear, simple language, etc) we had to realise that things were going to take much longer to sink in, much longer to be able to transfer skills, etc.

     

    But from my NTers, I've realised you have much more wiggle space with your parenting. I know parents who had a much more laid back approach to parenting, etc, and their kids have grown into perfectly nice adults. And it is perfectly OK for people to have different parenting styles, which usually reflect their own personalities...it's just that if you have a kid with ASD you may find you have to parent in a way that doesn't reflect your personality!

     

    Bid :)

  7. Posted · Report reply

    Just to update...

     

    Meg is now 5 weeks post-surgery, and after a hand that without a splint just hung useless on the end of her arm, she is already using a knife and fork and doing fiddley craftwork!!

     

    In fact, they are so pleased with her progress, she doesn't have to go into hospital for rehab!! :D She still has OT every other week, plus intensive exercises to do every day mind...

     

    So, despite the wacking great scars, all the fear and worry has been really, really worth it. And I can't speak highly enough of the whole team at RNOH :notworthy:

     

    Bid :D

  8. Posted · Report reply

    Interestingly, the mum of the 'super-hero boy' said that about her daughter with Retts syndrome - a condition with many direct associations with autism - effectively 'oh, there's nothing we can do about... [her]... (sorry, forgot her name). It was actually the daughter's routines Jo focussed on, and by 'fixing' them was able to help the family create the time their son needed. :whistle:

     

    I haven't seen the programme, but just a thought...

     

    Rett's Syndrome is a degenerative disease with a progressive loss of functions. While I agree that there is still a definite need for clear routines and boundaries in such a situation, I think we need to cut the parents some slack over this one. I work with one student who has a very similar degenerative condition, and I think any parent facing these kinds of challenges and the on-going grieving process needs very real compassion and support (which I'm sure Oberscharfuhrer Frost Super Nanny Jo did show ;) ).

     

    Not trying to start an argument :fight: as I do actually agree with Ole SN, just thought it was worth pointing out that in this particular case, Rett's is not the same as an out-of-control spoiled kiddiwink!

     

    Bid :D

  10. Posted · Edited by bid · Report reply

    I would underline that 'May'... I think this is the most dangerous/disabling piece of psychobabble experts come out with these days and it leads directly to situations of parental abuse and acts as a justification for parental abuse. It also paves the way for empowering abusive adults to abuse their partners and their own children, when after successfully 'managing' their 'unmanageable' aggression for a long enough period to entrap outsiders they revert to type.

    Your son does understand how he hurts you - if he did not he would not have the 'wit' to realise that he needs to modify his behaviour with others and become 'charm personified'. Basically, he's is bullying the people he feels empowered and enabled to bully, and that has nothing to do with 'love' or 'trust' or 'security' and absolutely everything to do with having to sense and understanding to pick willing victims who will accept the abuse. And it has absolutely nothing to do with autism - as switching on any tv programme detailing abusive children/teenagers and dysfunctional relationships will quickly establish.

     

    L&P

     

    BD

     

    I do actually think the psychologist is correct...all of us tend to be more grouchy with our nearest and dearest than, for example, with work colleagues or our in-laws.

     

    However...I think that this perfectly recognisable psychological 'norm' has become mis-interpreted by some people: only the first half of this behavioural construct is acknowledged, without the second half being recognised. 1. Yes, I might possibly have been quite 'short' with my nearest and dearest when I have just done an 11 hour night shift (surely not?! :o ), but 2. I also know that if I screeched at them all, I would have the error of my ways graphically explained to me! But I think with a lot of children/teenagers in general (not just those with ASD) this vital step is either ignored or not applied consistently or in an autism-specific way (by this I mean using appropriate behavioural techniques, clear language, visual aids if applicable, etc).

     

    Bid :)

  11. Posted · Report reply

    I think you will have to look in more than one paper.

     

    If I remember correctly, the Guardian has a different job section each day, relating to a different careers area. Also, the Times Ed. Supplement might have things if you are thinking about working with young people.

     

    My uni also produced it's own postgrad. job bulletin each week.

     

    Good luck!

     

    Bid :)

  12. Posted · Edited by bid · Report reply

    Another thought...

     

    I'm sure it's Baddad who has said a number of times that autism is the only disability in which the emphasis appears to be on what we can't do, rather than on what we can do...and by the latter I don't mean savantism/special skills phooey.

     

    I think this is absolutely true. One of the disabilities with which I have a great deal of professional experience is severe epilepsy in conjunction with other learning and physical disabilities (actually including autism too). The majority of young people with whom I work all experience life-threatening seizures, but the whole approach is to look at what they can do, e.g. sailing trip on a tall ship, scout camps, sports, etc, etc. This approach is also reflected in organisations like Epilepsy Action. But most importantly, it is reflected amongst the young people themselves.

     

    Bid :)

  15. Posted · Report reply

    I think the thing that does get better is certain coping mechanisms, acting, and stuff like that, cuz I have improved in certain respects -

     

    I think this is very true. I would say that for me, while the difficulties with social situations, etc, remain unchanged, my ability to cope with them has improved.

     

    I also think that having a formal dx was instrumental in enabling me to take a positive approach to my autism. Firstly, the dx was presented very positively to me in my assessment. And then although I certainly went through a profound head-f**k period afterwards as I tried to place the previous 41 years into persepctive within that dx when I didn't feel so positive, once I had worked through all that I have been able to reach a much more balanced place.

     

    One other thing I feel is very important: even before my dx, I have always pushed myself to do things out of my comfort zone. Sometimes this has worked, sometimes only partially, sometimes it's been disasterous. But, I think it's always worth trying things, because success or even partial success increases self-confidence, which in turn opens up your world. I was asked twice to go for middle-management promotion at work, and said no, but then changed my mind at the very last minute on the second occasion. I was successful, and although I have had some truly stressful times at work (like the last 6 months) when I have felt I just shouldn't be leading a team of other people, I have plodded on (being pretty bl00dy-minded ;) ) and I am so glad I have done, because I have found that I do have the capability to work through difficult situations, and this has probably been the most defining thing in my life in terms of increasing my self-confidence.

     

    However, to be fair, I have to say that while I put all my efforts into my family and my job, I have basically given up on friends (which is not to say I'm not friendly, because I still try my best to be so). But after a life-time of feeling inadequate and dysfunctional with my lack of success, it has been such a relief to take a step back and admit it's not for me.

     

    Bid :)

  16. Posted · Report reply

    Umm, well I think historically they have probably always been a significant group.

     

    I'm sure I've read that Silicon Valley has a higher than average percentage of people with AS or some-such. And my brother always said the back-room uber-techie research and development guys in the navy were definitely spectrumy...

     

    To be completely honest, the recent stories about hackers certainly raise various points about (retrospective) dx's of AS, just not this one IMO...

     

    Bid :)

  18. Posted · Report reply

    I can't focus for more than ten minutes unless I'm doing something. I can't help getting bored if people are just talking at me or distracted if I'm writing notes, I learn by figuring things out myself and putting them into practice. I completely fail in written tests, and speaking tests, but I can complete practical tasks without hesitation or difficulty.

     

    So I think that makes you a kinaesthetic learner?

     

    Bid :)

  19. Posted · Edited by bid · Report reply

    I think I read that while most people are dominantly one particular type of learner, everyone has little bits of the major types (visual, kinaesthenic, auditory).

     

    I'm dominantly a visual learner. For example, the only way I can learn a languge is to see it written down, especially the grammar, declensions and conjugations. So despite being very good at languages (an element in my first degree), I simply cannot pick up a language aurally at all. And in my head I will see the printed word with the correct ending while I am speaking, scrolling down through the declension, etc, to find the one I need. Similarly, in exams I can see the page of revision notes in my head, with the highlighted sections, etc.

     

    I have often found in training at work that in the move to accomodate kinaesthetic and auditory learning, the more historical visual approach is sometimes forgotten.

     

    Just re-read the OP. My problem is that as well as being shown how to do something, I also need to have it written down too. I think what you describe is actually kinaesthetic learning, i.e. 'doing something' in order to learn it.

     

    Bid :)

  20. Posted · Edited by bid · Report reply

    Are you asking all of us that? Or one of us specifically?

     

    I'm doing this at myself :rolleyes: but I thought I might as well ask :P

     

    It was just a general observation.

     

    I try to be proud of myself for managing stressful situations and try to see it as a positive. And when I find things very difficult or don't cope I try not to beat myself up about it.

     

    Having said all of that, this is a place I have reached after 40-blip years :rolleyes: but it's a much more forgiving, accepting place to be and as a consequence I feel I achieve more than I did when I was younger.

     

    As for recharging: sleep is a very big one for me. When I was day staff I used to come in from a shift and have to go to sleep straight away as I was so maxed out.

     

    I also find sitting on the PC and methodically going through my routines very calming...I look at particular sites in a certain order and in a certain way :wacko:

     

    I'm honestly not trying to be a 'Pollyanna' character ;) but I have genuinely found that being more positive and accepting of myself has had a hugely beneficial impact on my life, achievements and happiness.

     

    Bid :)

  21. Posted · Report reply

    How about looking at this from a different angle?

     

    The huge positive that you did attend the social gathering, even if you did need to recharge afterwards?

     

    We can't change the fact we are on the autistic spectrum, but we can change how we think about it.

     

    Bid :)

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