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I'm 26, suffer with adhd, aspergers, depression and have severe social anxiety. In 2019 I left my ex wife with whom I had a daughter, the relationship was very toxic, she was very manipulative and controlling and having had counceling I now realise she was "gaslighting". I have always suffered with social anxiety but since being with my ex wife it has become a lot worse and makes it incredibly hard to build and maintain relationships including friends/family etc. I have recently entered a new relationship now I feel comfortable enough to move on, we're taking it very slowly and have been dating since november 2020. Yesterday I met her mum for the first time, but due to social anxiety I could barely engage in any conversation. I'm trying hard to be confident, be myself and not let social anxiety control and define me but I'm scared that it will ruin our relationship in the long term. This is obviously not what I want, I'm trying to help myself but need some guidance. Can anyone suggest anything I can try?
Hi there, all, Booze Zombie here making his first post. For reference here, I'm 23, male and have Asperger's Syndrome. Now, what I wanted to talk about here was something of a recurring problem in my life. It *seems* to follow a set pattern. Be happy, meet new people, be happy about meeting those new people, turns out I did something "weird" (like lose my temper, get drunk way before they do, talk about recreational drugs in a casual context, etc) and then those people will think I'm: A loose cannon, weird, creepy or just a plain ol' jackass. The issue I'm having is, it all seems to stem from some silly sense of... I don't understand why they'd think that and unable to ID the issue, I go nuts. I blame myself, it's very melodramatic. "Oh woe is me, I am literally so rubbish people hate me and I cannot escape that. Hu-wah." You know, stuff like that. I feel trapped in myself and during one of these big ol' fits of feeling terrible about being who I am, I sorta hit a thought. My problems all appear to stem from being self-centered. I seem to think from me about others, about me, about the world. When someone's upset, I go "what can I do". When someone doesn't like me, I think "what did I do, what can I do, what will I do, how did I come off". I believe myself to be so self-contained that when someone shakes up what I believe or think I know, it's so alien to me as to panic me. To give a relatively recent grounding to this, I recently went to a friend's Uni accomodation, met her flatmates, got drunk at 3PM and revealed an aspect of my past involving drug use. I later had an emotional issue with this friend with my own controlling behaviour (over a social networking site), due to their changing from regular contact to non-regular contact due to a now active social life in uni, after this point, I found out that I had left a negative impression with those people I met. My occasional nickname was "that creepy guy" amongst them, apparently. My drinking style, my admitance of drug use and my later emotional overreactivity due to rapid change of a comfortable habit with my friend had made a negative impression with those people due to their knowledge of it all. I found myself reacting to this information quite strongly. I smashed my hand into my keyboard and cried myself to sleep that night, I thought about how very terrible it was that I appeared to be so incredibly bad at interacting with people and how people seem to truly not like me very much. That was the order of events. All that taken into account, I am just spilling this out here in an attempt to gain some understanding of myself and perhaps see if anyone else out there has similar or perhaps even identical experiences. Thank you for reading, though apologies about the amount of writing.