Mumble

They're really not going to be easy to digest.

Chop them off at the elbow.

I suspect she's been taken hostage by the sock monster...

I prefer treacle tart.

Thanks everyone. She's not old/frail, she's just totally self-interested and really not bothered by anyone else at all. She was writing her shopping list yesterday, so I took it off her and added, in big letters, BIRTHDAY CAKE. Her response? "Why?" Well because it was my birthday and it's usual to wish someone a happy birthday and get them a cake. To which she replied "well I knew that but I wasn't interested". Well at least she was honest... Still I got myself cake and ice-cream. They go well together. Much better than sausages and ice-cream.

I don't understand why you have so much left over from your DLA to become savings. DLA is supposed to pay for your additional care / mobility needs. If you have so much spare, that suggests you don't need it for your care. However, to answer you question, any money you have that isn't spent (in the bank, under the mattress) counts as savings.

Well today's my birthday and my Mum, who I'm living with at the moment, has forgotten. I've been telling myself all day that she's planned some wonderful secret surprise (even though I know she wouldn't), but it's clear she has just forgotten. Do I say anything, or do I just enjoy my wine and go and buy myself a cake tomorrow?

I agree it's not bullying, it's just being totally untactful and unaware of how what he says impacts on you. What you've written reminds me sooo much of my mother. She eats a bad diet and happily criticises anything I make or buy that is in any way healthy. I think I find it difficult for similar reasons to you - that I find it hard to cook for myself but put effort and energy into it as I know it's important, and so to be criticised is even harder. I'm afraid the only way I've found to deal with it is to ignore her and tell myself that she's not actually criticising me, she's just being totally ignorant of my feelings and that isn't something I can change, so no point wasting energy trying or worrying about it. Well if he gets too much and you leave, you could get a job as an extra darlek on Britain's Got Talent! :D

You will probably need to try a variety of approaches and find that bits of each work, but I agree with Trekster on sorting the PMT medically - if you can take that stress away it'll make the rest easier to deal with. The downside of no PMT of course is no excuse for excessive chocolate consumption...

Simples:

I've had two DSA needs assessments and they were very different. The first was with an autism expert, the second was the general normal one (they actually come to the uni to do it) with someone far more used to doing ones for dyslexic students. It depends what you want to get out of it. Because I didn't know what support was available or what might help, having the specialist assessment first was really useful as she was able to reccomend things I wouldn't have thought of / known about. It meant when I went to my second one, I already had the info needed. If you know what you need / would like and are confident that you will be able to express these (I would take them in writing for them anyway) then your local centre should be fine. If there are issues you want support with but don't know what sort of support you need, you may be best finding a more specialist centre / assessor. I should add that finding a specialist autism assesor isn't easy; I was lucky as someone at my university knew one who agreed to doing it for me. If such a person isn't available, then there probably isn't much difference between centres. The main advice I would give is to try to make sure the assessment is as comprehensive and over-encompassing as possible, to the extent it may well seem OTT and you may think that you don't really need the support advised. You don't have to make use of what is advised, but if it's in the report and DSA agree to finance it, it's there to fall back on if needed or your needs change.

This is a really good idea as it means you have home-cooked food (which is always better than the junk added to processed foods and you can control for allergies etc) and there's always something to eat even when you don't feel up to cooking (which can be a sign your body needs fuel so should be eating). It should be something your carer/care staff can help you with the planning for. I do this when I'm feeling well and up to cooking lots, and fill the freezer. From really basic things like a mince base, you can make loads of different dishes - bolognoise, chilli, shepherds pie, etc. Pound land type shops sell plastic and tin disposable containers which are brilliant for putting individual portions in and freezing, then they just have to be heated through.

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:clap: :clap: Awesome. You have a complete set now.

What a fantastic idea! I now have a large stuffed lion on my bed! :lol: I shall report back as to whether it's successful.

Found a possible solution accidentally. The cat doesn't like my koala slippers (my feet must really smell! :lol:) so put them on the bed and he just looks at them and walks off! Only trouble is, my feet are now cold. I have another cat question which is intriguing me - I was feeding him last night and going through all the ridiculous food options he has in the cupboard - seriously he has a more varied diet than me - but why don't they do mouse flavoured cat food?

I agree, and that was my first thought on reading the initial post. In particular there was this advice: To me, your sister was being helpful in suggesting a more socially appropriate response, modelling this for you and making it clear why your response was inappropriate. My sister (and others) have done this a lot for me and it has been enormously beneficial. Perhaps you need to accept her advice and be less defencive?

Thanks for the ideas. Of course having the door shut would be easiest but that's a bit of a bone of contention as my mother doesn't like shut doors (and I don't like not having privacy...). My bed has been the cat's 'upstairs' sleeping place for years and it seems to like it even more now as I have an electric blanket. I'll have a go with a mixture of the suggestions (vacuum up the cat and cover up the evidence with a lemon scented blanket... ) and see if they work.

I know there's a few people here who know about cats so you might be able to help me. I'm currently living with my Mum who has a cat. The cat's fine, very docile, it can be picked up without making any fuss and doesn't seem to bite or scratch (it's a 9 year-old neutered boy if that makes a difference). The trouble is, my Mum lets the cat go wherever it wants. I don't mind it coming in my bedroom too much (though I'd rather it didn't) but I do mind it going on my bed, because I'm very sensitive to pet dander (I think that's something that comes off their skin ). Whenever it jumps on my bed I just pick it up and put it outside the door, but it does feel rather like the end of the Flintstones where they put the tiger out and it jumps straight back in the window as the cat often turns around and comes back in. It either hasn't learnt that I'm putting it out because I don't want it in my room or it has learnt and is ignoring me! :lol: Is there any (humane! ) way to deter the cat either just from my bed or from my room? Preferably something my Mum won't notice as she'll throw a fit at the 'poor pussy cat' not being allowed to do and go exactly where he pleases...

As far as I can remember, they don't need a lot. It's nothing like DLA. I think I listed the conditions I was applying on the basis of and said "see separate reports" then attached my diagnostic reports and I think I also had a letter from my GP which brought everything together basically just confirming my diagnoses. The next stage will be to have a needs assessment where the assessor will make recommendations about things that might help which the DSA will then agree or disagree with. In my experience it's better to go OTT at this stage and have things written in even if you don't think they will be useful as you can always not use them / claim for them, which is generally easier than going back to the DSA and asking for an amendment. A lot of difficulty I had was in convincing myself that I was entitled to some of the things I was given and it took a lot of work on the side of my disability adviser to convince me I needed things. You may find that there are things you could be given that you don't know about that do actually help. For instance, I have a few pieces of software designed for dyslexic students which really help me when I'm struggling with extreme fatigue, because, for instance, they can read my writing I need to proofread aloud rather than me fall asleep at the computer trying to read it! I've found the photocopy and print allowance and textbook allowance really useful as I've been able to have material at home without worrying about the cost which stopped me dragging myself in as much meaning I was in a better state to work. With the parking, DSA may be able to cover the cost if there is a cost attached. You may also be able to get written in the cost of a taxi in particular circumstances which would be useful as a fall back position and reduce anxiety if you have to travel somewhere else as part of your course.

:clap:

I like that idea.

Have you tried giving yourself a project rather than thinking in terms of hobbies? That way you have a definitive endpoint / goal but can also extend things as far as you wish. You could also ensure that the endpoint has a specific use, either as something nice for you or as something you intend to give to someone, so that you have the impetus to continue. It could be a project that requires skills you don't have so you could research those, either online or talking to others. I've found that this approach works well for me, and when I have aproject I try and devote a specific amount of time to it so I don't spend all my time working/studying (which used to be a problem). I love walking just for the quiet space to think, but perhaps you could combine it with listening to podcasts on something new you are interested in - you can get lots of free ones online. Or maybe you could try photography when walking so you're always looking out for different interesting shots?

She's really going for the big-time sulk. A tin just fell out the cupboard and hit me on the head. Apparently I deserved it for being a 'horrible child'. :'(