Bell

Looking forward to a quiet one this year.... hopefully. Stay at home just with the kids for the first time in 8 years. My parents and my wifes' parents are very different people so we've always visited her parents in the morning and then gone on to my parents in the afternoon. The kids get to see both sets of Grandparents and everybody is happy. The only downside is that the kids don't have much spare time on the day to play with their new stuff just with us. This year we're staying at home. Her parents will visit in the morning, my parents will drop in sometime in the afternoon or on Boxing Day. Maybe you could do something similar? Depending on how far away they live and the travel time involved have your sister visit in the morning so your kids and her kids get to open a few presents together and see each other, then have your ex visit in the afternoon or on Boxing Day. Whatever you do, make a decision sooner rather than later, stick to it and enjoy the day as best you can!

Hi, I'm dx Asperger's myself about 4 years ago... I'm now 38. Our son has only had his dx for a few months although we've known it since he was 2. He's about to turn 8 and has just started yr 3. For the last few years at school subject matter has been more flexible and he's pretty much coped with it..... occasional comments about organisational skills and immaturity but no major alarm bells from their perspective. Yrs 1 & 2 he's been in a class of 30 with TAs in there (not specifically for him). Now yr 3 has started he's in a class of 32 with no full-time TA in the class. He's been on School Action + for most of his time there although I didn't really understand until reading through the postings here that there should be external help/ guidance with that (?). As a toddler he was hyperlexic and has continued to read well all the way through..... but he's now being overtaken by his peers. He's also strong in Maths but apparently they time them doing their tables (?) and he has problems with that.... sounds like he's slipping there too now. He does something called 'Jump ahead' to help with Motor skills before school each day and certainly for the last 2 years has been taken out of class once a week for social skills. At this stage I don't know if that is continuing this year. When we collect him each day you can guarantee that I'll have to go in to help him find something and his desk is so untidy it's unfit for purpose. There's no way an organised child would find what they need in there. When you ask him what he's been doing for the day the standard answer is, 'I can't remember'. He missed his homework for the 1st 3 weeks of term because we had no idea he had any and he wasn't telling us. Each Monday since I've had to go in to find the right teacher to collect it because he doesn't bring it out with him. She pointed out this week that he didn't take a pencil through from his normal classroom like the rest of his classmates (rolling her eyes while she was saying it) so I 'reminded' her that he's dx ASD and that currently he's sharpening all his pencils to death and running through them, 'Perhaps if the school could let us know when he's running out of things we'll replace them, but once he's in school it's between you and his form teacher to make sure he has what he needs for each class.' We have no idea from one month to the next what's going in once he goes through those doors. His Paediatrician who gave him his dx says he won't get a statement as do both his teacher and the Senco at his school. We went to his Parent's evening last week not really knowing what to expect. His teacher has placed him right by her on a table with 3 others..... tables of 4 or 6 children around the classroom. I asked how he's doing and she raises the point that he doesn't take 'global direction' so she needs to speak directly to him after speaking to the class. 'How does he do once you've done that?'.... 'Well there are 3 or 4 children in the class who are challenging..... I hope to have them sorted after Christmas, then I'll have more time for C'...... 'So he needs more help than he's getting? Do you have a TA in the class?'...'Yes he needs more help...No, not enough funding'..... 'So what happens to him then?'. It went on like this.... I'm sure others here have heard it all before. She says he has problems with any work which is abstract in nature, which doesn't surprise me. He has problems writing fast enough to keep up with the class, although I feel his handwriting has improved significantly over the last year and should be fast enough soon. She offered to try and assign him a laptop so he could type instead of write. His typing is slower than his writing and I want him to persevere with writing so I think we'll be giving that a miss. My wife offered to go in for a few hours a week and his teacher is checking if that's possible and practical to do. She seems to want to help (although I wouldn't expect anything else really) but isn't in a position to give our son what he needs. We ran out of time and we have arranged another appointment to go in and talk properly in about 2 weeks time. What I'm really trying to do is get a feel for what we can do, and what their obligations are. I've read through big chunks of the Ed forums but I just need to nail it in my head before we go back. Give me a keyboard and I can express myself... face to face is difficult for me so the clearer I am about where we stand the better. Is the following broadly correct? Without a Statement we can't force the school to provide more support...... but...... The School is 'required not to treat disabled pupils less favourably for a reason relating to their disability and to take reasonable steps to ensure that they are not placed at a substantial disadvantage to those who are not disabled' as per the SEN code of practice. So where do we stand? I'm thinking we should go to this appointment and follow it up with one with the Senco and if we're still unhappy with the HT.... but what rights do we have? Help! If you've got this far, many thanks for taking the time. Bruce

With a dx of Asperger's myself I watched this with a fair idea of how it was going to go. I found myself cringing though large chunks of it and laughing at others. My overall feeling is that this episode sets up a storyline which I hope will be ongoing. In 'Waterloo Road' in previous series there have been self-contained episodes, but also arcing storylines that continue throughout the series. I think what they're trying to do is educate the general public to a condition that rarely gets a positive spin in the press..... this was the episode to conform with the stereotypes and what will come will alter the misconceptions. The "Neil Morrisey" character (sorry can never remember character names!) and the HT's girlfriend will be central in bringing out the positive aspects of this new character. On the other hand that could be, and probably is, just wishful thinking on my part. What with this and 'Doc Martin' being told by his annoying new neighbour that he thought he was Aspie last week I'm pleased to see more reference to Asperger's on mainstream TV drama. Bruce

My name is Bruce. I'm 38 with a dx of Asperger's from 4 years ago. I'm married with 2 children. My daughter is 3 and NT, my son is about to turn 8 with a dx of ASD from a few months ago. He's always been unusual(!).... hyperlexic as a toddler... reading shop names at under 2, reciting the alphabet backwards at 2 (he had a snail jigsaw with the alphabet as the shell which he did once or twice.... an hour!). Loved clocks at that age and would point them out as we were driving spotting half-clockfaces that we wouldn't twig to until we drove past again a few weeks later. Obsessed with Thomas, which progressed into Star Wars and we're now onto Dr Who. Also likely to be Dyspraxic although we're still waiting on that. Always parallel play with his peers... even now for the most part. Might let others play with him if they play his game by his rules. Enjoys reading, computers, terrorising his sister and playing with insects.... not necessarily in that order. He won't eat 'green' even now. He's a loving, friendly hyperactive handful who makes an impression on everyone he meets. If he's met someone once he'll go out of his way to say hello if he sees them again.... even if it means shouting 100m up the road, 'Hello Mrs.......' with big waves and grins. He also gets very frustrated and angry very easily, throws tantrums etc. He's also just started year 3 which is something I'll probably ask for a little help with over on the education forum when I've had time to digest yesterday's parents' evening! I got my dx when we were concerned about the MMR about 4 years ago. Read plenty of 1st person articles online which sounded vaguely familiar! Wasn't overly fussed about getting a dx. Didn't really feel it would make a massive difference to me, but we had concerns about our son and thought perhaps the Doctors might take us a little more seriously if there was a family history. He finally got his dx a few months ago after the school finally decided to get involved and contact his Paediatrician for us. His Doc had been saying for the last few years that he may just be 'immature' and might grow out of it! Now we finally know where we stand and he's started a new year at mainstream primary in a class of 30 with no TA or other class based support. He has a few hours out each week for 'social skills' and 30 mins at the start of each day to work on his fine and gross motor skills. The work seems to be far more structured this year and he's finding it hard going. Anyway this is more than an intro so I'll leave it there for now. Thank you. It's nice to have somewhere just to spout and know that hopefully those reading will have some idea of where you're coming from. Bruce