How do you deal with....

[mum22boys]

Hi,

 

Haven't been around much lately, seem to have spent Christmas in my own little world....if you get what i mean!

 

Anyway, M's back to school as of today.....and what a day (well morning) it was.

 

Started with the refusal to get out of bed. Followed by refusal to come out of room.....all the while shouting that he hates school and isn't going. I called for an hour , which made him even angrier. Usually I don't let it get to me as the school know the problems i have but still brush it to one side. I have a bad relationship with the school ...or should i say no relationship Before xmas M was late every day for at least 3 weeks and although the head has told me she can only access help for m if he has a problem with being late she doesn't mark his record as late!!!

 

Anyway, today was a different story as younger son was starting at the nursery. I was determined he wouldn't be late for his first morning because of M. This was fast disappearing as 8.40 arrived and i literally risked all and got him out the room. All the time he was screaming about hating school. We never made it in time, R was 5 min late but not too bad.

 

M dragged behind all the way to school frowning. I told him he was coming in to see the head with me to tell her what he thinks. She always makes me out to be a liar when I tell her how he hates it there. Anyway, get to school and head is in assembly, i'm told to wait 15 min if i want to see her, M goes mad because he wants it sorted now (at this point i don't know what i'm trying to sort!!! ) He reluctantly agrees to wait in the class until she is free. Teacher then comes out and says' he seems ok now, do you want to go?' Oh yes i'll go shall i and leave him confused all day as to why he hasn't been called back. They just don't get it do they.

 

After a 15 min wait i find out she isn't coming to see me as she has classroom observations. Am now fuming as she is SENCO and i want to sort M's problems out. Leave school telling them not to bother getting her to ring me as she is a waste of time anyway , but whilst they are informing her I waited can they find out where he is on the ed pych list as he's been on it a year!!

 

Tonight, find out the problem is playtimes. He can't understand why the kids play games they make up, why they tell him to do different things. He says he doesn't want to do what they say, he wants them to do as he says He wants to know why can't they just play together like they did in year 1 (he's in year 2)why do they have teams, he doesn't want to be on anyones side. He ends up alone and he wants friends. He actually said' I don't want to be alone I want friends'

 

I'm sorry for the long post. But how do your kids cope in the playground? I'm going to see his teacher tomorrow but expect nothing really, the head say she has watched him in the playground last term and he seems better. He is clearly anything but better. I phoned the ed pycsh today and left a message for her to ring me.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

mum22boys

 

Just to let you know M is 6 and still awaiting assessment.

[stressedmumto2]

Ah this is one of my pet hates, how they say they've observed and everything seems fine, why don't tecahers/ta's lunch supervisers interact with the children at the same time, asking how they are feeling, looking at their facial expressions to see how they seem, if they are all by theselves why don't they put some structure and organise play for them? etc.

 

I think you need to write a strong letter to the head clearly explaining your son's anxieties with going to schooland even quote what he has said. The schoolcould provide him with structure in the playground, social stories sohe understands games/rules a bit better or maybe just team him up with a playfriend and organise their play.

 

So many children with ASD'S get frustrated by the free unstructed school time.

 

How about printing some of these sheets of and give them to the school ............

 

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=734&a=8474

 

I hope things get sorted for you and soon, take care <'>

 

BTW, I am not having a go at teachers or any staff that have to supervise playtimes as some are great but many do not really understand how a child may look ok but are actually not

Edited January 4, 2007 by stressedmumto2

[reuby2]

Hi mum22boys,

My son is now 8 and in year 3.Last year because he was spending all his playtimes on his own and didn't play with anyone, the senco and the ed pysch came up with a bit of a solution. He had two friends like he liked very much and the idea was that my son was given a task to do with one of these friends at playtime/dinnertime, so that there was some kind of structure because to be honest on the playground there isn't much to do if your not the "social " kind. It helped my son (the school only kept to it a few times but it was enough to "kick start" my son into playing with the others). This year he is very different, playing with friends every break time and generally enjoying it, my son does like to play imaginary games but they are always the same format (if you get my meaning). He has made friends with a new boy, who it turns out is also on the spectrum, maybe that's why they enjoy playing the same things all the time.

What i noticed though is that last year, he hated going to school, at the beginning of year 2 he was hysterical going to school, and it turned out that he was spending all his breaks on his own. This year is totally different, he is happy in his routine, we do still have his routines and rituals, especially if he has heard something in class that has upset him, but he is generally very happy and growing in confidence.

What i wanted to say is that 6 months or a year makes a big difference. Hope the school can have the clarity to try to put something in place for him <'> <'>

[krystaltps]

Playtimes are the worst! C says the same things as your boy, and insists on making the rules himself, then doesn't understand why the other children don't just automatically understand what they are supposed to do. It usually ends with him lashing out at the other children, or them leaving him to play by himself. Because he can be really violent, the school have a TA to supervise him at play and lunch. They were granted temporary funding from the LA last year for this, and the HT requested that the TA document all incidents so that permanent funding could be obtained. It was only when he was first supervised that the extent of his social problems were fully realised - the "incident list" consisted of between 5 and 10 violent outbursts each day. The list contributed to the outcome of his dx.

His assistant also acts as a friend when he is abandoned by his peers or she will try to help him interact more successfully with them.

However, I don't think funding would have been granted if he hadn't been violent. Perhaps, if your boy has been known to "go off on one" you could suggest that the school should use this as grounds for applying for funding for supervision (i.e. in the interests of safety, etc.). I don't know how successful this may be with your local authority... but it's worth a try. Also if the HT, who's the senco, is not listening to your/ your son's needs, then she is not fulfilling her contract. Go above her head... speak to the ANST co-ordinator for your area. They may go by a different title in your LA, but believe me I couldn't live without mine.

Hope this is of some help.....

[Karen A]

Hi Ben also had lots of difficult times in the playground in years 2-3.I think it is a stressful time beacause social groups and dynamics appear to become more settled and any differences become more noted.It was as though Ben's peers made a jump in social development but left him behind.It is such a hard thing to see as a parent.

Ben is now in year 4 and is coping better at present.I think a few things have helped.The school staff understand and manage Ben better.Various clubs have been started at lunch time and Ben likes the structure of activities.Also the computer club has helped Ben use the things he is good at Eg ICT to develop friendships.

I think Ben will always need to work hard at this part of school life but things can be done to help.I think professionals are not always aware of the impact of unhappy playtimes on ability to learn in class.Karen