Mumble

I guess it depends on what help you need? If you identify specifically what you need, you can then identify whether they fulfil that need or who else might.

Well my mother got a right ticking off at the council office this morning for dragging me down and bringing totally unnecessary information and making everything so much harder than it should be. I did try hard not to smirk. I failed. Didn't sign any forms, just sorted out the council tax (I'm still a student until I submit my corrected thesis so that was easy). My Mum's now sulking (like a proper 3-year old sulker ) so I'm keeping well out of her way. At least I know I'm doing the right thing; she'll just have to accept it.

I think it probably depends on the individual home, county and funding arrangements. My brother is in residential care. He gets DLA, but this is taken/managed by the home. I think most of it goes towards his care etc, though obviously there's other funding as this wouldn't cover the full cost. He gets some of his DLA as 'pocket money' but as he doesn't really understand the value of money this is monitored by the care staff and used to pay for things he would like when he goes to the shops, rather than him having control: if he did he'd just end up with piles of sweets! I think a proportion also goes into his holiday fund which the home also manages.

Sounds great! I have to use a cream the doc prescribes rather than soap because of my eczema so it'd be interested to see if something like this might be an answer as I'd like to be able to use some 'smellies'. Tally - hydrocortisone can thin the skin and cause more problems, as well as having a systemic effect if used longterm, so best avoided, but the doc can prescribe all sorts of non-steroid creams - I use one under a pair of socks on my hands when I have a flare-up!

<'> >< Sounds sooo much like my mother. I find it so hard not to take her actions personally and to tell myself that she's not doing things maliciously or to annoy, she just doesn't see the consequences of her actions and is completely self-centred/absorbed. There are many times I've said something when it would have been easier to bite my tongue, but it is so hard and the actions/attacks do feel personal. I suppose the positive you have is that others can see what he is like so you know it's him and not you; it's just a challenge to keep reminding yourself of that.

I suppose, just to play devil's advocate, it could be argued that it would be impossible for panel members to be expert, or even have a satisfactory level of knowledge in, all disabilities and health conditions they may come across. Additionally, DLA is awarded on the basis of needs not diagnosis, so the actual disability shouldn't come into it.

Thanks for your opinions and no offence taken - I totally agree that it's wrong for her to claim as she doesn't provide any care. She even stood and watched me fail to chop my veg yesterday. I'm finding it really really difficult because her actions (or lack of actions/support is probably more accurate) are not malicious, she just doesn't think at all about anyone other than herself and her needs - I'd moved the kettle a whole 30cm or so down the work-surface so I could use a rocker to use it safely but it's been moved back because "that's not where she has the kettle". My big concern is that the medical people etc might think she is providing care and so do less to help me - the number of times they say "oh I'm sure she'll help/want to help" it's really infuriating, because they just don't get that my mother isn't and never has been 'motherish'. My mother would be a great example to take if someone wanted evidence for the (totally wrong) refrigerator mother hypothesis on autism. I'm also worried about signing any form that's untrue, and actually I won't do that. That's an interesting idea! Financially she's actually better off with me here already because I pay half the bills but it doesn't cost 50% more for a second person as the standing charges etc. are the same, but she doesn't see that. :lol: :lol: best laugh I've had in years. Thanks. Another question - with this form and some council tax benefit form she has, she says she needs full details of all my bank accounts/savings/benefits etc. Surely as an adult I'm entitled to privacy in terms of my financial affairs? It's not that I've got anything to hide (well other than all my purchases at the local adult store of course... ) but more the principle of it. She has an appointment for both of us with some council/benefit person on Monday when the forms are supposed to be done and signed. I'm half tempted to go along and say I'd like to see them alone as I'm an adult and explain that I won't be signing the form, but it's going to make things even more difficult at home. Oh well, at least I won't get 'settled' here and it'll give me the impetus to find a job and housing!

I'd be interested in opinions as well as diplomatic approaches to this. I've recently moved back to my Mum's house as I couldn't get the supported housing/care I need. I'm paying lodger fees, contributing to the house as a lodger, paying half bills, etc. My Mum's decided she's going to claim carer's allowance for 'looking after' me. I'm really struggling with this because she doesn't look after me. She doesn't help me with anything and I'm actually really struggling with some things such as cooking and have already chopped two of my fingers needing medical attention (I have a nerve problem so can't feel them, I'm not really that clumsy!). Her only concern is how much money she can get and nothing to do with caring; she is completely obsessed with money. She has forms to complete and is demanding I complete them but so far I've stalled but I'm running out of excuses. I've been awarded indefinite DLA at HRC and know I need support which I'm working on getting with various medical people, but I don't think it's fair she gets it if she doesn't provide that care, but she insists she's 'entitled'. If she was providing care I'd be quite happy for her to claim but she isn't so I don't think it's fair (to me or wider society/tax-payers).

Aha, got it! Though I'm missing my moving penguins - do moving pics not work with the new layout?

Borneo, to see orangutangs in the wild. But preferably not via Bangkok!

I've lost my penguin picture in your re-paint. It was clearly painted over! How do I get a new picture - I've tried putting a new one in my profile, but when I click 'done' it disappears again.

Howdy folks Long time no post. I see you've been doing some decorating whilst I've been away. Very nice. As Tally and Kathryn hypothesised, that thing called 'life' got in the way. Well that and attempting to get myself arrested in Bangkok... :police: Whistle stop tour of that thing they call 'life': passed my PhD exam (don't worry, I won't make you call me Dr Mumble ) left uni and moved home due to lack of supported housing which is proving 'difficult' working on finding long-term employment in a very competitive market with 100+ at some interviews doing all sorts of odd bits of work to tide me over from making cardboard boxes to proof-reading - unfortunately there don't seem to be any part-time 'chocolate tester' jobs going at the moment had my hair cut off (it transpires there's a difference between cm and inches and if the message gets communicated incorrectly you end up with a cold head... ) got the opportunity to travel to the other side of the world on a flight-only basis so worked really hard to scrape the cost together and just said 'yes' without thinking about all the what-ifs, coped amazingly well and gave myself loads of confidence and a bit of a travel-bug (as in wanting to travel, not an illness bug, although I got one of them too from my undercooked camel... ) developed my wine-drinking skills built a snowman So yes, 'life' indeed got in the way and will probably continue to do for a while. But I did find my true home whilst I was away:

There's a long list of anxiety symptoms here. That might help you, though I'm not sure why you would want to fake anxiety?

I got to go swimming this morning which helped keep cool. Does Glen like swimming / being in water? My brother does, although it's really difficult to get the support he needs (2-1) and an accomodating pool - he used to go to disabled swimming sessions, but I'm not sure what happened with them.

That's great that they're being so proactive with the new home. I hope you all have a good weekend and it's not too hot for you.

I think that's actually quite a useful comparison to make. Of course it's different because dementia isn't lifelong but develops during an individual's life, but it does show how 'mental illness' can extend beyond the usual ways of thinking about it / assumptions. I think a big part of the problem is the way society at large thinks about mental illness - it has such a stigma attached - if we could think about it in the same way we thought about physical illness, then this discussion would be non-existent.

Thanks Lynne. All completed and checked by welfare adviser - just got to get supporting letter and then post it. Broke down at GPs as it had all got to me by then, but she was lovely.

Panic

Are we allowed to claim DLA 'cause the DLA form sent us slightly mad?? Even with copying and pasting, it's so draining - and I hate having to write this stuff about myself, because I'm really not a 'can't do' person yet that's how the form has to be written. Seeing my GP and welfare advisor to go through it tomorrow - think it's going to be a long night...

I'm finding this difficult to type because I'm sitting on my hands, this being the typing equivalent of biting my tongue. Typing with my toes isn't easy you know. I shall say no more before I do really upset someone... As you were. I just won't read it.

Seriously? Maybe it's true that ASD peeps do come from another planet. Oh well, shall have to hand back my dx. Again.

You're picking me up on my grammar? Now that is irony.

I can't help it, I have ASD. (And I have the T-shirt to prove it). Now, did anyone see the segment about irony on QI on Friday night?

Yes, most landed in the Pacific, they think there may be some in Canada, but nothing has been found. I was really hoping for some exciting 'Satellite hits celebrity' story. I was quite willing to put Denise van old'n'wrinky forward for that - I'm still waiting for Lee. :wub:

You've posted (both) extensive personal information - favourite places, first holidays, holiday places, etc. etc. (no I don't have any intention of wasting my time going back and detailing it for you - you're grown adults and can find it yourself!) but this is all info that someone could piece together with other info out there on the web to either find out more about you or for more sinister causes. Remember, some of the stuff you've posted is what could be asked as 'security questions' for all sorts of things. There was a fake psychic on the news last night who was talking about how easy it was to find out information about people and to use small pieces to fish further. In particular he noted the amount of personal information that individuals post in public places on the internet. Oh and thanks for the invitation to join in, but I'm actually quite happy with my life. As that person I can't remember said: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." No, I'm not calling you assholes , I just have no wish to be dragged down when I've worked so hard to reach a position of accepting and liking me.