HELP!!!!!!!

[krystaltps]

I'm not often on the forum these days (demands of my first year full-time teaching, 7-year-old Aspie, and twins), but I was wondering if any of you could give me some advice.

My 7-year-old son was dx in June. Since then he's had assistance put in place for him at school, but we've had nothing for home. We're now into that glorious time that we all know and love (unless we have ASD) - the festive season - never a good time for C. Also, his assistant was changed at school after the October break, and his new one was awful. Anyway, to cut a long story short, after he subjected her to anger-vomiting and some serious violence, they've managed to get his old one back for afternoons. However the damage is done, and he's seriously out of control.

We are still recovering from the weekend from hell whereupon he had to be restrained 7 times, raged, anger-vomited, punched his aunt in the kidneys, beat up his little sister, trashed his bedroom four times, gouged two holes in the walls, repeatedly punched and kicked his brother and threatened to set fire to the house while we slept and/or strangle his brother in his sleep. Oh, and there was a large chunk of self-harm thrown in too! When he wasn't doing this, he was either spinning constantly, repeating phrases from The Simpsons, or rambling ceaselessly in gibberish. My twinkles were too scared to sleep, and only eventually settled in my daughter's room with soft toys used to barricade the door (C doesn't sleep)! My mother took him on the second night so we could get a break.

We're still waiting for the psychologist he's been referred to to see us (waiting since June), and I phoned his paed on Monday and left her message - she still hasn't got back to me.

The thing I'm wondering is... is there any kind of medication available for times like this? Some sort of sedative type thing? I can only see it getting worse as we get nearer to Xmas, and my twinkles are only 6 and I feel so sorry for them - they are actually in danger of serious harm. I know every behaviour management trick in the book, and none of them are working at the moment as he is sooooo stressed.

Any advice, anything at all would be great.........

[Cat]

I think that maybe you need so help from CAMHS as well as the psychologist, and you need it now and not it six months time. Ring the Pead again and repeat to the Pead what you have said here

 

and my twinkles are only 6 and I feel so sorry for them - they are actually in danger of serious harm

 

This is a cry for help from a family at crisis point and they must not ignore it - if you don't push for help and something does happen who are they going to point the finger at? I am no expert but this child sounds seriously stressed and that is coming out as rage and aggression. Your twinkles are very young and they should be able to expect some quality of life. Keep ringing and make em listen to you.

 

<'> <'>

 

Cat

[krystaltps]

Thanks, Cat, for your support. It may be because I'm in Scotland and we might not have it here, or it goes by a different name, but I don't know what CAMHS is.....

[Cat]

Sorry CAHMS is Child and Adolecant Mental Health Services and I may be wrong but I think you have them in Scotland to. It sounds like he could do with some help with some of his issues - these teams can be excellent BUT you need to ask for a team who has an ASD specific bod. Maybe the psychologist was going to offer this kind of help but it usually comes via CAMHS.

 

Cat

[elun1]

Hi Sheena This will have to be quick for now as my 5 yr old downstairs with his dad and he has horrible sickness bug. You have so much on your plate and you need support NOW. We are actually in quite a crisis at the mo as well with ds2's behavior and at crisis point a few days ago I rang the school and we have been referred to the Positive Behaviour Intervention Team (or something like that) It's funded by health and SS, don't know if you have anything similar. I've also read about a drug called Risperdol which I think has been known to help some children with ASD if they can be aggressive.

Must go take care, btw well done for teaching full-time!! I'm part time and I seriously struggle with that

<'> <'> Elun

[loupin]

Oh Gosh what a nightmare you are having. I am no expert but my son is 6 and has similar violent outbursts and hates his brother at times. I use hot lavender baths when he is really wound up but i ususally have to beg someone to have my other two so its not always easy to do the calming diffusion/deescalation stuff!! I have been advised in the past to give him his bed time dose of melatonin early and use it as a calming tool not necessarily as a sleep aid and it does do the trick. I've only done it once admitedly! As melatonin isnt a sedative i feel happier using it.

Good luck Christmas is a tough time of year we have just seen the first glimpse today of the christmas stress monster!!! Fun all round for us mums!!!!!! <'>

[krystaltps]

Thank-you for your replies <'> . I hope your 5-year-old is feeling a bit better today, Elun. I'm only full-time because you have to be in your first year after graduation, will definately be part-time next year (if it's possible). Things are looking up a bit - my mum took the twinkles last night for a sleepover. C was gutted, and said "But I haven't been good, I should be going to Gran's"!!! It was explained that only when you are good you get to stay at Gran's - so maybe there's an incentive there. But my mum's in her 60s, she can't give the twinkles respite every weekend.

One of the benefits of teaching is that you are in contact in the staff-room with the ANST team. So I collared C's one and she is arranging for a group meeting when the paed phones me back tomorrow to arrange a date. She's also going to see if she can hurry along the psych.

We live on an island, and the psych works for a charity that's been set up on the island to help children with disabilities and their families. They've also offered us respite, but everything is taking so long - probably due to lack of funding. I just feel that at the time he was dx, there were all these promises of help and support... "We don't just dx and leave you to get on with it..." but it feels like they have.

I hadn't thought about melatonin as a non-sleep thing - I'll ask the paed. Although at the time of dx, I asked about it (C doesn't do the sleep thing) and she said it wouldn't work for him. I would try anything, even though I hate the idea of medication (one of the twinkles has epilepsy and we get by with only emergency meds). Will ask about Risperdol too.... and try lavender baths (although he is particularly sensitive to smells ).

Thanks again, good luck all with the Xmas-stress-monster!

[JsMum]

Hi just read your posts and I wanted to say I am thinking about you and that I hope things are ok this morning, it sounds really stressful and very emotionally exhausting, with the break from the girls though hopefully your feeling a little more charged, your mum is a star, and by the sounds of it the whole family are a very strong one it certainly sounds like things are very hot with your aspie, and one thing that stands out from your posts how much you all love this lad even though he is having a real difficult time but everyone is understanding that.

 

I know what you mean with the diagnosis and left to get on with it, when J was 7 we had a real bad time with aggression and we had a lot of broken things too and looking back that what broke me I had help from a team that delt with challenging behaviour and they came out in really hard times, though looking back they didnt have real experience with ASD children and our children do need specialist management and so coped alone zometimes and I was exhausted with the restraining or the sheilding that I had to do.

 

I only have J and dont have to protect siblings, but it was just as hard but I know it would of been impossible with siblings to protect, and would of needed extra support for that and your other children have that right to be safe and free from harm.

 

I hope the respite does get sorted quicker because it sounds like you really need it, especially around christmas, I would ring the charity and ask how far they have come with the process of the respite.

 

I know how hard it is, looking back 7 was the hardest time for me, even though I do have my struggles still I think that time was really hard, I understand A lot more now and have a number of things in place and try and reduce the triggers, but christmas is one hard trigger to prevent, NAS have a booklet on christmas it has useful tips and stratagies ask for it to be sent.

 

I really hope that something is in place very soon and you know we are here to listen and support you the best we can here, we can also send cyber hugs and good wishes, and we do care and think about you so you know where we are over the next coming difficult weeks.

 

Good luck

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

JsMum

[Elanor]

Hi

 

I can really empathise with this problem - Christmas makes things so much worse, but at the heart of this problem is a child who's desperately unhappy and stressed-out.

 

You do need an urgent referral - and don't leave your GP out of the loop, because the GP has responsiblity to obtain appropriate healthcare for you.

 

Unfortunately, the referral won't bring any immediate relief - they might refer you to a parenting programme (!), but they haven't got a magic wand. I'm sure you know this - you really need to be looking at all the causes of stress in your son's life, and addressing them one by one. Does he have a room of his own, does he have a calm area in the house (we use mood music, aromas), is he spending time unsupervised with the younger children, does he get chance to de-stress after school?).

 

The selfharm and aggression are really worrying - there are medications that can help (risperidone), but even if you wanted to go down that route (and we did - in fact it was Xmas that my son started taking it) you'll probably be put through loads of hoops (eg to prove to the doctors that you do know how to be a good parent - aargh) before they're willing to prescribe it.

 

In the short-term, your GP might be willing to prescribe a sedative of some sort - although it might not work, kids with ASD dosn't always respond well. I'm sure you don't want to be sedating your child - and I'm sure you don't need telling whether its right or wrong to do so - but this is a crisis, and your lad needs some help. My heart goes out to him - my son's been there too, and there are no easy answers, only good and caring parents doing their best.

 

Take care

 

Elanor

[loulou]

Hi krystaltps,

 

Hope thing are a bit better today <'> . My son is 8 and he can be very violent and destructive too. He also can self harm, which to me is the most heartbreaking thing. He doesn't have any siblings, but i'm expecting a baby and i feel very worried about it.

 

I definately feel as if we were given the diagnosis and "left to get on with it". We've had no practical help or support (yet). The clinical psychologist is coming round in a few weeks.

 

I think it depends on the area in which you live. Some areas just seem to get things done much more quickly. All i can say is be firm and persistent. Call these people back everyday if you have to. Also, keep a diary of events (if you ever get the time to!), because it helps.

 

Kai has been on Risperidone for about a year now and it has defintely made a difference. We have less outbursts and he seems happier. It's worth asking. Our pead prescribed it after seeing Kai having a meltdown in the waiting room.

 

Good luck,

 

Loulou xx

[krystaltps]

Thanks all for your support (and hugs). It's lovely to know that there are people out there who understand and have been through it themselves. It makes such a difference. <'> . C's paed phoned tonight, I tried to explain what's been happening, but it wasn't easy as it was rush-hour in the house (dinner, homework, etc). She is really a very nice woman, but I don't think she fully grasped the extent of the problem. She is referring him onto some other paed (who won't be on the island until 17th) who will see about melatonin (up till 1.30am last night). Prefer the thought of melatonin, as it's natural, but will also ask this other paed about risperidone. Apart from that, she just suggested I talk to his ANST person.

One of my colleagues mentioned to me today that perhaps part of the problem getting help is because I'm a teacher, have an honours degree in psychology, and used to work in social care - maybe they think I'm well-equipped enough as it is. It's just so hard trying to get the message across that I wouldn't be asking about medication if I wasn't desperate, if I hadn't already tried everything else, every behaviour-management trick in the book! I will phone his ANST tomorrow, see if she can suggest anything I haven't thought of.

C and I had a big long chat at the weekend about all the things that are making him angry. The main one is classroom assistants who look after him at play and lunch-times. Ever since the new started, he's been totally uncooperative. I think, by the time they managed to get his old one back, the damage was done. Also he'd started off the school year so well, without all the usual fall-out from having a new teacher. He'd decided it was a fresh start and was trying so hard. I think he put too much pressure on himself, as I was aware of tension in him when he got home - perhaps he contained it for too long. He now manages to get through the school day with minimum fuss, but lets rip when he gets home. So I reminded him today about his "peace-time" - when he takes his after-school snack into the "good-room" and has some time to himself.

He does have his own room, but he prefers to share with his brother. I think he was 3 when he last slept in his own room. He's such a lonely wee boy (only a few acquaintances at school - no friends as such) that he craves the company of his brother... he's always asking him to play, and when he does, C eventually falls out with him (with often violent results).

Anyway - no explosions tonight - just a lot of stimming and extreme pokemon indulgence (current obsession). Still awake though, am off to try to settle him again.

Thanks again everyone. Take care all......

[Platefull of Love]

<'> <'> Thinking of you <'>

[butterfingersbimbo]

i hope that they give you some melatonin to try him with, its made a big difference to el...she is also on risperdal as she was so violent.......why didnt they think melatonin would work??? wonder if they would have tried it quicker if they were the ones having sleepless nights.......

 

hang on in there....... <'> <'>