Problem at School

[Stephanie]

... and I thought he was doing so well.

 

There was an incident at school on Friday where my son got totally over emotional about not winning a game, ended up lashing at a couple of girls in his class (not too badly but enough to make me angry!) One was stabbed with a pencil (but it didn't mark).

 

He had to go and see the Head Teacher and cried a lot ... he is only 5 so doesn't really understand what he has done or the consequences of his actions. He has been told off by us and had to buy the girls sweets and write a note to say sorry with his �1 pocket money. I dropped the sweets off at school but didn't manage to see all the parents. I feel terrible about it, like all the Mums in the playground are chatting about him. All he keeps saying is "I'm so sorry, so sorry" ... but I don't think he really knows what for.

 

He was given a social story about how he can't win at every game. He is ok losing games with us at home.

 

He has a new Teacher who hasn't worked with HFA kids or ASD kids before, she has a different style to his old teacher and obviously there are changes in class. He is in Year 1 of a small mainstream infant school.

The teacher wants to see me on Thursday to talk about coping strategies ... how we manage him at home etc. He gets extra help 2 hours per day from his statement by an ex dinnerlady (still not happy about that!)

 

At home he is an angel (really), dead calm and not agressive at all ... in fact the opposite, he plays with his baby brother really well and never has meltdowns or gets angry ... although he can cry easily about very small things at times. He is just so socially challenged around other kids and has so much to learn. He was doing so well, and has progressed so much in the last 6 months I can hardly believe it ... then this happens and sets us back again. The rollercoaster ....

 

Anyway, what I really need is a link or information to give to this new teacher about how best to manage ASD kids, I mean, I know what works at home but are there any guidelines that I could give to school.

Things like prompting, not saying no but explaining what he should be doing instead, saying his name at the beginning of a sentence and not at the end etc. Just the "autistic" basics suitable for a 5 year old.

 

If anyone has any information like this or can give any advice, that would be great!

 

I just hope he is having a better day.

[annie]

Hi Stephanie,

 

This has some of the basics. I have to go out shortly, but this might give you a starting point.

 

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=129&a=4380

 

Annie

xx

 

PS - Just found this one too http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=305&a=3282

Edited November 20, 2006 by annie

[smiley]

Hi Stephanie,

 

Here's some.......

 

AS Foundation

 

OASIS

 

Ten things.....

 

NAS

 

There's also some 'Guides to good practice' around the forum somewhere... ...

 

Hope that helps.

Edited November 20, 2006 by smiley

[jlp]

Your poor ds and poor you too.

 

We're now sadly accustomed to our ds hurting other children (only this Friday he bit a younger child who bumped into him by accident - ds didn't understand that the boy had hurt him by accident, sigh) but at first we were mortified. We still are but I find I care less and less about the other mums. We're one year into a new school and the mums still don't speak and I know through school that a number have been in to complain. I think it depends on what sort of school you're at and how approachable the other parents are - at the old school I knew who was who and always apologised, but because they'd known ds from a young age and knew of his diagnosis the parents of children in G's class were pretty understanding (my bursting into tears in the yard after one incident may have softenened their hearts!) So if it's small and friendly then I think explaining, apologising etc goes a long way.

 

I don't know if it's because we haven't been there since nursery / reception but G's new school has much less friendly parents! I've been trying to make conversation leading up to the fact that G has autism and isn't actually 'naughty' nor are we the family from hell (we're actually fairly nice!) but struggling and I don't know who anyone's parents are to apologise. So really I've hardened my heart and although I do feel terrible that my son has hurt children there's not much else I can do. If they got to know us they might understand (and they'd know how bad we do feel when people get hurt) but it's much easier to stand in groups and mutter. If it's a teacher who's been hurt I apologise or pass on my apologies if it's not someone we'd see.

 

Is there an autism liasion teacher / team who go into school to help them with asd friendly ways of teaching? Ours works closely and gives the teacher such things as visual timetables and visual prompts and also advises things such as how to speak to G. We even (and this seems to be rare in schools) have a teacher who liases with the class teacher and goes over any incidents (well the biggies otherwise that's all he'd do!) and will do say a social story about sharing if that had been a problem or do a chart which would show him what actually happened and how it could have been if say he hadn't hit x but had done a or b instead.

 

Don't feel too despondent, 6 months of good settled behaviour is excellent! We have had 2 weeks since Easter which is why there's a lot of intervention going on at present. And moving from Y1 from Reception is a big jump for all children. If this is a one off incident then I'd try the social story about games and maybe play a few more at home with big praise for when he doesn't win but doesn't get cross and when you yourself don't win maybe say how you feel disappointed but you had fun and hopefully will win another time etc, labour the point a bit (I bet you do that anyway).

 

Have you any books you could lend the teacher - in the past I've lent teachers Luke Jackson's book and also his mum Jacqui's book as they're quite easy reading to start from, I don't want to scare them off with Tony Attwood! There's also a leaflet you can get from the NAS 'A Guide for Early Years Practitioners' which I bought and gave to school http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=799 and a nice little 'basic' book 'Can I tell you about Asperger syndrome? A guide for family and friends' http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=431 which our school has laminated in the staffroom and kitchens.

 

HTH

[Brook]

Hi Stephanie,

 

I know what you mean about the losing at games .

 

 

http://www2.deni.gov.uk/inspection_service...20Disorders.pdf

 

The above link 'a guide to classroom practice' may give his teacher some extra understanding and some pointers.

 

Good luck

 

Brook

[Stephanie]

I feel I may, or the school may have over reacted.

 

... So Asa took the sweets into school and apologised .. I didn't mangage to catch any of the Mums on that day.

 

So the next day the parents come across to thank me for the sweets and all said they knew nothing about it until the child went home with the sweets. They were all very nonchalant about it "I'm sure he was provoked", "oh well its just kids, they do that", "it happens, its not a problem" etc etc - luckily all 3 of the Mums know he is ASD (whether they know what that means is another thing). I have asked them to inform me if there are any future incidents as I fear that the school won't.

 

Thanks so much for the info, I have cut and pasted it together to make a fact a sheet (although its beyond me why I have to be telling the teacher what to do). Apparently the teacher is going on a course and they are calling in the outreach team from our local ASD school to help her.

 

I think this teacher is aware that I am now on her case, I have just asked her why Asa is still holding a pen in a palm grasp .. is she not following the directions that OT left etc etc. No wonder his handwriting is suffering (and they make him write in script joined up ... he's 5 - what's with that??)

 

Anyway I am off to see her tomorrow - I won't let my son take the blame for his difficulties, so I will tell her how to manage him more effectively and go from there.

 

Thanks everyone!