Tally

I'm now in the process of appliying for DSA. The form doesn't look too arduous, but I'm just unsure on section 3, which asks for details of your disability. You have to provide documented evidence of the diagnoses separately, which I can get hold of without a problem. I know they want a full diagnostic assessment for the Asperger's, which I have. But for physical disability/mental health, do they just want confirmation of diagnosis, or more details on how it affects me? But there is a box about half of an A4 page and it asks you to "give full details and provide evidence of your disability . . . " So do I just list my diagnoses in the box and supply the evidence, or do I have to go into detail about the types of difficulties my disabilities cause? There is a whole page at the back for "additional notes," so I'm worried I'm meant to write more than I have done. I don't really know what kinds of things I want from DSA anyway. The only thing I can think of so far that I might need is a permit to park in the staff car park, as the student parking is a very long way away from the classrooms and the staff car park is right next to them. But that's something I need to ask the college for, I don't think DSA can do that for me.

Have you tried your "teacher face?"

Well done Mumble I'm sorry your mum has not reacted well.

He phoned this evening and we had a nice conversation Hopefully everything's going to be OK now!

If you're getting something positive out of the friendship, and the friendship seems genuine, then it can be worthwhile putting in the effort to keep in touch. It's possible she's just not very good at keeping in touch herself and appreciates you doing so. But yes, it's also possible that she's not really interested in being friends any more. Does she say she is pleased to hear from you?

I've just sent him an email saying I haven't heard from him for a while and asking how he is. He does not know my mum has been discussing their conversations with me, and he did ask her not to. The last I heard was on New Year's Eve when he texted me to say he was going to phone the day after, but didn't. I kept thinking, "maybe he'll phone tomorrow instead," but he never did and eventually I realised he wasn't going to. Depending on his reply, I may need the "poohead" draft at some point. But hopefully he'll be so relieved he is not the one who has to make the first move that he'll play nice.

This is interesting. I have sensitive skin and extremely dry hands. Plus I enjoy crafts and making things. Is it very complicated to make soap? The best thing I've found for my dry hands is foot moisturising cream, which I leave on overnight. I understand that hydrocortisone can damage and thin the skin if used long-term.

I really don't think there's anything I can do. He will accept only his side of things, which is that I am a big meany for no reason. I don't believe I can convince him differently. If I explain how I felt about it all he will just argue with me. Plus I've already said I'm not willing to do this and it will only encourage him to discuss his feelings at length in return. He's determined to believe I am the bad guy and even prepared to make up stuff to convince himself it's true. (He's told my mum I've done some fanciful things, which she knows is all untrue.) The only thing I've considered is sending a really frank email something along the lines of, "look, you are being a total poohead about something that happened two months ago. I don't think you meant to upset anyone, but you accidentally did and it made me angry. I'm not angry any more. I have put this behind me and want to be friends. I know Mum wants to be too. Do you?" But it's kill or cure, it's a big risk.

I was already aware that most of his friendships and relationships end explosively after a short while, he had a lot of fallings out at university while he was doing his PhD, and also that he can have a bit of a temper (which I've witnessed, but never been on the recieving end of). He's having a lot of difficulty seeking work since graduating because of falling out with so many academic colleagues. But he and I have always got on very well and this is the first time I've ever fallen out with him. I said to my mum that it all seems really out of character for him, but she didn't agree. He's always spoken to her much more about his troubles when he's arguing with someone so she knows more about how he handles these situations than I do because it's her he often talks them through with. Saying that, he's very difficult to spend much time with. Even before this I did tell my mum he was not staying with me over Christmas. He was unbearable when he stayed with me after David died, and the two times he stayed with me before that he was difficult too. But in a completely different way to this. Stuff like he'll arrive with no clean clothes and he expects you to wash, dry and iron them for him to wear the following day. Or he takes a very long time to get ready to leave the house in the mornings. It makes you want to scream but it isn't hurtful and you laugh about it afterwards. Actually being able to see the "nice" emails he's sent does shed light on what might have happened when he's fallen out with other people when he thinks he's sent them nice emails too and can't understand why they're still angry with him. Also my grandma hurt her back on Friday and made the mistake of telling him. It can't have been too serious as the doctor recommended only paracetamol, but she decided against taking it anyway. But out of concern, he phoned her 4 times on Sunday, which can feel a bit harrassing when you're feeling sore and poorly.

Trying to meet people at an event centred around something you're interested in is a good way to overcome this, as you know others are going to be interested in the same topic and enjoy talking about it. Another thing that can be worthwhile is thinking of some things to say beforehand. Asking people questions about themselves can be a good way to start a conversation and show interest in the other person. It can also be useful to think of ways to close a conversation if it doesn't seem to be going very well. Instead of just walking away you can say something like, "I'm just going to get a drink, I'll talk to you later." It can sometimes be helpful to bring someone with you and ask them to help facilitate conversation. For example, if a person mentions something you're interested in, the person could say something like, "oh, you're interested in that aren't you Richard," and this can help prompt you to talk about something appropriate. Your helper could also use a signal if talking too much can be a problem for you, to let you know when you need to stop. Sometimes a helper like this can help to initiate friendships, which you can sustain on your own after a while.

I was at my parents' house a couple of weeks ago when he phoned to speak to my parents. (This was before he fell out with my mum.) My mum told him I was there and asked if he wanted to speak to me, but apparently he got very upset and said no. So at the moment, speaking to him at all is not a possibility. My mum's attempts to put things right since their argument have gone very badly. All he wants to do is tell her how bad she made him feel, he is not interested in learning what he did that made her lose her temper. She's even more angry with him than she was before, because she has apologised for shouting at him and he is just carrying on doing the thing that she shouted about. My mum has tried to explain how she and I feel, but this is what has led to him becoming so upset with her, he just doesn't believe her and feels she's criticising him. Not only does he not understand our feelings, but even when they are explained he still cannot accept there is any interpretation other than his own. I do think he genuinely doesn't get it, but it's still really frustrating and does feel like he does not care about us at all.

I'm sorry, that's such a disappointment! I hope your mum will get her operation soon.

One of the requirements is that you are providing 35 hours per week of care. If Mumble signs the forms, she will be confirming that her mum is providing this amount of care. Could it affect your entitlement to outside support if they think your mother is providing this level of care? It's a difficult one. Maybe you could insist that your rent is reduced by the amount of carer's allowance she receives. It might put her off if she's not going to benefit financially from it.

I can't believe it, but this is still rumbling on. He's had a number of conversations with my mum about it even though she keeps saying she doesn't want to get involved or be a go-between. He just doesn't listen. From my point of view, he harrassed me to go to the doctor, and when he didn't get his way he "told on me" to my mum, massively exaggerating the actual problem in order to get her to force me to go to the doctor, worrying and upsetting her in the process. Then I made a very slightly mean comment on Facebook which he sent me a really nasty email about, accusing me of faking serious illness for attention and worrying a lot of people. I spent a long time writing a diplomatic reply, to which he replied with another really nasty, accusatory email, which is one of the most sarcastic pieces of writing I have ever read. He thinks he tried to help me and sent me two really nice emails. He simply has no concept that there is any other interpretation of what happened than this, and can't understand why I am upset. My cousin is getting married in March. My mum told him we were looking forward to it and he has no right to spoil it for us. So in the spirit of making things right, he has now fallen out with my mum as well.

Wow, you HAVE been busy Massive congratulations on completing your PhD I'm sorry you've had to move back home. At least you have a roof over your head, but still, I hope you can find somewhere suitable soon. Your holiday sounds great, where do you want to go next then? Lovely to hear from you, especially with so much good news. Good luck with the job search!

ASC = Autistic Spectrum Condition. Some people prefer this to "Disorder."

Well done, I'm glad your chicken was good

New things are always scary for me, but it's still good to try them. How did your chicken turn out? I hope it was good

Hi Thomas, Your job does indeed sound like hell on earth. I hope you can find something better. Is going part time a temporary option? DLA is not means-tested. You can get it whether you work or not, assuming you meet the criteria. If you've got any questions about DLA, start a separate post about it and we'll try to advise you. You may be entitled to Working Tax Credits, depending on your wife's income. You're unlikely to be entitled to any out-of-work benefits if you resign voluntarily. It might be worth a trip to the CAB to clarify your position though.

I'd give her another ring to remind her again.

You've posted similar things before. You've only got yourself to blame if lying in your assessment has led to an incorrect diagnosis that you now can't shift. You really need to go back to the person who assessed you and explain that you lied and don't really have any difficulties after all.

I've always found it hard to make friends, but always managed to have a small number of friends until I became physically unwell and had difficulty going out to meet with people. The thing that helped me make friends was meeting people with interests in common, and meeting them regularly. When you have something in common, it's easier to think of topics of conversation. I find that I am very bad at keeping in touch with people when I don't actually see them. I lost touch with nearly all my school friends within weeks of leaving school. In my first job I made quite a lot of friends. Although we all had very different personalities and interests, the thing we had in common was that we worked in the same place. Of course, I lost touch with them all as soon as I left the job! Other ways to meet people with similar interests could be a club or class associated with something that interests you. Sports clubs can be good as the main focus is on the activity and not on the chat. Work (paid or voluntary) is another way to meet people, depending on the type of work you could have similar interests. Social groups for people with AS/ASD are normally more forgiving because people don't expect you to have great social skills and are more likely to forgive any social mistakes. You won't necessarily find people with the same interests or personality as you, but it can be a good way to try out social skills and gain some confidence in your social ability.

I'm a bit confused why your dad didn't call an ambulance when he found you unconscious in the bath. Your parents ought to take you to A&E this evening because this sounds too serious to leave until the morning. DLA and developing independence are not really the issues here. It's a massive coincidence, isn't it, that you are interested in neurology, and an unusual neurological episode happens to you? How did your dad check for permanent damage? How did the blood rush down to your legs if you were lying down? It's an exciting, attention-grabbing story, but it does not ring true.

Sounds like your doctor has given you a clear explanation of what happens in your body during these episodes. But what you really need is a safe way to wash. If your doctor can't help with that, they should be able to refer you to someone like an occupational therapist, who can.

Welcome back Glad you have a diagnosis for Damien, I hope you can get the right support. It's probably best to make a separate post in the Education folder about your older son's assessment, as people who have been through similar are more likely to see it there. I hope it goes well though!