suzy

thank you!! its helps knowing im not the only one in this situation! like you i dont think he really understands that his son has a problem. he has never been to any appointments and there have been plenty!! he never mentions his autism and has an excuse ready when he has acted out. i will give him some books that have helped me and keep my fingers crossed!! thanks for the advice it is all very welcome!!!

hi, thanks for the advice. talking to the school sounds a good idea. there is no one i can get to talk to him, my mother still loves my ex and wishes we were together, his parents have only ever seen the boys a handful of times(they cannot cope with jack!) the problem is he lives 300 miles away(in the army) and never phones or calls to see how things are. he will E mail the boys or sends txts. but i will talk to my sons headmaster and explain the situation, he is very understanding and as you said his behaviour is very bad in school also when he comes home from dads. maybe he will listen to the professionals!! i dont want to punish him by not seeing his children, because when he has got them he is a wonderful dad and just wants to spoil them! i can understand that but he does not have to put up with it when he goes. then its out of sight out of mind!! thank you will keep you posted!!

[fon t=Comic Sans Ms] hi everyone im in a bit of a pickle. my sons have been away for the past week with their dad(we are divorced) although i have re married. this break can be very nice and all we do is relax. my problem is that i am unable to get it through to their father that my son needs his routine and he should stick to it for all of our sakes, most of all his twin brother who has to deal with the "acting out" more so than the rest of us. when he returns home his behaviour is awful!! tantrums, very aggressive, verbal abuse and so on. he is nine and usually he is very good as long as he has routine. my husband is finding it very difficult as jack will come out with my daddy lets me do this and that, when we do not let him do certain things as they could be a trigger for his behaviour. now my husband and sons relasonship is suffering! i am in the middle and trying my best to keep the peace, but am afraid that my head is going!!! my husband wants to stop the boys from going to their fathers until he understands. i cannot do this as it is not fair on my other son who truly loves going as does jack, surely this would be unfair. i have shouted, cried and talked to my ex, but every time they go away it seems to have fallen on deaf ears. where i used to enjoy the break i now dread it for fears of arguments when they come home. my husband is a good father and loves the children as they do him, but im worried that even he is not that patient. iI am fed up with being peace maker. how can i find a way round this that will please everyone!!!!!

Hi! i know excatly what you mean! my son is nine and his behaviour in the last three months has totally gone down hill and im sure the constant questions like how many stars excatly are there in the sky? and his obsessions (he has obsession with time!) are ways to push me! i never truly know with him if he is winding me up! but if im short with him i have that guilty twang then have to have more patience with him. then his twin brother notices, and it is so hard! as he is so good and always gives in to his bother for the "quiet life" then yet another guilty twang for his brother, he says he understands jack but i dont understand him so how could jacob!!!! i feel totally exsasparated (hope i spelt that right!!) i feel that whenever im in the same room i'm constantly shouting his name or always having a go, i want to have fun with him not a simple board game ends in WW3! jacob and i are so close and i crave that with jack but we always ends up at logger heads with each other. please tell me this is his age and it will pass!!! a good cry helps me then a good slug of wine! i do hope your new year gets alot better i always try to look back at good days and not the bad ones otherwise i would be on the bottle an da whole lot else!!! But doesn't it melt your heart when they tell you they love you!!! worth every tantrum!! good luck and happy new year xx

Hi mum! i have 9 year old twins one of them is autistic, i was lucky as he was diagnosed at 3and living in wales they start at that age here. at first i put them both into mainstream nursery, then all hell broke loose my son was acting out more than usual i had divirced their dad and felt totally alone!! i the made the decision to put my son into a unit, i had to fight tooth and nail to get him there and pester all sorts of people all the time but believe me it was worth it! he started just before his 4th birhday and within 6 months i could see a vast improvment. i could take them out to the park without worrying about his behaviour and running off!!! he then went to mainstream at juinor age with an hour support a day.(i am fighting at present to have more hours) He is diong fantastic this is his second year in mainstream and he is keeping up with the work. (which is all i want him to be able to do) he does have some problems still, which i think compared to five years ago is something i dont mind putting up with! what im really trying to say is that the start that he had in the unit was vital to where he is now. if in my opinion he had not gone there then he would never had fitted in to mainstrem. that was his foundation. the one piece of adive i can give you is that you have to be prepared for a battle with the education authority to get him whatever help he made need. i wish you and your son all the luck in the world!!! xx