Youth Club?

[Mother in Need]

After nearly two years of fighting to get some help from social services, they have finally decided to give us 2 hours of help per week. It's not much, but certainly better than nothing, and will enable me to spend some time with my other two sons. And it means he is finally 'in the system' should something go wrong (ie I have to go into hospital or something).

 

However, ignoring his behavioural difficulties and the effect this has on the rest of us, they feel 'he is socially isolated' and are ONLY helping to get him to go to youth club; first with help, but the idea is for him to eventually be there by himself.

However, this is a boy who at 13 still holds his mummy's hand, and has never really done anything independently. And, he doesnt WANT to go to youth club and be with other youngsters, in a noisy environment with crowds of strangers.

 

I am grateful for the help they give, and I have to say, the lady who has come twice now is really good with him and has herself a son with AS. I am however wondering about how suitable this whole idea is.

 

Has anyone had any experiences with youth clubs, because to be honest I really have no idea, BUT my 16 year old won't go anywhere near them either, so what can we expect?

[CEJesson]

Firstly, well done with achieving the 2 hours of support per week. I do hope this goes some way towards helping your son through school and other routines.

 

Well I wouldn't touch my local youth club with a bargepole, but that is just my preference. This is because the kids that go there dislike me or terrorise the village. I have been occasionally though and it wasnt the most thrilling night, but there is potential to build up your social skills if you find the right person to talk to.

 

Having said that, your child may not have the same reasons. It seems a bit full on of the service to say 'lets push him to youth club' when social skills need to be developed in a quiet and confined environment at first, it would seem appropriate for management of anger/anxiety has to be concentrated on too, there is nothing worse than going to a place where there are other children and having a rage at someone and regretting it afterwards, its one of the worst feelings you get as an AS sufferer. The embarrassment is often never forgotten.

 

The helper will probably be willing to improve his basic social skills and because she has a son with AS, this should reassure you she knows what she is doing. I am sure she will listen to your concerns/queries about this and will co operate with you on whether it is too soon or not to consider a youth club.

 

When your child is a little more confident with managing noises and to do basic errands independently, then youth club would be an ideal starter. He doesnt have to be totally happy with noise, just to the stage where it doesnt cause a major panic.

 

After this has been addressed it might be worth going somewhere that is less demanding of talking and eye contact at first, such as the cinema. Here he will have to react and speak but he will be able to relax and be engrossed on the film that takes up most of the trip in silence!

[pearl]

Depends on the youth club plus the amount of support, I'd say. J has been going to one for years, really he's a bit too old now but he loves it, but its church run and there are lots of "nice" kids there who outnumber the nasties, plus leaders who have known him since babyhood. I must admit he tends to hang around talking to the adults. He enjoys playing pool & its the one time in the week he drinks Coke!

 

He's hoping to get on the leadership team so he can carry on going, some limited responsibility might be very good for him.

 

Anyway you know your child best, good luck with your decision.

[Mother in Need]

My fourth attempt at a reply, I keep loosing everything I have just typed, it keeps jumping back to the main page....

[Mother in Need]

my 6th try. I am now going to do this in really little bits.

 

I know my child but but I don't know the youth club. I have no idea what they do, what the sound and light levels are like (he can cope with normal talking and darker light, but not for instance with loud music or disco lights).

[Mother in Need]

I suspect that around here it is frequented by the 'nasties' or at least 'impressionables', my eldest won't even consider going for that reason.

And the helper works part time as a youth club worker (in a different area though!) so can't see anything negative about it. But I will try to find out more details and point out where my son might find it difficult.

[stressedmumto2]

Well done on getting the 2 hours respite, you will love every minute of it once you start to get used to it.

 

I would suggest why don't you go down and perhaps have a look at the club by yourself and have a chat with the staff, the other children there don't need to know who you are, you will get a picture yourself to see if you think he will cope with noise light etc.

 

I would also suggest that with the worker being new for them to build up a friendship maybe they should just do some stuff by themselfs for a couple of weeks, maybe go to the park or beach, the worker can strike a conversation with other local children who may seem appropiate to just have very brief conversation with your son, maybe initally the worker doing all of the chatting, this could give your son the confidence to chat with a stranger etc if he doesn't normally.

 

then I would slowly introduce the club, your son will benefit form knowing what kind of stuff they do at the club and roughly how many children attend. I think it would be good if your son did give the club a go cos who know's he may really enjoy it. Prepare your son for it if you can by doing a social story or cartoon script, maybe they have thier own leaflets showing what kind of stuff they do

 

Some years ago now I went to a youth club, I mostly chatted to the staff but you could play pool there, do art and crafts, sports of any kind, they had a pinball game, snack shop, outside area for sports etc and a telly room so you could just sit in there watching your soaps, lol It was all spaced out and quite spacious so it didn't seem to hectic.

 

I wsa quite shy as a youngster but found it to be quite good and enjoyed going and always said I would like to maybe one day work in a youth club, lol

[butterfingersbimbo]

erm, sounds to me they are trying to force your son to be sociable? what are they going to do if he cant cope with it? stop their offer of help?

[Mother in Need]

Thanks Stressedmumtotwo, that gives me a bit more of an idea (though he doesn't like sports of any kind...); the idea of going there myself first is a good one!

And yes, they are first getting acquainted, today she is supposed to take him for walk, but this involves a car ride first and there is no way he will go into someone else's car, plus he doesn't like the idea of being away from me (doesn't feel safe, even though he knows nothing can/will happen). I suggested to him that I'll do the driving and they can go for their walk while I take the youngest in the opposite direction, and he carries the walkie talkie so he can still talk to me to feel safe. Hopefully the helper will be alright with that, and it'll work.

 

Butterfingers, that is what it feels like to me...

He is not really interested in socialising, BUT he would very much like a friend, and you can't get the one without the other...

[butterfingersbimbo]

well, good luck with that...... sounds like you are going to need it...... <'>

[scrappybunny]

def look into the youth club if you get the chance, although I know sometimes time can seem so short

 

my son is 13 (ASD) and hasnt been to school in years (lack of placement more than anything!) anyways, he is very isolated and spends the majority of his time with me and a few hours a week one to one with a youth worker.

 

last year our local Joint Agency Team finally got him a place in a Youth Club - although it IS a special needs youth club - we'd been waiting for quite some time. As my son is extremely isolated from other kids I was naturally very concerned, but they also got an enabler in place. The Youth Club handled it beautifully. The chap that ran it came out to our house to meet us both, and brought the enabler with him. They stayed and had a chat and filled out their forms. Then a few days before his first time the enabler came to our house just to play with him, and she was lovely!

then on the night, she came early, took him to the youth club before anyone else arrived so he could have a look around, and even showed him a park outside and made it very clear that if things got a bit much for him she'd love to take him there.

 

we've never looked back! they are the best thing ever - school might have gone to pot but this is a massive success. The enabling did only last 8 weeks and i was very worried about him being there 'along' so-to-speak. but the staff there were fantastic, they say he's great fun and they love having him there, they really have a good idea on how to cope with him and when the chap running it moved on to another placement earlier this year, the new lady came in and spent some time with my son so he felt comfortable with her! couldnt ask for more

 

as I say, it IS a special needs group, but the kids and staff are all fabulous. not sure I would feel the same about any other youth club iykwim.

[Mother in Need]

Thanks Scrappybunny, that makes me feel a lot better about it all!

 

The helper listened really well to my concerns actually, and gave me the phone number of the chap who runs the youth club, so I will talk to him and take it from there. It does feel like maybe I was worrying a bit for nothing (better than the other way round though!).