AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR IN ASPERGERS

[jonathan]

Hi there

 

I am so desperate for some advice, my 7 year old son as become very aggressive lately he has always been verbally aggressive whenever he can't get his own way but now he has become physically aggressive

too, for instance tonight we went to a friends house(of which I warned him in advance) he was rude and badly behaved while we was there saying he was bored even though she had put his favourite programme on and we had only been there 10 mins) he continued to misbehave and when we left I sat him down and told him where he had gone wrong, he then told me to shut up and started to shout at me then he slapped me 3 times hard on my arms, this happens alot for the slightess thing ie if he can't have anything he lashes out uncontrollably he is fine is school it is just when he is with me or his father that he lashes out in a vicious anger, I feel the only way there is peace is if he get ALL of his own way even this means us NEVER seeing anyone of our friends and also buying him ANYTHING he wishes but we can't live this can't of life I'm trying my best to teach him right from wrong but he justs tells me to shut up and pushes his face aggressively into mine, PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!! Is there anyway to deal with this situation or any medication to settle this aggression down, he is only happy when on the computer playing his games

thanks

[Daisydot]

I have a 9 year old boy with ASD / Aspergers. HE can be verbally very aggressive and "screechy". We have found that regular high doses of fish oils really calms him down. Have you tried anything like that ? When we have taken him off them for a while he seems to revert to the less pleasant behaviour.

 

Good luck.

Daisydot

[jonathan]

Hi there

 

I am so desperate for some advice, my 7 year old son as become very aggressive lately he has always been verbally aggressive whenever he can't get his own way but now he has become physically aggressive

too, for instance tonight we went to a friends house(of which I warned him in advance) he was rude and badly behaved while we was there saying he was bored even though she had put his favourite programme on and we had only been there 10 mins) he continued to misbehave and when we left I sat him down and told him where he had gone wrong, he then told me to shut up and started to shout at me then he slapped me 3 times hard on my arms, this happens alot for the slightess thing ie if he can't have anything he lashes out uncontrollably he is fine is school it is just when he is with me or his father that he lashes out in a vicious anger, I feel the only way there is peace is if he get ALL of his own way even this means us NEVER seeing anyone of our friends and also buying him ANYTHING he wishes but we can't live this can't of life I'm trying my best to teach him right from wrong but he justs tells me to shut up and pushes his face aggressively into mine, PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!! Is there anyway to deal with this situation or any medication to settle this aggression down, he is only happy when on the computer playing his games

thanks

 

No I haven't, that has never been recommended to me before I will try it immediately, out of curiosity did it take many weeks to work on him

thankyou so much for you help

[Daisydot]

No it didnt really take that long. They say 3-6 months for full effect, but when I read the original research about fish oils, they said some people had noticed a difference within weeks. I suppose everyone is slightly different. Anyway I would check with a GP or a health professional before giving your son anything, but it certainly worked for us. I just followed the advice about giving them lots to start with and then reducing the dose. I use Equazen for my son, but there are other types. I think you may find some information on this website about fish oils. I started on about 8 capsules per day and then reduced to four and then eventually two. I believe it is possible to get these on prescription for anyone on low income / benefits. Not 100% sure about that though it might be worth enquiring.

 

You may have seen the news today about expetant mothers improving their childrens co-ordination, language and behaviour by taking fish oils in late pregnancy - its the Omega 3s and 6s which are crucial to brain development.

 

good luck

 

 

 

 

No I haven't, that has never been recommended to me before I will try it immediately, out of curiosity did it take many weeks to work on him

thankyou so much for you help

[chriss]

I have tried every brand of fish oil going but can't find one that my son will actually take!

[jlp]

I have tried every brand of fish oil going but can't find one that my son will actually take!

 

My son was similar. The only ones I could get him to take were Halibo Orange which weren't ideal due to the sweeteners etc. Eventually and with trying nearly every oil in the land (!) I realised that he'd started swallowing them whole so gentle persuasion got him to try the Eye Q ones again.

 

Eye Q were very good and sent me some free samples when I asked - explaining that my son was asd and I thought omega oils would help but was sick of buying bottles he wouldn't take!

[brooke]

hi

Your post sounds very much like our life. my son is 6 asd and can be very aggressive hitting kicking but i have started to learn what triggers him off. If i can see it coming then i try to distract him if this doesnt work i have to close the kitchen door untill he calms down. He loves his computer too so often he will play on this and you can buy cheap games on ebay. Sorry i dont have much advice but just knowing we werent the only one in this situation helped me when i first joined. Im sure someone on here will be able to give you some good advice.

Brooke

[Cat]

I am so desperate for some advice, my 7 year old son as become very aggressive lately he has always been verbally aggressive whenever he can't get his own way but now he has become physically aggressive

too, for instance tonight we went to a friends house(of which I warned him in advance) he was rude and badly behaved while we was there saying he was bored even though she had put his favourite programme on and we had only been there 10 mins)

 

I'm board is a phrase that my son uses quite a lot when he can't find any other word to express himself. A favourite programme is only a favourite programme if it can be watched on the TV you are used to watching it on, in the house in which that TV is. In other words it's a favourite programme because it is viewed in an environment that the child is comfortable with because it knows what to expect from that environment.

 

My own 9 year old son will rarely stay longer than 30 minutes even in his grandparent?s home. It's an alien environment to him and one that he has no control over. Behaviour is usually a symptom of something and not the cause.

 

he continued to misbehave and when we left I sat him down and told him where he had gone wrong,

 

Erm I think that it was not so much he had not gone wrong but an inability for him to express why he did not enjoy or want to be there - just because this is a friend of yours does not mean that he will enjoy their company of even being there Yes that is sad but it is very often a fact.

 

 

he then told me to shut up and started to shout at me then he slapped me 3 times hard on my arms, this happens a lot for the slightess thing ie if he can't have anything he lashes out uncontrollably he is fine is school it is just when he is with me or his father that he lashes out in a vicious anger,

 

He may have told you too shut up because he probably did not understand where he had gone wrong. Telling him does not mean that he understood your explanation and if the only thing in his head was 'I don?t want to be here' then as far as he was concerned it was not 'he' who got it wrong. He probably feels that he was made to go somewhere where he did not want to be. The fact that he does not off load at school says a great deal. Believe it or not he offloads with you and your hubby because he feels safe and able to do so. He sounds as if he is at boiling point most of the time and tries hard at school to keep a lid on himself Can you imagine how difficult that must be for a 7 year old?

 

 

I feel the only way there is peace is if he get ALL of his own way even this means us NEVER seeing anyone of our friends and also buying him ANYTHING he wishes but we can't live this can't of life I'm trying my best to teach him right from wrong but he just tells me to shut up and pushes his face aggressively into mine, PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!! Is there anyway to deal with this situation or any medication to settle this aggression down, he is only happy when on the computer playing his games

 

At 7 he is still very young. The rule is - or so I am told - that you take away a third of their chronological age and that pretty much leaves you with their maturity age. So that would make your son just over 4 - would that make any difference from what you would expect from him? It's not so much that he wants his own way - even though our kids can be very dominant and demanding I know I have two of em - he just has no idea that he can't have what he wants there and then. Telling him probably won?t make any difference because he lacks the understanding - which will come as he gets older. Of course he can't have what he wants when he wants it but you can help him by making things very clear and not changing the goal posts. For example do some picture aids and timetables? Even the most verbal child can respond well to a visual reminder. If you want to visit a friend tell him how long you aim to be there and don?t make it a long time to begin with. If he can sit and be good for ten minutes reward him and praise him. He is more likely to want to do it again if you do. That is not bribery it's positive discipline. Telling him what to do all of the time is just frustrating him because he does not see why he needs to do what you want him to do.

 

Many of us find that we have to go back to the drawing board with friendships because sadly our children are not flexible and have none transferable skills - ie watching TV in your house is good but not in someone else?s house. So we have to try and find ways round that.

 

My sons (both of them) Godmother paid us her Christmas visit this pm and for the first time ever my youngest did not ask her when she was going home He is 10 in March. I do not see his behaviour as bad but I do see a child who is anxious and stressed when he is made to do things and accommodate people that he is not able to cope with.

 

Just my take on things

 

Cat

[Nic m]

Hi Jonathon,

I agree with Cat and i think she expressed it very well your child just cant cope with this situation yet.

I have every sympathy for you this is very difficult and hard on the whole family.

My daughter went through this period for a few years and i wish i had known about this forum then it would have saved a lot of tears of frustration..

Things have improved so much in the last year but i am sure it is a combination of many things that have made the difference. i hope you take some comfort in knowing you are not alone and that you can work out some strategies that will help you both.Speech therapy was very good for us and i really appreciated their input in looking at different ways to communicate. this was like a lightbulb moment for me because my daughter has an excellent grasp of language but i always knew she struggled to say what she meant but i didnt know how to help with this and they gave fantastic advice, the signals they suggested have really helped and have diffused many situations that would have led to a meltdown.I hope you have good supports round you and i wish you luck.

Merry chistmas

Nicola

[jonathan]

I'm board is a phrase that my son uses quite a lot when he can't find any other word to express himself. A favourite programme is only a favourite programme if it can be watched on the TV you are used to watching it on, in the house in which that TV is. In other words it's a favourite programme because it is viewed in an environment that the child is comfortable with because it knows what to expect from that environment.

 

My own 9 year old son will rarely stay longer than 30 minutes even in his grandparent?s home. It's an alien environment to him and one that he has no control over. Behaviour is usually a symptom of something and not the cause.

 

 

 

Erm I think that it was not so much he had not gone wrong but an inability for him to express why he did not enjoy or want to be there - just because this is a friend of yours does not mean that he will enjoy their company of even being there Yes that is sad but it is very often a fact.

 

 

He may have told you too shut up because he probably did not understand where he had gone wrong. Telling him does not mean that he understood your explanation and if the only thing in his head was 'I don?t want to be here' then as far as he was concerned it was not 'he' who got it wrong. He probably feels that he was made to go somewhere where he did not want to be. The fact that he does not off load at school says a great deal. Believe it or not he offloads with you and your hubby because he feels safe and able to do so. He sounds as if he is at boiling point most of the time and tries hard at school to keep a lid on himself Can you imagine how difficult that must be for a 7 year old?

At 7 he is still very young. The rule is - or so I am told - that you take away a third of their chronological age and that pretty much leaves you with their maturity age. So that would make your son just over 4 - would that make any difference from what you would expect from him? It's not so much that he wants his own way - even though our kids can be very dominant and demanding I know I have two of em - he just has no idea that he can't have what he wants there and then. Telling him probably won?t make any difference because he lacks the understanding - which will come as he gets older. Of course he can't have what he wants when he wants it but you can help him by making things very clear and not changing the goal posts. For example do some picture aids and timetables? Even the most verbal child can respond well to a visual reminder. If you want to visit a friend tell him how long you aim to be there and don?t make it a long time to begin with. If he can sit and be good for ten minutes reward him and praise him. He is more likely to want to do it again if you do. That is not bribery it's positive discipline. Telling him what to do all of the time is just frustrating him because he does not see why he needs to do what you want him to do.

 

Many of us find that we have to go back to the drawing board with friendships because sadly our children are not flexible and have none transferable skills - ie watching TV in your house is good but not in someone else?s house. So we have to try and find ways round that.

 

My sons (both of them) Godmother paid us her Christmas visit this pm and for the first time ever my youngest did not ask her when she was going home He is 10 in March. I do not see his behaviour as bad but I do see a child who is anxious and stressed when he is made to do things and accommodate people that he is not able to cope with.

 

Just my take on things

 

Cat

Thankyou to all of you that have left advice for me, especially cat, I will take on board you suggestions

and try to spend less time at friends houses, I do try to warn him in advance if I know someone is going to call at our house but unfortunately some people just drop by and I can't control this situation, today has been a good day with regrds to jonathans behaviour he is off school and I have been off work so we have spent the day together and he seems to enjoy this set up and it helps him to relax more, unfortunately we don't get any support from any family members as my parents have passed away and my husbands are not interested enough, so finding this forum has been a god send for my sanity..... thanks again

[florrie]

Hqve you tried dietary recomendations, because I think dietary stuff can be related to a lot of stuf with these kinds of difficulties b particularly gluten and dairy can be implicated,but it vcan be many things as undetected allergies can interfere with neurotransmitter funcition although i know it may be difficult, it would probably be worth giving a go and worth it in the long run if you can stick to it. Donna williams writes about this in the the jumbled jigsaw. I always feel calmer when diet is restricted

[Cat]

You can never plan for everything and Christmas is especially difficult for my two sons - one child and one adult. I have found the key with my two is shared meanings and understandings. All too often I say something that neither understand in the way I need them to. But we are at the stage now where they tell me that 'I' have trouble understanding them and what they mean It's true and it's something we keep working at. I decided to work with my sons on this matter. And as much as we look at how their autism impacts on our lives we also look at how our NTism impacts on theirs

 

Cat