Viper

Brooke, we are suplied with free nappies from the incontinence service. I can't remember who sorted it out for us but have a word with a health visitor or GP maybe, I seem to remember it was the same person who organised his disabled buggy for us. Someone else may be able to help you with this, someone with a better memory than me. I hope that helps.

JLP, DS problem was a fear of being flushed away into the sewers. He knew it was impossible but that made no difference at all. One thing I did find out was that he thought the toilet "sucked" poo away so I found a toilet on the net that showed how it worked. Then we bought this new seat and he was happy to use it. I think it got to a point where he wanted to do it and the new seat gave him the confidence. Don't give up it will happen one day, just be patient. Oh and have you tried a soft padded seat or even a heated one?

Someone asked, when I posted the other day, how my son is getting on. Well I have some amazing news that I know you here will understand. DS has a toilet phobia and although he is nearly nine had never pooed on a toilet, until Friday that is. He did his first ever poo on the toilet. I am so proud of him and he hasn't looked back since. His reward was 2 guinea pigs that we promised him when he was 5. He was so pleased with them that he cried with shear pleasure and asked me if it was real, bless him. If anyone else has this problem then check out this link to a new kind of toilet seat that we bought and ultimatly helped DS to finally use a toilet. http://www.bathroom-trends.co.uk/acatalog/...Soft_Close.html

Some of you may remember that I have 2 autistic kids. one girl now 18 and a boy nearly 9. This news is about my DD. She left school at 17 without much to speak about but was determined to get a job so she joined a Key training scheme (government thing) and was placed in a primary school for 6 weeks, after which they should have started paying her a wage of some sort. But the school said they couldn't pay her. DD was determined to get an NVQ in child care so decided to stay on volentarilly until she gained her NVQ level 2. She stayed for a whole school year and got her NVQ. She now works in a day nursery who were very keen to have her. She has 3 Key kids that she looks after and even changes nappies which she had never done before. She is paid £5.80 an hour and works 9 hours a day. And boy is she enjoying it. Not just the money she loves the job. She is now planning to do driving lessons and buy a car. And with her first months wages she bought me a beautiful dress and presents for the whole family. She has made me such a proud mummy. Her sheer determination and dedication has inspired me. Not just her hard work but the way she never gave up and even now she is so dedicated. She has to get up at 6am to get a bus and doesn't get home until 7PM, but she never complains. The poor kid is so tired by Friday she goes to bed a 8.30 and sleeps right through till morning. So for all those who wonder what will become of their kids, I hope this gives you all some hope, I never thought I would be sitting here with my DD in such a great job and in these hard times too. Viper.

Hi special talent. I used to come here all the time but haven't been here for quite some time now. I'm so pleased I had reason to pop back in (thanks Pingu) because I watched the programme last night and was totally in awe of all of you. It was brilliant. I showed people that Autistic people are not all the same. So many people say to me "oh he looks normal to me" about my son. I wonder what they think he should be like. I just hope it transfers to BBC1 so more people will watch. Well done for helping to bring such a brilliant programme to the TV. Viper

Thanks everyone. It is indeed a difficult situation. He is very reluctant to speak to anyone. He talks to my DD but only says a few words to me. He has asked my DD if he can call me mum, which almost made me cry. The poor kid is desperate for a mother figure. I said he could call me mum. I think the best thing to do would be to monitor the situation. He spends most of his time at our house, which I am happy to accept. He is no bother at all. He loves to play with my DS's Lego, sand and anything he can get his hands on really. It's like he is catching up on something he has missed out on. We are going to give him a nice birthday. I have bought him new jeans and a top as a birthday present. I had to measure is waist today. It was quite a trauma for him, but he let me do it, bless him. I'll keep you posted on his situation. Thanks again for the advice.

Hi, I posted before about my DD having a friend with AS. Well it turns out that he is not being treated very well by his nan who is his primary carer. She get carers allowance for him and she gets his DLA. He is 20 in July. My DD is worried because he never eats a decent meal. All his nan buys is cheap burgers oven chips and pizzas. That is what he lives on. His nan however has steak and veg as well as nice stews etc. It's not that he wont eat anything else because he has eaten round our house and asked for salad. Also he has hardly any clothes. he wears a pair of girls jeans that are too short even with the hem taken down. He has no underwear and hardly any tops. He hates living with his nan and older brother but has nowhere else to go. I would gladly have him live with us but we don't have enough room although I am still trying to think of a way we can squeeze him in. My DD says his house is a pig sty. There is cat poo all over the place and the kitchen floor is so greasy that she almost fell over. She often cooks for him and has to clean everything before she can use it. She says he seems afraid of his brother and always jumps up and acts nervous when he is near. And he eats really fast like he is afraid it will be taken away from him. He didn't eat like that when he was here. He never wants to go home. I feel so sorry for him. I know his nan is old and has a lot to deal with but she could feed him better. Today my DD was cooking his tea and his nan came out and shouted at him to get out and stop eating her f***ing food. DD has just told me he wants a cake on his birthday as he hasn't had one since he was little but his nan says he is too old. I'm going to bake him one. How can I help him? I don't know where to start. He never gets to see his social worker as his nan deals with her and never tells him anything. It's hard enough fighting for your own child, where do you start with someone elses?

Clair, one of the reasons I have decided to take DS to the GP was because of the little girl. I thought maybe I am neglecting my duty to him by not seeking help. I had spoken to his psychiatrist about it. What would happen to me if DS became so ill he was hospitalised, who knows in these days what the authorities will do to make themselves look better after the tragic death of that poor child. I don't think I even want to think about it.

Ds has been classed as an Autistic Savant. He plays golf with an ability beyond his age and with no teaching at all. Neither myself or DH have ever played golf and Ds was playing before he even knew the word golf. When he was just walking he started hitting balls around with a toy broom. I noticed he looked like the golfers on the TV. The way he held the broom and how he twised his bady and turned his foot just like a golfer. So when he was 3 I bought him a little plastic golf set and he was amazing. At 4 we took him to a local golf club and he amazed the professional golfer there who couldn't believe he was only 4 and that he had never been taught. We knew nothing about golf so had no idea just how good he really was. He has an all round ability. He hits the ball straight every time and can do all the other bits like putting and chipping with astonishing acuracy, he often beats the pro golfer in putting contests. He loves to practise chipping out of a bunker and gets the ball into the hole or very near. I was on the Awares conference and got talking to a MD who specialises in Savant syndrome. He asked me for details of DS's ability and has now asked if he can include DS in a book he is writing about savants. He is not going to include his name just the story of how good he is etc. Ds is so excited that he will be in a book and secretly I am chuffed for him too. The downside is that at the moment he is unable to play due to his lack of muscle as in my other thread about protein shakes. One of the reasons why I want to build up his strength. Not for us but because DS loves golf but finds it frustrating that he can't play as much as he used to.

Enid that sound interesting. I have a worry that the GP will not give him anything so at least I know I can buy something over the counter. Ds's problems with food, are as many people have said, the texture and taste. Everything he eats is very bland. He will only eat what he knows which is very little. Consisting of mainly bread, rice, pasta and noodles, all plain, nothing added for flavour. His only veg is cucumber and raw carrot. He has just started to eat grapes and cherries. He only eats cherries because DD told him they are mini apples, which he will eat. He still has the baby devided plates because he can't have his food touching and for this reason he wont eat sandwiches and has never eaten a hamburger. If we go to McDs he has a plain toasted bun and fries (causes no end of problems for the staff, but that's a whole other gripe ). He has had a cold over the past few days and has refused to eat anything. He says nothing tasts right. The main problem is that due to his limited diet, he gets so bored with the same thing all the time and the doesn't eat anything at all because he can't decide what he wants.

Everyone has been so helpfull. Thanks so much. I am much happier about seeing a dietician now and hopefully we can get my DS to resemble a healthy chlid soon. I weighed him today, he is 3 stone 4lb and he measures around the average 8 year old size, can't remember the exact height just that he is very low on the percentile chart less than the third percentile for his weight.

My little man is so under weight it is really worrying me. Last November he had a nasty bug that made him lose a stone, He has never managed to get that back. He only eats enough to keep him going but not enough to put on weight. He is 8 in 4 months and weighs about the same as a 5 year old although he is tall for his age. His psychiatrist noticed he was very thin and sugested we see the GP and ask for some form of body building milkshakes. She also said the GP may send him to a nutritionalist who may take blood and advise on diet etc. I really don't want DS to have blood taken as he would freak. And we don't need advice on a healthy diet. We know what he should eat, and overall he has a healthy diet all be it very limited. My main worry is that he has no reserves in his little body and any illness now is going to devastate him physicaly to the point where he may need to be hospitalised on a drip if he gets any sickness bug. He has no muscles left and I worry his heart may be weakened. When he was ill his muscles seemed to waste away and I wonder if it affected his heart muscle too. He can't walk far now before his legs hurt and today he was playing with a friend who is a year younger and a lot smaller. They were wrestling on the trampoline and his friend was throwing him around like a rag doll. DS had no hope of defending himself as he is just too weak. Has anyone used these milkshakes for their kids and do they help?

Thanks folks for your replies. I would ring the Nan but I have no idea of the number and DD only has Sams mobile, I'll try to get it though. Since DD befriended Sam he has "come out" to his Nan and brother. This was down to DDs suport and help. His family were fine about it so Sam was relieved. Sam also says DD helps him with his social skills. I have also stumbled upon a reason why he doesn't like looking at people. DD told me he said he can't see himself when he looks in the mirror and has trouble telling the difference between male and female. I think from what he is saying he may have prosopagnosia (SP?) face blindness.

I've not been here for a long time but know you lot are always here if I fancy a chat. Anyway I'm not sure if I am sharing this with you because I'm pleased and proud or because I'm worried. My AS DD who is 17, has struck up a friendship with a 19 year old Autistic boy who also has ADHD and is gay. It's a really strange relationship and I am not sure if it's a good one or not. The lad lives with his Nan as his mum didn't want him. He rings DD daily and she goes to see him and more often than not brings him to our house, where they go to her room for short periods of time before he gets restless and they walk round the block and back here. When he rings she says he is getting on her nerves but then goes and brings him home. He has given her an old lap top that he had after upgrading his phone(one of those deals you get), and when he is not here he is on MSN or the phone to her. DD say's his house is a real pigsty and she feels uncomfortable when she goes round there as it is dirty. Today she was gone for some time and when she came home she said she had made Sam tidy his room so she could hoover and clean it for him. She then cooked Sam and his nan a spag bol for their tea. She said Sam was hungry but can't cook so she did it for him. As much as I'm proud of DD I am still a bit worried that he may be putting her in a awkward position. I feel he gave her the laptop to buy her friendship when he didn't really need to, but DD may be feeling obliged to visit him every day. On the other hand it works for us because DD was getting into trouble, getting drunk etc, trying to fit in with NTs. She is now with Sam all the time so has a friendship that benefits both of them. I also wonder if DD is only saying he gets on her nerves because she thinks that's what she should say, when really she is quite enjoying his company. He seems like a very nice young man. Although I haven't really spoken to him as he is very shy and refuses to look at anyone even DD. He did ask if he could meet me a few weeks ago. I went to the door to say hello and he hid behind the wall said "I'm really shy" and then he was gone. Since then he has joined myself and DS in the garden but hasn't looked at us although he does talk a wee bit. I'm quite happy for the relationship to carry on as long as they are both happy with it. But how do I find out if DD is happy? She wont talk to me much about it. My gut instinct says it's Ok but I've been wrong before. Sorry for such a long post. Thanks for reading.

http://www.wddty.com/03363800370817441035/...mpensation.html Has anyone seen this? What do you think? Just had a look at some of the other articles on the page, they make interesting reading too.

Thats the stuff, thanks for the link too. Lil_me, you are so right. My little man will always be my little man. I would like a refined version that doesn't hit us, but hey we can't have it all can we? I'm just relieved someone has listened to us at last and we may be finally getting to the bottom of his problem areas.

We went to see SMs psych today and after telling her a few things about him and her looking at his previous test scores she has added a DX of ADHD along with his origional DXs, ASD, ODD severe anxiety and seperation anxiety. He has been taking sertraline for the anxiety and now has to take a ADHD medication that begins with S but I can't remember the name of. (the chemist didn't have it in so we are waiting for it). She suspects the sertraline has uncovered some of his symptoms that have been masked by his anxiety and let his ADHD come through. He has started to chew everything in sight, and he spins all the time now, whether he is standing up or sitting on the computer chair. He ate a muffin yesterday whilst turning round in circles. The psych thinks it could explain his aggression and why the sertraline hasn't helped in that area. Fingers crossed this new drug will do the trick.

Words can't express my sadess at this tragic news. A real inspiration and the best of the kindest people in the world. Goodbye Ken you will be sadly missed. Thinking of you and your family at this sadest of times Mrs P.

I just want to say thamks to everyone that has replied. I haven't had time to read all of them yet as this darned computer died on me again yesterday and I am nursing it through as much as I can. We are getting a new one if we can't get this one sorted out so forgive me if I don't reply.

I do get a break from him yes. My DH takes him to golf at least 3 times a week. It's not usually me he attacks, it's my youngest 2 DDs, he turns on me when I try to intervene. One of the flash points that springs to mind is when he wants to play a board game. If we are busy or it's too late in the day or simply don't fancy playing he will explode. He say's "if you don't play I will punch you in the face," he gets right up close with his fist. He gets very angry with us until he eventually loses it and lashes out. This is not over a long period, it is all over in a flash and I am still trying to tell him why I don't want to play. At these times there is no talking to him, he just shouts over you and gets more and more angry until flashpoint.

Jsmum, I noticed on your signature that J has a DX of ODD. Superman also has the same DX as well as others. I think that is the real problem with our boys. Any reaction from us they thrive on. But when a knife whistles past your DDs ear it's hard not to show a reaction and your first instinct is to jump up with a look of horror. When you try to punish the behaviour they get, as you say, a buzz out of it and chalenge your authority more to try and escalate the rection. It's not easy to deal with but I feel if I don't do something soon he will be old enough to realy hurt me and then I will be useless to try and control him.

Thanks Bid that is a great help. I will give it a try. is it best to start on the most explosive part of the day ie when DD3 gets home from school. Or make it easier? Oh, the marble thing was a reward system where he got treats when he reached a certain amount, say 20 marbles for a 49p car etc. I have a similar sytem going now with coins and a three medals for doing his home school tasks. Bronze, silver and gold and he gets money for the first 2 and then a reward of a toy up to �5 when he gets his gold medal, he has to get 4 coins for bronze, 8 for silver and 12 for gold.

This is the thing Bid I really don't know what to do, we've tried time out but I have to physically move him, kicking and punching me the whole time and he shouts abuse the whole time he is there, and it makes no difference when his time is up. He is still angry and it prolongs the whole behavior.. And we have removed favourite toys/ activities but he just doesn't care about anything. I have tried rewards for good behoviour, marbles in a jar if I catch him being good and removal of one if he is aggresive. Nothing has any effect. He just says "I really don't care" In that arrogant yob tone. He even threw the marbles at me. We even set up a sensory room for him (Well it's the cupboard under the stairs, a very big one though) a place he can go when he feels stressed etc but he doesn't use it. He likes it but never goes in there. I just don't know which way is up anymore.

Sorry I've not posted for a while then come back with a problem. My puter has been very touchy and finally went caput the other day, really need a new one but patched this one up for now. Anyway down to my reason for posting. Superman has always been aggresive and defiant. But it's getting worse. Yesterday he threw a golf ball at me because his game froze. Previously he threw a dinner knife at my DS and threatened the other one with scissors. This is constant now, anything we tell him to stop doing he will retaliate violently. It doesn't matter how we word it, even if we use a calm tone he will still fly off the handle. Today he started trying to punch DS3 because she asked him to not leave his car in the way as someome might break it or hurt themselves. I had to block him away from her. He also spits at us and most annoying of all stands up to us when he starts to get aggresive. What I mean by that is if we tell him that he shouldn't hit he will turn on myself and his father. I find that so infuriating. He will say "if you don't shut up and leave me alone I will punch you in the face/throw this at you" etc. and he does just as he threatens. Today he threw a PS3 controler at DS3 and when DH told him off, he threatened to do the same to DH and then threw a hairbrush at him. And the look in his eyes, he has the look of real hatred and total distain. He looks us straight in the eye too and reminds me of some yob on the street picking a fight with another yob. Superman is only 7 and I am getting increasingly worried that as he gets older these incidents will be more of a problem. I can imagine that he will be throwing things that can do a lot of damage and he will be a better shot. Also the punching will get harder even though he bruises me as it is. It seems he is constantly on the edge of boiling point and the slightest thing can tip him over. Then literally 2 minutes later he is acting as if nothing happened, almost like a split personality. It's like living with a ticking bomb. We are waiting to see a lady at CAMHS over this issue but have been waiting since last June, so god knows how much longer it will be. I have no idea how to handle this. If it is just me at home and he starts I deflect any blows/flying objects and ignore him but if he is attacking one of my DDs I have to step in, even though they are big enough to defend themselves I can't let him hurt them or let them hurt him. My AS dd is very affected by it and will lash out at him. Her being 17 and big built, it could be disasterous. Do any of you have similar behaviour and if so how do you deal with it?

I wanted to add my condolences at your loss. A tragic story at any time of year. Best wishes to you and your family. Don't try to be too strong, you have to grieve for as long as you need, don't hold it back. My thoughts are with you.